Lovely (8 page)

“Where’s Delilah?” I ask.

“She’s upstairs,” he replies, picking at his thumbnail. “She still isn’t feeling well.”

I hesitate, knowing how this news is going to affect her. “Did you tell her?”

“Yes, and she won’t talk about it. She wouldn’t even listen to me.”

“Well, of course she won’t, Colt,” I say, my voice raw. “You know how she was with Dad. She can’t go through that again. None of us can, and we won’t have to, because you’re not going anywhere.” I force his eyes to mine. “Do you hear me? I’m not letting anything happen to you, remember? That’s my job as your older brother.” I pause, grating my hand through my hair. “Hey, you remember when we were in high school and you had your eyes on Lori Wilcox, who was dating Braden Stemler, the linebacker?”

Colt chuckles. “Of course I remember.”

“Yeah, you laugh now, but then you weren’t laughing. You didn’t give two shits that she had a boyfriend. You went after her, no holds barred … and then Braden went after you. I had to step in and save your ass from being beaten to a pulp—and that wasn’t the only time … So if you think I’m going to let anything happen to you, well, you’re sorely mistaken.”

I’m waiting for a smartass comeback, but I don’t get one.

“Okay, bro, whatever you say.”

I ruffle his hair with my fingers and spring to my feet. “Let me just go check on Mom and Delilah and then maybe I’ll come back down and kick your ass in that game.”

Colt forces out a smile and picks up the controller.

I leave Colt and start upstairs to check on Mom first. I knock softly on the door and call out to her. When there’s no answer, I push the door open and notice she’s already asleep on the bed. I quietly walk over, smooth her hair from her face, and gently kiss her forehead, shutting the door on my way out.

Taking a deep inhale of breath, I tap lightly on Delilah’s door and wait for her to answer. When she doesn’t, I curl my hand around and open it, but she’s nowhere in sight … that’s because she’s standing behind it. “What are you doing?” I ask. “I know you’re not hiding from me …”

She’s slumped against the wall, her eyes red and puffy. “I’m hiding from Colt.”

I pull her to me, holding her firmly at the waist. “Delilah. Colt’s going to be okay. They just have to do some tests. That’s all. Please don’t worry.”

When I back away, she clutches my shoulders, fresh tears crawling down her cheeks. The weight of Dad’s absence coupled with the news about Colt has pushed her over the sensitive ledge she was already walking on. “Shhh … baby girl … Shhh … .it’s gonna be okay.” I hold onto her and continue to stroke her hair until she quiets, then walk her over to the bed, pull back the covers, and tuck her in. I lay down right next to her.

Her tears slow, her face now covered with black mascara streaks. “He’s always been so full of life, Ash … I was thinking before about that time we went camping and he decided he wanted to bungee jump. The rest of us thought he was crazy, well, except for Dad.” She laughs, but it’s a hollow sound filled with sadness. “I can still picture him jumping and yelling like Tarzan as he dropped down and was swinging in the air.”

I see all the memories flooding her at once. “Remember when we used to play red light, green light in the backyard? You were always the judge and Colt was always cheating.” She releases a bittersweet sigh. “I’d always say red light and he’d just keep on going … but that’s Colt. He’s unstoppable.” She bursts into tears again. “I want him to be unstoppable, Ash.”

She’s scared; her heart is shattering and I feel powerless to stop it. It doesn’t help that my heart is crumbling, too.

“I can’t go through that again, Ash,” she admits wearily. “I just can’t. I won’t survive it.”

I rest my head on her shoulder. “Bullshit. Now listen to me. I can’t say for sure what’s gonna happen … I wish I had those sorts of powers … but you’re strong, and you can survive this or anything else thrown your way. Besides, you have me, and we’ll get through this together.”

Tears continue to fall down her face and drip onto her pillow. “Sometimes I feel like I’m a walking contradiction, Ash.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I grew up with two brothers; two amazing brothers who always gave me a run for my money and certainly taught me how to handle myself in any situation. I can stand up for myself like it’s nobody’s business and I don’t take any shit … on the outside. But on the inside, things affect me so deeply that sometimes I think I might break apart. When Dad died, you know how I was…a complete mess … sad, angry, confused … I started lashing out at anything and anyone in my path. I didn’t know what to do with all that grief and all those crappy feelings. Sometimes, I still don’t. I miss Dad every day.” She wipes a stray tear. “I can’t lose my baby brother, too.”

Suddenly my head hurts, like someone’s hitting me with a sledgehammer and won’t stop. “I know, Delilah … I know.”

She releases a heavy sigh. “I love you, Ash.”

I run a soothing hand over her hair. “I know, baby girl. I love you, too.”

I leave Delilah to sleep and stay up way too late bonding with my little brother over Halo. A wave of exhaustion overtakes me climbing into my own bed. Being strong for everyone else is draining. Sometimes I wish someone could be strong for me.

Professor Travinski irritably scours the classroom, his eyelids drooping from an obvious lack of sleep. “So, does everyone understand the poetry assignment?”

“Yes, I understand it, but I’m not pleased about it,” I say under my breath.

