Love Without You (2 page)

Jessica took him to meet her Mom and dad and her sister one night in June and moved in with her shortly after. Josh rented out his house and they shared Jessica’s. It was the perfect set up and they were having a great time being together. There was no expectations and no worries, no mind games so nothing they had to worry about. They were honest with each other and told each other what they expected and what they wanted out of the relationship. It was the easiest relationship either of them had ever had and they felt truly blessed to have found each other. They were in love with each other but found no hurry in making a commitment with each other because of the trust between them.

Then in Sept Jessica found out she was pregnant. This was something they hadn't counted on and it threw them for a loop. A baby was a miracle and they were excited but scared at the same time. Things went well for them till one night when Jessica was about 3 ½ months along. She woke Josh up and him that something was wrong. The hospital wasn't that far from them but by the time they got to the hospital they had lost the baby. This was a devastating blow for both of them and they had to heavily sedate Jessica and kept her over night. She and Josh went home the next morning and Josh put Jessica in their bed and gave her another sedative. She went right back to sleep. Fortunately they had not done any redecorating to the house and not even started painting the nursery yet. They had picked up a couple of outfits but that was about it.

Jessica had a hard time recouping from losing the baby. It was several months before she felt like her old self. But finally she did and life was the same happy day to day pleasure that it had always been with them.
They laughed and played and talked all the time and life was good and they felt secure. Sometimes they had such a good time it was like they forgot they weren't married.

By this time Jessica had gotten a promotion at work and now was doing most of her work at home. So they turned the other bedroom into an office for her. For her birthday that year Josh bought her an engagement ring and asked her to marry him. She knew that this was the one so she had no problem saying yes. It had been almost two years since her break up with Ben and she knew she loved Josh so why not? Now they were busy planning the wedding and deciding where, what, who, whom? There was a lot to do in a short time because they wanted to get married at Christmas.

The planning went well and they decided on a small ceremony right there on the beach so just about all they had to do was put up a harbor. They were only inviting close friends and some family and get the reception together which would be at their house. It was really a no brainer. The most important job they had to do was going to the liquor store and stocking the bar for that night. They needed champagne and lots of it. They were both so excited about their future together and so in love, it was a magical time for them. It seemed like nothing could ever go wrong in the world as long as they were together and they could fight off anything together.

Three months be
fore the wedding Jessica’s Dad had a heart attack and died. She was fortunate enough to be with him when he died and he told her to go ahead with the wedding. He knew he wouldn’t be there but made her promise that she would continue with the plans. Naturally Jessica didn't want to do this but she knew she would keep her promise to her Daddy. It was important that she keep herself together because her Mother was a basket case. She tried to help her all she could but she literally acted like she was helpless. Jessica didn’t realize how much her Mother depended on her Father till then and it would take a while for her to adjust to being alone. Jessica and Josh both knew this would take patience but they didn’t realize how much they would have to give of their life for her Mother’s life.

The day of the service started out very bleak. When Jessica got up she had a headache the size of Texas. When she had to start off taking Aspirin she knew she would have a bad day. The service was scheduled for 2:00 at the funeral home in the chapel. Her father had been cremated so there wouldn't be a grave side service. She knew they had to get dress and go to her Mom’s house and pick her up. Then they would go back there and help her after the service when people came over to pay their respects and have something to eat. The neighbors were to set the food out while they had the service and then everything should be ready when they arrived home. There was plenty of food that had been brought over by friends and family for this day so everything was in order except for her Mom.

When Jessica and Josh got to her Mom’s house that day her Mother was still in her bathrobe and hadn’t even put on her makeup. She was talking constantly and drinking coffee like it was water. She hadn’t even had a shower or anything. So Jessica had to step up and take control of the situation and put all the gears in order for the day to get going. There were a few friends that were wandering in and out bringing food but Jessica took care of them now and put her Mother in the bathroom to take a shower and get ready. There was enough food there to feed an army and she was sure they would have enough to eat on for a week, especially since her Mother wasn't eating at all. Maybe that would change after today they would have to wait and see.

Finally her Mother was ready and they left for the funeral home. Everything was set up just like they had asked it to be done and she and her Mother both were very pleased. It was a service and they were proud of the way it turned out. But Jessica was really upset and couldn't imagine the future without her Dad and couldn't imagine what her Mom would do without him either. They went home to receive the guests that had come to pay their respects and it was after eight o’clock before the last guest left. Jessica’s brain felt like it was fried and Josh didn't know what else to do for her. He had done everything he knew to do including doing dishes and cleaning up the mess in the living room. He didn't know how else to comfort her or her Mom so he quietly went out on the porch and left Jessica and her Mom together. They started talking and finished by crying. Jessica didn't want to leave her Mom alone but she did want to go home. Her Mom didn't want to be left alone and wanted Jessica and Josh to stay over. Jessica knew her Mom didn't want to sleep in the bed that she had shared with her husband, but what could she do? Eventually she would have to, maybe if she gave it more time it would be better. Finally Jessica talked her Mom into packing a bag and going home with her and Josh and then they would bring her home tomorrow. They had to meet up anyway to go to the bank to take care of some final details for her Dad so she thought it would be all right. So they locked the house up and went to Josh and Jessica’s house which was just about 15 minutes away.

