Love Song Series Box Set (7 page)

Chapter 5

Julie

I slam the door after climbing
into Matty’s truck. My feet thump against the floor board, nervous energy making it impossible to sit still. Anger burns its way through my body, causing sweat to pop out on my forehead.

I jerk my phone out of my purse and text Bethany a quick message.
Matty is taking me and Jenny home.

A
few seconds later, my phone dings.
Want me to come with you?

No, absolutely not.
I love Bethany, but right now, I need some time to myself.
Nope, stay and have fun.

Okay.
I’ll have Kris drop me off when she leaves.

Have fun.

I start to put my phone away, when it dings again.
Are you okay?

I should have known Bethany wouldn
’t let me go with a simple goodbye.
I’m fine, talk later.

I ignore the next ding and shove the phone into my purse.
I can’t talk about this now. I just can’t deal with Bethany’s words of wisdom. Right now, my mind is filled with all the ugly things Becca said to me. They had been sleeping together for almost a year. A freaking year! How could I have been so stupid?

Rubbing my stinging cheek, I replay all of her words.
Why, why, why did she have to be such a bitch? I can’t believe just how much she has changed. It’s like she’s a completely different person. The sweet girl from high school has turned into a vicious bitch that is determined to cause me as much pain as possible. It’s hard to believe she’s the same woman that used to be my best friend. Un-freaking-believable.

I knew I would have to face
Becca someday soon, but I sure in the hell didn’t expect it to be at my welcome home party. I never even considered she would show up here. If I had been her, I would have been ashamed to show my face. Thinking about the snarky smile on her face, I realize she doesn’t have an ounce of shame in her body.

As mad as I am at her
, it’s nothing compared to the anger I feel toward myself. Having sex with Jase is inexcusable. How could I have been so stupid? How could I have done that after everything I’ve been through the last nine years? After everything he has done? My God, what in the hell is wrong with me?

I know the answer to that question
. I still love him. Even after all he has done, I am still in love with Jase Gibson. I probably always will be. The problem is that I hate him as much as I love him. How can you hate and love the same person?

I thought maybe, in time, I could forgive hi
m, and we could move on from all the anger. I had hoped we would be able to form some sort of friendship, for Jenny’s benefit. After everything that just happened, I doubt that will ever happen. In fact, I doubt we’ll ever be able to be in the same room without killing each other, or even worse- tearing each other’s clothes off. That can never happen again.

I
’m not sitting in the truck long when I hear my daughter yell out, ‘Goodbye, Daddy’. I look out the window and notice Jase watching her. I know not telling him sooner about Jenny was wrong of me, but after seeing and hearing about the man he’s become, I’m wondering if it was the right decision after all. I just hope now that he knows about her, he’ll step up and become the dad she needs.

Matty puts Jenny in
the rear seat and buckles her up before getting in the driver’s seat and putting his hand on my leg. “You okay, babe?”

I nod m
y head and stare straight ahead, too afraid to speak. I know the tears are about to fall, and I’ll be damned if I cry in front of my daughter.

“
Are you sure?”

Ignoring him, I turn my head and look out the window.
After a few minutes of silence, Matty starts the truck. Jenny starts talking a mile a minute from the back seat. After a moment or two, her voice starts to fade. Then she quiets completely. I look back, and her eyes are closed. I slide over to Matty and place my head near his. “Did you know, Matty? Did you know about Jase cheating on me?” I ask in a whisper, trying not to wake Jenny.

He hesitates then whispers back
, “Yeah.” He nods his head. “I warned him, when he started with you, to keep it in his pants. I knew about Becca the first time, but he said it was a mistake, never to happen again, so I left it alone. I’m sorry, Jules. I should have told you.”

I slide back to my side and look out the window again.
I don’t know how to respond, so I just stay quiet.

“
He was having a hard time, Jules. He was so messed up after Mom died. Shit, he still is.” Matty pauses for a second before continuing to break my heart. “He loves you, darlin’, but he doesn’t love himself. Until he learns to do that, he’s no good to anyone, especially you and Jenny.”

