Lover's Roulette (3 page)

“You did not!”

“I know you, Scar.” He grabbed a magazine and flipped through it.

“Damn,” I whispered.

Sean started laughing. “I always thought I knew you better than anyone, but perhaps I’m wrong. Ryan has you pinned down pretty well.”

“No. He just has eyes in the back of his head because he’s a deformed freak.”

“Yeah, I heard that too,” Ryan said.

“Well, I said it pretty loud.”

Ryan finally turned around and looked at Sean. “If you dumped her before the wedding, I wouldn’t hold it against you.”

“Well, that’s tempting,” Sean said with a smirk.

I hit him lightly on the shoulder.

“But I’m too head over heels in love with her to let her go.”

I smiled. “That’s better.”

“And I like your ornery attitude—for the most part.”

“Except when I say no.”

“Well, that word shouldn’t in your vocabulary to begin with—at least not with me.” His eyes narrowed at me, speaking without the use of his mouth.

I looked away, wanting to avoid the topic.

The plane took off and soon we were in the air. Sean kept his hand on my thigh, drawing circles with his finger. I flipped through a magazine while Sean stared at me.

“What?” I asked, still reading.

“Nothing.”

“Why are you staring at me, then?”

He shrugged. “I like looking at you.”

I turned the page. “Okay.”

“I’m marrying you so I can stare at you whenever I want. I think you’re beautiful, Scar. I can’t believe you’re mine.”

His sweet words made me smile. “You’re so sweet to me.”

“I’m just being honest.” He leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I placed my arm through his and rested my hand on his forearm. His skin was warm like it always was
. He leaned his lips close to my ear, lowering his voice. “Can I ask you something?”

“You can ask me anything.”

He closed the magazine on my lap. “Are you scared?”

“About what?”

“Getting married.”

I raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean?”

“People get cold feet and anxious before they tie the knot. I was just wondering if that’s how you felt.”

I was quiet for a long time. Sean was my best friend and I knew I could tell him anything. Even if my words were hurtful he wouldn’t be angry or upset with me. “I used to be.”

“Tell me,” he said as he held my hand.

“Well, when we moved in together and you proposed, I knew that my single life was over forever. I would never sleep with anyone else for the rest of my life. I was also scared
you would hurt me again, but the feeling went away.”

His fingers caressed my engagement ring. “What changed?”

“Sleeping with you for the first time in our bed. I realized I wanted to do it forever even though I had to sacrifice a few things.”

“Like what?”

“My privacy. I’ve been alone since I can remember, always independent. It’s hard for me to let other people take care of me—except Ryan. You’re always there no matter what. You’ll always be there.”

“So it wasn’t personal?”

“Not at all.”

“Are you still scared about getting married?”

“No. I want to marry you, Sean. It doesn’t bother me that I’ll never sleep with anyone else, date anyone, or have a first kiss with anyone else. You’re all I want—forever and always.”

He s
miled and continued to caress my hand.

“How about you?”

“I was the exact opposite.”

“What do you mean?”

“As soon as I moved to Seattle, I wanted you to live with me. I wanted to get married right away. Since the first time we slept together, I slowly started to realize that we’ve always been together, even when I was with Penelope. You’re the person I call for everything, the person I spent almost all my time with, the person I tell everything to. You’re my other half, what I’ve been missing my whole life. Even when I was with Penelope, I still jerked off to other women. With you, I’ve never done that. My perverted thoughts and actions are concentrated on you exclusively. If that’s how I feel, which is really rare, then you must be the right person for me. I wanted to settle down as quickly as possible. I like having you in the same bed every night, sitting next to you while we watch television, watching all the games with you, going to the gym with you. You’re my best friend and the best sex I’ve ever had.” His fingers brushed my hair and tucked it behind my ear. The slight touch gave me a tingle. “I understand why you didn’t feel the same way. I know you’ve forgiven me for my atrocious actions, but the pain and scars are still there. I’m glad you didn’t run off.”

“I never wanted to break up, Sean. I just got nervous.”

“I’m glad you aren’t nervous anymore.”

“So you really aren’t scared to settle down forever? After what Penelope did to you? You thought you had your life set up
, and she completely ruined that dream.”

“I was hurt when it happened, but I’m over it now. It was the best thing that ever happened to me. I have no regrets. I just wished she had broken my heart sooner. I could have been with you longer.”

“You aren’t scared that I’m going to do the same thing?”

“Not in the least. It’s not in your nature or character.”

I liked knowing he completely trusted me. Penelope fucked him up pretty bad. “Are you scared to know you’re never going to sleep with anyone else? I think that makes every guy’s heart skip a beat.”

“No, I don’t want anyone else
, Scarlet. That won’t be a problem.”

Warmth radiated through my body. I liked knowing he only had eyes for me.

“But I want you to tell me the moment the sex isn’t working for you. I don’t ever want you to be unsatisfied. That’s when people start to cheat.”

“Sean, I’m more than satisfied. Don’t worry about that.”

“I mean down the road in the years to come. If you want to spice it up, do something new, whatever—I’ll do it. Just tell me.”

“It’s a two way street.”

“I already know I can get you to do anything,” he said with a grin.

I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You just went from being sweet to being an asshole really quick.”

He chuckled. “Sorry.”

“I’m glad we talked about this.”

“Yeah. I’m glad you aren’t going to leave me at the alter.”

“Sean, I would never do that.”

“I’m just afraid you’re going to wake up and realize how much better you are than me.”

