Love Will (25 page)

“You’re it,” she says. I place my hands on her cheeks and kiss her again, pushing my body flush against hers and grinding against her slowly. She whimpers a little. I do it one more time, bending lower at the knees, and this time, when I rise to my full height, I pick her up and wrap her legs around me.

Kissing the whole way, I walk across her apartment to the wall I’d scouted out and set her back down on the floor. I put my hand up her skirt and feel the lightweight, satin panties she’s wearing. The urge to rip them off is almost too much for me. I grip them tightly in my hand, and Shea breathes heavily in my ear as I kiss her neck.

This
beautiful and romantic
shit is making me think too much, when I shouldn’t be thinking at all.
That’s
what’s really beautiful about wall sex. You just don’t fucking think about it. You just
act
. That’s becoming a problem here.

I release the panties but leave my hand under her skirt, touching her gently between her legs and trying to be romantic again. She starts pulling my hair.

Yes
.
Do that, Shea
.

She brings one of her legs up around my waist, as if
she’s
trying to mount
me
.

And
that
. That’s not romantic, but it’s not my fault. The smile I try to hold in escapes to my face, because
my
kind of wall sex is starting to win.
Take that, McAvoy
.

I hold her leg in place for her with one hand and take her other hand in mine, pinning it against the wall above her hand. I kiss her hard and press against her even harder, wanting her to feel how turned on I am.

With her other free hand, she finally makes the move. It’s the one that gives me permission to give up on my attempts to live up to the stupid movie’s false ideas. She’s fighting with the button and zipper on my jeans until she frees her other hand to help.

See, beautiful and romantic is really a contradiction of what typical wall sex is. It’s ugly and uncensored
. “I can’t do this,” I tell her, giving up. “We’re doing this my way, yeah?”

“Yeah,” she says hurriedly, pulling down my jeans. I reach onto the desk where I’d placed a condom and rip open the packaging. She’s got my boxers off by the time I’m ready, and takes the prophylactic from me. As she puts it on, I make quick work of getting her panties out of the way. I help her step out of them and then bend to get beneath her, standing to push into her slowly, and then picking her up along the way. My hands under her ass, she clings to me tightly with all four of her limbs and sucks on my ear. Hearing her quickened breathing so close, so loud, is such a fucking turn on.

Even though I’ve done this hundreds of times, and expected this to feel somewhat methodical and flat, it’s nothing like that with Shea. I’m normally in it for the quick release, and know how to make it happen, but with her, I listen for the subtle changes in her breaths, her sighs, the different ways she says my name, and I adjust my actions accordingly to try to make this about her, too. After all, she asked for this. I’d hate for it to disappoint her.

While most of the women I’ve been with go through the motions and act like it’s good for them, statistically speaking, it just
can’t
be for all of them in the brief amount of time it takes me to finish. And I haven’t always cared to ensure their satisfaction.

So as urgent as it was to get undressed, to connect with her, I’ve slowed down, and somehow, without me even realizing it, this turned kind of
romantic
. I stop kissing her neck and pull my head back so I can look directly into her eyes. She stares back into mine, and this strange warmth clutches me from the inside and takes hold, tightening in my chest but settling somewhere in my stomach. It’s the most comforting feeling I’ve ever experienced, and it stays with me as I make love to her–
beautifully, romantically
–here against the wall of her apartment.

With our eyes locked, it’s as if we can read one another’s building climax, and I feel an explosion within me as her whole body clenches around mine. We cry out each other’s names as if it’s a chorus in a duet. It’s the prettiest music I’ve ever made.

I carry her back over to the couch, and we lay together until I only have five minutes to get to the bus. It’s not even enough time to say goodbye, but that’s kind of by design. I don’t want to say goodbye to her.

I hurry and put on my clothes, hoping I can take a quick shower as soon as we get on the road. I’m still sweating and I’m sure I smell like sex. It’s a smell I’m going to miss for awhile, I guess.

“You can go out the back,” she says. “The restaurant’s open.”

“Okay. I need your number.” I hand her my phone.

“Just remember, I don’t make a practice out of dating musicians, Will,” she says, teasing me as she types in her digits.

“Yeah, and I don’t make a practice out of sleeping with cute diner owners, either, Shea.” When she hands me my phone, I quickly dial her number and hear the phone ring on her desk. “That’s me.”

“I’m not really a diner owner anymore…” She walks me through her apartment and to the back door of the building.

“And I’m not a musician.” I lean down to kiss her. “I’ll see you soon, Shea.” I nod my head, trying to assure her that I will.

“Shea!” a man’s voice calls out to her, startling us both. “What was all that banging?”

I look down at her. “He owns the vitamin shop next door,” she whispers to me, looking down at the ground. She points to the building to the left of hers–the one that shares a wall with the one we just had beautiful, romantic sex against.

“Oh, shit,” I laugh quietly. “I was helping her move furniture,” I say loudly to the man.

“How many times did you move it?” he asks. I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say. I think the man knows the truth, and he turns around to go back into his store.

Shea’s giggling, but then hits me in the chest. “See? Physicists
do
lie.”

I wrap my arms around her tightly, giving her one last kiss before leaving her. “To keep their lovers from having to?” I slowly start to step away, however unnatural it feels to do so. "Yeah, they do.”

When I reach the corner, I prop up my bag and try to be nonchalant about taking one final look at her. She’s wiping tears from her eyes, something I
didn’t
expect to see. I stop walking and turn to face her.

“Go!” she says, shooing me away with her arms. “You’re already late!”

