Love Will Find a Way (16 page)

Emily could have told him that was his own fault. Robert was doing a fair job of beating up on himself. He didn't need any help. “He wouldn't listen to you."

"I feel the need to warn him all the same.” Robert broke eggs into the bowl and stirred them with a fork. “I'd hate to see him make a mistake now that he'd regret the rest of his life."

"We all make mistakes we regret later.” Emily took cups from the rack behind the coffee maker. “The sad truth is we regret, but we seldom change. Instead we keep right on making the same old mistakes over and over again.” She thought as how her life had been a long, linear line of repeated blunders.

Robert poured the omelet into the pan. “I like to think I've changed over the past year."

"For the better, I hope.” Emily clamped down on her desire to say more. She concentrated instead on pouring the just-made coffee into two cups.

"Maybe I should say my perspective has changed."

Emily poured cream in her coffee as she cautiously asked, “How?"

Robert turned the omelet with a spatula. “The world seems different when you're on the outside looking in."

It was a cryptic answer, but Emily suspected that Robert would be glad to explain, if she asked him. She didn't. “If I could change Kevin's perspective, I would."

Robert flipped the omelet onto a plate and put bread in the toaster. “Was Kevin upset that I called you last night?"

It took a while for the question to register. “Kevin wasn't there when you called."

"You said you had dinner guests, and you sounded like you couldn't talk. I assumed it was because of Kevin.” Robert buttered toast, being careful not to look in Emily's direction.

"Dennis Morrison and his young daughters were there. I spent yesterday afternoon at the mall with Kim and Amy.” Was that only yesterday? It seemed now that she had taken the twins shopping a short eon ago.

"The handsome preacher.” Robert put omelet and toast on two plates and pushed one toward Emily. “Has he taken Thad Thackery's place?” After a quick sip of coffee, he lifted one hand. “There I go again. Sorry."

Emily tasted her omelet. It was delicious. “This is good.” She took another bite. “When did you learn to make an omelet?"

"I found the recipe on an egg carton."

They ate a silent meal. Emily wondered, as she watched Robert spread marmalade on a slice of toast, how two people who were once so close, could have drifted so far apart. Lifting her eyes from her food, she saw Robert staring at her. “I must look a mess."

"You look beautiful."

Emily opened her mouth, set to refute his words. The expression on his face stopped her. She pushed her plate back and dusted crumbs from her lap. “Thank you."

Robert turned his head to one side. “I think you've changed, too, Emily."

She wanted to ask him how. Remembrance of past rebukes stopped her. Even though she had the distinct feeling that Robert wanted to pursue the subject, self-preservation told her that would be a foolish thing to do. “I'm another year older."

"It's more than that.” Robert laid his fork across his plate. “I'm discovering depths in you that I never knew existed before. Maybe I never really knew you in the first place."

"You've known me all my life.” She could feel his need to connect, to find and anchor to those things that had once been sure and steadfast in his life. That kind of an intimate conversation would put her right back in that same old cycle of regret and rejection. Emily stacked her cup and saucer in her plate. “I really should go."

Robert was on his feet. “You have plenty of time. It's early yet."

"I'll help with the dishes first."

"I can manage the dishes. It will give me something to do. Sunday afternoons around here can be pretty dull."

Emily felt a sudden empathy with the desolation that comes from being alone on a Sunday afternoon. She had an overpowering urge to put her arms around him and comfort him, as she had when he was ten years old and mourning the loss of his runaway dog. She couldn't risk being that close to him. There were some things she could do to lift his spirits and still keep a safe distance. “I'll visit George tomorrow after work. I'll see Aunt Beth sometime this week, too."

"Aunt Beth will be happy to see you.” Robert turned away to stack dishes in the sink. “She asks about you often."

Sudden sweeping guilt overtook Emily. “I've hurt people I love. That's a terrible thing to do. That's a perfect example of failing to learn from past mistakes."

Robert came from across the little kitchenette and pulled her to her feet. “You're tired and overwrought.” Putting his arms around her, he drew her close to him. “Things will seem better after you get a little rest."

