Love Starts With Z (10 page)

“How long are you planning on staying?” Mitchell said, pausing at the front porch of a single-wide, painted in blues and grays.

“Not long. We’re headed to the coast.”

“The war?”

“Yeah, you’ve heard about it?”

“We’ve had several messengers in here over the last two weeks talking about it. And Soren?”

“We’ve invited her to come, but it’s up to her.”

A frown shadowed Mitchell’s face and he tossed Colten a set of keys. “Let me talk at you.” He turned without a backward glance and strode toward the trees behind the trailer.

“Daddy is pissed,” Colten drawled with a brightness in his eyes he only reserved for trouble.

“Dick,” Kaegan muttered and followed Mitchell.

“I’ve seen the way you look at my daughter,” Mitchell said as Kaegan caught up. The trail was thin and plagued with tree roots determined to trip him up. Mitchell, on the other hand, looked as sure footed as a freaking billy goat and dodged them easily.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Mitchell spun. “Don’t bullshit me, boy. I’m grown and settled now, but I was your age once. I loved the chase, back when Laney was dating her boyfriend before me.” He sighed and the harsh look in his dark eyes softened. Gesturing to a fallen tree stretched across the quiet woods, he sat, then pulled out an old rusty knife that had seen better days. He picked up a branch and ran the blade down the length of it, as if testing its sharpness.

Kaegan sat, but far enough away to avoid an easy maiming.

“Soren’s different,” Mitchell said low.

“I know.” His voice cracked but the slow rhythmic slicing of Mitchell’s knife made his balls clench. They were utterly alone in the woods, and if he believed the rumors about the mighty Derek Mitchell, he could slit him from ear to groin and spit on his carcass without much thought about it. Soren’s mom, Laney, was equally dangerous. “H-How different are we talking?”

A slow, knowing, humorless grin stretched Mitchell’s jaw. “You’re afraid it’s wrong to like her.”

“The thought has crossed my mind,” he admitted. He just wouldn’t admit how many times. Today had been a constant pulling of his emotions after she’d straddled him by the beach.

“She’s human. You aren’t enamored with some monstrosity, if that’s what you’re worried about. But—” Mitchell swung a dangerous gaze to him “—others won’t see it that way. People are cruel. When it comes to Soren, they don’t have much patience with accepting her. She’s
other
to them.”

“She seems accepted here.”

“Denver colony is different. She grew up here, and the entire place was built around her acceptance. Sean is a good leader and was friend enough to Laney to protect us when Soren was born. How was she treated at Dead Run River?”

Kaegan swallowed hard and dropped his gaze. Awful. Horrible. They’d treated her worse than they did the livestock. He couldn’t tell her dad that, though. Not after she’d worked so hard avoiding that conversation with her family earlier. Mitchell gave him a hard look and grunted like he knew.

Mitchell looked off into the woods just as a gentle breeze picked up and rustled the leaves around them. “She can’t just do flings, you understand? She’s tough when it comes to most things, but she’ll expect a lot from a man. I taught her she should. It’ll take a special person to pair up with her. You talking about taking her to war with you makes me wonder if you’re the type of option she needs. You’ve made yourself a soldier, expendable, you’ve shortened your shelf life. Soren needs a man who will stick around, even when it’s tempting to run off and join a cause like men your age tend to do. You could get her killed with this mission, Kaegan.”

“Sir, that’s not my intention. I’d never want to put her in harm’s way. I owe her my life, I just—from the moment I saw her, she seemed important, you know? Like she was meant for more than what she was doing.”

“Like war?”

“No. Yes. I don’t know, maybe.”

“I watched the way you looked at her when she was greeted by her people at the gates. You didn’t look much anywhere else. I look at Laney like that, so I know. Just, don’t hurt my girl, okay? If you care about her as much as I suspect you might, put her first. Put her before the war, before what others will say, before yourself.” He stood and sheathed his knife, then dusted his pants. “She deserves that.”

Kaegan sighed as Mitchell left the way they came. He was wrong.

She deserved so much more.