“That isn’t true.”

He shook his head. “The fact that you’re ignorant to it makes it even better.”

“You’re amazing too.”

“No, I’m not. Scarlet, I grew up with a maid that cleaned my room, did my laundry, and made all my meals. I had a private tutor for every subject. I never went to high school because I went to a private academy. My mom and dad were the most loving parents any child could ask for. They were
n’t just good parents, but amazing role models, especially my dad. Sometimes they made me angry, but I never doubted their love for me. My entire tuition was paid for when I went to college, and I already had a job waiting for me when I was done. It really didn’t matter if my grades were good or not. My life was nothing but stable and secure. I always felt emotionally and physically safe. Scar, you never had that and looked how you turned out. I admire you.”

I looked away, not wanting to get emotional or feel the tears start to bubble. I didn’t talk about my past that often with Sean because it hurt too much to discuss it. My mother was evil. It was hard for me to hate anyone, but I definitely hated her. Only Ryan knew the extent of my pain and that’s because he shared the same heartache.

Sean grabbed my chin and made me look at him. “Babe, I didn’t mean to upset you. I just think you’re the most beautiful person in the world, on the inside as well as the outside, and I admire you. I’m honored you’ve picked me to share your life with. You started with nothing and made a wonderful life for yourself. If I were in your situation, I would have given into the darkness a long time ago.” He kissed the skin under my eyes then pressed his lips against mine. I could taste the salt from my tears. “I want you to know that I’ll always take care of you. You don’t have to be so brave all the time, not with me. I know that’s hard for you, but I’m going to be your husband now. You don’t have to be scared or afraid of anything ever again.”

“I know,” I whispered.

“Are you ready to tell me the story?”

Sean knew some things but not everything. I wanted to spare him the pain. But now that he was my future husband, I thought
I should tell him my experiences. I didn’t keep anything from him. He knew about my first period, the first time I had sex, when I dropped my phone in the toilet after I already peed, the first time I fingered myself, when I got a tampon stuck inside me—everything. I wasn’t embarrassed or frightened to tell him anything. “Yes, but not now.”

He nodded. “I’m honored that you would share it with me.”

“Sean, it’s going to hurt you.”

“It already hurts me.”

“It’ll be worse.”

“You’re going to be my wife. We split every load. I feel every pain you’ve ever felt.”

I nodded. “Okay.”

He pulled me to him and let me rest my head on his shoulder
. “We’re going to have a beautiful life together, babe.”

“I know.”

“And you’ll be a wonderful mother.”

“I hope so.”

“You will.”

I cuddled next to him and thought about how far Ryan and I had come. We somehow survived the travesty we endured, and we hid our pain so well that no one noticed or suspected it.

I looked at Cortland across the aisle. He was reading the paper with Monnique leaning against him. Her arm was hooked around his waist and her eyes were closed. I really liked her as a person and as Cortland’s girlfriend. He used to be so depressed and sad about Elizabeth. I’m glad he found what he was looking for. I wondered if Monnique knew the truth about me and Cortland. I doubted it. When she found out, I hoped she wouldn’t act like Sean and make it into a bigger deal than it needed to be.

Cortland turned the page of the newspaper then his eyes widened. “Scar?”

“Hmm?”

“Your wedding announcement is in the paper.”

“What?” I said as I sat up. “But we didn’t submit any pictures or do an interview.”

“It’s not an article, just an announcement. You name is listed but there’s a picture of Sean.”

I grabbed the newspaper and looked at it. Sean was wearing a suit in the picture and it looked like a candid shot. He was standing in front of the building his family owned in New York. It was about a year old. I skimmed the paper and saw my name. Nothing else was mentioned about it. It was mainly talking about Sean, who was the son of one of the wealthiest people in the country. I was only mentioned once.

Sean looked at it. “I hate that picture.”

“Why would they publish this? You aren’t even from Seattle.”

He shrugged. “They probably had nothing else to write.”

I sighed.

“Babe, they mention
ed your name one time. No one is going to notice.”

“You think?” I asked hopefully.

“Unless your mom reads every single word in the paper she won’t notice. And from the way you described her, she probably can’t read anyway.” I nodded, hoping he was right. “And she doesn’t even know you’re dating me, so why would she read the article? There’s nothing to worry about.”

Cortland raised an eyebrow. “Who are you talking about?”

Ryan looked at him. “Scarlet and I aren’t close to our mom. That’s all I’m going to say.”

Cortland still looked confused but he didn’t say anything.

Ryan continued. “Sean’s right. There’s nothing worry about.”

I looked at the paper again. “It even says where and when the
wedding is,” I said in an annoyed voice. I looked at Sean. “Did you tell your mom to call the paper?”

He glared at me. “You seriously think I would do that?”

“No,” I said. “Ugh. I hate your mom.” I knew it had to be her. The more publicity for her family, the better.

Sean didn’t say anything even though I thought he would.

Ryan gave Sean a sympathetic look. “I’m sure if she knew you didn’t want it published in Seattle, she wouldn’t have done that.”

Sean sighed. “I’m sorry, babe. I should have talked to her and made it clear she shouldn’t do that. I’m so sorry.”

He really seemed upset by it, which I didn’t want. “It’s not your fault, Sean. We don’t even know if your mom made the call. We’re jumping to conclusions.”

“The
important thing is,” Ryan said, “is that Mom won’t notice the article, won’t read it, and won’t show up. It’ll be fine.”

Janice looked at me. “I’ll deck her myself.”