Love Without Rules (Contemporary Romance) (3 page)

***

Sydney shook her head as she tried to rid her mind of these memories. It would do her no good to have him on her mind constantly. But it seemed like the more she drank, the clearer his image in her head became. It was so hard to forget him, but she still had to try because the thing she hated most was a cheater. To her, cheaters were the lowest of the low. They were the ones that snuck around, the ones that hid calls, and the cowards who were too scared to break it off with their current significant other before sleeping around with another.

“I just can’t believe Scott turned out to be the thing I hated most…” She sobbed painfully. Even though he had hurt her so much, she realized that she still wanted his arms around her, and she wanted him to tell her that everything was going to be alright. Her phone buzzed, letting her know that she had a text.

It was from Scott.
Sydney, where are you? We need to talk about this. I’m sorry.

Sydney scoffed and flipped her phone upside down, refusing to reply. A minute later, her phone started to jingle, and it was obvious it was Scott who was calling her by the custom ringtone. Switching it onto silence, Sydney sunk back into the arms of the darkness.
What am I going to do?
was her last desperate thought before downing the rest of her drink.

Love Doctor Tip #58:
It’s cliché, but time really is the best medicine for any wound.

By the time she had left the bar, the sun had set.

Her phone rang again, and she hoped it wasn’t Scott. He had called her three times, and texted her several more messages, which she still hadn’t read, but guessed that they contained more apologies. Sydney still hadn’t responded.
He deserves a little silence
, she mused.

She didn’t know where to go. She couldn’t go home, there was no doubt in her mind that he would be there, waiting for her so that they could “talk.” The tears had subsided, for now. Sydney knew it was only a matter of time before they returned, and she had to get to somewhere without any reminders of the incident.

“Mom…?” Sydney pondered out loud. “No… Not an option… She would just lecture me… Anna…?” Anna Lee – now Vance – was Sydney’s best friend, and had been since grade school. During the past two weeks, she had been on a luxury vacation for her honeymoon. Her husband, Derek Vance, held a very important position in a prestigious firm, and made more than enough money to keep her and their future children financially secure for a very long time. Sydney would be lying if she said she wasn’t a little envious of Anna.

She really didn’t want to disturb Anna on her vacation, for she still had a week left. As she debated whether or not to call, her phone rang. If it was Scott, Sydney decided that she would pick up, tell him to stop calling, and then immediately hang up. But it wasn’t. It was Anna. “Speak of the devil…” she muttered as she picked up. “Hey, Anna.”

“Hey, I heard the news. Are you okay? Do you need me to come home?” Anna was a true friend, offering to come home from her honeymoon for Sydney.

“No… I couldn’t ask you to do that for me, An. But… I do need a place to stay.”

“Oh, well, you can stay at Derek’s place! I’m still in the process of moving in, but there should be a guest room for you. Let me just ask him if it’s okay,” Anna paused to ask. “He says it’s fine, Syd. The key is hidden in a fake rock. I’m sorry, Syd.”

“I’ll be okay. I’m going to try to be okay. When you’ve hit rock bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up, right?” Sydney muttered, with just a hint of bitterness. “Have fun on your trip, An. I’ll see you soon.”

“Love you. Xoxo,” Anna replied, which is what she usually said as her goodbye. Sydney hung up and stuck her hand out, hailing a taxi. She reached Derek’s house – actually, it was more like a mansion – in a couple minutes. The key was exactly where Anna had told her it would be. She opened the door, and was welcomed by their pretty young housekeeper, Lauren.

“Hello, Miss Stone!” Lauren greeted her. “Oh, I was just doing my weekly watering of the flowers, but I could stay a bit longer.” She had seen
The Debby Show
, and knew that Sydney probably needed some comfort food or someone to talk to.

“Oh, no, Lauren, please, there is no need. I will be staying here for... a couple days. I know Derek has given you the two weeks off, so please don’t stay on my account. I’ll be okay.”

