Love Unscripted (21 page)

It didn’t take Ryan long to see the confusion on my face.

“
He’s another actor I met when we started filming. Did you ever see
Watchtower
?”

“
No,” I said sheepishly, slightly embarrassed that I had never seen
any
of his movies.

He gave me a disapproving look. “Well, you didn’t miss much. I died a horrible death in battle. Then I did this timeless piece.” He put the DVD back on the shelf.

“
While my scenes were being edited down to just about nothing, I started the first
Seaside
. I just wrapped on a film called
Reparation
a few weeks ago. Did you hear of that one yet?” he asked teasingly.

I felt guilty – that surely meant I must have
looked
guilty too. “I’ve heard of
Watchtower
and
Seaside
- does that count?”

“
I may have to deduct a few points,” he informed.

Ryan resumed perusing my music selection, occasionally slipping out a CD to look at it.

“
I wanted to buy this one,” he said, holding a jewel case up for me to see.

“
You can borrow it if you’d like. I have it on my iPod.”

“
Can I borrow this one too… and this one?” He started to make a pile in his hand.

I smiled and nodded at his choices, pleasantly surprised that we had the same taste in music.

“
Cool… some new music for
my
iPhone.” He grinned. “Wait, the CD is missing from this case.”

“
That one is in the player.” I pointed to the shelf. “Take it out.”

He nestled back into the couch and shoved eight of my CDs into his bag. Happiness fluttered inside me knowing he had a reason to come back.

He spent the next few minutes looking at me, then back at the TV, then back at me again – smiling the entire time. I wished I knew what
he
was thinking. He leaned over and grabbed the pillow, tucking it next to his leg.

“
Why don’t you lie down for a while? You should rest.”

I was tired and lying down sounded like a good idea. I grabbed the blanket, pulled it up over my shoulder, and stretched my legs out on the couch. Now that the urge to throw up was gone, it felt good to relax. Ryan rested his arm on top of mine.

We were watching some program about ghosts, but I could tell that Ryan was looking mostly at me. He curled his hand and softly brushed my cheek. It seemed that he was almost frightened to touch me; his hand seemed so hesitant. I didn’t know if he was testing himself or me.

I could feel his confidence grow as he ran his fingers through my hair. We were definitely becoming more than friends. I was so relaxed by his touch that it was hard to keep my eyes open.

Ryan’s voice pulled me from the haze. He called someone to get a ride to the hotel. I wondered why he just didn’t walk.

“
I’m gonna get going. I have to work tomorrow and so do you.” He gathered his things and I walked him down to the back door.

“
Thanks for taking me fishing. I had a great time.”

“
Me too.”

“
I’ll call you tomorrow.” He wrapped his arms around my shoulders and pulled me in for a nice hug. His hand held my face as he quickly kissed my cheek. He didn’t linger. I was surprised that he didn’t try to kiss me. It appeared that he was conflicted. I could relate… the line between just friends and something more was definitely blurred today.

“
See you.” I waved as he hopped into the waiting car.

That night I had the most beautiful dreams.

“
Are you feeling better today?” Marie asked when she came in at four p.m. to start her shift behind the bar, her eyes assessed my appearance.

“
Yes, much,” I replied. “I think I got food poisoning from the lobster. Either that or it was the bagged salad.”

“
Did Ryan get sick too?” she wondered aloud.

“
Yeah, we both were really sick, but he seemed to get over it quicker. I stopped for pizza on the way back from the cabin but after I ate a slice it just sat in my stomach like a brick. I’m sorry for last night… I didn’t want them to cancel poker on my account.”

“
Don’t apologize! You were sick. It happens. Besides, Gary and I had an awesome good time anyway, if ya know what I mean.” She winked at me and held up three fingers.

“
Three?” I gasped in amazement. “You or him?”

“
Me, of course!” She smiled and bobbed her head.

“
That accomplishment deserves a high-five!” I reached over to slap my hand into hers.

“
So did you rack up any numbers yourself this weekend… all alone in the forest with Prince Charming?”

“
No.” I shook my head. “It’s not like that. We just took the boat out on the lake.”

“
When are you going to see him again? I presume you
are
going to see him again?” she prodded.

“
I don’t know. He’s working. I’m working. I guess I’ll see him Sunday.” I shrugged and continued to hustle behind the bar. “We didn’t make any plans. Besides, he won’t be sticking around here anyway. A couple of more weeks and he’ll be gone.”

Thoughts of him leaving surged through my brain like wildfire and burned all the way down my throat and into my heart. This friendship with him, these feelings growing inside of me for him, in reality all had an expiration date looming.

Even though I was mostly trying to enjoy the moment, the knowledge that the moments wouldn’t last forever was still overshadowing everything else.

I went about my day, but my heart felt like it was burning.

I had taken care of business – Tammy and I spoke and we finalized the dinner menu for Sunday.

