Love This Life: Love's Great Adventure Series Book 2: Love's Great Adventure Series Book 2 (4 page)

Dan wouldn’t let it go. He lifted her chin with his hand and forced her to make eye contact with him. “You are upset about this morning, when I took you in my arms in the hallway. I didn’t mean to do that. That guy pushed me into you.”

“I know. Honestly, I’m not upset with you.” Tess stood up from the chair, looking for an escape route.

Dan stood up, too. He took a step closer to Tess.

Tess stepped back, trying to keep her distance, but ended up with her back against a bookshelf. She didn’t want to be in this position, because as much as she wanted to run away from Dan, she had an equal desire to run to him.

Dan must have sensed her indecision. He took one more step forward. He was so close to her that she could feel his breath on her skin and smell the peppermint in his mouth. He held her gaze as he leaned his forehead against hers. The tips of their noses touched as Dan moved his lips to touch hers. The kiss was slow and tentative at first, then Tess’ arms curled around Dan’s neck and their kiss deepened.

When Tess returned to her senses, she pushed Dan away. Her trembling hand flew up to cover her mouth, her eyes wide with fear. “This was so wrong,” she sputtered. “Don’t ever kiss me again.”

“You were kissing me back, Tess. Don’t deny it. You felt something, too.”

“It doesn’t matter. I love my fiancé.”

“Oh, so now he’s your fiancé? Before he was just a boyfriend.”

“He was always my fiancé.”

Sebastian headed for the corner of the library, where Tess liked to study. He hadn’t seen her since that morning and missed her terribly. As Sebastian turned left and walked down the science aisle, he found Tess embracing another man, kissing him passionately. It was Dan Miller. Sebastian made a hasty retreat from the library, back into the hall, and then sat down on a wooden bench. Taking a few deep breaths, he folded his hands, propped his elbows on his thighs, and rested his forehead on his fists. He forced down the queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. His eyes must be playing tricks on him. Tess, his fiancée, couldn’t have found comfort in another man’s arms.

A few minutes later, Tess and Dan walked out into the hall. When she noticed Sebastian, the color drained from her face. She turned to her paramour and said something so softly, Sebastian couldn’t make out what it was. He willed himself to remain on the bench. His heart wanted to lunge forward and beat the guy to a pulp. His mind stopped him. Sebastian needed to get the story from Tess. God knows he was no saint, and Tess had forgiven him so many times over the course of their relationship, he owed her this consideration.

Dan took off in the opposite direction. Sebastian stood as Tess cautiously approached him. He resolved not to show any hurt or anger. “Are you ready to go home?” he asked, his voice void of emotion.

Tess nodded, her eyes focused on the floor, avoiding Sebastian’s stare. They walked to the subway station in silence. He let Tess board first. She took the last empty seat in the car, while Sebastian stood near the door.

Once they exited the subway station, they made their way on foot to the ferry terminal. On deck, Tess leaned into Sebastian and whispered, “I’m so sorry.” Tears were welling up in her eyes, but she quickly blinked them away.

Sebastian acknowledged her with a brief nod of his head. He couldn’t do this in public, afraid he would either fly into a rage or break down and cry. Not liking either option, he decided to remain silent.

They walked through the front door of the condo. Sebastian let out the loud breath that he’d been holding in. He threw his jacket over the back of the kitchen chair and sat down. “Please explain to me what happened. I’ve spent the last hour going over it again and again in my mind, and I can’t sort it out.”

He was so calm and in control, Tess wanted to hit him. Wasn’t he angry or jealous? Anything would be better than this man with no emotion sitting in front of her. She’d betrayed him and he didn’t deserve it. What the hell was wrong with her? She fell to her knees and took his hands. “Just yell at me already. I know I deserve it.”

“Do you love him?”

“No!” she cried.

“Okay, I forgive you.”

“What?” She was confused by his simple reply. She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand. “I don’t understand.”

“You were curious about kissing another man. I’m the only one you’ve ever been with. It makes sense. God knows I had a lot of experience before I settled down with you.” He paused for a moment, then quickly added, “But if you’d like me to beat the shit out of that guy, I’d be more than happy to oblige.”