“T
HAT
T
EAM
O
F
S
EXIES
you came in with are cute,” Vanessa said, sipping the sauce from the wooden spoon she’d been stirring with. “Especially the shorter one, with the bright eyes.”

Soren snorted and pulled a pan of rolls from the wood burning stove. “You would think he’s cute. His eyes are almost the color of Sean’s, and he’s a total jerk.”

“Hey,” Sean said defensively. “I’m not a jerk anymore.”

“I knew it,” Vanessa breathed, ignoring her husband. “It’s the big brute you like then, is it? What’s his name?”

Opening her mouth, then closing it again, Soren kept very busy setting the rolls one by one into a wicker basket lined with cloth napkins.

“Ignoring me won’t make me stop asking questions,” Vanessa said.

Silence.

Vanessa was beautiful, and had aged gracefully. Her hair was pulled back in a plum colored ribbon, her favorite color, and her smile lines were attractive as they deepened with her mischievous grin. “Did you let him get to second base yet?”

“God, Vanessa, really? His name is Kaegan. And no. No bases. I’m not even up to bat.”

Her perfectly arched eyebrows drew down in a frown at odds with her natural expression. “Well, why the hell not? He’s studly.”

“He’s very human.”

“What? What does that mean? So are you, young lady, and if this is some prejudice thing on your part—”

“No, nothing like that. I mean, he’s fragile.”

“What is considered second base?” Eloise asked from the table where she snapped green beans into a bowl. “Is that under the pants?”

“Someone kill me,” Soren muttered.

“I thought it was making out and playing with the boobies,” Vanessa said. “Under the bra,” she specified.

“You let him touch your boobies?” Mom asked from her spot beside Eloise. Why did she sound so excited by the prospect?

“No! No one has ever done that. Or kissed me. Like I said, not even up to bat. I’m basically warming the damned bench.”

“Pity,” Vanessa groused.

Her mom’s mouth took on a worried moue, and Sean leaned against Vanessa’s back, hands slipping to her waist, and whispered something into her ear. She giggled and said, “Be careful what you wish for.”

Yack.

“I’m going to grab some fresh air,” she murmured as she sidestepped Vanessa and Sean’s canoodling.

“I thought it was third base that was under-the-bra-boobies,” her mom said.

Soren turned at the stairway. She’d missed this—this comfort and ease around her. Finn and Guist came through the front door below, stomping leaves from their boots before setting foot on Vanessa’s swept floors, as the three women who’d raised her argued over bases. Sean watched her with a catching smile that said he understood her discomfort as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

The old house had belonged to a religious group before the apocalypse, but you’d never know it looking at the raucous group cooking dinner in it now. Cult symbols still clung to old wooden boards under carpet in many of the cabins in the colony, but any bad mojo had long ago been dispersed by the happiness and determination of the people who’d called it home for the last two decades.

A small play area, where she and Adrianna had spent hours together while their parents cooked when she was younger sat atop the landing and led into a spacious dining area and kitchen. And behind her was a small hallway with two bedrooms. This was where Adrianna had been raised, and when Denver had fallen to the treachery of Sean’s troops at the time, her friend had struggled to assimilate at Dead Run River, until Sean had cause to take his colony back from the Deads that trolled the broken fences. That cause had been Soren.

The best people on earth chatted happily in the room before her, and she smiled as she turned. Guist ruffled her hair, and Finn slapped her on the back in a greeting that rattled her bones. On the last stair, she paused and kissed her fingers before pressing it to a small, worn picture of a woman with long, flowing gray hair Adrianna had scratched into the wooden panel when they were kids. It was an old habit, born from Adrianna insisting they kiss the picture in order for Mona’s spirit to rest. Her friend had claimed to see the ghost of the woman when they were kids on several occasions, but she herself had never seen an apparition. Maybe the spirits of the damned didn’t show themselves to murderers like her.

The air outside was much cooler than earlier in the day, and she tugged her cotton shirt farther down. She didn’t feel the discomfort of cold, but it wouldn’t do to get sick right now. Murmured voices sounded from farther down the main trail, and familiar deep tones floated to her on the breeze. Her heart fluttered as she recognized Kaegan’s voice, but it sounded troubled, so she stepped into the shadows of the trees, not wanting to interrupt.