“Mr. Taylor, did you have something you’d like to share with the class? Have you already thought of a few lines of prose you’d like to reward us with before class is over?”

I turn my face in the other direction, hoping to hide the beet red flush now claiming it. “No. I need a little more time with that one.”

He scratches his head and walks up to the front of the room, calling out words like meter, rhythm, stanzas, and symbolism just in time for class to let out. I can’t focus on poetry. My mind has been on Colt all day and I need a distraction. I know just the one.

I see her the moment I step foot through the glass doors, the breath of fresh air tickling my face … Cara. Her amber waves are flowing freely over her rounded shoulders, a green linen dress settling nicely on her curves. Her cheeks and lips are touched by pink, and her eyes are, of course, framed by those strange glasses. She’s having a conversation with someone, so I continue walking and snag a table. As I set my books down, I look up and notice she’s glancing in my direction, a smile adorning her lips.

I can’t help but smile in return before I hunker down, wracking my brain on how the hell to write a real poem, not the rhyming kind that I learned in elementary school. Oh shit, did he say it was supposed to rhyme? My head is swimming thinking about meter and stanzas, but that’s all I remember. Staring at the white paper in front of me, I tap a beat out with my pencil and start humming “Parachute” by Train. I hear someone hiss, “Shhh!” and turn around to find some girl with bright red hair and lipstick to match shooting me dirty looks. As I scowl and go back to my paper, ignoring the daggers hitting my spine, I see Cara walking towards me in all her splendor.

“Hi.” A slow smile creeps across her cheeks as she puts one hand on the table and leans in slightly.

“Hi.”

She eyes my paper and then me. “You looked like you were deep in thought.”

“Yeah, that’s kind of an understatement. I’m working on that poem for Travinski’s class, and remember, I don’t know the first thing about poetry.”

She takes a seat across the table and it gives me a great view of her eyes. “Well, I told you I’d be more than willing to help, and in fact, Professor Travinski insists on it.”

“Yeah?” I ask, excited about the possibility of her helping me.

Her lips curl up confidently. It’s the first time I’ve seen her so self-assured.

“Yes, it’s kind of my thing. I’ve been writing since I was in fifth grade,” she rests her chin against her palm, “it was a way for me to escape into my own little world.”

“Escape from what?”

She stares out the window, her voice hesitant. “Life.”

Her words and the faraway look in her eyes tell me there’s a lot more to this girl than meets the eye, and I intend to find out what it is.

“I’d love the help,” I respond immediately.

She pauses for a second and I see the wheels spinning in that gorgeous head of hers. “If you want, you could come by after school. I have loads of books on poetry and it would be a good starting point.”

My eyebrows lift, a smile etched on my face. “Are you trying to get me to come over under the guise of studying poetry?”

“Maybe.” Her lips twist and I’m on the receiving end of the most adorable freaking wink that makes a certain artery of mine involuntarily harden. “Do you have a piece of paper?”

I tear a small piece of scrap paper from my notebook and slide it across the table. My heart does a sprint at the thought of going over to her house and spending some quality time with her.

She scribbles her address down and moves it back to me. “Do you want to come by around 4:30?”

“Sure, that’d be great.”

“Alright.” She grins. “I’ll let you get back to your one man band.”

The glasses certainly don’t hide her sense of humor.

When I get home from school, Mom’s in the kitchen slicing vegetables for dinner. I sneak up behind her and give her a peck on the cheek. “Hi, Mom.”

She jumps and drops the knife. “You scared me!”

“Sorry.”

“Just make sure next time I don’t have a knife in my hand,” she jokes, throwing a slice of cucumber at me. “So how’d your day go?”

“It was okay. Listen, I’m going over to a friend’s house to work on an assignment, so I’m not sure if I’ll be home for dinner.”

She opens the fridge and pulls out a couple of peppers. “Alright, honey. Do you want to have something to eat before you leave?”

“No, I’m good. So … how are you, Mom? I’m concerned about you.”

She sets the peppers on the counter and dries her hands on the dish towel before turning around. “I’m worried about him, Ash. As soon as they said the word cancer … I just didn’t think I could bear it.” She pauses, her chest heavy with breath before she releases it. “It was hard enough when your dad died. I guess I never realized how much I relied on him until he wasn’t here … and I don’t mean for stuff around the house … I mean, all of the emotions. He was my love, my partner, my companion. But Colt … he’s my child, and a child isn’t supposed to leave this earth before their parent does … the thought terrifies me. Colt has so much life left and I want him to live his life … his whole life.”

I can’t even imagine what Mom is going through at this moment. First, the love her life, and now the possibility of the same thing happening to her child. I move closer to her and rest my hands on her shoulders, meeting her soft green gaze. “I know, Mom.”

She takes her hand and places it gently on mine. “Did you talk to Delilah last night?”

“Yeah, she was pretty upset, understandably so, but she’s gonna be alright. She’s stronger than she thinks. We’ve all been through so much already and we’ll get through this, too.”

Mom takes a deep, cleansing breath. “You’re right, Ash, we will.”

I wrap my arms around her for several minutes before pulling away. “I love you, Mom.”

“I love you too, Ash.”