Love Still Stands (34 page)

“What about Viola?” Bethel closed her eyes. He asked her a simple question and she
turned it around and used it as a weapon against him. “Sorry. Don’t answer that.”

“If you knew me at all, you wouldn’t ask that question.” He backed away. “I hope the
equipment helps you get off the crutches. Then you can get on with your life.”

The rest of that thought echoed around them.
Without me
.

“Don’t go.” She tried to move toward him. Her crutches slipped on the hay. She wavered,
then righted herself. “I didn’t mean it. I’m just…We haven’t…you haven’t even tried
to court me. We don’t know each other. You drive me to town and bring me home. You
give me a wonderful gift. What happened to the flashlight?”

He continued to back toward the door. He truly had a gift for walking backward. “I
don’t know.”

“So I’m not the only one who has fears.”

“Nee.”

“Then don’t blame me for asking an obvious question.”

“I like Viola.”

Her heart hiccupped in such a painful manner, Bethel nearly doubled over. “Then what
are you doing here?”

“There are a million reasons why Viola and I would be more suited for each other.”

“Starting with the fact that she has two good legs.”

“Starting with the fact that she speaks her mind. She has her own life and she’s content
to wait for God to direct her. The problem is she says I’m already taken.”

“She says you’re already taken?”

“Jah.”

“By whom.”

“According to Viola, you.”

“She doesn’t know you or me.”

The lines around his mouth were white. “If we’re going to talk about Viola, maybe
we should bring Shawn along too.”

“Nee.”

“I know he was here.” His boot kicked harder at the straw. “The night before you left.”

“How do you know?”

“Luke told me before y’all left the next morning.”

“Why would he do that?” Embarrassment coursed through her. Luke had talked to Elijah
about her? “It’s private.”

“To give me a kick in the seat of the pants, I figure.”

“Luke was matchmaking?” The thought startled her beyond measure. “That’s a crazy thought.
Luke wouldn’t do such a thing.”

“I wouldn’t call it that. I think he was more wanting to make sure you didn’t make
a choice that would be bad for you.”

“And bad for him as bishop.”

“That’s uncalled for and you know it.” Elijah’s voice, the edges rough, deepened with
anger. “Your brother-in-law is a good family man trying hard to be the leader of his
family and this community.”

“I know.”

He moved until he could lean against the stall, but his gaze never left her face.
“So what about Leah? What happened?”

Bethel thanked God for the change of subject. Something in his face told her they
weren’t done with the first topic, but he seemed to need the same breather she did.
Leaving out most of the painful details, she told him about Leah’s behavior.

“Luke tried to get her to come back. We all did. Maybe if we’d been able to stay for
Thanksgiving…” She stopped. She didn’t want to make Elijah feel guilty that they’d
rushed home to help his brother rebuild his barn and sheds. “Anyway, she wouldn’t
come.”

“It sounds like Leah had her mind made up. Days or weeks, she wasn’t coming back here.”

“With our family around her and time to rest before the new…for a while will help
her. She’ll be back.”

“She’s expecting?” His ears turned red.

She dropped her gaze to the ground. “Jah.”

“They’ve been so blessed.” His voice, filled with a strange plaintiveness, trailed
away. Silence echoed through the barn. A shaft of light from the loft fell on his
face. Bits of hay and dust floated in the light. “They’ve been blessed.”

“They have.” She started the treadmill on its lowest speed and began to move her feet.
Each step cost her. Why wouldn’t her feet lift when she asked them to do it? Commanded
them. Cajoled them. Nothing but slow, dragging steps. “But sometimes that’s hard to
see when you’re in the middle of something. You lose sight of the important things.”

“You’re doing it. You’re walking.” Elijah sounded so pleased with himself, as if he’d
personally moved her feet. In a way, he had. “You’re walking.”

“I am.” As long as she held on. If she let go, down she went. “Sort of.”

“You never answered my question.”