“It’s not right,” Colten said as quiet as a whisper.

“Man, I don’t want to talk about her any more with you. You don’t like the answers I’m giving you? Fine. Don’t ask the questions.”

“I have to ask these questions, Kaegan. If I don’t, you won’t even think about them. That much is evident from you ignoring every woman of your own fuckin’ species, and going fuzzy over a Dead that looks like she’d eat a mountain of men before bedding one.”

“Shhh,” Kaegan hissed, throwing a glance up at the lit windows above them.

“Can she even sleep with a man?” Colten whispered, undeterred. “Her vagina probably has poisoned juices or some shit. Eyuch—” he gasped as Kaegan’s fingers gripped his neck.

“Enough. I get that you’re trying to protect me, but don’t talk about her like that.” Kaegan’s grip loosened.

“Zombie dick.” Colten rubbed his fingers over his neck. “You’re probably going to get zombie dick.”

Kaegan shoved him through the front door and closed it before Colten could utter another word. Soren froze in her shadowy hideaway as he ran his fingers through his hair and growled just loud enough for her to hear it.

She shouldn’t have been here to hear this conversation. Embarrassed, she scanned the woods behind her for an escape. Dinner was still a while in coming, and she couldn’t sit in there and make nice with Colten while they waited. She’d just swoop in there as soon as dinner was on, put in her required time, and slink off to her cabin as soon as it was polite to excuse herself.

As quietly as possible, she backed up. Kaegan didn’t seem to notice her as he sank onto the front steps and snapped a defenseless twig in half. When she felt it was safe enough, she turned and bolted for the safety of the woods.

The stars were out in droves, and the moon hung low and bright in the night sky. For lack of direction, she pointed her feet toward an old root cellar. She and Adrianna used to play there as children, and it had always felt safe. Like their own secret place away from everything that was going on around them.

Someone had put a lock and thick chain on the doors, and she tugged it once to test it. Disappointed, she scraped caked leaves and dirt from the double wooden doors. Rot had taken some of the boards, and they’d splintered with age. It seemed smaller than when she was a child, but everything had a tendency to feel larger to kids.

Arching her neck, she looked into the infinite expanse of the night sky. It had been ages since she’d just appreciated its vast beauty, and she lay down on a bed of lush grass. Hooking her arm under her head for support, she breathed deeply the smell of home. Of cattle and fresh cut wood, of pine and the ever present scent of the Deads who lingered just outside the walls.

“What are you doing?” Kaegan asked.

Gasping, she nearly jumped out of her own skin. What a terrible monster she made if she let a man sneak up on her like that. Irritated at being frightened, she said, “Baking a cake. What does it look like I’m doing?”

“Watching the sky, but why?”

With a sigh, she stretched her neck backward until she saw his towering form, upside down from this angle. “When was the last time you just enjoyed something beautiful?” Her voice sounded muffled and small behind the muzzle.

After a long while, he said, “I can’t remember the last time,” then turned as if to leave.

She returned her gaze to the stars as a heaviness pulled at her, and the sound of grass under foot, crunching and giving, drowned out the sounds of a mockingbird trilling late into the night.

The air stirred as Kaegan lowered himself beside her in the opposite direction. His face rested on a patch of weeds right beside her cheek, and his hair tickled her shoulder.

His warmth reached for her, drawing her to him, but she stilled herself completely at the shock. “What are you doing?”

“Baking a cake.” His whisper held the remnants of a smile.

Locking her hands across her stomach to fight the urge to reach up and touch him, she moved her jaw against the chafing muzzle. “I don’t have a poisonous vagina, you know.”

“I had a feeling you heard all of that.”

“Dr. Mackey ran tests. It’s only my mouth that’s catching, so you know…”

“No danger of rotting zombie dick?”

