Love Songs (14 page)

Alanna was swept up in a torrent of desire. She was utterly lost in his kiss and the yearning to return its intensity. In a fleeting moment of recollection she knew where she was, but it no longer mattered. All that mattered was Alex and what he was doing to her, what they were about to do together. It seemed the highest point of her life, that moment for which she had waited long, long years alone, compensating for that aloneness with her work.

Again her hands sought him out. He gasped when she touched him, then pulled her over onto him and reached for her face. He kissed her thoroughly, savoring her mouth, adoring its welcome. His hands moved to her shoulders, skimmed the length of her arms, found her hips and slowly drew the soft fabric of her gown up to her waist.

Consumed from within by a burning need, Alanna strained toward him. She wanted him—oh, how she wanted him. Yet she was frightened. It had been so long since she had opened herself to a man. The heat of Alex’s body spoke of his own raging fire. He encouraged her with the proof of her power over him. Her breasts brushed electrically against his chest when she bent forward to seek his strength.

“Alex…”

“Shhh.” He kissed her again, drugging her to near-mindlessness.

“But Alex…” The last shred of reason found timid voice. “Here?”

“I need you, love,” he rasped urgently. “I need you now.” His hands reached for her, but she resisted for a last, frantic moment.

“I’m frightened,” she whispered. “I want to please you.…”

Her words brought a deep groan of desire from his throat. In one lithe move he rolled her beneath him, pausing only long enough to slip her gown over her head, then feel her nakedness with his restless palms. “You please me already, Alanna. Be mine. I do love you.”

At that heady declaration Alanna released any threads of caution. Words became a thing of the past, yielding to a kiss that worked its way over her body, finding tiny pockets of sensuality and bringing them to life. His fingers worked a magic of their own, tuning her to him until she had no separate identity. He led her high with his touch to a peak of clamoring need.

The moment was imminent. Alanna’s breath hung in her throat, to be released in a soft, sweet cry when she was at long last complete. Alex had made her so. He must have felt it, too, for he clasped her to him, crushing her breasts against the warm wall of his chest for a long, still time of quiet pleasure.

Then, between murmured heart-words and avid cries of ecstasy, he made love to her. Slowly, at first, he set the rhythm, drawing her into it faster and with rising hunger. Alanna floated in a world of passion and promise. Her body throbbed with desire in the growing need for fulfillment. Willingly, she let Alex stoke her fires, returning the heat, hotter and hotter until, at last, clutching him, she felt his explosion and knew of her own.

It was a honeyed warmth that spread through her to him and back as they lay, locked tightly together, savoring the last moments of rapture. Alanna felt fulfilled in a way she had never felt before. Her breathlessness echoed his, but gradually slowed as time put its inevitable wedge between glory and reality.

What came over Alanna then, she would never know. With the speed of lightning, her life passed before her, its kaleidoscopic frames suddenly encapsulated in one moment that held more meaning than all the rest.

Helplessly, she began to cry. Tears streamed down her cheeks to dampen his chest as he slid to her side and shifted her in his arms.

“What is it, love?” he whispered, stroking her hair back from her face. “Did I hurt you?”

She could only shake her head against him, choked by the silent sobs that racked her body. Alex’s love had released the emotional flood that had been dammed for years, years in which she had neither cried nor sought refuge in arms such as these that now held her so very tenderly.

He let her cry, sensing her need to express feelings so long bottled up. Cradling her gently, he rocked her until the inner storm exhausted itself. Then, his body protectively curved to hers, he pulled the covers over them.

They could have been in their own private bungalow on a deserted stretch of beach in the bright warmth of the Caribbean, honeymooning with abandon, so deep was the relaxation Alanna felt when the silence of the cool northern night enveloped them. In Alex’s arms, content and fulfilled, she fell into a deep sleep. Within moments he had followed her. When they awoke it was morning and their bodies were still entwined. To their instant delight was added a note of astonishment: Sated by love and held by each other, they had slept, undisturbed and at peace, through the night.

6

Ellen Henderson was neither delighted nor undisturbed, and peaceful was the last word to describe her expression when she summoned them both to her office early that evening. Alanna took a seat by the desk; Alex perched on the edge of a low file cabinet.

“How
could
you, Alex?” the psychologist burst out as soon as the door was closed. “This is a hospital, for heaven’s sake!”

Alanna had already spent most of her day pondering the matter. Neither guilt nor regret had a place among the many emotions she felt. She was confused, perhaps, as to where the future would lead. She was certainly overwhelmed by the effect this one man had on her. She was even a bit frightened of the force of her own response. But she was also pleased and satisfied, strangely at ease with the knowledge of what had occurred so spontaneously last night.

Alex, to whom Ellen seemed content to direct her initial tirade, was likewise free of guilt. He was downright unremorseful. “I’m well aware of what this institution is, Ellen,” he answered her smoothly. “But worse things than love have happened at hospitals.”

“I’m not talking about
love
and you know it. I’m talking about
lovemaking.
I would have expected a bit more propriety from you, of all people.”

Still Alex was totally in control. “Come off it, Ellen. I’m human. I told you I loved her. Don’t be a prude.”

Ellen bristled. “Tell
that
to the poor little nurse who walked in on you two this morning.
She
was not terribly pleased.”

Alanna looked down and pressed a fist against her mouth, yet her soft laugh could not be entirely muffled. Guilty only at finding humor in what so clearly disturbed Ellen, she shot a helpless glance at Alex. His expression mirrored hers, though he managed to refrain from an open show of amusement.

“Poor girl. Did we shock her that much? You know, Ellen, you really should teach your nurses the facts of life.”

