LoveBetrayed (3 page)

This time when it was over Daniel managed to keep his head,
if not his balance. He quickly climbed off the bale and nearly fell on his
face. Once he could stand he righted his clothes and Harry did the same. When
they were presentable, Harry barely passing muster with a misbuttoned jacket,
they sat down on the bale back to back.

“That was foolish and foolhardy and every other descriptive
word that begins with fool,” Daniel said, anger at his lack of self-control
making his voice shake. “We could have been caught. Should have, actually.”

“That was the second most amazing thing I’ve ever done,”
Harry said with a thoroughly satisfied and delighted laugh. “The first, of
course, being the first time I fucked you.”

“Be quiet,” Daniel barked. “Do you want the entire camp to
know what we’ve done? Do you value your life so little?”

Harry made a noise halfway between a snort and a laugh.
“Half this camp is too busy fucking one another to care what we’re doing.” He
stood and Daniel jumped off the bale to face him, old habits dying hard.
“Relax, Daniel,” Harry said, as if he were soothing one of the horses quietly
nickering behind them. “No one caught us. No one knows. We were together again
and the world didn’t end.”

Daniel began to pace. “We cannot do this again. What was I
thinking? You’re too young to understand the consequences. I would hardly feel
the effects of it, but your career would be ruined, not to mention your
reputation.”

“Why would you hardly feel the effects?” Harry asked
curiously. He was leaning against a tent pole, idly chewing on a piece of hay
as if he hadn’t a care in the world.

“I have a valuable skill they are loath to lose,” Daniel
explained with a cold smile. “My name would be lost in the telling, while you
would bear the brunt of the exposure.”

“What skill? Oh, you mean your blade.” Harry asked with a
wink. “Yes, it is exceptional.”

“How would you know?” Daniel snapped. “I’m being quite
serious. This is why I wanted to speak with you in the first place. To warn you
that you must be more discreet.”

“I must?” Harry asked eagerly, standing straight with a
grin. “Does that mean you’re going to agree to see me again without making me
chase you to ground?”

Daniel rolled his eyes. “No. It means you must stop trying
to see me again at all. It’s best if you simply forget this unfortunate
incident and move on.”

“Forget?” Harry asked incredulously. “Are you mad? The
second most amazing thing that’s ever happened to me and I’m supposed to
forget? It shan’t happen, my friend.” He shook his head sadly. “No indeed. I
shall be remembering every detail over and over until I see you again. And by
see I mean fuck.”

Daniel put his forehead in his palm. “You have no
discretion. No sense of self-preservation.”

“No. Not when it comes to you,” Harry agreed gleefully. “I
guess you’d better keep an eye on me. Or an arse. Either way.”

“Harry,” Daniel moaned in resignation. “What am I going to
do with you?”

“I have a few ideas,” Harry said, slowly stalking him around
the hay bale. “But you’ll have to tell me if they are at all possible.”

Daniel let Harry catch him and pull him close. “I am going to
regret this,” he mumbled as Harry nuzzled his cravat. His hands were resting on
Harry’s strong, broad shoulders. “But not right away.”

Harry just laughed and Daniel knew he was in trouble.

Daniel walked back to camp with a little stagger to his
step. It was almost morning and he and Harry had been at one another all night.
It had been a long time since Daniel had spent a night like that with a lover.
Harry was a quick study. He dominated their encounters and Daniel found he
enjoyed it more than he thought possible. It was a relief to give over control,
even for a brief time, to someone he could trust. He trusted so few people
these days, and rightly so.

Harry was following him at a distance. The plan was for him
to enter camp from another direction to avoid speculation. There would probably
still be talk since they’d both been absent all night, but in Daniel’s case it
was a common occurrence and his affairs were generally understood to be secret,
so they could weather the talk.

“Good morning, Daniel.”

The voice was quiet, silky smooth and dangerous. Daniel spun
around to see Sir Barnabas James pulling on a riding glove not five feet away.
“Sir Barnabas.”

James stepped out of the shade of the trees and into the
light of the rising sun. “You were quite preoccupied,” he observed, “not to
have heard or seen me first. I certainly hope my best agent isn’t losing his
touch.” His smile was all the more chilling for its blandness. His eyes—so dark
they looked black—as usual revealed nothing of his inner thoughts or emotions.

“Of course not. But here in camp I do occasionally let down
my guard.”