I close my eyes. The hurt just keeps on coming.
“Just take us home, please,” I say.

Jase

Watching Julie and Jenny ride off with Matty
is one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I want to go after them, but I know it isn’t the right time. Hell, I don’t know if the time will ever be right. I need to get my shit straight before I try to fix things with Julie. I can’t be drowning myself in whiskey if I want a relationship with my daughter, and I want to be part of her life.

I head into the garage and grab a beer
then walk out back and sit at one of the picnic tables. There are people all around, but they stay away. I guess they know I’m not in the mood for talking. So I sit here all alone, drinking my beer and thinking about how shitty my life is. Every bit of it is my own damn fault. I fucked it all up myself.

“
She loves you, you know.” A woman’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I look up and see a beautiful redhead standing beside the table.

“
Who the hell are you?” I don’t care how pretty she is. I just want to be left alone, but she ignores my bad attitude and sits down across from me.

“
I’m Bethany. Julie’s my sister-in-law. Well, she used to be anyway.”

It takes a moment for her words to sink in.
“That bastard’s your brother?”

Something odd flashes in her bright green eyes before s
he finally nods. “Yes, he is.”

“
Then what the hell are you doing here?”

“
Julie is my best friend, and she asked me to move here with her and Jenny.” She laughs, a tinkling sound that seems odd coming from a grown woman. “Actually, she told me I was moving here with them. I didn’t really have a choice.”

“
Why the fuck is she friends with you? After what he did to her, it looks like she’d want to cut anything to do with him out of her life.”

She gives me a sad smile.
“Julie is a good person, and she’s smart enough to know that I am not my brother. She also understands that I have no control over my brother’s behavior. Believe me, I wish I did,” she finishes in a whisper, more to herself than to me.

I get a feeling there
’s more behind her statement, but I’m not sure what. I’m not really sure what to say to her, so I just agree. “Yeah, Julie’s a smart woman.”

“
Sometimes, she’s too smart. She spends too much time thinking with her head instead of her heart. That’s why she married my brother. It’s also why she ran away from you today.”

Now my interest is peeked.
“What do you mean by that?”

“
Julie married Dean because her head told her it was the right thing to do. He’s a successful doctor. He’s rich and handsome. From the outside, Dean is the perfect husband, but when you dig deeper, Dean is a monster.” She pauses and looks me over. “You are the exact opposite. You’re too sexy for your own good. You drink too much. You’re a mechanic, not that there is anything wrong with being a mechanic, but I doubt you’re rolling in the dough. On the outside, you’re a man that a woman should stay far away from, but on the inside, you’re a good man.”

I
bark out a laugh. This chick doesn’t know me at all. Anything good inside me has been dead for a long time. “You know all this just from looking at me?”

“
No. I know all that because I saw how you looked at Julie.”

I sh
ake my head at her to let her know that I have no idea what the hell she’s talking about.

“
You looked at her like you would take on the world for a chance to get her back.” Bethany stands up and starts to walk away. She stops a few feet from the table and turns back toward me. “She loves you, but she’s scared out of her mind. I saw my brother beat her half to death, but he never broke her. When she first got to Kansas City, she was broken. It was because of you. If you want her back, you’re going to have to prove to her that you won’t break her again.”

As I watch her walk away, I wonder how the hell I
’m supposed to do that.

Chapter 6

Julie

Opening the door to Jenny
’s room, I smile when I see her sleeping with Lulu held tightly in her arms. I’ve been worried about her all night. She was quiet after we got home from the party. I asked her what was wrong, but she said nothing. She went to bed almost immediately, and I heard her crying through her bedroom door. When I went to check on her, she pretended to be asleep. I left her room, knowing she wanted to be alone. I ended up spending most of the night sitting on the floor in front of her door, fighting the urge to go to her.

I know all of this is hard on her. The move, meeting new peopl
e, being so close to her father; it’s a lot for an eight year old to handle. I know there is a small part of her that misses Dean. At least, she misses the life we had in Missouri. No matter what he has done to me, being with him is all she has ever known.

