Love/Fate (16 page)

Part of her reluctance to talk to her sister stemmed from some feelings that Jada never admitted she had. She felt inferior to her sister. While Jada had done so many things wrong, Ava had done everything right. Sure she had attempted suicide as a teenager, and been a chronic runaway. But Ava had turned her life around, finished high school, gone on to college, and then to law school, and was now a very successful attorney. Ava was a corporate lawyer working at one of Philadelphia's top law firms, and was close to making partner. No kids, no husband. Ava was just living life to the fullest, and traveling whenever the mood struck her. Ava had never been addicted to anything, never been to jail. Next to her
sister, Jada felt like a complete failure. Hearing her voice on the phone did little to soothe that.

The conversation was cordial. They caught up on what was going on in each other's lives. Jada told her sister about Jamari's sudden death, and the fact that the police had yet to find any suspects. She told her about the battle she was now waging in order win custody of her son, and how she'd been drug free for nearly two years. And most important, she had managed to do it despite the abandonment she felt from Ava and their mother. Staying clean was an accomplishment that Jada was proud of, and she felt stronger because she had accomplished them without her family's support.

Ava had an ulterior motive for this phone call. She wanted her sister to finally forgive their mother for the pain she had caused her. But when the conversation turned to Edna, Jada shut down.

“I don't really want to talk about her,” Jada said. “I still don't see how you could act like she never did anything wrong. It's like you erased all the shit from your memory what she did to us. The things she let J.D. get away with doing to us …”

“There's some things that you don't know about Mommy,” Ava began. Edna had sworn Ava to secrecy about her recent cancer diagnosis. She didn't want Jada to forgive her only because she was sick and dying of an incurable disease. She wanted her daughter's forgiveness from the heart, and for that reason Ava skirted the real issue at hand. “Mommy wasn't the best mother on the planet,” Ava said. “We both know that. It took a long time for me to get over what she did when J.D. was violating me. She didn't help me, and to be honest, she abandoned me. I hated her. I hated her so much. But while I was in the group home, they counseled me. I spoke to people about what had gone on, and I got help for what I went through. Meanwhile, you were out there on your own. And I never realized how unfair it was that I got help, and you just got swept up in the streets. I had a feeling you were using drugs, when we were in high school, because you started losing weight and acting all crazy sometimes. And I've always felt bad because I didn't do anything or say anything
to try and stop you in the beginning. Mommy knew, too, but she didn't know what to do about it.” Ava sighed. “She understands your anger toward her, Jada. She really does. But she never stopped loving you. Every time I talk to her, she mentions your name. She wants to see Sheldon, and she wants to know if you've even told him about his grandmother. She needs to see him. And to see you …”

Jada shook her head, as she held the phone. “Well, I'm not really willing to see her anymore. When I was locked up, and I gave birth to Sheldon, I called her. I begged her to come and take custody of him so that he wouldn't be taken away from me. You know what she said to me? She said God was in control, and she didn't want to get involved. She told me to pray about it. I'm laying in the hospital, the night before they returned me to prison, begging my own mother for help. And she told me to turn to God. Like there was nothing
she
could do for me. I'll never forget that, Ava. You know what happened? Jamari took my baby, and kept him from me for as long as he could. If it wasn't for Sunny …” Jada caught herself about to divulge too much information. “All I'm saying is, where was my family? Where was my mother? She came to court, supposedly to help me. And she got up on the witness stand and told the judge that she regretted raising a fuckup like me, and she hoped she could get a second chance, if he allowed her to raise my son. What the hell was that? How could she have possibly thought that would help me?”

“Jada, Mommy is really into the Bible now. She probably said that in the courtroom that day because that was the truth, in her opinion. She wasn't going to lie under oath …”

“Well, then what the fuck did she come there for, Ava? What the fuck did I need her for, if she wasn't going to say something helpful? When has she ever come through for me? When? You tell me that.”