“Are you sure, Miss Stone? I don’t mind.” Lauren smiled kindly, but Sydney didn’t want anyone to see her cry. It was better to send Lauren away. “I’ll be alright. Really. Please, enjoy your days off.”

“Alright, Miss Stone. Please call me if you need me. Goodbye!” Lauren grabbed her bag, and left quickly. As the door shut behind her, Sydney began to walk. This wasn’t the first time she had been in Derek’s house, but it was the first time she had been here alone. Anna had told her that Derek collected fish, which was an interesting hobby. Sydney had always enjoyed watching fish, and was interested in seeing what kind Derek had.

Sydney walked into the living room, and was delighted to discover a tank full of fish, swimming around. This was just one of many littered around the house. This one was filled with interesting-looking purple fish, swimming around happily. Sydney smiled, momentarily forgetting about Scott, and Debby, and the show, and the proposal. This was her happy place, watching the fish swim.

Half an hour had passed before she decided to finally tear herself away. It was well into the night now, and she knew that she had to get some rest. Whether or not she would be able to sleep was another matter completely. But she still had to try.

Sydney headed to the dresser, where she picked out a loose T-shirt of Anna’s. Anna definitely wouldn’t mind if Sydney borrowed her clothes, they did it all the time. Sydney changed and collapsed onto the bed. Though her eyes remained firmly shut, she found her brain whirring. She couldn’t stop thinking. The alcohol was still in her system, and her head swam.

For no reason at all, tears started to well up in her eyes. “What the hell…” Sydney scoffed. She felt like a child, back in the arms of her mother, crying because she had just scraped her knee or received a bad mark on a test. Except now, she was alone. She cried herself to sleep that night.

***

By the time Sydney opened her eyes again, the sun had already been high in the sky for quite some time. Sydney picked up her phone from the nightstand. It was already two in the afternoon. It had been a while since she had slept in so late. Her notification icons let her know that her Love Doctor email had well over two thousand incoming unread messages.

A quick browse through the subjects of them showed that some were expressions of concern, wondering if she was doing alright. The other half was accusing her of giving them bad advice, and that if she couldn’t keep her own relationship, how dare she tell them what they should do in their life. Sydney sighed as she ran a hand through her messy hair. This wasn’t good. This wasn’t good at all.

Among the other messages were several texts and missed calls from Scott. She ignored them, of course. Her stomach growled, as she had eaten nothing but the poutine and booze the day earlier. Sydney’s head was still swimming, and she just wanted to lie in bed forever. But her stomach was killing her.

Sydney felt like a zombie as she trudged down to the kitchen. Comfort. Something sweet. She was craving chocolate, and lo and behold, there was a tub of chocolate ice cream in the freezer. “Perfect,” Sydney mumbled as she grabbed the tub and a spoon. There was about half the tub left, so Sydney didn’t even bother getting a separate bowl. She collapsed onto the sofa, and fired up Netflix. Randomly selecting a movie, Sydney began to eat. It was incredibly unhealthy, but at that moment, she really couldn’t give a damn.

Before long, all the ice cream was gone. The show was finished, and Sydney remained on the couch, not sure what to do. Her phone rang loudly, breaking the silence. It was her publisher. “Hi Daphne.”

“Hey, honey, are you okay?”

“I’m… trying very hard to be.” Sydney said honestly. Whatever she saw reminded her of Scott. Her necklace was a gift from him, her shoes they had bought together on Black Friday, her bag was a present from his mother. Everything she had was tied to him, and it was killing her.

“Alright. I’m taking care of the book-related things right now, so you just relax, okay?” Daphne was being very nice.

“How… How badly did the show affect book sales?” Sydney asked, but she didn’t really need to. She already knew that the sales were plummeting.

Daphne hesitated, which spoke volumes. “I haven’t checked the statistics yet. Don’t worry about it, honey. It’ll all be okay. You just focus on yourself. I have to run. Speak soon!” Daphne hung up, leaving Sydney once again alone with her thoughts.