She slipped, without a second thought, into his embrace; how warm it was there, how comforting and secure. In that revealing moment, she spoke her heart. “Is there anything worse than self-deceit? For what I told myself were good reasons, I've been selfish and mean."

Robert's breath was soft on her face. “You could never be either of those things."

In the strength of his embrace, the truth spilled out, “Oh but I could and I was."

What had begun as a sympathetic gesture was moving toward an intimate encounter. To her utter dismay, Emily felt the evidence of Robert's desire press against her groin. Her first impulse was to surrender, to give herself over to the sweet ecstasy his touch promised. Then she recalled the last time that her pain and remorse had gained Robert's sympathy and then his passionate embrace. She also recalled the shattering aftermath. She pulled away, “Robert, no.” Any desire she had felt, died a swift and sudden death. Never again did she intend to be a substitute for another woman.

Robert's hands fell to his sides. “God, I am sorry.” He closed his eyes and swallowed deeply.

Emily shook her head. “It's all right. I understand.” And she did. Robert had probably been celibate for several months. That would take its toll on any virile man.

"Can you forgive me? I didn't intend my embrace to be...” He stopped, obviously at a loss for words.

"Sexual?” Emily questioned. “I'm not some innocent little girl. I understand the needs of a man who doesn't have access to a woman all the time."

Robert's guilt was immediately replaced by anger. “Not just any woman would turn me on. It wasn't that impersonal.” He rammed his hands into his pockets.

"I'm a poor substitute for the woman you really want.” Emily could have bitten her tongue, but the words were out before her mind could master the pain that ran rampant through her heart.

"Is that what you think? You couldn't be more wrong.” Robert sat on the edge of a chair. “Will you give me a chance to explain?"

He could explain until the end of time and she wouldn't be able to reconcile herself to the fact that he had left her for another woman, a woman whose loss he still mourned. “That's not necessary."

"It is if we ever hope to bridge this terrible gap between us. Please, I want to tell you."

"I don't want to hear it.” This conversation had to stop now. “It's not important anymore.” Emily picked up her handbag and started toward the door. “I'll call you after I talk to Kevin."

Robert stood and heaved a heavy sigh. “Please don't let a moment's indiscretion destroy what we've managed to salvage over the past few months."

She thought that salvage was an apt word. They had succeeded in reclaiming the dross left over from a once blazing passion. With odd detachment, she reasoned that maybe dross was better than nothing. “Old habits die hard.” Emily swung her handbag over her shoulder. “Why don't we forget that it happened?"

As she turned to go he called after her, “I won't make unwelcome advances again."

Emily nodded her head and without looking back, closed the door behind her. She hurried down the steps, taking them two at a time. Never again would she open herself up to the hurt and rejection that loving Robert Franklin could bring.

Chapter 8

The next few days passed in a flurry of activity. The paperwork to close the sale of her house was completed on Monday. That meant Emily had to take time from an already overloaded work schedule to meet with the realtor and the new owners to complete the transaction. She was hard pressed to make time to visit George, but she managed. Then she drove to the nursing home and sat for a while with Aunt Beth. She also called Kevin's office and left a message with his secretary, telling him of his grandfather's heart attack. A few hours later, Kevin called back. “Mom, would you like to go to lunch with your elder son?"

Emily asked, “Did you get my message?"

"I've already been to the hospital. Why didn't you let me know sooner?"

"I called you Saturday night,” Emily answered, “and left a message on your machine."

"I never turn that thing on over the weekends."

Emily wanted to ask why he bothered with recording messages in the first place, if he wasn't going to listen to them. Instead she asked, “How's George feeling?"

"Not too well. He's still weak and he looks terrible. Seeing him that way was quite a shock. He sends you his love.” Kevin asked again, “Can you meet me for lunch?"

Emily glanced at the calendar on her desk. “I'd love to but I have an appointment at noon to meet with a realtor to look at a house."

"You sold your house?” Kevin's surprise sounded in his voice, “Already?"

"Yes. I signed the final papers this morning."