Here they were, back at the beginning again. She longed to be able to hop down from
the treadmill and run from the barn on her own two feet. Run far and fast. “Why are
we talking about this?”

“Because I won’t make the drive to Webster County if I know you will come outside
when I shine the light in your window.”

“So you have a backup plan?” Did Viola know she was the backup plan? “It must be nice
to have choices.”

“You would know. Is Shawn coming back out or are you meeting him after a session?”

“You know I wouldn’t do that.”

“And you know I’m not the kind of man who would do such a thing either.”

“I don’t know anything for certain. Except that I can’t be a wife to anyone in this
condition. I’m not even sure I can…I can…be a proper wife…a mudder.”

His mouth dropped open. After a second he closed it. “So that’s what this has been
all about? You’re afraid.”

“I’m not afraid. I don’t want to sell anyone a bill for damaged goods.”

“You’re impossible.”

“I am who I am.” She gripped the treadmill, swallowed a lump in her throat the size
of a volleyball, and hit the button, upping the speed. Her legs answered the challenge
and her feet moved faster. “Broken, but still standing.”

“Good for you.” Elijah turned and strode to the door. He pushed it open and glanced
back. “The woman who becomes my fraa won’t be afraid to lean on me when she needs
help.”

Then he was gone.

Chapter 32

B
ethel let her crutches lean against the kitchen wall. Balancing herself, she grabbed
hot pads, opened the oven door, and removed the last of the pumpkin pies from the
oven. The heat rose and brought a shine to her face, but she didn’t mind. The nip
in the air and over-cast skies outside felt like more snow couldn’t be far off. Winter,
it seemed, wasn’t much different in Missouri than in Kansas. Nor was Thanksgiving.
The scent of cinnamon and nutmeg baked into fresh pumpkin made her mouth water and
sent her mind reeling back to the days when she, Mudder, Leah, and Mattie had made
dozens of pies for the Graber family gathering. She would miss that enormous mass
of hugs and smiles and endless streaming conversations as they visited and caught
up on all the year’s events. She straightened and set the pie next to two apple pies,
a pecan pie, and the shoofly pie, her favorite. If it hadn’t been for the fire, they’d
be in Bliss Creek right now, praying and sharing their blessings with her family and
Luke’s family.

Be thankful
. She scolded herself silently, but with vigor.
I’m sorry, Gott. I’m so blessed
.

The men had spent the good part of the last two days cleaning up the debris from the
fire. To her endless relief, the work kept Elijah busy and away from the farm. She
hadn’t seen him since he presented her with the exercise equipment. She hadn’t used
it either. Too much work to do. They all still had much to do, but everyone would
pause on this day to give thanks. As they should every day.
This is the day the Lord has made. Rejoice and be glad in it
. Her mother’s favorite verse. She had recited it every day before she went to her
cancer treatments.

“Are you ready?” Luke stuck his head in the doorway. “The boys are in the front room.”

Bethel wiped her hands on a towel and followed him. The two boys looked small and
lonely perched on the couch. A house once noisy with two toddlers and a baby had grown
silent. She settled into a rocker and waited for Luke to do the same.

“We’ll pray.” He bowed his head without waiting to see if the boys did the same.

The silence stretched and stretched. Bethel did her best to concentrate on their many
blessings. Finally, Luke cleared his throat. Bethel raised her head. The boys drooped
against the couch, William with his face set in a gloomy frown and Joseph a little
teary-eyed.

“You first, William.” Luke leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “What are you thankful
for?”

William picked at a scab on the back of his hand. He wiggled and then kicked at the
coffee table with his scuffed shoe.

“Well? It shouldn’t be that hard.”

“I’m thankful…I’m thankful for the new kittens I saw in the shed yesterday.” He sniffed
and wiped at his nose with his sleeve. “I’m thankful for Aunt Bethel’s green bean
casserole.”

Bethel sneaked him a grateful smile. The corners of his mouth lifted, but it was a
dismal attempt to return the smile.

“What about you, Joseph?”

