Love Without End (19 page)

The ride and goodbye at the airport was something similar to tears sobbed when I think of violins at weddings. Fucking violins. Worst sound EVER. I always thought I would want violins when I walked down the aisle, you know in the wedding march. But after the first miscarriage I started reading books for pleasure to take my mind to another place. Well there is this one author, and she ruined all things violins. I sobbed for days… like now in this moment, similar yet different from when Carter left Florida just three months ago. Because my hope has been restored and I don’t want to be separated from my future again.

Eventually, I pulled my shit together, Carter kissed me with a very inappropriate for public ‘See You Soon’ kiss. I linked arms with Brielle and blew Carter a kiss just as I was going through the security checkpoint. Once Brielle and Chase convinced me to grab a drink while we waited to board the flight, my sniffling subsided, my eyes stopped leaking, and I took back a shot of Fireball.

“So, this was an interesting holiday, huh guys?” I said over the glass brim of my ice water.

“You could say that,” Brie sighed.

“That’s one word for it,” Chase muttered shaking his head.

The flight isn’t but a few hours from departure to arrival, yet for some reason it feels as if time is standing still. Brie is pressed against the window – earbuds in, and dismissive of everything from the moment she sat down and now undoubtedly succumbed to sleep. Sipping on a Diet Coke compliment of the in-flight service, I finally give in and address the finger-trilling man sitting beside me.

“Chase,” I place my hand over his silencing the patterned tapping of his fingers atop the pull down tray. “Wanna talk about it?” I ask quietly removing my hand from his.

“No…” he deadpans, and then sighs, “I mean, what am I missing here, Han?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean we’ve been together almost three years, granted it’s been a little off and on here lately, but she still hasn’t told me about the hospital, she has danced around the topic every time I try to bring up asking what’s up and where we are in whatever it is we are doing. What gives?” His question comes with another sigh as he runs his hand over his face.

“Chase, I can’t tell you about the hospital, that’s all on her. I can tell you she cares for you – A LOT, but we haven’t talked much about you two lately with me being tied up at work and working on my relationship… and I guess come to think of it she’s been quiet since the trip when Carter and Braydon were down, but I don’t know.” 

“I talked to Braydon, they aren’t together, weren’t together. I still can’t believe he didn’t let me know he was in town. I get that it’s gotta suck to have the constant reminder of Keelie when he sees us, but he needs to grow up, too.” He locked the pull down tray back into place and continued, “Maybe once we get home, everything will settle and she will talk to me.”

“Whoa, wait, so Braydon and Keelie? Did he know that Keelie was your sister? Does that mean that Isaac is…?” I question my eyes wide full of confusion.

“Yep, nope but she was adopted so it’s not like it was incest or anything of the sort. They had no clue about Braydon and I being half-brothers until she brought him home over winter break the year before she passed, yep he is, and nope,” he says answer my questions and then assuming the follow up question lingering between us.

All I could manage was a shake of my head as I picture lil two year old Isaac. The remainder of the flight was quiet as we worked through our conversation and Brielle slept motionless next to me.

“That’s the last of it from in here babe,” Brielle shouts from my bedroom before rounding the corner and barely making it to the master bathroom before spewing into the dreadful porcelain throne for the umpteenth time this morning.

“Brie, are you sure you are going to be okay with Carter and I taking off today?” I ask quietly holding her hair back while rubbing her back. “We can wait a few days until you start feeling better, or until you can see Dr. Agbemaple again?” I suggest.

“Fuck that, Banana. I’ll be fine. We will call, skype, text, I promise. I’ll be okay. Besides, who else will take care of Casa de Cray?” she assures me through the toothbrush rapidly moving up and down and side to side in her mouth. “You found me the best doctors, Han. I’ll be okay. I wanna stay here.”

“Okay,” I resolve. “Come do a walk through and make sure I have everything, okay?” I grab her hand after she rinses her mouth and we make our way through my home, now her temporary home, the one we shared for nearly two years. My eyes begin to well with tears as we finish the walk through and make our way to the foyer.

“Imma miss you, sister,” she whispers in my ear hugging me tight to her.

“Not near as much as I will miss you, Brie.” I murmur back. “Forever and always my soulmate, my friend.”

“Bitch you are never getting rid of me,” she laughs through a sob.

“Don’t lose hope, Brie. Stop running from him; eventually, your legs are gonna get tired and your heart will teach you a thing or two.” I whisper giving her one last squeeze, kiss her cheek, and climb into the U-Haul in the seat next to Carter.

