Love UnCharted (Love's Improbable Possibility) (30 page)

I sighed of relief when she turned right, toward the back of the apartment.
All praises be to Allah for her good senses.
She stopped at my office door. I couldn’t believe I was in my office watching this shit go down as if it wasn’t my life. She was feet away, at my door, contemplating her next move as I watched her raise her fist, prepared to knock. Within seconds, her arm recoiled and she cupped her mouth and cried silently.

Again, I fought to comfort her, to lift her in my arms and pour my shredded heart out to her in hopes of her understanding my position and the need for her to be patient with me and ride this shit out. But I didn’t. Visions of Brian Thompson’s cock-sucking lips reaching hers riled up my inner G who doesn’t do comfort. We defile, destroy, and take what we want.

Every time I replayed the image of him reaching for her face, I felt sharp pains in my dick. I wanted to kill him. I considered it as I cocked the shit out of his face, aiming for his lips. The lips that touched my lady. If I could’ve thought of legal ways to kill him and pay my attorneys my entire fortune to preserve my freedom so that I could be with Rayna, I would have. He let her get drunk and tried to fuck her. I knew that would be next. I’m a man. We fuck our prey, and he’d been patiently waiting for the right opportunity. If I had not been there, at that very moment when they returned. If I had not made a turn around trip. Had not told the pilot to keep the plane juiced. Had I not believed her letter, attempting to terminate
us
. It would have been his cock inside her and this would have played out a lot differently.

FUCK!

The first officer on the scene was a former employee of mine, who asked me to leave the parking lot immediately and contact my attorney, expedited my trip home to deal with her. To make sure she didn’t run again. This had been the cycle of my life; I fuck up, she runs, we fuck, she stays. But this time was different. She ran to the arms of another man.
How do I deal with this?

Rayna turned on her heels and headed to the master suite.
Wise decision
. Her loud sobs down the hall tore my heart from my chest.
But I’m a G
. I just sat there feeling it justified and my growing problem solved. She complied. My dick got hard again.
Fuck!

Control is a dangerous addiction, but it’s even more hazardous when its fleeting. Suddenly, I felt the need for another swig of brandy. I needed to relax. My phones’ constant ringing snapped me out of my trance. I wasn’t surprised when I saw damn near fifty alerts. I knew people were calling about the incident in the parking lot. My assistants, attorney, and PR team.

I just needed to get to Rayna first so when I left the scene, I shot over to her place, washed the remainder of Thompson’s blood from my hands so that I could scoop Azna and some of her clothes and toiletries. She would not be returning there to stay. It was clear to me that Rayna didn’t know how to handle time apart.

I took some time to return the calls, starting with Chesney, my spitfire attorney, to give him a run down on the situation. He, in turn, called my public relations people. I knew Dawn and Shayna would have much preferred hearing from me, but I had other people to reach out to and in all honesty, everything they needed to know could have come from Chesney and his legal associates. I reached out to Petey with the details of my next move with Thompson and then called Brett with instructions for the staff, particularly those who were out there in the parking lot. I asked him to expect a media briefing from Chesney’s firm as to how to address the media and/or Thompson and his legal team.

I sat and contemplated and analyzed and designed and schemed until I was satisfied with my stance and plan. By the time I reached the master suite, I could tell Rayna had showered and washed her hair before getting into bed. I showered and met her there. It didn’t take long for me to fall into slumber.

I lunged from the bed. My body was heavily perspiring and my heart was racing, banging against my chest. I recollected images from my nightmare. My head swung over to find Rayna and I saw her resting peacefully as her,
now short
hair was tidily in place on her pillow. I knew it would take some time for me to adjust to not having her long, wild mane splayed in my bed or in my face. Or my lap.

Desperate to feel her warmth, I lunged down and kissed her. My lips moved hard and swift as I grabbed the back of her scalp, urging her to awaken. I needed her. New visions of Thompson’s mouth over Rayna’s and her receiving his, just outside of her bedroom, at her place in Redondo Beach caused me to shiver as I tried to catch my breath.
She walked him into her bedroom!
Rayna eyes shot open and her lips hardened.

“Brimm,” I called out to her to let her know that I was in need of her.