Joseph crossed his skinny arms over his chest and glowered at his daed. “I don’t see
why we’re doing this when Mudder isn’t here and Esther and Martha aren’t here and
Jebediah isn’t here and we’re not going to see Groossmami or Groossdaadi. We were
supposed to get to stay—”

“Whoa!” Luke’s tone cut like a well honed butcher knife. “We’ll not be complaining
on this day, of all days. We don’t always get what we want, but we still have plenty
to be thankful for.”

He was truly right, but Bethel could see both sides of the coin. She too wanted the
family to be all together for the holidays. That’s what holidays meant, especially
for Plain folks who had few opportunities, what with farming and livestock, to visit
for an entire day.

“Let me give it a try.” She smiled at Joseph. “Then you can go. I’m thankful for both
you boys and how you help me hang the clothes on the line and mow and do extra chores
because you know it’s hard for me to be on my feet.

“I’m thankful for this new house and how warm and snug it is. I’m thankful for your
daed and all his hard work in getting the farm ready so in the spring we can plant
the vegetable garden and the flowers and he can plant the fields. I’m thankful for
the cows that give us milk and the chickens that give us eggs and the pigs that will
one day be ham and bacon and sausage on our plates. I’m thankful to God for the blessings
He gives us that we cannot earn and don’t deserve.”

She stopped. No one spoke for several seconds. Finally, Luke blessed her with a grateful
smile. “Amen.”

“Okay, okay, my turn,” Joseph, suddenly eager, popped off the sofa and flung his hands
out. “I’m thankful for the fire in the fireplace and the rugs on the floor that keep
it from being so cold in here. I’m especially thankful for the turkey Daed shot yesterday
that we’re taking to Silas’s to roast. And for the pies we’re taking too. And the
rolls Susannah makes that melt like butter in my mouth.”

“Jah, jah. Enough with the food.” Luke laughed, the first time Bethel had heard him
do so since their return from Bliss Creek. “Get your coats on. It’s time to go. Don’t
forget your gloves and your stocking caps and scarves. It’s cold out there and the
wind is enough to cut you into two pieces.”

Bethel shuffled to the hooks on the wall next to the front door and snagged her heavy
coat. The boys pounded up the stairs where they’d apparently left theirs.

“I appreciate your help.” Luke slid into his coat and donned a pair of thick gloves.
“I know it hasn’t been easy.”

“We’re fine.” Bethel put all the warmth into the words she could muster. “We are fine
and we will be fine. We’ll have even more to be thankful for when Leah comes back.”

His mouth tightened at the mention of his fraa’s name. “I’ll hitch the buggy and pull
around to the front steps. No sense in you struggling against that wind.”

“The boys can help carry the pies.”

It wasn’t much later that they were stumbling from the carriage, their hands and faces
half frozen, and scurrying into the Christners’ house. Silas met them at the door
with a giggling nephew under one arm and a giggling niece under the other. “Glad you
could make it. Come on in. I’m treating these little hooligans to rides while the
womenfolk make a mess in the kitchen. I’m sure they could use all the help they can
get, Bethel.”

He turned and chucked both children over his shoulders. They squealed with delight
as he carried them away. Bethel laughed and motioned for the boys to carry the pies
and the turkey, plucked and ready for roasting, into the kitchen. There she found
a dozen or more members of the Christner family squeezed into the room, laughing and
carrying on like schoolgirls as they stirred, fried, boiled, and baked a mountain
of food. The mingled savory aromas of gravy and stuffing and casseroles dizzied her.
Her mouth watered and her stomach growled.

“Bethel, so glad you could come.” Katie separated herself from the mass of feminine
forms and offered a quick hug. Her apron was stained with cranberry juice and her
face was damp with perspiration. “Those pies look lovely. Boys, set them on the side
table there and skedaddle. The rest of the kinner are playing games upstairs. It has
to be colder than cold up there, but it’s so crowded downstairs, they didn’t have
room to spread out.”