I don
’t have a lot of good things to say about Dean, but he was a good step-father to Jenny. He never mistreated her. I honestly believe he loves her, in his own way. He did his best to shield her from the trouble in our marriage. He never hit me in front of her, but she’s not stupid. There were only so many excuses I could give for the bruises and hospital stays. She knew what was going on, and her love for him started to fade.

By the time she was six, she started to change. She wasn
’t a bubbly child anymore. She was quiet and always on guard around Dean. She’s starting to come out of her shell since I left him, and I don’t want my problems with Jase to bother her.

Bethany stayed at
Kristen’s last night, and she won’t be home ‘til late this afternoon. Having Bethany move here with us was one of the best ideas I have ever had. She’s like a different person. She found a job at Jenny’s elementary school. She’s even making friends outside of our little circle. Sure, she’s still shy, but she laughs a lot more now. She’s getting out more, discovering that she can have a life of her own.

Since Bethany is gone, Jenny and I are alone for the day.
It’s the last day before school starts and I have to start my new job, so today, we are going to have some fun. I’m going to take her to Nashville and hit Music Row. Maybe I will get her a pair of cowboy boots and take her to Paradise Park to eat. Then we can visit the zoo. I haven’t been there in years, but I heard they built a big jungle gym for the kids. Jenny will love that.

“
Come on, sleepy head. Get up. Momma’s got a surprise for you today,” I say, gently shaking her awake. The word surprise has her sitting up and smiling.

“
What kind of surprise?” she asks in the sweet sleepy voice that only kids have.

“
It wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you.”

Her eyes narrow a bit
, and a pout forms on her lips. “It would too.”

“
I put your clothes in the bathroom. Take your shower and then come down to eat breakfast. I’m going to make chocolate-chip pancakes,” I say ignoring her.

I give her a kiss on the top of her head and go to the kitchen
, leaving her to get ready by herself. Before I make it to the kitchen, the phone rings. “Hello?” I answer. No one answers back, but I hear breathing. “Hello?” With my second hello, whoever is on the line has hung up. Looking at the phone confused, I put it back down on the table.

It
’s the fifth hang-up I’ve gotten in the last three days. I’m pretty sure it’s Dean, but the number is blocked, so there’s no way to prove it. I shake it off, refusing to let him get to me today.

I
’m in the middle of making the fifth pancake when someone knocks on the door.

I look out the window
, and Jase is standing on my front porch. I’m not ready for this. No way, no how. I peek up the stairs to make sure Jenny isn’t out of the shower yet. I’m not going to let this day get ruined. I open the door and step out. “What do you want?” I snarl at Jase.

“
You said I could see my daughter.”

“
I said you could see her if you got yourself straightened out. Don’t tell me you had some big epiphany last night.” Yeah, I’m being a bitch, but I can’t stop the venom from flying out of my mouth.

“
Yeah, I guess I did. Everything changed the moment I saw our daughter. Shit, it changed the moment I saw you.” He takes a deep breath. “Come on, Julie. You may hate me, but you know I’d never hurt that little girl. All I want is to get to know her. Please,” he begs, and I can feel my resolve start to crumble. I have to stay strong. I can’t let him into her life if he’s still drinking and whoring.

“
Really? How do I know you won’t hurt her? You practically destroyed me,” I hiss at him, my bitch still shining brightly.

“
You don’t think that not knowing my daughter destroyed me? How about the fact that everyone but me knew about her? My own father and brothers knew, but no one told me a damn thing. You don’t think that fucking kills me?” he asks through clenched teeth. “Julie, I want to know Jenny. I want to be her dad.”

He
’s right. I know he’s right, but I just can’t do this today.

“
You do have that right to get to know your daughter, but you’ll have to do it some other time. I’m sorry, but we have plans today. I’m gonna take her to music row for a little shopping,” I say, trying to close the door, but his hand comes out and stops me.

“
Could I come with you?” he asks.

