Love Today (18 page)

“Whoa,” she whispered.

I was nervous because
Zack
still had his board with him, and I knew he intended to make use of it.

“Can you do that, too?”
Maggie
even asked him.

“Yep,” he smiled. “As a matter of fact, I’m gonna go join ‘em right now. You wanna watch?”

“Yes!”

“You don’t have to do this
,” I said.
“
You know
,
if
your leg can’t handle it or whatever…”

He smiled at me and said, “Nah, this is just for fun. This is a piece of cake.”

“A piece of cake,” I repeated. “Oh, okay.”

He chuckled and gave me a hug. “Just commentate my run so Maggie can learn something.”

I laughed as he kissed the side of my head. “Right. I think I can get one-eighty or three-sixty, but that’s about it.”

“Perfect.”

There were some other boarders there that seemed to know Zack—he was talking to them at least, and I even recognized Scotty.
And w
hen Zack started his run, Scotty came over to talk to us.

“Why do you look so freaked out?” he asked me with a
smile
. “He’s been doing this since he was four years old.”

“That?” I exclaimed
,
pointing to the tricks he was doing in the air.

“No, not the pipe,” he smiled. “He’s been on a board since he was about
eight,
I guess
. The pipe I think he started a few years later.
Backside 720,” he announced, just as I almost had a heart attack.

“Whoa!” Maggie exclaimed.

“See,
she’s
lovin
’ it,” Scotty
told me
.

I remembered my camera just then, and after I took a few shots to get a feel for the action, I instructed Maggie to give it a try. She was used to taking pictures with me, so after she took a few, I let her watch Zack and I took a few more.

“That’s a nice camera,” Scotty
said. “You’re a
photographer
, huh
?”

“I am. Do you want a photo shoot?” At first he thought I was joking, but I looked at him and said, “Seriously. I mean I’m sure you’ve seen enough of yourself, but what could it hurt?”

He shrugged and asked, “How much?”

I went back to watching Zack and said, “I’ll do the photos and send them to you. You send me a check.”

He laughed and said, “All right. That sounds cool.”

When Zack’s run was over, he joined us and said to Maggie, “Well, what’d you think?”

“
Really
cool!” she replied with a big smile.

“You think you wanna try it, too?”

She shook her head. “No way!”

“Okay, you ready?” Scotty asked
me
, motioning he was going to take on the pipe.

“Are
you
ready?” I
countered
.

He grinned and said, “Hell yeah. Let’s do this.”

Zack gave me a curious smile until I informed him I
’d
picked up an impromptu job.

“Ah, I see. But sorry to burst your bubble… I already
told him I’m gonna
use you for our product shoot.”

“Oh yeah? When’s that?”

“
Probably next month
or so
.”

“Hmm, I’ll consider it,” I smiled, and I moved to a different spot to do my shoot.

It was another tiring day, but I was happy by the end of it. I was proud of Maggie and all that she had accomplished, and I was also proud of my boyfriend and how hot he was on a snowboard. He returned to the halfpipe a few more times after his first run, and I was able to relax a little more and enjoy watching his talent. Scotty had told me that Zack was a better boarder than
he
even was, and after seeing what he could do, I wasn’t sure why he didn’t return to boarding professionally again.
I guess it wasn’t my place to suggest such a thing, because when I did, Zack barely smiled and said, “Not my time anymore.”

Zack had
originally planned
for just the two of us
to
go out to dinner that night while
Maggie was going t
o go to the game room with
Alison
, a lodge employee.
But I was too tired to go out anymore, and once we returned to our room, we were ready to stay there for the night.

Zack carried Maggie to her bed, and even though I wanted her to have a bath that night, we left her asleep and just enjoyed the quiet time alone. We were watching a movie on the couch when I sort of dozed off. I woke to Zack kissing me, and I smiled when he did.

“Should I carry
you
to bed now?” he asked.

“You might have to if we
stay
here any longer.”

“Hmm, I’m trying to weigh and measure my options here… Do I let you fall back asleep so I can carry you to bed, or do I take you there right now while you’re
drowsy
and very touchy feely.
”

I laughed and said, “I am not.”

“Uh, yes, you are.”

“I am not.”

“Yes, you are. I had to kiss you to see if you were just grabbing me in your sleep.”

“I was
really sleeping
?”

“Apparently so.”

“Maybe I was just dreaming
.”

“Oh? And what were you dreaming about? And who exactly was in it?”

With a laugh I
wrapped my arms around him
again
.
“Why would I dream about anyone but you,” I said as I kissed him.

He stood up from the couch and took my hand to pull me up and lead me to bed. Once we were there, I cuddled against him again and we remained that way for several minutes, kissing each other.

That’s the last thing I remember that night.

My feelings from the day before returned when I was packing to leave the next
morning. Zack sensed this pretty easily when I was
spacing out and
barely aware of Ma
ggie’s questions.