James made a tsking sound that sent chills down Daniel’s
spine. “It is among our friends that we must be most vigilant.”

Daniel found that philosophy unbearably sad for some reason,
though only a few days ago it would have been his own. “If that’s so, then why
are we here and what are we fighting for?” he asked.

James raised a surprised brow. It was a dark slash against
his olive complexion. “Why, for king and country, of course,” he responded.
“What else is there?”

Daniel snorted and shook his head. “Of course. Forgive my
maudlin philosophizing. I’ve been in an odd mood lately. That’s what comes of
making me sit and wait for too long.”

“Are you chastising me for not sending you out on an
errand?” James asked. “You have been doing too much thinking. I merely thought
you’d enjoy a brief respite from our work. But rest assured I shall remedy that
as soon as I return. I go to meet his lordship. I hope to have more to tell you
when I return.”

During their conversation Daniel had been maneuvering
himself until he could see all available hiding places. He trusted James least
of all. If Simon was right, James was capable of lethal treachery. He wouldn’t
do the dirty work himself, of course. But Daniel knew from personal experience
James had many loyal minions willing and able to do it for him.

Daniel didn’t want to believe he would do anything vile out
of mere jealousy. He’d been intimate with this man on many occasions. Certainly
if James had meant to harm him he’d had ample opportunity. But logically, he
knew James was ruthless and deceitful.

“Hallo,” a voice called out. “Mr. Steinberg, is that you?”

Daniel gritted his teeth at Harry’s congenial greeting. Was
the boy insane?

“Aren’t you going to answer him?” James asked curiously.
There was something about his expression, however, that was too knowing.

“Hello, lieutenant,” Daniel answered, watching James. “Yes,
it’s Daniel Steinberg.”

Harry ambled up, shielding his eyes from the early morning
sun. “Didn’t expect to catch anyone else up at this time of morning,” he said
with a grin, holding out his hand to shake Daniel’s. “How do you do?”

Daniel wanted to glare at him, but to do so would be worse
than ignoring him. “Fine, thank you. How are you, lieutenant?”

“Fine, fine,” Harry answered, looking curiously at James.

“Do introduce us, Daniel,” James said pleasantly.

“Sir Barnabas James,” he said, trying not to sound as
furious as he felt, “may I introduce Lieutenant Harry Ashbury, of the Fourteenth
Light Dragoons?”

“The Fourteenth, eh?” James asked lightly as he shook
Harry’s hand. Daniel wanted to rip them apart. “I know several officers in the
Fourteenth, as does Daniel. Is that how you met?”

“Yes sir,” Harry replied politely. “And how do you two know
one another?”

“Oh, we go back a long way,” James said, revealing nothing.
“You’re out early, lieutenant. Is anything wrong?”

Harry’s eyes grew wide with feigned innocence. “Wrong? Not
at all. Just an early morning stroll. Couldn’t sleep last night. You know how
it is.” Harry had the temerity to wink at James.

James laughed. “Indeed I do. Lieutenant, a man like you who
calls the night home must be interested in more, shall we say, improvised work
here in the field.”

The hair on Daniel’s nape rose in alarm. “No, he is not.” He
cursed himself for a fool as soon as he blurted it out.

James was looking at him with narrowed eyes and a very
pleased smile, as if he’d won some sort of game by making Daniel reveal
himself. “I assumed since you were so well acquainted that the lieutenant had
perhaps helped you on an assignment and was looking to do so again.”

“As a matter of fact, Mr. Steinberg is correct.” Harry was
clearly trying to save him. “I rather like being an officer in the Dragoons.
Suits me, I think.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you know how to find me,”
James said dismissively. He tugged on his gloves as if to make sure they were
on properly. “Daniel, I shall send for you as soon as I get back.” The look he
gave Daniel was pointed and direct. It irked him.

“I hope I’m available when you do,” Daniel replied coldly.
“But I do have other engagements today as well.”

James merely smiled at Daniel’s childish response. “I’m sure
you’ll do what you must,” he said. He bowed to Harry. “Good morning, Lieutenant.
Daniel.” He didn’t spare them a glance as he continued on to the stables, where
a mounted escort now awaited him.

Harry nodded at Daniel as if they were mere acquaintances.
“Good morning, Mr. Steinberg. I’ll see you later.”

