Love vs. Payne (18 page)

Victor wasn't sure how he felt, half of him never wanted to see his daughter again while the other half wanted her home. He had come to resent his daughter, it was her eyes, they were identical to her mothers, and every time he looked into them, his grief was rekindled. He had prayed it would eventually fade, that he would be able to look his daughter and see her, not the woman he missed. He had not handled his grief well at all, he wanted absolutely no reminders of his wife, he did not want to face the reality of his loss. He had thrown away everything she had every touched or loved, especially her perfect baby daughter Gia. Gia was the very reason they had grown apart before her death and the reason for their serious argument before his wife had left home on that fatal day.

***

Maddox had spent the past 3 months in a sexually enhanced, drug-induced funk. He found himself in Amsterdam's red light district, on a personal mission to take sex to the lowest level of depravity he could accomplish. After successfully accomplishing his mission, he felt a level of disgust with his self that was as overpowering as it was irreparable.

He hated sex now, but he needed it.

He had originally set out on this mission to completely abandon all thoughts of sex, women and love. He was determined to force his body to live without sex, but by the fifth day, he had lost his mind as well as his will. He had been like an addict, feigning for his drug of choice and ready to fuck anything that moved. He knew that his rampant libido was his downfall, so he decided if he could not cure his broken heart with abstinence, then he would mend it with an overindulgence that would inevitably sicken him.

Maddox needed to make those magical moments that he had spent with Gia, disappear. His memories were slowly destroying him, he could not even have sex let alone breathe without thinking about her. Every waking moment brought him a slew of memories that viciously attacked his heart and illuminated his loss. He was haunted by her image and tormented by his love for her.

His only hope for survival was to make sex as nasty, dirty and rotten as he could in hopes to forget the magical love he had made with her. He gave it his best shot, doing unholy things with beautiful women who would do anything for the right price. Needless to say he had been spending money like it was water, but he still felt empty.

When he woke up in a bed with four different women, and remembered the horrible things he had done to them the night before, he knew it was too much. Not only had he gone too far now but it was still not working, he was still fixated on Gia. He had gotten up and got dressed, disgusted that the women were still eager for more of the money he was throwing around despite the hideous things he had done.

He had to get the hell out of there, if he had learned anything, he learned that he could not escape Gia, he was cursed with her very spirit trapped inside of his mind. Realistically he had to have sex, but he found that he could not taint the image or the act. He decided to treat sex as nothing more than a function to nourish his body, with no more emotion then he used to eat food. He would make sure that sex become a duty for him and not a pleasure.

He had never felt as cold or distant from the human race as he did right now and he refused to let himself feel this way ever again. Love was a big risk that he no longer wanted to take. He had tried it, but all love had done for him was implant it’s self into his heart then drain all the necessary components from his body to successfully annihilate his soul.

No, he would
never
expose himself to such extreme torture again.

After three months of self-induced hell, he realized that his father had been right all along, working towards success could mend any character flaws. So after his short absence from reality, Maddox was going back home to restart his life.

***

Gia’s father had sent her to live with her frugal aunt Lenore. The woman was a tyrant who lived by her own version of the bible, held a penny in the same light as a fifty-dollar bill and barked out orders like a drill instructor. Dear Aunt Lenore also had a mini, puffball, pit bull disguised as a Pomeranian named Noah, who was a barking extension of her aunt's hatred for her.

Her aunt nursed a deep contempt for her own brother, for reasons Gia still did not understand. She knew part of it had to be because their personalities were too similar to mesh well. Her aunt was nothing more than the female version of her stubborn father, with the same unrealistic ideals, phobias and obsessions. Gia had spent her entire life in servitude to please her father and now he had banished her to live with his feminine counterpart. The irony of the situation as not lost on Gia.

Gia was at her aunt’s disposal, she spent her days cleaning, cooking and taking care of the yard. Lenore was obsessive when it came to cleanliness and went through her house with a fine toothcomb, searching for any form of dirt. Gia did not mind the hard work, it actually helped distract her from dwelling on her mistakes. She needed the distraction, hell, she needed something, she had never felt so alone in her life. It did not help that she could not even contact her best friends, the only two people in the world that she knew cared about her. Her aunt believed that having a computer or a phone was unnecessary spending when there was no one she cared enough to waste money to communicate with.