That compressed feeling in my chest is back. I’ve felt the feeling once before in my life. I clench my fist at my side, confused, afraid, but in a way relieved to know that I’m not dead inside. Staring at Shea’s sad eyes and feeling a lump grow in my throat, I pull my clenched hand up, pausing briefly over my heart before bringing it to my lips and kissing it, opening it with my palm up and holding it out toward her. I doubt she understands the significance of this moment, but I do, walking away quickly and failing to catch the two drops that escape from my own eyes.

“Fucking pussy,” I mumble, picking up the pace to a jog and swiping at my face with the sleeves of my shirt.

The bus engine is running smoothly by the time I make it there, and Damon’s holding the door open for me. “Where’s your head?” he asks.

“Right here,” I say as I climb the steps and avoid his stare.

“Feeling inspired?” He shuts the door behind him, and Ben puts the bus in gear, starting our journey with a jolt. I hold on to the couch, the nearest piece of furniture I can find.

“Bored with your songs?” I laugh at him, trying to deflect his attention from me.

“Just trying to see where you’re at, that’s all.”

I kick off my shoes, making myself comfortable. “Anyone mind if I shower?”

“Fine by me,” Peron says from his bunk.

“Mmmm,” Tavo grunts as he sits two feet in front of the TV.

When Damon doesn’t answer, I look up at him for a response. It looks as if
he’s
still waiting on something from
me
. “I’m good, man. I’m here and committed and ready to go.”

“All right…”

“Is it okay if I take a shower now?” I’m only asking him this time.

“If you really trust Ben’s driving.” I hadn’t really considered that, but I decide to take my chances. I shut myself inside the tiny stall and start the water, getting under the stream as soon as I’m undressed, even though it’s not as hot as I’d like it to be. Water’s not something we waste on the bus.

I have to hold on to the handicap bar the entire time since Ben’s driving is a little erratic, and washing myself and my hair with one hand isn’t the easiest thing, but at least I feel clean by the time I’m done. I was sad when I’d first stepped out of the shower, realizing I’d washed off her scent, but I can still smell her sweet perfume or soap or shampoo on the shirt I’d been wearing when I slide it back on. The aroma’s strong around the lapels. I bet it was lotion, because she’d grabbed my shirt there before we made love this morning. I inhale deeply, wondering how long the scent will remain on it.

“Will, I gotta take a shit,” Tavo says, pounding on the door.

Welcome back to reality, Will
. “Oh, how I’ve missed you, Tav,” I say, squeezing past him, my hair dripping down my neck. I get a chill when I leave the warmth of the steamy bathroom. After unzipping my duffel, I’m greeted with a rather large, plastic container that wasn’t in there last night, or even this morning when I’d packed my things up before my shower. Inside are three insanely large slices of chocolate cake with strawberry icing. A few chocolate-covered strawberries take up any space left over.

Yeah, we never
did
go back for cake last night. This looks like the perfect breakfast. I abandon my bag and take the container to the kitchen, looking in the fridge before grabbing a fork and sitting down at the small table.

“No milk?” I ask Peron and Damon. They both glare at me. “What?”

“When were we supposed to do
your
grocery shopping?” Damon asks.

“Shit, I was just asking… I’m not the only one that drinks milk.”

“Yes, you are.”

“You guys eat cereal. Don’t tell me you don’t. I’ve washed nasty, two-day-old spoiled milk from the fucking bowls in the sink on many occasions. I
bought
Peron milk the other day.” I take a bite of the cake, the morsel nearly melting in my mouth. I’m pretty sure there are actual chocolate chunks in the cake part. “Jesus Christ, that’s good.” I’m not even sure who I’m talking to. I consider eating it slowly, delighting in every bite, but it’s too good to not devour it, so for this piece, I do. I can try to savor the other two.

And as for the strawberries, I just eat them all. They’re so plump and juicy, the chocolate bittersweet, a perfect compliment to the fruit. I finally look up from the feast and see my bandmates staring at me.

“What was that?” Peron asks.

“Cake and chocolate-covered strawberries.”

The look on his face is what I imagine Oliver Twist looked like when he went to ask for ‘some more.’ “Where’d you get it?” he asks.

“I found it in my bag. Finders.
Keepers
.” I put the lid on the container and take it with me to my bunk, setting it in the corner and away from the sunlight. Feeling the tension, I go back into the kitchen. “Do we need to clear the air, or what?”

“Yes!” Ben yells from the driver’s seat.

“Is it
me
?” I ask.

“Yes!” he hollers again.

“Do you need to be involved in this?”

“Nope! Just work it out,” he says.

“Damon, come on. What gives?”

“I just feel like you ditched us for days.”

I glance over to Peron, and he nods his head. “And I feel like you sort of skipped out on your whole
New Will
plan, too.”

“Fuck that, Peron. You don’t know what you’re talking about.” He scoffs at me. “Guys, I had cabin fever, okay? No, it was worse than that. It felt…
claustrophobic
. Nothing against you guys, it was just the situation. Well, Peron, I was tired of your prohibition on anything positive, so maybe I’ll blame you a little. And then Tavo and his poor hygiene.

“But, Damon, you know I can live with you in the worst of circumstances. Finals in that shit-heap apartment my last year of college? You’re never the problem.”

He smiles a little.

“It just started out as an escape. I’d needed a few hours away. I didn’t expect to meet someone, but from the second that I did, I kind of knew I needed as much time with her as I could get.

“I’m not going to apologize for it, though. I was still doing band stuff. I’ve been writing. What have
you
guys been doing?”