While I was packing
our
things,
he
came into the room and just stood there for a few seconds. He smiled when I did, but he stepped closer to me and asked, “What’s going on, Taryn? I know something’s wrong.”

“Nothing
’s
wrong, I just… I don’t know. It’s hard to leave I guess.”

“I told you
you
didn’t have to. You guys can stay. You know I’m not available this afternoon, but we can even stay another night if you—”

“It’s not a matter of staying
here
another night…”

He looked confused and I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t even sure if
I
knew what was bothering me.

He took the pants out of my hands and dropped them into the suitcase, and then led me to sit on the bed. “What’s going on?”

I sighed. “What am I even going home to?”

He didn’t respond right away, either because he didn’t know how to answer, or he thought I was going to say more. I looked at him to reveal that I wanted an answer.

“Uh… I don’t know, Taryn. What do you mean? I know you don’t mean the Halloween party, so you must mean that with
Rachel
gone, you don’t feel like it’s home anymore?”

I thought about that—it was partly true
. “I just don’t want to go home. I’m not sure why. No, I don’t like being in that house without my sister; no, I don’t want to deal with anymore of the investigation; no, there’s nothing else for me to go back to. I don’t have a job that’s holding me down; I don’t have any family that’s keeping me there… There’s nothing.”

“I’m nothing?”

“You’re the
only
thing.”

“But that’s not enough?”

“No, it
is
enough. But you’ll still be here…”

“Just until tonight.”

“I know, but it’s just…a feeling, I guess. I can’t explain it. I know I’m going there to face reality again, and I just don’t want to. I know that sounds stupid because
it’s
just life, but I can’t get rid of that…dread. I don’t know what’s going to come up in my sister’s case, and when I do start getting answers, what are they going to be? What am I going to do for Maggie? What if
I don’t give her what she needs—
?”

“Taryn, you can’t do this to yourself. You’re doing an amazing job with her. There isn’t a better person than you to be raising her. You want
what’s best for her? It’s you
, whether you believe that or not. I understand your other questions—the investigation and what Maggie’s future is going to be like—but please stop questioning your role in her life. She’s meant to have you, and you need to start thinking that way. She’s
yours
now, and you’re also hers.”

“I do understand that,” I said
softly
. “It’s just…everything has just changed so fast and…”

He wrapped an arm around my shoulder and pulled me close. I laid my head against him and took a deep breath.

“One day at a time, then,”
he
said. “And you’re not alone. Just tell me what you need and I’ll help you with it. And I definitely have employment for you if that’s what you need—”

“I don’t need your money,” I said
,
almost
annoyed
. I’d even forgotten about the whole millionaire thing until that moment.

“I offered you work, not money,” he said
gently
.

“It’s the same thing.”

“How so? You’ve taken jobs from people you know. And you seemed okay with it earlier—”

“That’s different.”

“How?”

I sighed. “I don’t know, Zack. I guess just the timing.”

He barely nodded. “Okay, understandable. I’m sorry.”

“No,
I’m
sorry,” I sighed.
“
See? I do this and I drive everyone crazy until they can’t stand to be around me anymore.
”

“You’re not driving me crazy. Well, not in a bad way,” he smiled.

That made me smile, but it wasn’t enough to easy my worries. “
I just can’t do this. I am so ba
d at dealing with the things that stress me out that I can’t even enjoy the good things in my life.”

“What is it that you want right now, Taryn? I mean
right now
.”

“I want to turn back the clock.”

“To when?”

“To October 11
th
.

“The night that
Rachel
died? And what good will
that do
? It’s certainly not going to make your life easier, is it? You’d just be going back to the
other
frustrations that you didn’t know how to deal with.”

I hated hearing the truth, even though I knew he was right. I also understood his point: we can’t help some of the things that happen to us.

I returned to packing the suitcase, knowing we’d have to leave pretty soon. At that point I wasn’t focused on the most efficient way to fit everything and just end
ed up stuffing it all inside
.

“I’m sorry if I upset you,” Zack finally said.

“You didn’t,” I replied.

“You won’t even look at me.”

I sighed when I did look at him, and then I decided to give him a hug. “I’
m an insecure, immature, emotional girl someti
mes.
That’s a loaded combination.”

“Oh jeez,” he laughed. “I’ll give you the ‘girl’ part of it.”

“Wow, that’s generous and very forgiving of you.”

“Not all guys are that awesome.”

Laughingly I replied, “You’re right.”

“I’m kidding.”

“No, it’s true. You are pretty awesome like that.”

“Okay, so don’t forget it then. You can always talk to me, Taryn. You don’t have to feel insecure about what’s bugging you.”

“Okay.”

“So why don’t you guys just stay another night? I’ll talk to Maggie; I’m sure we can come up with a compromise
for missing the party
.”

I was just about to say yes when my phone rang. My heart kind of sped up when I saw Michelle Bronson’s name come up—the detective in charge of
Rachel
’s case—and a dozen possibilities came up before I even said a shaky hello as
I took Zack’s
hand.