Love Today (61 page)

Jared exhaled and he rubbed his forehead with his hands.
He took his time
because of what he had to say, I guess. “
Did you want me to call and ask her
about it
?
Is there something specific you need to know?
”

It caught me off guard because I didn’t even consider it. I felt like the investigation was going pretty discreetly and I wasn’t sure what Sam would think of us “helping.”

And apparently Jared was reading between the lines.

“Taryn, I’m only asking your permission. It’s your call. Obviously you didn’t tell m
e about going a private route with
the investigation because we were all going to be looked into again.”

“Jared, I turned it over to someone else. It has nothing to do with you or—”

“Then why didn’t you tell me?
Re-investigating it is
reasonable. I don’t think I could rest until I knew who killed my family member. You made a conscious choice not to tell me. And you made a conscious choice to talk to that guy while I was in the shower.”

He was right and I didn’t know what to say. But my reasons weren’t to go behind his back. I just wanted the investigation to happen without getting mixed up in it again.

“I think you’re taking
it
the wrong way
, Jared. No I didn’t tell you because I just wanted the case to be solved without having to be a part of it. I don’t even want to be involved in it. I don’t have that in me. I’m not a crime solver, and I definitely can’t handle learning more awful things about Rachel.
I didn’t want you to be dragged into it, either. Your mom already thinks I’m going to ruin your career; I didn’t want her to be right.”

He softened and took my hand in his. “Ta
ryn, tragedy hits everyone. And I already had a talk with her about that.”

“She was pissed that every time there’s anything in the media about the case, it always has to mention your name even in the slightest way.”

“That’s the media, babe. It doesn’t bother me one bit.”

“Well now they get to use ‘Jared Miller’s wife’ any time they mention me.”

“And you’re sad that they’ve taken away your former identity?” he teased.

I laughed and shook my head. “No, but it just bothers me every time they’ve gotta throw your name in there.”

He shrugged. “Taryn, I’ve got an amazing life right now. Being married to you,
raising
Maggie, and a baby on the way… Nothing will be more important than any of those things. Ever. I never have, and never will, take stock in anything that the media has to say. But beyond that, I’m not worried in the least bit that it’s going to affect my
career
.”

“But what if—”

He put a finger over my lips and smiled. “What if nothing. I’m happier than ever. The only thing that is worrying me
now
is
your
worry.”

I sighed but didn’t say anything. He motioned for me to scoot closer to him, so after kissing him with my apologies, we stretched out on the couch together until Maggie woke up. After that we gathered our bags and grabbed some dinner before our late flight overseas.

Chapter Forty-
Seven

It
was almost in zombie mode when we
return
ed
from Europe
three weeks l
ater
. We’d just stepped through the door, literally, to our home
in San Francisco
, and a wave of fatigue hit me instantly. W
hile o
ur driver
said departing words
to Jared
,
Maggie was clamoring for a visit to Grandma’s to get Clyde.

Jared
handed her the Tinker Bell carryon from the floor and said, “Hey
Mags
, how ‘bout you take your suitcase to your room and we’ll go get Clyde in a little bit, okay?”

“Okay,” she agreed easily. She took the handle from him and wheeled her bag to the hallway.

Jared turned to me and asked,
“You feeling okay? You look a little pale.”

“So do you,” I countered with a smile. “I think there’s only one
person
in this trio that has any energy left.”
I nodded towards the hall at Maggie.

Jared
smiled
as he gathered our things to deliver to our room in one trip. I didn’t like the way he limped a little bit
since
it
wasn’t just from the bags he was carrying. The tour had been tough on him physically, even though his doctor had cleared him to go. Between his scars healing up from the accident and the surgery, and then his knee surgery to repair more damage, I was afraid he’d been overdoing it.

I followed him down the hall just as Maggie emerged from her room. Of course she was already harping on him to make a trip for the dog, but I myself felt completely exhausted and didn’t feel like going anywhere.

“Change of plans, munchkin,” I told her. “You go take a bath and get your
jammies
on early. I’ll have Grandpa bring Clyde over, okay?”

“Okay! Can Clyde and me have a movie night?” she begged.

I smiled and replied, “Sure, that sounds like a plan.”

She let out an excited squeal and disappeared into her room as she was stripping her clothes off at the same time. Jared smiled at me, but before he said anything I told him, “You go rest for a little bit. Let me get her in the tub and then I’ll join you.”

He didn’t even dispute it, and after I called my dad and helped Maggie bathe and get into pajamas, I found
Jared
sound asleep on our bed.

My parents and
my brother came over with Clyde
a few minutes later.
I knew Braden was dying to see Jared too, and most likely hoping to spend the night,
but
my mom suggested that Maggie come to their house instead. Maggie was excited, so I easily agreed. My brother looked bummed though, so I said, “The upstairs is all yours; I don’t want to see you until morning.”

He grinned big and said, “No problem.”

My parents left with Maggie, and w
ith Jared asleep and my brother upstairs, the house felt empty. I unloaded one of my smaller cameras from my purse and set it in the den by the computer. It was a reminde
r to download my photos
when I felt up to it.

