Loveless (17 page)

“Is it wrong that I hear a Lady Gaga song playing in my head right now?”

“Sophie, this isn’t a joke.” Although she has a point. That damn song fits this situation way more than I want to think about.

I walk back into my apartment and plop onto the couch. Right back where I started.

On every count.

“You wouldn’t be this confused if you weren’t at least thinking about it.”

“It’s only because I’m attracted to him and he won’t fuck me,” I mumble. “It’s driving me crazy. Clearly, I have no common sense left.”

“I wish I could give you more guidance.”

I wish she could, too. There’s a part of me that wants to admit to her what else is inside me—the fear, this out of control yearning that I barely understand.

How do I admit something to her that I’m having such a hard time admitting to myself?

Elijah wants my heart so he can ruin it. It might not be his intention, but his nature leaves no room for an alternative.

So why does my heart
want
to be his?

Stupid.

“The only thing I can tell you,” Sophie says, “is to wait it out. See if he can convince you.”

“No.” I think about that woman at the club, the utter bitterness on her face, and something twists inside me. “I’m not that stupid. As soon as I fuck him, this confusion will disappear.” It has to.

“Alright . . . if you think so.”

“I do.”

“You do realize that if you let him go, one day you’re going to have to either see or hear about him with another woman.”

What feels like bile rises up my throat. Panic follows soon after. Elijah with another girl?

Rage.

I’ll kill him. I swear to God, I’ll undo him.

Whoa. What the fuck?

Jumping off the couch, I pace back and forth, oblivious to the fact that I’m still holding the phone to my ear.

“Paige?”

“I-I have go.”

“Wait!”

I hang up the phone and throw it back on the couch.

There’s no way this is happening to me. My pussy is rioting and taking over. The bitch is so hungry for Elijah she’s now messing with my emotions, making me possessive of the one man on Earth I have no business being possessive over.

Holding onto him would be like trying to hold onto the wind. Impossible.

Enough of this shit.

Storming toward my room, I yank my clothes off, and head straight for the drawer where my vibrator is. I’m going to fuck myself until I fuck Eli out of my system. It’s been impossible up till now, but there has to be a way.

Falling for him isn’t an option.

I won’t let it happen. 

eighteen

Elijah

I probably should let her go, but for the life of me, I can’t bring myself to do so. Bothering to analyze what about her has me so hooked isn’t going to help my problem.

Her body.

Her light blue eyes.

Those luscious lips.

The color of her hair.

Her take-no-shit attitude mixed with that sweet side of her I’ve glimpsed.

Her fucking work ethic, for Christ’s sake.

Yeah, best to stop the list right there. I don’t need to keep analyzing why I’m into her. She was made specifically to bring me down. A total opposite of Joan, the one and only girl I ever loved.

It’s taken almost eleven years, but I’ve finally fallen again, and I still feel no fear at the fact.

Fear at the thought of not being able to convince Paige to see past her own fear of dating me, sure. That one rides me hard, every day and night.

That’s why I’m standing in front of her apartment door, early on a Saturday morning, preparing to knock.

So I can see her.

So I can spend more time with her.

To get another hit of her presence and hopefully get a fucking clue as to what it will take to slither past her guard.

I got lucky. When I made my way to the front door, another tenant had been on her way out. All I had to do was smile at the lady and tell her I’m here to see Paige.

She let me right in.

Thanks to that, Paige doesn’t know I’m here. I can catch her by surprise.

I need her vulnerable again. Walls down.

Hence, the briefcase in my hand. My official excuse for dropping by unannounced?

Work.

Yeah, I’m full of shit. But whatever. Desperate times.

I knock on the door.

“Coming!” Paige yells from inside.

My body goes instantly hot at the sound of her voice.

It takes her another thirty seconds to make it to the door and open it. “I . . . Eli?”

My lips curl into an amused smirk. She’s so damn adorable when confused. “Hey,” I murmur, trying to hide how happy I am to see her—and knowing I’m failing miserably at it.

She keeps blinking at me.

Clearly, she can’t fathom
why
I’m here.

Would it be wrong if I just pushed her inside, up against the wall again, and ate every inch of her right here and now?

I’m seriously thinking about it.

“Yo! Auntie Paige! Who is it?”

“Is that Cole in there?” I ask her, before making my own way into the apartment.

She moves out of the way, her flabbergasted expression following me inside.

I would laugh, but my entire attention is on finding her nephew. Why I’m so excited to meet the kid beats me, but I’ve been curious about the boy since the day we spoke over text.