The need to defend herself from Colten had landed her in a conversation she wasn’t sure she was ready for. Kaegan wasn’t hers, and she didn’t owe him an explanation, but still, it was nice that he knew the truth. But the weight of their impossible future hit her like a sack of rocks. She’d never kiss him. Maybe she could kiss a boy if he was vaccinated, but Kaegan, for whatever reason, had refused. And suddenly the thought of kissing someone other than him gave her a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach, like she was falling into a black abyss and wouldn’t ever stop.

“My mom was different,” he said, turning his head so she could see herself reflected in his eyes. “You aren’t like anyone else, but neither was she, and maybe that’s why you don’t scare me like you think you should.” He rolled his head until he was looking at the stars once again, but the faraway look in his eyes said he didn’t see the star dusted night veil above them at all. “I was four when the apocalypse hit. I don’t remember much about the world before all of this, but I remember running. We were living down in Oklahoma, and Dad was at work. I remember Mom talking on the phone with someone, and she kept asking them,
Should I go? Should I take him and go?
And eventually, she did. The only memory I have of my dad is of him hunting us. No matter how far away we ran from the city, from the hordes, he followed slowly behind. And when he finally caught up to us at the state line, we were hiding under a broken down car on the highway when he found us. Mom killed him, but it did something terrible to her. I try to remember the happy times that she tried to give me as we drifted, but visions of her crying are what stuck with me. She didn’t really seem to try to shield me from her heartbreak, but I think maybe that’s because she didn’t ever think we’d last through the day.” He swallowed loudly. “She slept with every man she thought would give us protection. When she started wasting away, getting sicker, she talked to herself a lot, didn’t take care of herself anymore. Didn’t take care of me. I remember her walking around one of the colonies we’d settled in for a couple of weeks with no shirt. I didn’t care though because she was my mom, and no matter what, I loved her. It wasn’t her fault she was broken. It was the Deads’.”

“Is that why you want to join the war?”

“I want to join the war because the thought of no future terrifies me. Come on.” He rocked forward and offered his hand. “Your dad told me Vanessa would skin me alive if I was late to dinner. You might be immune to her wrath because you know her, but I don’t want to test it.”

Sliding her hand in his, she stood as he tugged and stumbled forward with the surprising strength of his grip. Frozen, she stood against his chest, unable to pull away from his warmth that enveloped her like a childhood blanket. He slid his arms slowly around her waist and pulled her closer until his chin rested on the top of her head.

Her limbs tingled, and she inhaled his crisp, masculine scent as she rested her muzzled cheek against his taut chest. “Did my dad grill you?”

“A little.” His deep voice vibrated against her cheek, and she closed her eyes to give her sense of touch more rein. “He thinks I might not be a good friend for you.”

One hug and she was drifting helplessly into an addiction for his affection. Dad was right. “You aren’t.” She moved to pull away but he tensed.

“Don’t.” He brushed his fingertips against the skin of her arm, conjuring chills. Slowly, he intertwined his fingers in hers. “Don’t push me away. I know the risk, and I’m still here.”

“You know the risk, but do you understand it? Have you thought about what I could do to you if I slipped up even a little? You’d be gone forever, and in your place would be a raving Dead who’d look like you and eat up everyone’s memories of the man you used to be. I’m poison, Kaegan, and I’ll destroy everything you are on the way down.”

He leaned forward until his lips brushed her ear. “Take the muzzle off.”

Shaking her head in denial of his request, she bit her lip against the want to show him all of her. “I can’t. I’m scared.”

“That I’ll run?” He brushed light fingers over her back, and they rested on the muzzle clasp at the back of her head.

“No, not that you’ll run. I’m scared I’ll hurt you.”

“You won’t,” he breathed in a soft stroke against her earlobe. “I know you won’t.”

A vision of screaming, terror, blood on her face and hands as she stared at her horrifying reflection in a bathroom mirror slashed across the back of her mind, and she eased back. “You know nothing. You wouldn’t even be my first victim.”

She left him standing in the moonlit clearing. Even as she felt him watching her, she didn’t turn back—couldn’t turn back or she’d cave.

The cold had never bothered her before, but after the heat of his embrace, the breeze seemed bitter and stinging against her skin.