Carter’s fingers interlace with mine, a knowing smile graces his face as he looks at Brielle latch onto the strong arms now embracing her on the stoup. The smile so contagious it now lights up my face, I blow a kiss and wave a giant goodbye to my best friend, Brielle and her one, even if she won’t admit it.

Once buckled up and on the road, my thoughts carry me away as I gaze out the window. Almost a year ago, I was in sunny West Palm Beach, living the life I made for myself, missing a part of my heart and soul, but too proud to admit it. It was easier to run away than to accept all the hope I had put into my future was gone. Carter was always a part of my heart, even after I so brutally left him behind. As always, his unfailing faith in me brought us back together when he showed up unannounced that night at the Yacht Lot. His love for me is certainly one without end, picking up my pieces after the miscarriage last September and taking each delicate step I needed before taking me as his wife and giving us the chance at parenthood again.

Last fall and winter still seem like a whirlwind, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I have the life I once walked away from, but I can now say I appreciate it fully. A part of me hates the years we will never get back, but my heart is content with what transpired; I had so much growing up to do. Leaving my life in Florida was a lot easier than I imagined, especially since Brielle stayed back and is maintaining the property.

I miss her something fierce and every day we don’t talk, it hurts. I really hope she makes it back this weekend, but you really can’t blame the weather for delays. Sighing softly as we pull up to the red light before turning away from the city, towards the home Carter has been so diligently perfecting.

“Almost there babe,” Carter mummers and reaches across the console interlacing our fingers as we turn onto Foster Boulevard, approaching our new single story home – well, excluding his man cave occupying the full basement. The house was finished a few weeks ago to my specifications, or so I’ve been reassured for over the past few months while I was staying with my parents through the last leg of the pregnancy. If you would have told me nine months ago this was going to be my journey, I would have never believed you. Fortunately, my third trimester landed on Carter’s summer break, so between him and my parents’ being looked after was never a concern.

I gasp as we pull into the drive; our house is more breathtaking than the pictures everyone kept showing me in order to uphold their promise not to allow me to become involved for fear of putting additional stress on the baby. Staring in awe as I alternate my gaze from the wrap around porch – housing the most comfortable looking rocking chairs to the white pillars and sage green window panels. The flower boxes are displaying full bloom blue and white hydrangea, it’s almost as if I am looking at a Home and Garden Magazine.

Carter’s thumb slowly glides across my forefinger before giving me a slight squeeze; looking to him, I smile in appreciation just as our baby girl starts to wail, likely from the car no longer moving. Carter pecks my hand and hurries around the car to open my door, and lifts the car seat from the installed base, escorting us inside. The interior is just as stunning, dark cherry planks line the entry way and hallway leading to the family room, kitchen, and bedrooms.

“Carter, it’s beautiful, thank you baby,” I yawn as he guides me forward with his hand on my lower back.

“My precious Hannah, I told you not to worry. A good husband listens to his wife, even if she changes her mind a million painstaking times throughout the process…” he trails off with a chuckle.

“Hey, pregnant, hormonal, and indecisive wife,” I mutter, “not all my fault.”

“Come on, let me show you the nursery, and then you need to rest.”

Nodding, I follow him down the hall three doors on the left dons a hanging frame of heather grey material adorned with blush pink buttons of various sizes in the shape of a calligraphy ‘A’. My fingers instinctively touch the frame as tears trickle down my face before looking over my shoulder up at Carter, who is looking back to me in complete adoration.

“I knew you knew,” I sniffle, leaning against his solid, warm chest.

“We couldn’t give Alecia Noelle a proper welcome if I didn’t peek, now could we?” He implores before bringing his full lips to mine. Smiling against my mouth he continues, “But, don’t worry, we have three extra rooms, so when the time is right and you start baking a little boy in there, little Benjamin Charles will have a kickass lil guy’s room.”

“Hmm, I suppose not, and watch your language, she can hear you,” I smile and turn the brushed nickel doorknob; I step through the mini haven created for our once again crying baby girl. Taking in the slate blue walls and floor length, light blush pink and white stripped curtains as Carter unbuckles and lifts her from the carrier.

“It’s perfect, right?” he hums while cradling Alecia to sleep and watching me drag my fingers along the cherry finished crib and changing table. Just as I turn to face him, I notice a line of photo frames including a photo of us from last Thanksgiving, the stages of pregnancy photos we took to capture the process, and lastly a photo of us at the memorial site just before I was ordered to bed rest in April. Tears spring to my eyes again, meeting his gaze, before averting my eyes to our little miracle.