Sebastian left her dumbfounded. “I—No, don’t beat him up. It’s my fault. I let him kiss me.” She gaped at him, astonished.

“Did you sleep with him?” The question nagged at the back of his mind and he needed to know.

Tess furiously shook her head back and forth. “No, you’re the only one.”

“Then it’s settled.”

“I won’t see him again. I promise, Sebastian.”

“You have classes with him. You can’t make that promise. I’d prefer to trust you won’t be tempted to do it again.”

Tears began to run down her cheeks once more. “I love you so much. Please, hold me.”

Sebastian pulled Tess into his lap and tucked her head under his chin, gently kissing the top of her head. “I love you, too. You’re my world. Please don’t leave me, I’d be lost without you,” he told her, his voice soft and sincere.

Tess sniffled into his chest and then looked up into his eyes. “I can’t imagine my world without you, either.”

Sebastian removed the handkerchief from the breast pocket of his suit and offered it to Tess. She gratefully accepted and dabbed the tears from her red-rimmed eyes.

“I’ll do anything to make this up to you, just name it,” Tess said. She looked at Sebastian and tried to read his blank expression. She was at a loss. All she could think to do was kiss him, so she did, pouring all the emotion she felt into it. Sebastian kissed her back. Her heavy heart felt a little lighter. She began pulling on his tie in an attempt to undress him.

Sebastian broke the kiss and gently pushed her back. “No, not tonight. Not like this.”

“I don’t understand,” Tess said in a haze of confusion.

“I love you, Tess, but I won’t make love to you when you have another man on your mind.” Sebastian brought them both into a standing position. “I’ll sleep in the guest bedroom tonight. You have a lot to think about.” He kissed her on the cheek and left Tess standing alone in the living room, feeling crestfallen and bewildered.

Sebastian sat in the guest bed, attempting to read a book. It was to no avail: he couldn’t get the image of Tess in Dan’s arms out of his mind. Slamming the book closed, Sebastian tossed it on the floor in disgust. Why was Tess attracted to the American? What qualities could Dan possibly possess that would make him a better fit with Tess than Sebastian? He would stand by her and continue to love her, but not physically. Sebastian believed her remorse, but he couldn’t bring himself to make love to her tonight. Tess’ emotions were still too conflicted and Sebastian felt he had to guard his heart lest she break it into a million tiny little pieces.

There was a light rap on the door. Tess entered without waiting for an invitation. “Can we talk?” she asked quietly, padding toward the bed. She pulled back the navy duvet and climbed into bed with Sebastian.

“It’s two in the morning, Tess. Do you really want to do this right now?” Sebastian asked wearily, pushing his fingers through his brown hair.

“I can’t sleep without you in our bed,” Tess explained.

“Neither can I.”

“I’m going to talk to Dan and tell him I’m committed to you and our relationship. I don’t know what’s gotten into me, but I’m going to make it right.”

Sebastian fidgeted under the covers. “Maybe you should explore your feelings for him and have a new experience before we get married.”

Tess shook her head in disbelief. “What are you saying, Sebastian?”

“Maybe you should sleep with him; see what you’re missing.”

Tess gave him an incredulous look. “Excuse me?”

“If you want to have sex with him, then do it.”

“Where is this coming from? Earlier tonight you offered to beat Dan up. Now you want me to sleep with him?”

“I still want to pulverize him, Tess. But I’ve been thinking, you’re so naïve when it comes to sexual partners—I’m the only lover you’ve ever had. Maybe some part of you needs to experience someone different. Maybe that experience will make you realize that we were meant to be together.”

“I couldn’t cheat on you. You mean too much to me.”

“It wouldn’t be cheating if I agreed to the liaison.”

“You want an open relationship?” Tess all but shouted.

“No, I don’t want anyone else but you. You, however, have feelings for this person. I’m worried you’ll grow to resent me if you don’t explore your feelings for Dan Miller. Years from now, I don’t want you to look at me and think, ‘Why am I with Sebastian when I had an opportunity to be with Dan?’’’

Tess took Sebastian’s hand. “Can’t we just make love? I want to show you how I feel about you.”

Sebastian gave her a melancholy smile. “I can’t make love to you right now, because in the back of my mind I’ll be wondering if you’re thinking of him.”