Ava was at a loss for words, and silence filled the phone. She had known that Jada would have a hard time letting go of the past. But Edna was dying now, and Ava was determined to bridge the gap between mother and daughter. She was tempted to just come out and tell Jada the truth. But her mother had sworn her to secrecy. She wanted to tell Jada
herself. If Jada would only talk to her. Ava could see that this would be no easy task.

She talked to her sister for a while longer, and they made plans to get together sometime in the near future. Ava was in and out of New York often, and she told her sister that she would love to see her, and start the process of mending their relationship. Jada agreed, although she knew that she really wasn't ready for that. From that point on, she avoided her sister's phone calls, and went about her life as usual. Fuck her family, Jada felt. All she had was Sheldon, and all he had was her. They were the only family that either of them needed. Sunny had been the only one—family or otherwise—to help Jada rid her life of all its demons. So in Jada's opinion, Sunny and Sheldon mattered more than any sister or mother she'd ever had. She lived her life as such. It was all about Sheldon.

The next few weeks consisted of a series of hearings concerning Sheldon's custody. Jada appeared at each one with her attorney, trying to establish that she was fit to have sole custody of her son. At the final hearing, the judge listened to Jada's attorney explain how she had turned her life around. He gave the judge recommendations from her rehab counselors, and Sunny and her mother Marisol both testified on Jada's behalf. But the judge was reluctant. Jada still had no job, and she had no prospects for getting one with a rap sheet as long as hers. She had her own place—an apartment in Brooklyn—but the court wasn't satisfied that her son would be safe in her care without the supervision of another responsible adult. The charges Jamari had leveled against her were serious. The amount of crack she'd used during her last two months of pregnancy was hard to ignore. As Jada stood in the courtroom, listening to the judge speak, her heart sank. She knew that he was about to deny her custody. But then a voice spoke out in the courtroom, and made Jada's heart stand still. It was her mother.

“I'm willing to take my daughter and her son into
my
home, your honor.” Edna stood in the back of the courtroom, and everyone turned toward her.

Jada couldn't believe her eyes. She stared at her mother as if she was
crazy. There was no way Jada was going to move back in with Edna. “Your honor …” Jada began to protest. Her lawyer cut her off, placing his hand on her forearm. He whispered to her, “Be quiet. This may be your only chance.”

The judge motioned for Edna to step forward, and he asked her who she was.

“My name is Edna Ford. I'm Jada's mother. I would be happy to have my daughter and her son come and live with me in Staten Island. I don't work, so I can provide child care for my grandson while my daughter gets herself into school, or gets a job. I'm a Christian woman, and there will be no drugs of any kind in my home. You have my word that I will make sure that Sheldon has the best stable environment possible.”

Jada stood there dumbfounded, wondering how Edna had known that she would be appearing in court that day. She wondered what would make her mother think that she would want to live with her. Jada still had not forgiven her. She looked at Edna speechlessly, and the judge spoke up at last.

Looking at Jada, he asked, “Would you be willing to relocate and live with your mother, if you were given custody of your son?”

Jada shook her head. “Your honor, with all due respect, I don't think I need to be supervised …”

“May I please have a few minutes to confer with my client?” Jada's lawyer interrupted. She shot him an evil look, which he ignored, and the judge granted them a five-minute recess to discuss the new developments. Her attorney grabbed Jada by the arm, and motioned for Edna to follow them. He led Jada outside of the courtroom, and pulled her into a secluded corner. Edna was right behind them.

Nelson Doyle was no stranger to family court cases before this judge. He knew that Jada would not get custody of her son unless she pulled a rabbit out of a hat. She needed magic, or some kind of miracle, in order to walk out of that courtroom victorious. And when Edna spoke up it seemed to Doyle that their miracle had just arrived.

“Jada,” he said, “you should listen to your mother—”

“Nah,” Jada interjected, shaking her head. “I don't even wanna talk to her. She's never been there for me.”

Edna heard her daughter speak about her as if she weren't there. “I'm here now, Jada. It's not too late for you to talk to me. But one day it might be.”