I wanted to calm her. My tongue swooped into her mouth as though I was wiping away any traces of another man.
What the fuck am I doing?
The Thompson shit had crept into my subconscious and manifested in my dreams. For the first time in my life I was physically shaken. I rolled her over onto her back and lowered my boxers to enter her. Her breathing accelerated. I put the head of my dick into her warm folds.

“No. No, Azmir. I’m too sore…” Rayna panted.

“Shhhhh…” I beckoned. I couldn’t stop myself. “I’ll take it slow.”

I could feel her juices with the tip of my cock. She was always ready. I took my time working her in. I had to feel her, had to claim her. Possess her. Rayna was warm and the more I stroked, the more inviting she’d become. I felt her tensing underneath me and I buried my face in her neck to hide my guilt. To shield my barbaric nature. As much as I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t fight the impulse to do it.

What the fuck!

I felt the warm tear that ran from her left eye when it traveled down to my forehead. I knew right away she was crying, but I couldn’t stop. I angled my hips to be sure to hit her most sensitive spot. Within seconds, she shivered. I kept working her to work Thompson out of my head. I was alive inside of her. I felt that dominion while inside of her. And when she bowed off  the bed and gripped my back preparing to come, I pumped harder until we climaxed together. In that moment, I swore I would never let Rayna go again.

Azmir

Sunlight was shining on the other side of my lids, but I wasn’t ready to awaken. It was a long night. One that quickly turned into morning. As I start to recount why such is the case, I recall the horrendous events regarding Rayna.

Rayna!

My torso leapt in the air and I frantically searched the bed for my fleeting woman. Shit! She wasn’t in sight. I made my way out of the bed and did a quick scan over into the sitting room. No Rayna. I made my way over to the balcony, perhaps she was getting morning air. She’s done that quite often, the view is to die for she’s said. But the door is locked, which means there’s next to no chance she’s out there. Still desperate, I went and gave a cursory glance anyway. No damn Rayna.

By now, I’m perspiring—my fucking mouth is going dry and my heart is trembling. I make my way over to the bathroom. The door is wide open.

Shit!

“Rayna,” I call out, not recognizing the pathetic anxiety in my cry.

Nothing. No Rayna. Next was the closet. Only that was empty, too, as I walk in one door and make my way out of the other.
This has to be another nightmare
. Now, I’m sprinting out of the room and down the corridor, giving quick glances into each room including her dance studio.

No fucking Rayna!

W-what…what’s that?

I smell…turkey bacon and…something familiar.
Is Boyd here on a Saturday?
I head straight into the kitchen through the dining room instead of the living room. She must have sensed my presence or heard the duds of my footsteps nearing because she damn near jumped in my direction. Her eyes drew large and her beautiful lips parted. I’d startled her.

I realize I must be a staggering sight for her to see. Fuck, I’m out of breath and sweating out of control. I brush my face with my clammy hands and let out a forceful exhale. But we don’t speak. I’m not sure about her, but I haven’t a fucking clue as to what to say after the events of yesterday. Last night. This morning. Hell, I fucked my girl into folly—for hours!

Rayna stood there, suspended in the middle of the kitchen, wearing a black, silk robe with colorful flowers dispersed throughout. She was holding a spatula. There was so much so much behind her eyes. Anxiety, exhaustion, wariness.
Fear?
Was she afraid of me? I wouldn’t hurt her.
Had I hurt her?
I mean, I was vexed—goddamned livid. Still am. But I would never hurt my girl. 

The mixed aromas are flooding my olfactory lobes, bringing my attention to the display of food on the marble counters, stove, and island. There are pancakes, waffles, home fries, biscuits, sausages, gravy, and a fruit salad spread over the counters. On the stove, there is turkey bacon frying. I know it’s turkey because Rayna knows that swine doesn’t make it through my front door; coincidentally, so does my chef. There are two sauce pans on low fire on the stove, too.

What in the hell is all of this?
A parting feast?

“Pocket watch,” I muttered, remembering our code word for honesty.

“Old-fashioned oatmeal, grits, and turkey bacon. I didn’t know what you wanted for breakfast so I made every breakfast item available in the kitchen.”  

Rayna must have seen my eyes travel to the stove and assumed I was asking about the food. That was good information, but I needed something with a little more substance in terms of insight. She remained still, her fearful expression still lingering.

I shook my head. “What are you feeling?”