When they got home Jessica made a pot of coffee and they sat around the table and talked. Josh and Jessica were concerned about what her Mom would do as far as money and the house and everything. But Mom hadn't thought that far ahead, the only thing she knew for sure was that Russ, Jessica’s Dad had two million dollar insurance policies on himself with one as beneficiary for Brenda, Jessica’s Mom and the other one was for Jessica. Jessica couldn't believe it and she told Josh that they would use the money to build the house on the hill that they had dreamed of. A million dollars! Of course it couldn't compare to the loss of her Dad but she was thankful to her Dad for thinking of her. Then Brenda said something that interested Jessica. She talked about opening her own business and getting Jessica to manage it, a book store with a coffee shop inside it. It was definitely something to think about. Josh thought it was a fabulous idea and knew both Jessica and her Mom would enjoy it. It was something to think on anyway and something that had been mentioned before. They stayed up pretty late and talked and Jessica made sure her Mom was comfortable before they turned out the lights. When it was just her and Josh alone in the bed she laid her head on his shoulder and thanked him for everything he had done for them. Then she was asleep and slept a deep sleep and she awoke to the smell of coffee and bacon frying. Jessica knew her Mother had beaten her up and when she turned over she realized Josh was gone to. When she went to the kitchen she realized that Josh was the one who started breakfast and her Mom was sitting there drinking coffee with him and they were talking.

Josh had to go back to work that day and she and her Mom were going to do errands and then Jessica would take her home. They were both tired but it was an emotional tired that wouldn't go away for awhile and they knew it, so they might as well go on and do what needed to be done. They started out by going by the lawyer’s office. Since Jessica was an only child and everything had been left to her and her Mom there wasn't a lot to do. Of course the house would be paid for through insurance and then they both got a million dollar policy. There was also the boat and things like that that Brenda would automatically get. Also there was a three acre plot of land that her Dad had bought as a surprise for her and Josh as a wedding present for them to build their house on. It was the perfect spot that they had wanted and she couldn’t wait to tell Josh however, it made her and her Mom cry at the thought of what he had done. But that was him, he was just thoughtful that way and she would think of him often. It hurt her to think of him not being there to walk her down the aisle and not be there to be the grandfather for their children they would have. There were so many milestones he would miss in her life and she would miss him being there.
After the lawyer they stopped by the bank and took care of the accounts there and then they stopped for lunch at their favorite restaurant. They had a champagne lunch and toasted her Dad and talked about him and told stories and it helped to be together and talk and share. She listened as her Mother told her about her fears of being single again and how she didn't want to live alone and she could understand things about her Mother that she had never understood before. Everything that she and Josh had talked about after her dad died they had just about discussed and she had plenty to tell Josh. When they finished eating her Mother surprised her and told her she wanted to go home and lay down and rest a while.

When they went in it was very lonely and they both started to cry but as they sat and talked it got better and her Mother assured her that she would be all right. It was something she had to do to get used to it. There were tons of cards and letters in the mail and she told Jessica she would go through the mail and then maybe lie down a while and rest. Jessica thought better about leaving but knew eventually she would have to so it might as well be now. So after many tears she left and went home.

Josh wasn't home when she got there so she went in and started dinner. She had just started the salad and as she let the lettuce drain she decided she would take something for her head and lay down for a few minutes before Josh got home. There was so much going through her head and she knew how her Mom must feel. She went to sleep the minute her head hit the pillow. Josh woke her up by nuzzling her ear and spreading kisses down her neck. He had finished dinner before he woke her so she didn’t have anything left to do. They lay there together and talked a while and then they got up and went out to the patio and ate by candle light. It was such a pleasant evening and the breeze from the ocean seemed to cleanse her mind. The candle light flickered and brought shadows that danced into the night. It was very romantic but it was more than that. It was security and comfort that Jessica needed. It was love and she knew how lucky she was to have found Josh especially now. It was mutual respect that would take them through their life when they had bad times. This was something not many people could find no matter how long they looked.

The next morning she called her Mom who had a pretty good night considering. She said she wandered through the house, opened the mail and finally took some aspirin and went to bed and cried herself to sleep but she knew it would get better as the days went by. She said she wondered if it was better to die real quick like he did or to get to say your goodbyes before you go. Jessica could sympathize with her but didn't know how to help her. The sad thing about it was it went on like this for almost two weeks and then one night it go
t better, not great but better.

The wedding was coming soon and so were the holidays. She couldn't imagine the holidays without her Dad and neither could her Mother. She thought about cancelling the wedding and then she thought about the promise she made to her Dad and she knew that she would have to go through with it. She didn't want to cancel it just postpone it for a while. But they couldn't and they both knew it.

The invitations went out as planned and they decided on a small but lively party with just enough of the right people to keep the night alive with laughter and good humor. Jessica placed a small picture of her Dad in her bouquet in a charm and her Mother gave her away. It was a moment that was a breath taking event but they got through it. Josh had never seen Jessica look as beautiful as she did that day.

The back yard was filled with tiny lights that blinked like fire flies in the night and the moon shone over the water as the light danced across the waves. It was perfect and Jessica and Josh became husband and wife under the watchful eye of her Father from up above. It was all so exciting it was hard to be sad about him not being there and then she thought he wouldn't want her to be sad and it was true. He would want her to be happy. After all this would be her only wedding and she shouldn't waste it, so they danced and danced. Long into the night they danced. The guests stayed and ate and danced and a good time was had by all. Even her Mother had a good time dancing with her uncles and cousins and it proved to her that she could still have a good time. It was a definite hit and talked about for months afterwards.