“Ouch, that hurt,” she said regarding his stinging comment.

“I’m just being honest. We promised that to each other. Think about what I said. I’ll stand by you no matter what decision you make. I love you, Tess.”

“Can I at least sleep here with you tonight?” she asked, her head bowed in shame.

“Yes, darling, you can stay here.” Sebastian turned out the lamp on the bedside table and lay down. Tess snuggled in close to him, draping her arm over his stomach. Fifteen minutes later, Sebastian felt a change in the rhythm of Tess' breathing and knew she had fallen asleep. He was exhausted, too many thoughts ricocheting around his head. Giving her his blessing to have sex with Dan may have been the stupidest thing he had ever done, but he felt he had no other choice. Ultimately this decision belonged to Tess, and all Sebastian could do was wait for her to decide.

Tess stared at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes and her complexion was pale.
You look like hell
, she thought to herself. She attempted to make herself look presentable, applying makeup—heavy on the concealer—and dressing in a new pair of denim jeans, a camel-colored cashmere sweater, and a pair of leather boots. One last glance in the mirror confirmed that she could do little else to help her appearance, so she turned the light off and walked to the kitchen.

Sebastian was taking a bagel out of the toaster. He put cream cheese on it and offered half to Tess.

“I’m not very hungry,” she admitted, declining the food.

“Suit yourself,” he replied, taking a seat at the counter.

“Are you working today?”

“No, I’m meeting Sigourney for lunch after class.” Sebastian took a bite of his bagel and opened
The
New York Times.
“What are your plans for today?”

“I don’t have any plans. Do you want me to meet you at Sigourney’s after my last class?”

“You don’t have to come all the way Uptown. I’ll meet you at NYU—that way we can get the ferry home,” Sebastian explained.

“Okay, let me get my bag and I’m ready to go.”

The six-minute ferry ride across the Hudson seemed to take hours. Tess stared out the window, watching the traffic along the Hudson River. Sebastian was nursing a cup of coffee he had brought from home and wasn’t particularly chatty. She could hardly blame him. His reaction was such a surprise: first calm acceptance and then his blessing to have an affair. Tess didn’t know what to do. A large part of her wanted to run home to her mom and hide in her old bedroom, locking out the world, but she was an adult now and she needed to deal with the situation head-on.

They said their goodbyes in the hallway. Tess kissed Sebastian on the cheek and then turned to the left to go to class. Sebastian walked off in the opposite direction. At least Dan wasn’t in her first class that morning—that would give her some time to create a plan of action.

Tess didn’t have much of an appetite, so she decided to skip lunch. She made her way to the coffee shop, where she hoped she could sit in silence and read a romance novel. It wasn’t her typical genre, but she needed an escape from her own life, even if only temporarily.

It was a good idea—until she practically bumped into someone walking out of the shop. “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention,” she mumbled, and then looked up to realize she had come face to face with Dan.

“I’ve been looking for you. Do you have a moment to talk?”

“Yeah, I guess. Can we go for a walk?”

“Okay,” Dan agreed, stepping out of the coffee shop to join Tess on the sidewalk.

They walked together in silence for a few blocks. Finally Dan asked, “Are you okay? Sebastian didn’t give you a hard time, did he?”

Tess shook her head. “No, he was surprisingly calm about the whole thing. He saw us kissing in the library.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t want to cause a rift between the two of you,” Dan apologized.

She stopped walking and turned to face him. “Didn’t you? I feel like you’ve pursued me from the beginning of the semester.”

“You were a willing participant.”

“Yes, that was my mistake.”

“What? That’s a ridiculous thing to say. You’re nineteen years old—you’re not married.”

“In my heart I am married to Sebastian. You don’t know anything about our relationship.”

“You don’t seem very happy to me right now,” Dan countered.

“I’m not happy. Because I have the most amazing person, who loves me unconditionally, and I had to go and mess it up by allowing myself to be attracted to you!”

“So you admit it: there is something between us.”

“Yes, but I’m not willing to throw away my relationship with Sebastian to explore my feelings for you.”

“Jesus, you don’t pull any punches, do you?” Dan asked, blanching at her bold choice of words.