Her eyes danced. I could tell she was processing my request for her to open up, something she finds difficult. I stood in the same position for what seemed like hours, not finding the ability to even fucking breathe. This was do or die. So much had taken place over the past twelve hours…hell—the past week. My actions with Dawn and my reaction to Thompson could fucking make or break us. I couldn’t handle losing her, but I had to admit to myself the pending reality of our relationship. I so desperately needed to know what was going on in that pretty little incommunicado brain of hers. My mind isn’t yet fresh enough to anticipate her needs. I make my attempt.

Finally, she moves! She pivots and shuts off the burner for the bacon and removes it. I take a hard swallow. Somehow I recall that I’m standing in the middle of my kitchen wearing just my underwear. I didn’t think to put anything on even my damn feet.

Rayna turns back towards me, but her eyes don’t follow. She trains them to the floor or something below and gives a deep exhale. My chest tightens and my body tenses, preparing for a physical blow from her words.

“Since I’ve left Jersey for Duke, do you know how many times my father reached out to me?” she murmured. I didn’t have an answer for that. As her eyes finally reached mine, she let out another shaky breath. Rayna jerked her neck, another technique she used when edgy. I found myself holding my breath.

Finally, she continued, “Everyone believes zero because I’ve never shared that he called me during my first semester of grad school. I got excited.” A mirthless smile formed on her beautiful face. This was news to me. I thought the bastard fucking forgot all about her. “I thought I’d finally have my moment. Finally have closure on his reclusive neglect. I was wrong. He asked if I’d taken my mother’s wedding rings with me when I left for North Carolina.” Rayna snorted, “Can you believe that? He said the set belonged to his grandmother and he needed it to propose to his girlfriend. He said they were expecting a baby and asked about another heirloom; my christening necklace…something that was purchased for me when I was an infant. My dad said he figured I didn’t need it anymore and it would be generous and responsible of me to turn it over to my new baby sister.”

Fucking prick.

“I never told anyone.” Rayna softly shook her head. “How do you tell people that not only did your dad up and leave you, your mom, and siblings without looking back, but his one opportunity to speak to you after the pain he’d caused, he requested sentimental heirlooms from you to bequeath to his pending family? How do you rebound from being told that you were not good enough to love from someone who created you? If you’re not good enough for him, then who else would want you?”

She gave a rueful smile. I wanted to launch and console her, but I knew my touch recently hasn’t been as delicate as she needed in the moment.

“It was almost like being on a conveyer belt—the ones I used to see in Woolworth as kid—or a carousel, displaying product. Being picked to love then cherished, taken care of…made felt special. Then out of nowhere being determined useless, damaged…and having your owner go back to the conveyor to return you and pick again for your replacement.” Rayna shook her head, clearing from the image she’d just articulated. I stood, witnessing her forlorn gaze as she went silent again. I felt helpless. If only I could hold her. Soothe her.

Her eyes shot over to me and after a beat she murmured, “You kissed her.
You
picked
me
. I didn’t come knocking on your door. I was fine just getting by, flying beneath the radar.
You
selected
me
, took me off that carousel, wined and dined me…made me feel like nothing in this world mattered to you but me.” My heart tore as I saw Rayna’s eyes redden. She was trying to fight the tears. She didn’t want my pity, just my understanding. I fought to remain in my stance. “Then you saw my flaws. My damaged heart. When you saw a different prospect…fresh and glistening, you threw me away and selected her as your
new
.” My nose flared and chest expanded at the revelation of her analogy. “You kissed her. You chose
new
.”

My breath caught, like a blow to the fucking gut. That’s not what I’d been feeling at all. That’s not what was happening between Rayna and me. Not what happened between Dawn and me. If I could only get her to see that. I couldn’t find my voice to speak. She made me live her fears, her pain from the moment she learned I kissed Dawn.

“My father made have manufactured my body, but you mended my heart; manufactured a spirit in me that was new.” The first single tear dropped. Before I could garner the strength to raise my arm to console her several streams followed as she tightened her lips.

“You are no different,” she whispered through tears.

Fuck!

“I see your wounds…” I barely recognized my voice, could hardly hear it over my racing heartbeats. Shit, I was finally able to speak. “…your imperfections and I will buy the whole damn factory to repair your flaws just enough for you to let me own
all
of you. I choose
you
as my
new
, flaws and all. Always, Rayna.”