Kevin offered, “Maybe I could drive you to your appointment with the realtor. I need to talk to you, Mom."

"I'd like that,” Emily answered. “Meet me in front of the library. Be there by twelve-thirty. I don't have a minute to spare."

"See you then.” Kevin hung up the phone.

Kevin was five minutes late. He waved as he stopped at the curb. “Sorry I wasn't on time. It's been one of those days.” Reaching across the seat, he opened the car door. “Where are we going?"

Emily got in and fastened her seat belt. “The house is in Northern Heights. It's very near the Reverend Morrison's church, just a few doors down from the parsonage."

"I know the place.” Kevin pulled away from the curb.

Emily leveled a steady gaze in her son's direction. “You sounded upset on the phone. Is something wrong?"

"I never could fool you, could I?” Kevin frowned. “Seeing Grandpa lying in that hospital bed, so weak and sick really knocked me for a loop. Until this morning I always assumed he'd live forever."

Emily put her hand on her son's arm. “He's going to be all right, Kevin."

"This time maybe, but he has a bad heart.” Kevin's jaw tightened. “How much longer before this happens again?"

"Don't borrow trouble. We can deal with that eventuality when it happens."

Kevin's hands tightened on the wheel. “You are a strong woman, Mom, but too good for your own good. Aunt Deb and Dad had no right to ask you to come to the hospital and stay up all night with them, but they did and you went."

"I volunteered to go and it wasn't for Debra and Robert. I went for Clara. She needed me.” Emily turned her eyes from her son to the rapid flow of moving traffic. “Clara has been like a second mother to me."

They rode for several minutes in silence before Emily turned to study her son's grim face. She wondered what thoughts lurked behind that bleak countenance. Had he seen Robert at the hospital? That would explain his anger. Casually she asked, “Have you talked to your dad?"

"No. I haven't talked to him, nor do I intend to."

Kevin was too old for such juvenile behavior. “Are you going to wait until your own father is lying on his death bed before you decide to make things right with him? What makes you think you'll have that last minute opportunity?"

Kevin's voice rose. “How can you defend that man after all he's done to this family?"

"I'm not defending your father, I'm stating facts. What happened between Robert and me has nothing to do with your relationship with him."

Kevin began to protest. “Yes it does—"

Emily cut him short. “No. It doesn't. What happened between Robert and me is none of your business, but just to set the record straight, the breakup of our marriage was no more his fault than it was mine. I neglected him, took him for granted. Over the years, I became cold and unresponsive to his needs. I can't blame him for seeking warmth and companionship with someone else."

"Warmth and companionship, Mom, come on. Dad had a cheap affair with another woman,” Kevin argued with a wave of his hand. “And you were a good wife to him."

Once Emily had thought that was true, now she knew better. “I wasn't a good wife. If I had been, he would never have found someone else."

Kevin frowned briefly in her direction. “I can't believe you're defending him."

"I'm trying to put what happened into some perspective. And that's what you have to do. Regardless of what you think he's done. Robert is the only father you will ever have."

"You really mean that, don't you?” Kevin glanced briefly in her direction before shifting his eyes back to the road.

"Every word,” Emily declared.

"But, Mom,” Kevin argued with all the righteous fervor of injured youth, “He slept with another woman while he was still married to you."

Emily put her arm on the back of the seat and leaned toward her son. “That's about the most devastating thing that can happen to a woman. But I refuse to let what happened in the past rob me of my future or you of your father."

"Don't you feel some urge to make him pay for what he did to you?"

Maybe she had once. Those feelings were gone now, well almost gone, anyway. “I'm going to say this once. After that, this is a closed issue. Your father and I both made mistakes, but what happened is between the two of us. If we can settle our differences and we have, that's all that counts. Butt out, Kevin and get on with your own life."

Kevin snorted, “You think I'm being childish don't you?"

"Childish and a little overbearing.” She was being a little harsh, but she needed to get her point across. “You're a man. Start acting like one."

Belligerence tightened Kevin's features. “I'm not going to run to my old man and try to make things right between us."