“Oh, what else could go wrong…” she wailed. It was already nearing noon, and she had accomplished nothing. In this house, thanks to the ever helpful Lauren, there was no housework to be done. That was how Sydney usually distracted herself, and now that wasn’t an option. There was still much of the day left, and she needed to fill that time. “Maybe I should write a new blog post...” Sydney murmured as she trudged upstairs to use Anna’s computer. Derek loved his video games, so he knew how to buy good computers. And the one he had bought Anna was state of the art.

Sydney switched it on, and it booted up within minutes. “Impressive.” She opened a browser window to the front page of the trending news. She soon realized it was a mistake.

Plastered on the front scene was the most trending video. The title, in screaming black capital letters, read: “LOVE DOCTOR” FAILS PROPOSAL LIVE ON NATIONAL TV. Sydney gasped when she noticed the view count, and realized it was already well over one million. Over one million people had watched and probably re-watched her humiliation over and over again, and then probably shared it with family and friends.

Though she knew it was a bad idea, Sydney couldn’t resist checking the comments on the video. “Wow, I pity her.” “How did she not see it coming? Some love doctor she is.” The comments were hurtful, and rude. Sydney sighed as she closed the window. She didn’t feel like writing anymore.

A question was burning in her mind. Who
was
that girl that Scott had cheated on her with? A co-worker perhaps? Sydney quickly pulled up Scott’s online profile. She knew this was wrong, but she couldn’t stop. She just had to know. In high school, all her friends had been of the snooping kind, and they constantly ruined their relationships by unfairly accusing their partner of cheating. They had taught her all the tricks and she still remembered most of them.

“There’s no turning back now…” She clicked open the page, and instantly the browser window was filled with information about Scott. Sydney opened a different webpage that allowed her to instantly figure out who posted on his wall and who had the most interactions with him.

Instantly, the results appeared.

It was terrifying. All of a sudden, Sydney realized that several women regularly posted on his wall and she had missed it. She felt like a naïve child in her first relationship. One woman posted the most. Some… “Ivy.” Sydney briefly recalled hearing such a name. Perhaps it was mentioned in passing during a conversation.

A quick search through her online profile showed that Ivy was a “fun-loving, outdoorsy person.” She also loved cats, children, and baking. She looked like the perfect woman. Sydney’s heart ached as she happened upon a picture of the two of them that Scott had obviously hid from his profile. Ivy had her hands around his waist, and was kissing his cheek playfully. It looked like they had gone to the same high school together. She couldn’t see Ivy’s face very clearly, but she could tell that it was definitely Scott with her.

Her heart felt like it had plunged into her stomach. She felt like she was going to be sick.

It was disgusting, seeing the happy look on his face. Tears crept into Sydney’s eyes as she continued to search, even cross-searching Ivy on other websites and discovering more pictures of their time together. It soon became painfully obvious that to Scott, this wasn’t just a one-time fling. He loved Ivy.

Sydney closed the window. She could barely believe this. All this time, behind her back, he had been leading a whole different life. “Damn it Scott, you traitor,” she whimpered, pulling her legs up to her chest. She didn’t want to be angry anymore. She didn’t want to be sad. She just wanted to feel nothing at all.

Love Doctor Tip #75:
Never look at the “other woman.” It will eat you up. Just don’t.

Two days later, Sydney decided that it was time to finally read the messages Scott had left for her. She felt much stronger, though she was still a far cry from being completely fine. Since the first text, he had sent more than fifteen texts. She scanned through them slowly, taking in every word. “Where are you?” “Sydney, I’m sorry. I’m just not in love with you.” “Sydney, I’m worried about you.” “Please come home so we can talk.” “Can you please respond… Are you okay?” “I’m really sorry, Sydney, stop ignoring me…”

There was a single voicemail, which she opened. Sydney pressed her phone against her ear. “Sydney, I know you probably hate me right now,” he started.

“Then why the hell are you calling…” Sydney muttered spitefully as she waited for the recording to continue on.