Daniel was left in the clearing fuming as Harry disappeared
from sight, listening to the sound of horses’ hooves as James rode away with
his entourage.

Two weeks later

Daniel came back to camp exhausted, dirty and nearly manic
with need for Harry. He didn’t stop to consider what that meant. He just knew
he needed to be inside Harry. He wasn’t exactly sure how Harry would feel about
that, and honestly he didn’t care. Until he felt the warmth and security of
being inside the one person he trusted more than any other he wasn’t going to
calm down. His heart was racing and his breath was rapid and uneven. What a
godawful mission. James was still punishing him. Or testing him, and Daniel had
almost failed. He’d nearly been on the losing end of a French blade tonight,
and he didn’t want to repeat the experience. He’d grown slow and stupid over
the last few weeks.

When he arrived at the stables, he was riding much too fast.
He jerked on the reins and the horse shied and slid in the mud and the stable
master cursed him as he grabbed the reins out of Daniel’s hands and soothed the
horse.

“Bloody Jew,” the sergeant spat out. “Can’t ride for shit,
any of you. Treat a fine horse like an ass in the desert.”

Daniel slid out of the saddle, landing lightly on his feet.
“I have never been to the desert. I was born in Spitalfields.”

The man harrumphed in disgust, but Daniel didn’t take
offense. He cursed everyone who entered his yard. “Not sure I’ll give you a
mount next time,” he muttered. “Make you walk, yes sir. Walked for forty years,
didn’t ya?”

“That was Moses, and he was lost,” Daniel said, trying to
pull his gloves off his shaking hands. They were slippery from the light rain
that was falling. “I ride or take a hackney. And I have an excellent sense of
direction.”

“No sense at all,” the sergeant replied testily.

Their usual banter was calming Daniel down a bit. “I am only
twenty-six, by the way. It is mathematically impossible for me to have wandered
anywhere for forty years.”

“Get out, now,” the grumpy stable master said, pointing
toward the camp. He always ended their conversations thus.

“We are not inside in order for me to get out,” Daniel said,
reciting his lines perfectly. “I can get away, but I cannot get out.”

“Away with you,” bellowed the old man, and Daniel smiled as
he turned eagerly toward camp and Harry.

He had a few minutes to think as he walked briskly along the
path. He and Harry had spent nearly every free moment together since that
ominous morning when James had nearly caught them together. Daniel grew more worried
every day. He knew that James knew what was going on between them. Before it
had been James he sought, or more accurately James’ prick, which he thought
came with no attachments. James had yet to mention Daniel’s withdrawal. What
did that mean? Was he plotting against Harry? Daniel could only keep an eye on
Harry when he was in camp. He’d asked Simon to watch out for him when he was
gone, but Simon had been as busy as Daniel. They were building to a battle.
They had all been idle for too long. Daniel had been gathering intelligence
about French troop movements and strategy, and this latest piece of information
confirmed his fears.

He couldn’t keep Harry out of the battle. There was an
excellent chance he wasn’t even going to be around to protect him during the
fight. He had no one he could task with the job, either. He simply had to trust
that Harry would weather the storm, and trust like that did not come easily.
The truth was that Daniel had come over here at James’ urging, knowing that he
most likely wouldn’t live to return to England. He’d had nothing to return to,
nothing to care about leaving behind. And he’d known that Harry’s chances of
survival were even slimmer. Why had he started this mad affair? It was making
him crazy—the worry, the insatiable desire, the turbulent emotions. This was
why he avoided attachments. There was no good that could come from it. No good
at all.

Yet even as he lectured himself his pace increased until he
reached the Fourteenth Light Dragoon camp and spotted Harry sitting and
drinking with Simon. Harry turned, almost as if he felt Daniel’s presence. They
were yards apart and still Daniel felt his gaze like a caress and he shivered.
Harry leaned over and said something to Simon, setting his glass down. Simon
nodded but didn’t look Daniel’s way. Daniel simply stood there, unable to
conceal his mood or need. He hungrily watched Harry stand, looking so smart and
elegant in his light-blue uniform jacket. He casually turned to walk out of
camp in the opposite direction, waving and smiling at people as he passed but
never slowing. Daniel followed, moving from shadow to shadow among the tents,
noticed by very few, spoken to by none. He was dirty and probably looked as
dangerous as he felt. No one wanted to know what he did on these missions. They
turned away as if he were a ghoul and pretended they didn’t see him.

