Love Unscripted (89 page)

Date? How about your “one and only” girlfriend is still recuperating from her near-death experience?
I grunted in anger. There was no private gesture to acknowledge he was thinking of me. I was still a secret he would never admit to out loud.

Several days later, we had another argument.

“
Honey, why are there pictures of you hugging and holding Lauren’s hand on the Internet?” I asked gently.

Ryan huffed in my ear.

“
Taryn, you fucking promised me,” he growled angrily.

“
It’s a simple question, Ryan.
I don’t hold Pete’s hand or Gary’s hand – ever. I just want to know why you felt the need to tow her along through some Oscar after party.”

“
She was drunk. I didn’t want her to make an ass out of herself while she was out in public,” Ryan defensively answered.

Flashbacks of me asking Thomas similar questions coated my thoughts. Thomas always had a valid excuse too:

“
Her car broke down and I couldn’t just leave her stranded so I gave her a ride home and then we just got to talking...”

“
She was a girl I knew from school. She is going through some rough times right now.”

“
I had to do an estimate at someone’s house. So what that I’m a couple hours late. Do I have to check in with you every ten minutes?”

I sighed loudly. “I thought Lauren has a boyfriend? Why wasn’t he tending to her?” I asked.

“
Because he’s on location in New Zealand, Taryn,” Ryan returned sharply. “Her
boyfriend
, Lucas Banks, is also filming.”
His tone made me feel like an idiot, like I should’ve known that.

“
I’m sorry,” I apologized instinctively. My old habits of being insecure kept resurfacing. Thomas always had a knack of turning each argument around, blaming my lack of trust and neurosis for being the cause of our fights.

“
I just wanted to know what the circumstances were, that’s all,” I conceded.

“
You have no reason to be suspicious, Honey. It’s just like the pictures of you holding onto Cory out on the icy sidewalk. I recall seeing
your
hand in
his
in those pictures. Just remember how quickly an innocent gesture gets taken out of context.”

“
You’re right, but…” I whispered. “I just don’t want you to give Lauren the wrong impression either, Ryan.”

“
Are you going to be like this forever, Tar? Accusing me whenever I touch another human being?” Ryan snarled.

“
No. But I will be like this when you’re holding hands with someone you’ve already had sex with!”

I tried to maintain my temper, and although I was unsure if he had sex with Lauren or not when they supposedly dated, the fact that he didn’t try to deny it was confirmation enough.

“
And I know you well enough to know that if you saw pictures of
me
holding hands with some ex-boyfriend that I…” I took a breath, pausing to check the direction of my accusations. “With someone you didn’t know or trust, smiling and canoodling around some over the top party with him, you’d flip out on me,” I groaned.

“
Yeah, you’re right. I would,” Ryan willingly admitted.

“
And why would
you
have that reaction, Ryan? Would it be because
you
don’t trust
me
or because you don’t want the entire world to have that impression of our relationship?”

“
I trust you,” he whispered.

“
It’s embarrassing and disheartening, seeing your boyfriend being affectionate with his ex-girlfriend off set,” I said softly. “When you’re filming, it’s another thing…”

“
If you would have just come out to L.A. like I asked you to we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I was afraid of this… afraid of what the distance would truly do to us,” Ryan uttered into the phone.

“
Ryan, it’s not the distance! I know you and Lauren hooked up last year and you dated her. She’s familiar territory. I’m like this because I’m in love with you and I don’t want to lose you to someone else.” The thought of him slipping out of my hands and into Lauren’s stabbed me in the heart.

“
I figured you knew. No wonder…” he sighed. “I guess I messed up again. I should have told you.”

“
Well, put it this way, you just confirmed what I thought I knew,” I whispered. “I wish you would’ve just been honest about what happened between you two. I’m just left here to speculate.”

“
What do you want to know?” he scoffed. “I’m sorry. We should’ve talked about this, but I didn’t think it was a big deal, so either you trust me or you don’t.”

“
Ryan, I trust you!”
I said, hoping he’d believe me. “But how could you think it wasn’t a big deal for me when you know you’re working on a romantic movie with some actress you screwed before? You never even told me about her,” I reminded him.

He tried to interrupt but I spoke over him. I needed to get this all off my chest
.

“
You have to realize, all of these little, undisclosed secrets are what tears trust apart! Give me reasons to trust you, not reasons to distrust you, Ryan.”

“
Taryn, I said I’m sorry. I should’ve been honest about it, but I was afraid you would be angry and I didn’t want to fight about it, so I didn’t say anything. Now I’ve just made it worse.”

I didn’t want to push the issue any further. I hoped he got my point about honesty.

“
Do you love me?” I asked.

Ryan sighed. “With all my heart.”

“
Then I trust you,” I vowed.

“
Do you really?” he questioned harshly. “Then can you explain to me why Kyle is in Miami?”

I was momentarily stunned from hearing Kyle’s name come out of his mouth again.

“
What do you mean Kyle is in Miami?” I retorted. “When did you see him?”

“
He was on location with us this morning, Tar,” Ryan growled. “Why is he here?”

“
I have no idea why he’s there,” I defended, trying to decipher Ryan’s line of questioning.

“
You better not be lying to me, Taryn!” he stated forcefully.

“
Ryan, I swear – I’m not lying! I have no idea why he’s there.”

“
When was the last time you saw him?” he asked.