“I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you’ve read my texts. I don’t know if you’re even listening to this. Please, Sydney, call me back. I’m sorry.” He sounded like he was crying. Sydney’s heart stirred as the tears also began to well in her eyes. He never cried.
Ever.

But it was obvious that his heart belonged to Ivy.

Pictures didn’t lie. People did.

Sydney locked her cell phone, mulling over the words he had spoken. Was it really that easy for her him to lie to her during their relationship? That’s what hurt her more than anything. And she wasn’t ready to forgive him just yet. Sydney thought about texting him back, to let him know that she was doing just
fine
without him. But she held it in. It would do them both no good. Sydney sighed as she threw her phone down onto the bed.

She knew that she couldn’t avoid him forever. But she also knew that the most likely possibility was that he wanted to leave her. He wasn’t the kind of man that would just leave her without saying a word. “What do I do…” Sydney said out loud. She felt like her entire brain was made up of question marks.

Sydney had to get her life sorted out before Anna and Derek came home from their honeymoon. They were newlyweds, and Sydney knew that they would want their privacy. Even though Anna would definitely insist that Sydney stay, she would feel incredibly guilty about imposing for long. So she had five days. Giving herself a deadline seemed to motivate Sydney.

She couldn’t afford to find a new place. Scott was the main breadwinner, though she still made a tidy sum from ad revenues on her site and such. But if she wanted to keep the apartment, that meant she would have to talk to Scott. Though it was inevitable, she still feared that conversation. She knew she wouldn’t be able to hold her tears back. But she hated being weak.

Sydney gritted her teeth. She couldn’t hide like a coward any longer. She dialed that familiar number, and waited for him to pick up. It only rang for half a second. “Sydney?!” Scott’s familiar voice threatened to send Sydney into tears. But she steeled her resolve. “Sydney, where are you? I’ve been so worried.”

“I’m at Anna’s,” she answered curtly. “I’m okay.”

“That’s a relief.” He sighed, before continuing. “I’m really sorry, Sydney.”

“I know. I read your texts.”

Another sigh. “We obviously need to talk. Please come home. Please.”

“Fine. I’ll be there in ten.”

She hailed a taxi, as the car was still in Scott’s possession. As they drove, she took deep breaths. “You can do this, Sydney. You’re strong.” The way home was too familiar, and memories of several nights when they had driven home after a fantastic night out came back to her. Unconsciously, tears began to roll down her cheek. She didn’t want to look like she had been crying, so she wiped her tears away the best she could. The taxicab pulled to the front of the apartment building.

“Oh, no, I look like a mess,” she groaned as she checked her face in her compact. Luckily she had not worn any makeup that day, so there were no long streaks of black running down her cheeks. But she still looked red nonetheless. She headed to the public washroom in the building.

Some splashed water and lots of deep breathing later, Sydney felt much better. Scott was expecting her, and she had to go face him. Otherwise, she would never be able to move forward. She wasn’t going to take him back. She
definitely
was not going to take him back.

Sydney muttered encouragements to herself the entire time as she headed towards her apartment. Her hands shook but she pressed on. This was a testament to her will, that she would not be knocked down. She unlocked the front door, and though she did not realize it, she held her breath as she walked inside.

Scott was sitting on their sofa, looking solemn. He looked up when he heard the door open, and caught Sydney’s eye. It was obvious he had been in tears just moments ago. He clutched at a warm cup of tea as if it was his life preserver in the icy cold sea. Sydney felt a pang of pain hit her like a ton of bricks. She exhaled loudly, then felt embarrassed for breaking the silence in such a manner.

“Hello, Sydney,” Scott greeted her formally, as if they were strangers.

“Hi.” She stepped into the room, and sat down. Though all her possessions were littered around the room, she felt like she had never been here before. It was an odd feeling, for sure.

Scott seemed like he didn’t know what to say, even though he was the person who had called her here. Sydney watched him attempt to start twice, but it seemed he could never fully find the words to say. “Sydney…” he finally muttered quietly. “Sydney, I can’t stay here.”