He found Harry at their usual meeting place, close to where
they’d first met on that fateful night. Neither said a word as Daniel simply
took his hand to lead him farther into the forest. It wasn’t quite dark yet,
and Daniel knew he wouldn’t be quiet, couldn’t be quiet when his feelings were
so turbulent and confused.

Harry stood his ground, pulling Daniel to a stop.

Daniel turned, an angry demand on his lips, but he froze at
the naked desire on Harry’s face. Harry needed him just as badly. He realized
then that Harry worried as much as he did, and with more cause. A sharp stab of
regret hit Daniel. He’d brought Harry nothing but worry and fear since their
first encounter. He owed it to him to walk away, to leave him and never do this
again. But he was a weak bastard and couldn’t do it. It had always been so easy
to do before. What was it about Harry that tethered Daniel so firmly to his
side? What pulled him back again and again? What made him reveal his secrets
and his desires and his burdens to a man who was too young to shoulder them
all? It was a fatal strategic error. He knew it, and yet still he made the
mistake, over and over.

Harry tugged him closer and Daniel knew what he wanted. He
wanted the one thing Daniel had denied him. Why had he held this back? What was
the point? Certainly it wasn’t any more dangerous than what they’d done in the
past. It would bring him no closer to destruction than he already was. They both
wanted it. It was the final step across the line in the sand that Daniel
precariously straddled. With a deep breath he crossed the line and pressed his
mouth to Harry’s, kissing him for the first time.

Harry held his breath as Daniel kissed him. He’d hoped for
it. Daniel had looked untamed and half mad standing on the edge of the camp
watching Harry as if he were stalking his prey. Harry knew he needed to gentle
him, and had been planning to argue, cajole, beg for a kiss, but he hadn’t
needed to. For the first time Daniel came to him. And it was as glorious as
he’d thought it would be.

Daniel felt exotic and dangerous, as if he were a wild
animal leashing the violence within him for Harry. It was a heady thought. But
Daniel also felt familiar and so, so dear to him. For a brief moment he was
afraid to touch him, afraid to press his mouth against Daniel’s and open his
lips and thrust his tongue inside as he’d been longing to do. And then he
remembered it was Daniel, and he liked it that way, liked Harry to ravage him
like that. And so he gripped the back of Daniel’s head, his dark curls a silky
tease against his palm and between his fingers, held him tight against his
mouth and proceeded to devour him. Daniel tasted sweet and then he moaned and
his desperation was like dark, heavy wine on Harry’s tongue.

Daniel ripped his mouth away, gasping for air, and Harry
pressed his lips to Daniel’s neck, tasted the salty tang of sweat and fear.
“Harry,” Daniel said, his voice so tired it made Harry ache.

“I’m here,” he whispered. It had been like this the last few
times, ever since he’d started going out on missions again. Daniel needed him.
It was exhilarating. Harry had never been needed like this before. If the
circumstances were different he’d revel in it. Instead he lived in fear every
waking moment they weren’t together. He hated what Daniel did now. When he’d
chased him through the woods that night, seeking adventure, it had excited him.
Now it sickened him. This life was killing Daniel. And Harry couldn’t see how
to stop it. He had no right to. He didn’t own Daniel. Hell, he didn’t even own
himself. He had promises to keep and a future mapped out for him. One that
didn’t include Daniel. But he didn’t, couldn’t, care. Not when he held Daniel
in his arms like this, craving his need and his surrender.

“I need you, Harry,” Daniel whispered, gripping the edge of
Harry’s lapel in his fist. “I need to have you.”

“You can have me. You know that.” Harry bit Daniel’s earlobe
and sucked on it. Daniel loved that. He smiled as Daniel moaned.

“You don’t understand,” Daniel said, shoving him away
unexpectedly. Harry stumbled a bit, but Daniel caught his wrist and steadied
him. “I need to be inside you tonight, Harry.”

Harry paused, suddenly uncertain. It wasn’t that he was
opposed to it, he’d just never done it and was a little concerned he wouldn’t
be very good at it. After all, it was clear Daniel was in dire straits tonight,
and Harry didn’t feel up to that challenge.

“I’m not sure,” he said. “I mean, I don’t think it will be what
you need. Want. It won’t work. For you.” He sounded like a ninny.