I placed an advertisement in the local newspaper for a part-time weekend bartender and hung a ‘Help Wanted’ sign that I made on my computer in the front window.

“
Marie, I’m going to hire a part-time bartender,” I said as I taped the sign on the glass. “I think we could use an extra set of hands on Fridays and Saturdays. It’s getting to be too much for you and me to handle alone, and Tammy doesn’t want to work every weekend.”

“
Sounds good to me. We’ve been getting slammed lately,” she agreed.

“
Yeah, just while the movie stuff is still going on. Once they all leave, we probably won’t need the help, but I think it’s too much for just the two of us.”

Marie flipped the channels on the television until she got to the local news. It was mostly background noise to me until the reporter mentioned the words “
Seaside
movie.”

“
Over one hundred people had to be removed from the remote beach location where the second installment of the Seaside movie was being filmed today. Dedicated fans are desperate to get any glimpse of the film’s all-star cast, including the movie’s lead actor, Ryan Christensen.

“
Local police were called to the scene after several individuals breached the closed movie set and charged onto the beach. Police officers from at least two local municipalities were assisted by officers from the State Police to manage the crowd and at this time two women have reportedly been taken into police custody.

“
The women were stopped by on-set security and members of the production team as they attempted to reach Mr. Christensen and Ms. Strass while they were filming. Reports from eye witnesses who were at the scene indicated that at least one of the women allegedly yelled obscenities and death threats at Ms. Strass, although it is unknown at this time the content of those threats.”

The camera cut to four police officers who had two women in custody and were escorting them into the police station.

In an instant I was concerned for Ryan and his safety, but I fought back the urge to call him. Even though I had his number from all the text messages he sent, I didn’t want to repeat past mistakes. I wasn’t going to chase after any man. I made a pledge to myself at that moment that I wouldn’t commit his phone number to my cell phone memory.

The fact that I cared and wanted to know how he was doing meant that I was already too attached to him. When he finally does leave Seaport, it will be even that much harder for me to cope.

I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket several times throughout the night just to make sure I didn’t miss a call, but he never called like he said he would. I wondered what had happened to keep him from calling me. Maybe I’m just misreading our connections or making them out to be more than what they really are. I truly hoped he wasn’t busy making new connections with some other girl.
What am I doing?
I chastised myself.
I can’t let my guard down. I need to stop this.

I thought about the boyfriends that I had in the past and reviewed why none of those relationships ever lasted. I realized that I had made some typical girl mistakes with some of them… being too needy or too clingy or just trying too damn hard to be what I thought they wanted me to be. I was too young at the time to truly understand what healthy relationships were all about.

Some of my relationships ended because after the sex we realized that we had nothing else in common. There were no other threads to hold us in place.

I broke up with Tim when I realized that he wasn’t what I wanted for my future. He was the type of guy who only cared about himself and his needs. I didn’t need anyone to take care of me, but I did want someone to love me enough to try.

When I was with Dean, his broken heart became my mission to fix. He was a few years older than me and had already been married once and on his way through a divorce. He also had a three-year-old son caught in the mix.

I really cared for his little boy. When I was around him I tried to be a good stand-in mother, until Dean reminded me one day that I
wasn’t
his son’s mother and that he had no intentions to ever have another child with anyone. That was when he stopped touching me.

My engagement with Thomas ended harshly, with bitter words and horrible accusations. I remembered all too clearly walking into his apartment to find him in bed with someone else. I’m pretty sure he planned it that way. He let me be the one to end the relationship so he wouldn’t have to. Me barging in on him gave him one more reason to think his affairs were justified.

Even though I thought
I was in love with these men at one time or another, I don’t think I truly ever was. There was always something missing - that cosmic, soul mate connection; the feeling that the two parts make a whole.

I didn’t want someone who would have to force himself to love me or for me to pretend that I loved him back. I had always hoped that love would be mutually instinctual and natural – as easy as breathing.

I turned the light out on my nightstand when I had enough of thinking about my past failures.

One thing was for sure: Ryan had resurrected that one part of my heart that still clung to the hope of love’s possibilities.

I was dreaming about my father and wondered why he wasn’t answering the phone. The telephone was on the table right next to his favorite chair in the living room where he was sitting. Was he sleeping in his chair?
Dad, answer the phone!

I opened my eyes to realize that it was my cell phone that was ringing.

“
Hello?” I answered, my voice sounded rough from just waking.

“
Were you still sleeping?” Ryan asked.

“
Yeah. What time is it?” I looked to my nightstand for the clock. It was 8:42.

“
Quarter to nine,” he muttered. “Do you want to go back to sleep?”

“
No, that’s okay. How are you?” I hoped he was safe.

“
I’m all right. Sorry I didn’t call you yesterday. I fell asleep in my trailer and I slept all the way until eight this morning. I thought you might have tried calling me.”

“
Oh, good. So you’re all right?” I questioned, sitting up in bed.

“
Yeah. Why?” He sounded confused.