Sydney couldn’t find the words to say, so she opted to say nothing at all.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

The room was silent as she thought. “No, I already know,” she answered wisely. She didn’t want to hear the words come from his mouth.

“I see…” He was smart enough not to ask how. “The apartment is yours. I’ll continue to help you pay, if you’d like.” Scott knew as well as she did that she was unable to pay for it herself.

“No… I’d rather pay for it on my own.” Her pride was still important to her, and she didn’t want anything from Scott anymore. It would just make things more painful in the long run. She could take out a loan. Scott looked doubtful when she said these words, but he didn’t question it. He respected her wishes. He knew he had hurt her deeply, and he didn’t know how he could make her feel better.

“I’ll be gone by tomorrow. For now, please stay at Anna’s. And the car is yours.” He had already bought another car, without her knowledge. He had been preparing for this.

Sydney looked around the room carefully for the first time, and noticed that already, most of Scott’s possessions were gone. The little red toy truck that he had won at the traveling carnival, the stuffed animal that always held a special meaning to him… All those things had disappeared from the shelves. Two suitcases stood by the door, all ready to go. Ready for him to leave her life.

It looked like this had been a long time coming.

“How long?”

“A few months. I was going to tell you, Sydney. I just… I couldn’t find the right time.”

Sydney could feel the first prickling of tears in her eyes. “There’s never a right time for these things, Scott… I feel so stupid, getting rejected on national television. How can I continue to give other people advice when I can’t even make my own relationship work?”

“It’s not your fault, Sydney. It’s mine,” he admitted honestly.

“Then tell my readers that! Tell the
millions
who watched me find out you’re a cheater live!” she yelled, her face turning red with anger. She had spent years building up this image of herself, the perfect image. And now it was all crashing down at her feet.

“Sydney, please calm down.”

He looked so emotionless. Sydney suddenly noticed that she had stood up, and her hands were balled into fists. She relaxed them, and sat back down. Her hands continued to shake, and she laced them together, trying to keep calm. “Scott…” Her voice shook, even though she was trying to sound strong.

Scott was biting his nails, something he only did under immense stress. “I’m sorry.” She didn’t make any indication that she heard him. “I’m
sorry,
” he repeated. “I truly am. I didn’t want it to end like this.”

“Then why’d you do it?” she said with a whisper that send a chill down Scott’s spine. She stood up. There was no need to say goodbye. She closed the distance between her and freedom easily, and pulled the door open after grabbing her car keys from the key bowl. Sydney could hear him call her name softly behind her, but she didn’t look back. She wasn’t the one he wanted.

It wasn’t until she was in her car that she allowed herself to surrender to the tears.

Ask the Love Doctor #5: After the Breakup

Dear Love Doctor,

I broke up with my boyfriend of three years. I don’t know what to do! It’s been almost a month, but I’m still so in love with him. He’s all I think about, and I can’t stand seeing pictures of him with other girls on his profile. I miss him so much, and I need some help. How do I get over a breakup?

-
         
Missing Him

Dear Missing Him,

Breakups are a part of life. Odds are, you will go through a couple before finding the “one” for you. It is completely normal to still care about him, and to love him. You were together for three years after all! Many different people have different views on how long it takes to get over a significant other. For example, one week for each month you were together, until you find someone new, or just waiting until the attraction fades. I personally believe that it is half the time of the relationship, but no two people are exactly alike so it differs from couple to couple.

First things first, DELETE
him on everything. Your phone, your online profiles, etc. Seeing his pictures or following his daily life is not healthy. You need to be strong, and focus on
you.
Delete all the pictures too. Gifts are also to be packed away, and hidden, at least for a little while.

Next, find something you’ve probably been putting off or neglecting. Be it an old hobby, or a friend, reconnect with the things you had in your life before him. Distract yourself.

But most importantly:
don’t worry.
There’s always darkness before the dawn. You’ll get through this. I believe in you.

Good luck!

-
         
Love Doctor, Sydney