Love Today (49 page)

“You are? Where? Is everything okay?”

“Everything is okay. They have a suspect in custody and… Well the police had me talk to him. Apparently he wouldn’t talk at all, but he did talk to me. He didn’t admit to killing my sister but… I just have that feeling, you know? I know that he was at least involved somehow, or knows what happened to her.”

“Jesus, Taryn. Why would they make you interrogate a suspect?”

“They didn’t make me; they asked. And I was okay with it, really. It’s just been…really hard I guess, all of this resurfacing again. It almost felt like it was going to turn into a cold case, and I was honestly ready to just let it go. And now this…”

“Is there something I can do? Who do they have in custody?”

I told him about
Nathan
, about my sister’s possible dirty deeds, and my
speculation
about what might have happened. He didn’t seem surprised by any of it, but he offered the right amount of support like I knew he would. But by then I was ki
nd of tired of talking about it
and he could sense that. The subject wa
s left alone for the time being
and he actually asked me if I was going to invite him to the wedding.

That made me laugh, and I was thankful for the light moment. “If you really want an invite, then yes, I’ll send you one.”

“I mean I’d rather there not be a wedding at all, but you know…
If you’re actually going to go through with it then I want to be there
for you
.
”

“Okay, I’ll let you know when the time comes.”

“Hmm, so you haven’t decided on a date yet?”

“Uh…no, not really. The next few months will be kind of busy, so probably sometime after that. Maybe summertime.”

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds and it made me worry what was going to come next. I realized he’d been building up to it when he said, “You never expressed any interest in getting married, Taryn. In fact, the impression I got from you was that it
wasn’t
something you wanted. I never brought it up because of that. I never wanted to pressure you or move too fast. But had I known it was a possibility with you…
T
hings were so great, and then…”

“And then things changed when my sister was murdered. I feel like
I
changed. I just…felt so detached from everything, like I had no idea what was real. I’m sorry for shutting you out sometimes—I know I did, and you were so patient with me—but I just felt so lost…”

“Yes, and I understoo
d that. But I felt you would get through it. I felt like we were close
enough to one another
, and that things would get better as time passed.
But I guess if we couldn’t even tell each other how we felt…
”

“I know that I loved you Zack, but at the time I couldn’t comprehend it. Not until I lost you. Then I realized what we had and it was too late.”

“Well, I honestly didn’t think I would let anything get in the way of us staying together until Jared happened. There was just something there that I couldn’t ignore, and I knew I had to let you figure it out. I’m so cautious when it comes to girls, Taryn. I didn’t want to be
come
victim to a broken heart or someone’s relationship games. I know now that you would never do that, but
back then we were just getting to know each other. I loved you, but we were just starting out. I know better now. If I were to do things over, I wouldn’t have let my insecurity get the better of me. Yeah
,
I had crap going on business-wise, but I look back now and realize I could have made it all work.”

“Hindsight is 20/20.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I realize that.
But are you going to look back
and
feel like you made the right choice about marrying Jared?
”

“Come on, Zack.”

“It’s a fair question.”

“No
,
it’s not. I’m moving on
in a direction I feel is right. The present is for planning the future. That’s what I’m doing right now. I can’t change anything in my past.”

“You don’t believe we make mistakes?”

“Well, yes. But they’re to learn from. Some mistakes are so big that they’re hard to forget, but there’s a reason for everything. We don’t always know what that is, but I have to have faith that I’m doing my best and God will look out for me now and then. You don’t believe that?”

He paused briefly before he said, “Yes, I believe that. And I’m also beginning to believe that I was just never meant to have you. I’m thankful for the time I did have with you, even though the memory of it hurts. And now there’s the fact that I don’t have a future with you. Yeah, my present isn’t too good at planning my future right now.”

I took my time answering because I wasn’t sure what to say. “You have an incredible future ahead of you. Some things we just can’t plan for.
I think things work out how they’re meant to and…that includes us.
”

“Yeah,
I suppose so.” He paused for a moment and
added,
“I knew I would lose you when I came to San Francisco. Actually, I knew I’d already lost you.”

I considered his words but had to ask anyway. “What do you mean by that?”

“Well… I guess it was finally apparent to me that you were very committed to Jared. It was just…your body language with me. I could see that invisible wall you put up. I read it loud and clear. And I did hope that being together again would change your mind, but I could feel that it was too late. I know that you’re in love him, Taryn. You don’t just love him…you’re
in
love with him. I want you to be happy, so I respect that.
I wish you both a lot of happiness.
”

I was very grateful for his support, and with everything going on lately, it really meant the world to me.

“I’m glad we can still be friends, Zack. I mean…we can, right? I don’t want to lose you entirely.”

“Yeah, of course we’re still friends. I don’t want that to change. We make pretty good friends,
Taryn
. I’ll always be here for you.”

“Thank you. I’m here for you, too.”

“That’s good to know because I might need your support these next couple of years,” he lightly laughed. “I’m,
uh, getting back into competing
. I’m joining my old team again.”