Rayna sucked in a deep breath. Surprised by my proposal, her eyes widened and diaphragm rose. “No. No…you don’t mean that. You don’t know what you’re saying.” She cupped her mouth and nose with her hands, then brushed her tears from her eyes. “You had the stamina to try when we started out, but it’s clear that I’ve exhausted your patience.” Her eyes bounced back in forth as they projected low. “Azmir…” she shrieked. “What if I woke up in his bed this morning instead of yours because I chose to get drunk to handle my pain. How would we have—”

Rayna covered her mouth and I jumped to her, grabbing her before she could uttered the words. I wouldn’t lose her.

“I wouldn’t allow you to. I’ll fight for us. Always. I’m here. You just have to trust me, Brimm. Let me in.”

Rayna melted her frame into mine and cried out, “Azmir, I’m so sorry!” I felt her fragile body tremble in my arms as she sobbed into my chest. “I swear I will do anything to fix this mess I’ve created. I’ll do anything.” Her head popped up in search of my eyes. Her eyes were wide and her expression was haunted. “Is Thompson going to involve the police? Will you be sued? My god, what did I do?” I could tell she was now fearing the possible consequences of yesterday. I didn’t want her to be concerned with that. I just wanted her to decide if she wanted me, if she desired a future for us.

“Well, first things first,” I looked around the kitchen at all of the food she prepared, wondering what we’d do with most of it. “We eat. And then we meet with my people to discuss how to handle the public backlash of it. We’ll let my well-equipped attorneys sort out the legal matters.”

“It can’t be that simple. Are you sure you don’t want me to call Thompson to try and smooth this over. I’ll do—”

“You will have no reason to even speak to Brian Thompson unless it is work related. Are we clear?” I hated to flip from being caring to caveman so quickly, but until I can get that mutherfucker as far away from her I need for it to be understood that there will be no more interfacing with that prick.  

“Y-yes.” Rayna’s eyes fluttered in embarrassment. Her mind registered this was not a request, but a command. It was nonnegotiable.

~~~~~~~~~~

Rayna

Azmir’s tone was definitive. I saw it in the twitching of his jaw. It was hard to process a demand, but considering the mess I’ve caused, I thought it best to acquiesce to his decision of steering clear of Thompson outside of the parameters of work. I still felt that I needed to square things away with him. I was responsible for making him feel that I was available to him on some level yesterday when I thought it was true. Therefore, I have to undo that mistake.

But for now, my focus needs to be on repairing the debacle I’ve made. I’d seen Azmir in a manner that I never want to revisit. He was so angry, his disposition was inflamed as he plummeted into me on the dining room table. The sweat that seeped from his wrathful pores burned with disdain. For me. It terrified me. I don’t want to feel that level of contempt again. He attempted to make amends for it this morning by making love to me, but even then I saw the fear in his eyes. I could feel the restlessness in the stride of his hips, they were less confident in their drive into me. He was afraid. Afraid of what, I hadn’t quite figured out yet, but it was felt. My efforts at finding a rationale of all of his actions led me here to the kitchen for  manic cooking.

After eating all that we could fit in, I asked, “What are we going to do with all of this stuff, Azmir?” He wiped his mouth, indicating he was done as well. “I can’t believe I cooked all of this food. What a waste of your money. I’m sorry,” I sighed, now feeling even more frustrated with myself. “If you can tell me who to write the check to, I’ll pay for the next round of groceries.”  

Azmir didn’t speak as he reached for the wall phone from his seat and dialed a few numbers. I waited, wondering what in the world was he thinking about instead of the wastage issue at hand. “Yeah, Manny. I don’t know who’s all on duty, but Rayna has cooked for an army and there’s a feast in my kitchen for anyone interested. Yeah. I’ll leave the door unlocked…help yourselves. Just lock up when you’re all done. Yeah. No problem. Indeed.” Azmir ended the call.

I waited for his next set of instructions. I felt so fragile. Like a trained dog, I was afraid to move out of turn. Azmir could sense it, as his next words were, “Next is a hot warm bath for the morning beauty.”
Huhn?
That was unexpected. His tone was firm, but his direction was endearing. His eyes bore into mine as he uttered, “I’ve desecrated your body. My Neanderthal behavior over the past fourteen hours were brutal. I need to make nice with your heart as well. I can’t have your mind and body’s natural inclination not yielding to me after recent activities. I need to care for you.”