I thought about it for a moment. “When he came to give me that mace and stuff a week ago, and I told you about that. I’ve told you every time he’s ever come around here.
I’m
not the one keeping secrets.”

“
Swear to me that you didn’t know about him coming down here,” Ryan breathed desperately.

“
Ryan, I swear on my life that I have no idea why he is there.”

“
He irks the shit out of me. I don’t know why he’s here, but I’m going to find out,” he said authoritatively.

There was a long pause until Ryan broke the silence.

“
Taryn, I don’t want to fight with you. I am just frustrated about…” It was silent again and I didn’t know if I should say anything or let him talk.

A million thoughts rushed through my mind.
He is frustrated with me and my insecurities. He is frustrated that I didn’t come to the Oscars. He is frustrated that I lost his unborn baby.

I mindlessly let the next thought slip out of my mouth to kill the silence.

“
You’re frustrated with me,” I stated it, not questioned.

“
I’m frustrated with
everything
, Taryn.”

One single tear dripped down my cheek.

The next week seemed to move along quicker. I was starting to feel better physically and spending more time downstairs in the pub was better for me mentally. I didn’t realize just how much interacting with people was good for my spirit.

My regular customers were glad to see me again and although many were concerned, some couldn’t help but make a few jokes about the accident. I still wore my obnoxious blue cast as a constant reminder.

“
Taryn! What are you doing?” Marie yelled at me.

“
Just filling the coolers,” I muttered.

“
You’re not supposed to be lifting and bending like that! Get away from there!” Marie tugged on my arm. “Go, sit. Take it easy. I don’t want you getting hurt before your trip.”

There was no arguing with Marie about the amount of physical labor that I tried to exert, but what she didn’t realize was how good it felt for me to move and stretch again.

“
Is it okay if I tap a beer?” I kidded with her.

“
Fine, but no lifting heavy beer cases.” She shook her finger at me.

I was feeling very apprehensive about my upcoming trip to Florida. Ryan was acting… weird, skittish. Since he was always working, our phone conversations had to be coordinated, but lately Ryan was over-the-top with arranging times when it was safe to talk.

Safe
… he uttered that word during one of our conversations. Why all of a sudden is he worried about being
safe
when he talks to me? Was it because Lauren was constantly around him, even when he had spare moments of downtime when he wasn’t filming?

Ryan informed me of Kyle’s annoying presence, almost accusing me of being responsible for Kyle being there on occasion. Kyle had managed to spend a few days making his presence known on some of the filming locations… that was until Ryan put an end to it.

Ryan told me that he spoke to the head of Kyle’s company directly and informed him that he wanted Kyle removed from the set immediately. Ryan wouldn’t tell me what happened, but something definitely went down between the two of them because Ryan was furious.

Kyle was to be informed immediately to refrain from contacting me or attempting to see me in any way, shape, or form… permanently. I was sure that Ryan used his “no bullshit” tone with Kyle’s boss.

I wished there was someone I could call to keep Lauren’s lips off of Ryan; someone to order her to stay away from him. I would have loved to use my authority to issue a “cease and desist” order on her.

I tried to constantly remind myself that Ryan was making a movie, that his kissing Lauren was no different from him kissing Suzanne. Sometimes I tried to swap out Lauren’s head with Suzanne’s just to keep my jealousy at bay, but since I had never met Lauren, it was difficult. I didn’t know her and therefore I didn’t trust her.

Ryan constantly assured me that he loved me, but I couldn’t help to think of my failed engagement and all the times Thomas “assured” me when he covered his infidelities. Some experiences were difficult to shake.

It didn’t help that Ryan’s demeanor towards me had been different these last few days. He was nervous and weirdly excited that I was coming to Miami. Flight times, arrival times, departure times, all carefully orchestrated.

My friends were behaving differently as well… smiling at me awkwardly all the time, like they knew something I didn’t. It sort of reminded me of the ambiguous looks they used to give me when they thought I was too stupid to realize Thomas was cheating on me.

The day finally arrived that I departed for Florida. This time I was going to make it there safely; Ryan was making sure of that. He hired a driver to get me to the airport and Jamaal, my new bodyguard – who was the size of an NFL linebacker - accompanied me the entire way. I felt better knowing that Ryan wanted me to arrive unscathed, especially since Angelica was still on the loose.

“
I thought Florida is supposed to be sunny and warm?” I said to my driver, trying to break the silence. I glowered at the dismal gray skies that darkened the afternoon. The heavy rain was making trails down my window, obscuring my view of the landscape.

“
It is, madam,” my driver stated with a thick Jamaican accent. “But not today!” He laughed.

“
I feel like I should ask for a refund! All this false advertising!” I laughed at my own joke, sensing that he either didn’t hear me or he didn’t understand.

Downtown Miami was still teeming with life despite the dubious weather. I tried to pay attention to where we were driving while my fingers tapped along with the rhythmic sound of the windshield wipers.

I noticed the marquee on the Regency Hotel as we slowed. It was a relief to know that I finally made it and only a few more minutes separated me from being reunited with my love.

I couldn’t wait to wrap my arms around him and put an end to all my worries.

The steel garage door sealed tightly behind my car, shutting out the prying eyes and photographers that surrounded the hotel.

It was difficult not to feel like royalty when I had a hulking bodyguard holding out his hand for me to exit the limousine, my driver was handling my luggage, and hotel security was waiting for my arrival at the private entrance.

Butterflies coated my stomach while I slid the keycard into the lock of Ryan’s private suite.