***

Maddox’s family was busy searching for him, offering rewards for any information and staying in contact with the police department. Just when they had reached their wits end and were beginning to worry something bad might have happened to him, Maddox casually strolled through the front door.

His family stood there in shock as he nodded, then headed straight up to his room as if nothing had happened. Xavier was the only one who ran after him, as the rest of them remained in their temporary stupor. 

“Where were you?” Xavier asked his son.

“The same place I’ll be going back to if you ask me that question again.” Maddox responded as he turned to look into his father’s eyes. 

Xavier was no dummy, he was angry about what his son had done but he was more scared that he would disappear again. Xavier never wanted to experience that fear again, it had been torture on his whole family, his sons were angry and his wife blamed him. Beatrix was frantic and had even threatened him with divorce if he didn‘t find their son. Xavier loved his wife more then he loved himself and refused to put her through this pain again.

“You’d leave again?” Xavier was not sure how to respond to the threat, but he was not willing to push his son too far.

“Yes, considering I’m not thrilled with my decision to come back.”

“You don’t feel you owe us an explanation? What about your mother, you don’t owe her a reason? She has been out of her mind with worry.”

“I don’t owe
you
anything, I’ve given you enough.” Maddox’s words were cold.

“If this is about the Love girl-”

“Don’t ever mention her name again.” Maddox said and Xavier saw a concentrated form of rage boiling in his son’s eyes.

“Maddox-”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a few things to take care of.” Maddox dismissed his father.

Although Xavier felt his own temper begin to peak, he refused to argue with Maddox, he would not risk losing his son again. He was home and he was safe, that was all that mattered to Xavier now. Xavier nodded curtly then left his son’s room, walking to the lobby to greet his family with a heavy heart.

“What did he say?” Beatrix cried.

“He won’t talk.” Xavier answered.

“What do you mean he won’t talk?” Dexter barked then headed towards the stairs.

“Dexter, no!” Xavier objected but Dexter was never one to follow orders.

“Careful brother.” Axton said as he watched his brother climb the stairs.

Dexter did not bother knocking on Maddox’s door before he let himself in.

“I don’t owe you an explanation, Dexter.” Maddox said defensively.

“I don’t care where you’ve been or what you’ve done, but you will explain to me why you didn’t bother to let us know you were alright?”

“I don’t owe you shit!”

“You owe me
and
Axton! We had your back, brother, you should have had ours.” he roared.

“This wasn’t about either of you.”

“Even more reason for you to call.” Dexter said and Maddox watched his brother’s anger disappear, “Pricilla and Arthur were killed in a car accident.” he said bluntly.

“What?” Maddox’s eyes widened, as the news knocked the wind out of him.

“I thought you might want to know what you’ve missed in your absence.”

“But-” Maddox was speechless as he slumped on his bed.

“Tempest is in a coma, maybe you should go visit her before it’s too late.” Dexter finished as he headed out the door.

***

It was becoming too much for Gia to bear, her spirit had evaporated and her heart was beginning to die. She wanted to give up. She spent her days cleaning, scrubbing various floors with a toothbrush and feeling herself waste away. She spent her nights torn between crying and fits of self-hatred, she found it was hard to sleep when her mind was consumed with regret.

She had actually been at a point where she did not think she could survive, she hated herself for letting Maddox go and turning her back on him. She was also beginning to hate her father for forcing this war in her life. Gia was still deeply in love, regardless of it all, and she had come to the point where she did not want to live without Maddox anymore. Now somehow, it had escalated to her not wanting to live, she was beginning to feel like it would just be easier to give up.

She was falling head first into a deep depression, her mind was not hers and her thoughts had turned sour. She did not want death per se, but there seemed to be no other alternative, life was becoming unbearable and overrated. The thought of death was becoming dreamy and she was having elaborate fantasies about her own demise. She knew in her heart that death was the only way the two of them could together forever. She would embrace him in the afterlife since she was no longer allowed to embrace him in this life. She hoped that with her death, Maddox would be able to forgive her and find his own peace.