But while I was there, I sat down and opened one of my photo files. It was the brunch I’d taken pictures of; the last photos that I had of my sister. I studied them for a few minutes, tears pricking my eyes because of the loss I felt. I wasn’t as close to Rachel as I would have liked, but we were making progress. I wondered if she and I would have become closer as time went on, or if I still would have stayed in Washington for as long as I did. If she hadn’t died, how would things have turned out?

I also lingered on photos of Jared, and they made me smile. There were only a few of him, but I was hung up on the
thought
that we’d met for the first time that day. I was somewhere that I didn’t want to be, and so was Jared, but we were lucky enough to have been at the right place at the right time. I wasn’t sure if I’d have met him otherwise—I did believe in fate, to a degree—but I was glad that it happened, however it was meant to happen.

The rest
of the pictures
were of my
fidgety
moments, stuck in a secondary file within that same file. I’d left them out of the files sent to the police because they were pointless photos.
Even looking at the ones I took of someone’s spilled wine made me shake my head. And seein
g another that I’d taken of a napkin stuck to a lady’s heel made me roll my eyes.

I heard a sound in the hallway and saw Jared as he entered the room. “I thought you were going to join me,” he smiled, leaning down to kiss the top of my head.

“I am,” I replied as I stood.

I turned off the computer and left the memories behind for another day.
It felt good to be home, and it especially felt good to be in my own bed. It was barely eight o’clock, but I was lights out seconds after my head was nestled against Jared’s chest.

Chapter
Forty-Eight

It was nice to finally have Jared out of any music commitments when the band began their
four
-month break. He kept in touch with management about business matters, but the guys agreed that it was family time until they reconvened again after the New Year
to rehearse for the Grammys
.

We enjoyed a fabulous fall together, and because Jared insisted that Maggie have private tutoring, we didn’t have any school commitments either. She had regular interaction with other kids her age, but Jared was uncomfortable with putting her in a school—even a private one. She
continued to spend
consistent time with
him
at the piano, and we also let her join a ballet class that she’d been hinting for.
Life seemed pretty normal to me again, and I enjoyed it to the fullest. 

Our family motto seemed to be “Love Today.” And we did, as much as we
possibly
could.

One day Maggie dropped a bomb on me that I wasn’t expecting just yet. She’d returned from her ballet class with my mom and she sat at the table while I fed her dinner. Jared was outside mowing the lawn
,
so it was just the three of us in the kitchen. My mom sat down with Maggie and I asked, “Do you want milk or water, Mom?”

She glanced at Maggie’s glass and said, “I’ll
have
milk too, please. Thank you.”

I set a glass of milk on the table next to her plate and noticed Maggie staring at me in an odd way. I thought she was just spacing out or something, but I smiled and asked, “What’s up?”

She didn’t say anything at first but she looked at my mom and then back to me. “How come she’s your mom?” she asked.

It took me by surprise and I glanced at my mom at the same time. But my mom didn’t look surprised at all when she sighed and
said,
“Everyone is born as a baby to someone, Maggie. You were born to Rachel, and you called her mom
my
.”

Maggie thought for a second and I could tell my mom was letting her mind think for itself before she added more. Sure enough Maggie asked, “So I don’t have a mom ever again?”

“Well, not the mom you were born to
since
she’s in heaven.
Now you have Taryn to make sure you grow up the right way. She’ll look after you now.”

“But she’s not a mom? What about the new baby? Will
she
call her mom?”

I sat at the table with them, sort of grateful that my own mother was able to handle this conversation. It was something that my family had already discussed, and she knew how I felt about Maggie calling me mom.

“The new baby will call her mom, yes. He or she is going to be born to Taryn and Jared, so the new baby will call them mommy and daddy.”

“But he’s
my
daddy,” she stated with
an obvious
pout.

That surprised me to a degree since she’d never called him
that
before. But
Jared was set on raising Maggie like she was his own
, so I guess it was a given she would feel that way. I just didn’t know how her young mind worked sometimes, and especially because we’d had this conversation on Mother’s Day and Father’s Day. We explained the whole parental guardian concept, and Maggie seemed content that we’d always be in her life.
She wasn’t
to
“Mom” and “Dad” titles
,
and I was okay
with that. I wasn’t comfortable taking my sister’s place.

“Do you want to call Jared ‘daddy’?” my mom asked her.

Maggie looked at her curiously. “Can I?”

My mom was so casual about it as she shrugged and said, “Of course you can.” She also glanced at me because she knew what she was about to do, and since my mom and I had differing opinions about the matter, she added, “I think you deserve a dad,
and
another mom.”

I could see Maggie’s wheels turn as she looked at me again. It made me a little nervous because I never wanted to take over that role my sister had as her mother, and my mom knew that too, but because I was so sensitive to it, I decided to wait for Maggie’s response.

Finally she said, “Makes sense to me. I gotta go potty.” Jared came through the door at the same time she got up from the table and she said, “Gross, Daddy, go shower.”

He
almost tripped over the dog as he
watched
her
skip
down the hall. M
y mom and I kind of chuckled, but I was sensitive to his feelings and joined him where he stood when he asked, “Did she just call me daddy?”