Jada frowned, and looked at her mother. “It is too late. Where have you been all this time? All this time I was out here by myself, fighting for my son, fighting for my own life. And where were you? Now you wanna come in here and …”

“And help you get your son back.” Edna finished Jada's sentence, and stood there staring at her. “I want to come back, and try to salvage what's left of our family. You deserve the chance to be a mother to your son. I want to help you, Jada. And maybe we can start to fix what's broken with our own relationship.”

“I don't
want
to fix our relationship. What's the point?”

Doyle spoke up. “I think the point is that reuniting with your mother could be the one thing that persuades the judge to give you custody.”

“How? What is that gonna do for me?”

“It would show him that you're so determined to be a good mother to your child that you're willing to relocate and reunite with your mother. It'll show him that you and your mother are committed to your recovery. That you're willing to make whatever adjustments are necessary to give Sheldon a stable upbringing. If you do this, Judge Blackburne will have reason to believe that sending Sheldon home with you will be a good decision.” Doyle saw the pain on Jada's face, and tried to soothe her somewhat. “Jada, I know that you're a good mother. I know that Sheldon will thrive under your care, that you will make sure that you stay clean for him. But that judge doesn't know that. When he looks at you, he sees a drug addict who is still on parole. He sees a mother who got high while she was pregnant, and had an underweight, crack-addicted baby. He's not going to trust that you've recovered fully. Not to the degree of giving you sole custody so soon after your release from rehab, and Jamari's murder. That judge wants to give Sheldon some stability for a change. And
he's going to believe that living with your mother will give you that stability.” Nelson looked at Edna, hoping she would have something to add to his pitch.

Edna cleared her throat. “Jada, I know that you don't want to come and stay with me. But this is for Sheldon. He needs you. And the only way that judge is going to give him what he needs is if I help you.” Edna reached for Jada's hand, which was given to her reluctantly. “There's been a lot of mistakes between us, Jada. You've made them, and I've made them. But we have to put all of that aside in order to do what we can for Sheldon. I wasn't always there for you. You're right about that. But I'm here now, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make this work.”

Jada felt so awkward. She had been so angry with her mother for so long; so disappointed in the choices her mother had made. Yet she understood the enormity of the situation at hand. Sheldon was inches from her grasp. She'd already missed his first birthday. She was being given a shot at being there for his second—without Jamari or any court-appointed professional to interfere. She wanted to cry. She was frustrated, and felt like she was being forced to forgive before she was ready to do so.

Edna knew what was bothering her child. “Jada,” Edna said, softly. She handed her a tissue, and waited as Jada wiped her tears and blew her nose. “I'm not asking you to forgive me right away. All I want is for you to come and stay with me. You and Sheldon. And let's see if we can try to get along. Not for us. But for him, Jada.”

Jada dabbed at her face with her tissue, and looked up at the sky for guidance, and sighed. She looked at Doyle, and nodded. “Okay. If it helps me get my son, I'll do whatever I have to.”

Doyle breathed a sigh of relief, and led the two women back into the courtroom. The judge reconvened the case, and addressed Jada directly.

“Miss Ford, before the recess your mother indicated that should the court grant you custody, she is willing to allow the two of you to live with her until such time as you've exhibited a determination to remain clean and sober. Are you in agreement with that?”

Jada wondered if she understood exactly what the judge had just
asked her. But she thought he was asking if she was willing to go and live with her mother if they gave Sheldon back to her. “Yes.” She felt Doyle's reassuring hand on her back, and she exhaled.

The judge addressed Edna. “If I release your grandson to the two of you today, will you accept responsibility as his legal guardian, while the court conducts periodic visits to determine your daughter's suitability as a parent?”

“I will, your honor.” Edna nodded her head affirmatively.

“Your honor, Miss Ford and her mother will comply with any regulations the court sets forth should they be awarded custody of Sheldon. There's nothing like a mother's love. And in this instance, Sheldon would be benefiting from the love of not one, but two mothers—”