I was honestly surprised. “Really? That’s great, Zack! You’ll do awesome, I know it.”

“Yeah, well, we’ll see.”

“No, you will. Just talking to your peers on the mountain, they believe it too.”

“That’s kind of what talked me into it, I guess. That and… Well, you dumping me for good.”

He’d said it lightly, so I laughed. “Sure, okay. I’ll take credit for you becoming the next World champ.”

“Ha! I’ll give you the credit, but don’t get ahead of things. I’ve got a ways to go.”

“I know, Zack. But you can do it. You can go as far as you choose. I believe in you.”

He sighed. “Thanks,
Taryn
. That really means a lot.”

We spoke for a few more minutes and then I headed back to my room.
My dad was watching the news, but it looked like he was ready to go to bed. I gave him a brief account of my conversation with Zack, and he was pleased that things seemed to end well.

I think I was so exhausted that night that I fell asleep as my face hit the pillow.

It was no surprise to me that the police weren’t any further with Rachel’s case. Detective Bronson called me around nine-thirty the next morning to inform me that they got nowhere with Jacqueline Harris the night before. Her alibi was solid, she claimed to have had a friendly relationship with Rachel, and when asked if her hus
band had been unfaithful to her
,
she was “shocked” by such an accusation.

I wanted to bang my head against the wall.

Michelle told us we could go back home. She assured us that she’d keep investigating that angle of the case until it ran cold. I flew back to San Francisco with my dad, just for the sake of seeing Maggie. Originally I was going to head straight to L.A. to see Jared, but every time I got wrapped up in Rachel’s case, it always made me nee
d Maggie even more.
First
I spent
Friday
afternoon
with her
,
and
then
left that evening to spend the weekend with
my fiancé
.

When I arrived in L.A. I was pretty tired. The week had definitely worn me down and I was glad that the party
Jared’s
band
mates
had planned for us wasn’t until the next night. I knew right away that the dark car waiting for me curbside at the airport contained my fiancé, and I headed towards
it
eagerly
just as he stepped out of it
. I wondered if it had never felt so good to see him or if I just loved seeing him
every
time, but I was sure grateful for the long hug he gave me a
s
Ben
took my bag
.

“Man, it is so good to see you,” he said. A few seconds was all he could risk being exposed to the public, so he guided me into the backseat where he held me again and continued with plenty of kissing. He leaned back to look at me and studied my face, softly touching my cheek with his thumb. “Not to be an ass, but you look really rundown,” he finally said. That made me chuckle and he added, “You look beautiful, but I can tell you’ve had a long week.”

“Yeah, it’s
been
rough,” I nodded.
“
But I can’t even tell you how much better I feel just being here with you. Yeah I’m tired, but everything else
is better.”

He asked about Maggie
next
. He’d just spoken to her on the phone an hour prior, but he always inquired about her. I admitted that I’d told her that the police may have found who had killed her mom, but I didn’t go into detail too greatly. She asked a few questions, I did my best to give her fair answers, and by the end of it all, she didn’t seem too affected. I was beginning to think that she was too young for any of it to impact her life, and I was grateful for that. I believed that she had plenty of people that cared about her, and she was going to
have
a wonderful
future
.

I knew that Jared had a house just outside of L.A. so I was kind of anxious to spend the weekend with him. Jack lived in the house
too,
mostly full time
. I’d spent a few weeks on the road with Jack so I was pretty
familiar with him, and w
e got along great so I wasn’t worried about it.
Jared had assured me that I had full run of the house and I could make myself at home wherever, and however, I needed to.

We were in the kitchen when Jack came home
to change his clothes
. Jared was making me some tea
as
Jack
noticed
the empty Chinese
food containers in the garbage
and
he gave us a hard time for not having leftovers.

“There’s a phone right there, dude,” Jared pointed. “Order your own.”

“Actually I think I’d rather some tea,” he
mocked
in a dainty voice.

Jared smiled as he set a mug on the counter in front of me and sat down with his own. “Help yourself,” he motioned to the teapot.

“Where’d you get this?” Jack
wondered, lifting up the kettle
.

“I bought it. Why?”

Jack kind
of chuckled as he glanced at me and said, “Yeah…
why
?”

I smiled and said, “Because he’s accommodating to his houseguests.”

“Ah, but I would have never guessed you were a tea drinker.”

“Occasionally,” I shrugged.

“Hmm. Well
I’m
going
out for the night, so
speaking of accommodations…”

Jared said, “Drop it, Jack,” and picked up both of our mugs as he stood. He motioned for me to follow him, so we went into the other room. I glanced at Jack standing in the kitchen, but he only shrugged with a stupid smile on his face
and then he left to change
.

“What was that about?” I asked as we sat down on the couch. It was way nicer anyways to
be able to
cuddle
up
with him.

“Nothing. Just guy stuff.”

I kind of chuckled.
“Just
guy stuff, huh?
Guy stuff like…
being made fun of
for having morals?
That kind of guy stuff?”