Cole’s sitting—more like sprawled—on the couch, in front of Paige’s flat screen. Gaming headphones on his head and an Xbox One remote in his hands, the kid seems ready to lay down the law.

He resembles Paige so much that it gives me pause. Those are some strong genetics. Will Paige’s son or daughter also end up looking like her?

And why the fuck am I pondering that?

Cole takes me in from head to toe, clearly analyzing me. “And you are?”

I smirk at the kid’s almost nonchalant attitude. “Eli. Nice to meet you.”

Light blue eyes light up, the boy’s entire demeanor changing. “Oh! You’re that guy my aunt’s dating!”

Dating, huh?

Eyebrows raised, I turn to Paige, waiting to hear what she has to say to that.

“Cole! Why would you say that?” She seems almost horrified, her cheeks bright pink.

And she looks delicious in those jean cutoffs paired with a light gray tank. That dark pink bra strap peeking out makes me want to lick her shoulder.

“Oh, come on Auntie Paige. Guys don’t text you. Ever. Only this one has. And he was asking if you were free that night, ergo . . . “ Cole waves his hand around like it’s simple science. “You’re dating each other.”

Paige’s mouth opens and closes, her brow scrunched as she tries to figure out how to respond to her nephew.

Fuck. I want that mouth. Walking up to her, I cup her nape. “See? Even the kid gets it. No clue why we can’t get
you
with the program baby.”

Her mouth snaps closed, her eyes narrowing in a glare, and she swats me away. “Shut. Up.”

She’s definitely getting kissed. Now.

Smiling, I begin leading her backwards toward the kitchen.

“Dude! Where are you going? You’re not escaping this house without helping me win this death match! I need this armor upgrade bad!”

I laugh even though most of my focus is on Paige’s mouth. “Gladly,” I call back. “Just give me a second to take care of something.”

“Yeah, yeah. Hurry up and kiss her.”

Paige comes to a halt just inside the kitchen. “Cole!”

Placing my briefcase on the kitchen island, I hug her to me and cup her ass. “Don’t yell at him for calling me out on the exact thing I’m planning to do.”

She lays her trembling hands on my chest. “We shouldn’t.”

My body is nothing but a livewire of pent-up lust, all of it seething right beneath my skin. Squeezing down on her ass, I grind my aching dick into her. “You want it.”

Heavy-lidded eyes locked hungrily on my mouth, she nods. “Uh huh.”

I kiss her, my tongue instantly finding hers, licking, twining. She clings to me, her hands in my hair.

Blindly, I lead her to the fridge, pinning her against it with my body. She wraps a leg around me, riding each of my thrusts, her lips hungry and insistent.

God damn it, I’m going to snap. Soon. There’s no way I can handle not fucking her.

But not right now. Now without her admitting what everyone else sees clear as day.

Not with a kid in the other room.

Right on cue, Cole calls out to us. “You guys done sucking face yet?”

Panting, I ease away from Paige, my body pounding with the need to come. I go back to the kitchen island and grab my briefcase. “Here. Look through the printouts. The digital mockup of the tablet is on the hard drive inside.”

Her chests is heaving with each breath. She takes the briefcase from me, eyes trailing over my body in a way that makes me grind my teeth.

“And what are you going to do?”

Sighing, I adjust my hard-on and begin walking out of the kitchen. “I’ll be doing some bro-bonding, of course . . . alright, buddy, fire up that second remote and headset. We’ve got some butts to kick!”

. . .

“Come on, you dumbbutt!” Cole rips his headset off and flings it in the direction of the TV.

Confounded, I stare between him and the TV, trying to figure out where his rage is coming from.

Yes, a few of the members on our team are clueless idiots, but we beat each match by at least ten kills.

Paige had gone into her room, presumably to look over what I gave her. At the sound of Cole’s outburst, she storms back out into the living room.

My cock twitches at the sight of her.

“Cole! You’re tired. Nap time.”

“I’m not tired,” Cole grumbles, eyes drooping sleepily.

“Yes, you are. Especially because you’re frustrated. Don’t fight it. It makes you grumpier and you know it.”

Ah, so that’s what’s going on. The kid is a sleep-fighter. I was one as a child, and it drove my mother nuts. Sleeping isn’t fun. Therefore, I would do everything in my power to avoid it.

I became a raging demon while at it, every time without fail, but I hadn’t cared.