“Alex…” Ellen warned him softly, yet there was an easing of her tension. Now her gaze shifted to include Alanna. “What am I going to do with you?” She threw her hands up in exasperation, then joined Alanna and Alex in spontaneous laughter. “You know, if I weren’t a happily married woman myself I’d probably be jealous of you, Alanna.”

For the first time Alanna spoke. “I didn’t realize you were married. You don’t wear a ring—”

“—or use my husband’s name or call myself
Mrs.
It may be a modern marriage, but it’s worked well for the last seven years, so it’s got to have something going for it.”

“What does he do—your husband?” Alanna asked, fascinated that a woman with such heavy career demands could successfully manipulate the mechanics of a marriage.

“He’s an anesthesiologist here at the hospital. We coordinate our schedules very comfortably.”

“How
is
Sandy? I haven’t seen him in a long time,” Alex asked, obviously as familiar with her husband as he was with Ellen. Alanna turned her attention to his dark, casually posed figure as he proceeded to chat easily with Ellen for several moments.

Despite her outward attentiveness, Alanna’s mind wandered helplessly. What
had
last night meant? She felt different, somehow, yet her body was certainly unaltered. It was all within—this difference. In the process of his lovemaking Alex had broken down her defenses. He had breached her emotional guard. She was suddenly unsure of the future, of what she wanted from her life. And she was acutely aware of things she’d never known. Only Alex’s presence had made her see her past as one of loneliness. Only his love had rendered all else empty. Where was she to go now?

“The way I see it,” Ellen’s evaluation broke into her thoughts, drawing her startled gaze, “we have two options, neither of which is totally satisfactory. First, you could continue as part of the IAT study, with strict promises,” she looked sharply from one to the other, “to keep your hands off one another. Even if you agreed, I’d be compromising the project by adding a tension that wasn’t there before. The second possibility,” she sighed, “is for you both to drop out. I have others I can put in in your place.”

“What if we got married?” It was Alex’s deep voice that posed a third possibility.

Alanna promptly vetoed it. “No!” The force of her refusal brought her to her feet. Suddenly distraught, she looked from Alex to Ellen and back, then walked to the far side of the office to stand with her back to them, her arms wrapped protectively about herself. She felt their eyes on her, sensed when they looked at each other in silent communication. It was Ellen who came to her rescue, rising from her desk to approach and put a gentle arm about her shoulders.

“Look, I have a suggestion,” the psychologist began. “We’ll chalk this night up to an unavoidable complication. Why don’t you both take the time to talk, to decide things between yourselves? I’ve listed the possibilities relating to the study.
You
have to list the possibilities relating to your relationship. Take tonight off and tomorrow you can let me know what you’ve decided—whether you want to stay in the program under my conditions.”

In the silence that followed Alanna knew that Ellen Henderson’s suggestion was fair. The problem of insomnia had taken a definite backseat to this more immediate matter between Alex and herself. At her nod of agreement, Alex spoke up.

“Thanks, Ellen. You’ve been more than understanding.”

“It’s my job,” the woman quipped with a smile, turning. “But promise me that you’ll follow the guidelines I’ve given you—no liquor or coffee, try to leave the tension behind when you go to bed—” She caught herself up short and an impish smile lit her face. “As a matter of fact, I understand you two did very well last night. No waking up at all?” Alex grinned broadly as he shook his head. “You know,” she went on, “I really should be furious.” But she wasn’t. “You’ve proven something that I don’t even have the guts to commit to paper for fear they’ll close down the sleep lab! It would be an interesting proposition.…” Her gaze narrowed in feigned concentration.

“It
is
an interesting proposition,” Alex spoke for Alanna’s ears alone when, several moments later, they headed for the elevator. She couldn’t muster any response, but simply remained silent, caught up in the whirl of emotions that stirred within. Alex snagged her gaze for a long enough moment to read her turmoil, then he turned her gently toward him. “We do have to talk. Let’s go to my place. I can drive you back to pick up your car later.”

She found encouragement in his seeming patience and nodded. The Porsche was in the lot. With a light hand at her back he guided her toward it, then held the door while she made herself comfortable. It wasn’t difficult in a car as elegant as this. Conversation was a far more trying matter, however. Alanna didn’t say a word. Her thoughts raced wildly in a desperate bid to escape the crux of the issue:
What did she feel for Alex Knight?

In his arrogant way he had found a niche under her skin. His presence permeated her life with its aura of specialness. How had she let it happen?
Why
had she let it happen? Could it be that she
needed
him?

Defensively, she concentrated on the Alanna Evans who had existed so successfully, all alone, for the past ten years. Her mind dwelt on the image of that self-sufficiency, of professionalism, and by the time Alex pulled up before a tall, modern apartment building in a newly converted area of downtown Baltimore she felt more composed than she had all evening.

“This is home?” She leaned forward to eye the imposing structure.

“Uh-huh.” He switched off the ignition and scanned the entrance for a sign of the doorman. “It’s comfortable and convenient. When I want to stretch my legs and breathe deeply of country air I drive down to my parents’ house.”

“Do they live far?”

“It’s not quite a fifty-minute drive.”

“Do you see them often?”

“I try to get down there once a week. Occasionally they drive up to join me for dinner.”

“And your brothers and sisters—” Her voice broke when the doorman unexpectedly appeared to open her door, startling her. Conversation resumed in the elevator.

“I have three sisters and a brother. Joey manages the West Coast office. We talk on the phone often, but don’t see each other as much as we would like. The girls are scattered; two are married and one is still in graduate school. She’s the baby. She’s training to be a pediatrician.” His pride was unmistakable.

Alanna was instantly appreciative. “Whew! That’s quite a goal!” The elevator opened and Alex led her to a door at the far end of a long, ecru-papered and carpeted corridor. “The penthouse?” She cocked a blond brow.