“You don’t understand,” Daniel said, and he sounded as if he
were gritting his teeth. “I don’t care. I want it. That’s what I want.”

Harry opened his mouth to protest again, but shut it immediately.
He wanted to be here for Daniel, didn’t he? And Daniel certainly enjoyed being
on the receiving end of a prick. Why shouldn’t he? There didn’t seem to be much
to it, actually. “All right,” he said.

The words were barely out before Daniel was on him. He undid
Harry’s falls so quickly Harry feared he’d lost a button or two. Daniel pushed
him toward the nearest tree and Harry caught himself on his hands. They’d been
out in these woods so often lately the feel of bark under Harry’s palms was an
old friend. Daniel pressed on his shoulders and Harry went to his knees facing
the tree.

“Like that,” Daniel muttered. Harry looked over his shoulder
and saw Daniel pulling off his jacket and then his cravat and shirt, tossing
them aside recklessly. He was in a bad way tonight. He loosened his trousers
and pulled out his cock and Harry swallowed nervously. Daniel was rather well
endowed for a small man. He fell to his knees behind Harry and began searching
through Harry’s pockets frantically. “Where is it?” he demanded. Harry began to
reach for his pocket, but Daniel snapped out, “Hands on the tree,” and he
immediately put his hands back.

“Right pocket,” Harry said, knowing Daniel was looking for
the little bottle of oil he kept there.

Daniel fished it out of his pocket and Harry could hear
Daniel putting it on. He closed his eyes and he could picture Daniel sliding
his cock through his fist, the shiny head poking out on each upstroke and it
felt as if his heart skipped a beat as a shiver skittered up his back. It
wasn’t an unpleasant reaction. It was excitement, the thrill of the unknown,
the expectation of a new pleasure. Suddenly he wasn’t unsure anymore. He was
eager and ready and wanted Daniel more than he’d thought possible.

“Hurry,” he urged, his voice a bit frantic.

Daniel laughed behind him. “It sounds like you’ve changed
your mind.”

Harry shoved his trousers down to his knees and canted his
bottom back toward Daniel in what he hoped was a lascivious way. “Not so much
changed my mind as come to your way of thinking.”

Daniel grabbed Harry’s hip and tried to press his cock
inside. Harry gritted his teeth and a little grunt of pain escaped.

“Damn, Harry,” Daniel said breathlessly, “I’m sorry. I’ve
turned into a bumbling fool.” Daniel’s cock disappeared and Harry felt his
fingers there instead, rubbing soothingly. “I’ll make it better, I promise.”

Harry was so focused on those fingers the French cavalry
could have ridden past them and he wouldn’t have cared. Daniel massaged and
rubbed and teased, inserting just a fingertip now and again in no particular
rhythm. Before long Harry was gasping and straining, trying to catch those
fingers for more. Daniel rewarded him at last by inserting his finger firmly
and deeply. Harry moaned at how good it felt.

He lost track of time as Daniel played with him. He rested
his forehead on the tree trunk and Daniel held him close. He’d loosened Harry’s
jacket and his hand was tucked up under his shirt as he caressed his chest and
stomach. Several times Harry tried to take his cock in hand to relieve the
intense desire that was making him tremble, but Daniel wouldn’t let him. “I
want you to come when I’m inside you,” he finally whispered in Harry’s ear.

“Then bloody well get in there,” Harry gasped out, “because
I can’t hold out much longer, with or without my hand.”

Harry felt more than heard Daniel’s low rumble of laughter
against his back. It made the hair on his nape rise and a shiver raced down his
back to center where Daniel now pressed two fingers.

“Let’s go, then,” Daniel said, kissing the back of his neck
just above his collar. He pulled out his fingers and then he was there,
pressing inside. When he was as deep as he could go and Harry could feel
Daniel’s hipbones pressing against his bum, Daniel stopped and they sat like that,
joined as only lovers can be. Daniel wrapped his arms around Harry, pressed his
open palm against Harry’s heart and began to shake.

Harry had never felt anything like it, not even Daniel’s
fingers. It was base and yet divine, this joining with Daniel. To give him
this, to surrender himself and in the process to receive the gift of being one
with Daniel, was perhaps the most significant thing he had ever done. He was
reborn as half of the whole that was him and Daniel together. Was this how
Daniel felt when Harry took him? Was this why he begged and pleaded and said
Harry’s name as if it were a prayer?