Cole isn’t going to go to sleep simply because he’s told to. Sleep will have to catch him unaware.

“Don’t worry about it, Paige. We’ll just keep playing.”

She rolls her eyes and throws her hands up in the air. “Fine. You deal with him in rage-mode.”

“Hey!” Cole cries.

Smiling at both of them, I urge Cole to grab the controller. “Alright. Let’s show these noobs how it’s done.”

Ten minutes later, Cole is laying on my side, practically drooling on my arm. Slowly, I ease him onto the couch and rise to go find Paige.

Heading down the small hallway, I see one of the doors ajar.

I find her sitting on her bed, the papers with the tablet’s sketches all over the white comforter. Her laptop is perched on her lap. Barefoot, in those jeans and tanktop, sitting indian-style, with her hair tucked behind one ear, she looks sexier to me than any woman I’ve ever seen.

Sensing me, she looks up.

My heart and my cock jump as I stare at her.

Shit. I’m so far gone over this girl.

I try to smile. “Hey.”

“What’s Cole up to?”

“He fell asleep on the couch.”

Rising off the bed, she deposits the laptop on the nightstand. Without responding to me, she proceeds to clear all the papers off the bed.

What is she doing? My heart speeds up. There’s something about the way she’s moving, a purpose I sense.

Once the bed is clear, she saunters over to me, the sight of her bare legs scrambling my thoughts
.
She crashes into me, yanking my head down for a kiss and I let her, wrapping her in a crushing hug.

A tiny corner of my mind realizes that it’s too late. We’ve both reached the breaking point.

Working her hands between our bodies, she caresses my chest. “Eli . . . I need you.”

“Me, too baby. Me, too.” I tongue her neck. It feels like the primal part of my brain is disconnecting from my higher reason, gunning for full control.

I need to be inside her.

Now.

I’m not supposed to give into her yet, but it’s becoming harder and harder to remember why.

Somehow, my hands disobey my intentions, stroking her breasts and pinching her nipples through her bra.

She cries out, biting my lip. Her hands drop down to fist my cock.

I almost come on contact, I’m that desperate.

Paige pumps my shaft, leading me somewhere. I don’t know, don’t care. Don’t bother opening my eyes to see. I just keep kissing her. At this moment, I’ll give her anything she wants. Let her lead me anywhere.

My legs hit the bed. Paige breaks our kiss and pushes me onto it
.
She crawls onto the bed,
over
me, her hair falling over one shoulder.

“Holy fuck, girl. You’re the sexiest thing alive. I swear.”

Biting her lip, she grabs my dick again. So self-assured. Like she owns it.

I groan, hips bucking.

“Cole’s definitely asleep, right?” She continues jerking my dick over my jeans, eyes on my face, watching my every reaction.

No fighting it. She’s going to make me come in my pants again. I’m helpless, unable to do anything except thrust up toward her hand. “Ye-yeah.” My voice breaks on the word.

“Good.” And she goes to work on my belt buckle.

I tense. Jesus. She’s going to take me. Right here. While I’m powerless to stop her. There isn’t any self-control left in me.

She works my jeans open, pulling them and my briefs low enough to bare my swollen, pained cock
.
With a little moan that kills me, she grabs it, squeezing down.

I grunt her name, my hard-on flexing and pulsing in agony. She’s touching me, her soft skin on mine . . .

“Oh my God, Eli,” Paige breathes, eyes wide with wonder.

Fuck. My girl loves the feel of me.

Fisting the comforter, I grit my teeth. “Jesus, Paige. What are you doing to me?”

“I want to try sucking on you.” Her eyes meet mine, pupils blown. “Will you let me?”

Is she serious? My eyes roll back into my head. “Baby, I—”

“Say yes, baby. I want it.”

I bite the inside of my cheek, shaking like a fucking leaf.

She rubs her thumb across my wet tip, swirling the precome. “Can I, Eli?”

Broken, I moan, “It’s yours.” Letting go of the comforter, I grab onto the headboard, holding on for dear life. “Do whatever you want to me. Just don’t stop, baby. Fuck,
please
, don’t stop.”

Paige leans down to give me a soft kiss on the lips.

Goddamn, she makes me
ache.

“Now, Paige. Do it now.”

She lets go of my dick and reaches for my shirt, pushing up the white fabric enough to bare my abs.

Curious, nearly deranged, I force my eyes open to watch her.

Her hair fans out over my lower abs and lap. Panting, she nuzzles my abs with sultry breaths, dropping another soft kiss there.