“
I don’t-” My response is cut short by sounds of footsteps flying down the stairs. When I look behind me, Jenny is standing on the bottom step, staring at Jase like he’s some kind of movie star.

“
Oh Momma, this is the best surprise ever.” She runs over and gives me a big hug, then smiles up to Jase. I look at him, and his eyes are wet, but his smile is just as big as Jenny’s. I know what I have to do; I have to try to work past the pain and let him be part of our daughter’s life.

“
Well, the pancakes are getting cold. Let’s get inside to eat.” I push Jenny through the door and look back at Jase. He’s staring at me, waiting for my next move. I stand to the side and hold the door open for him.

He looks down
at his feet and runs his hand through his hair, then steps through the door. “Thank you,” he whispers as he follows Jenny to the kitchen.

We spend a few awkward moments stepping around each other
, while I make more pancakes and finally decide it’s time to call Matty. Excusing myself, I step into the bathroom and pull the phone from my pocket. He answers on the second ring. “Hey, Jules.”

“
You want to go to Nashville today?”

“
Uhmm…I don’t know. Give me a second.” I hear muffled voices in the background before he answers. “I guess I can.”

I don
’t bother explaining things to him, just tell him to get his ass here as quickly as possible, and then slide my phone back into my pocket. As soon as I step back into the kitchen, I smile at Jenny. “Uncle Matty is coming with us today too.”

She runs up and gives me a big hug.
“Oh, this surprise keeps getting better and better. Thanks, Momma.”

I smile again before turning her back toward the table.
“We won’t be going anywhere if you don’t eat your breakfast.”

After she climbs back into her seat,
I go over to the counter to get my plate. A second later, Jase slides in next to me and grabs another pancake. “Are you afraid to be alone with me?” he asks quietly.

“
Nope, I just figured you would want some time alone with Jenny, so I figured Matty could keep me company while you two hung out together.”

He smiles and shakes his head.
He knows I’m lying, but I will never admit it. “You better eat. Matty will be here soon.”

He winks and heads back to the table.
Sliding back into his chair, he ruffles the top of Jenny’s hair. She smiles so brightly that it brings tears to my eyes. In that instant, I know that I should have never kept them apart.

I slowly make my way into the chair opposite of Jase and do my best to keep my tears from falling.
We finish up breakfast with Jenny asking Jase every question she can think of. Just as I start to clear the table, I hear Matty come in and turn around to look at him. “Babe, I’m here.”

“
He calls you babe?” Jase says in a low tone as he follows me to the sink. His voice is harsh, and the jealousy in it is easily heard.

For some reason, his question
and the tone of his voice causes a flash of anger to run through me. Deciding to play up whatever this thing is, I walk over to Matty and wrap my arms around his neck for a hug. “Just play along with me for the day,” I whisper into his ear.

He smiles, and his hands start to move lower on my back
, pushing me into his body more. I can feel an electric current fill the room, and I know it’s coming from Jase. He doesn’t have the right to feel jealous or possessive over me, but there is a small part of me that enjoys knowing he does.

I step back from Matty
’s arms and tell him our plans for the day. I turn back around to face Jase and Jenny. Jenny is talking to him, but he is looking at Matty and me. He looks furious, and that just makes me smile. I know I’m being a bitch, but I’m enjoying it too much to quit.

I look right
into Jase’s eyes. “You and Jenny will do all that fun stuff, while Matty and I hang out at Legend’s Corner. It’s perfect. You two can get to know each other better, and Matty and I can have some adult fun.”

I don
’t let anyone answer. I grab Matty’s hand and leave the room, dragging him with me into my bedroom before shutting the door. “I can’t believe he’s doing this to me. I had this whole day planned out for Jenny and me, and he just shows up.”

“
Babe, calm down. Jase wants to get to know Jenny. I’m here now. It’s good,” he says with a smile.

“
It’s not good. Nothing is good,” I say with a shake of my head. “I just know that something bad is going to happen.”

He ignores me and opens the bedroom door.
Walking out into the hall, he looks over his shoulder. “You should have seen his face when you gave me that hug. It looked a lot like it did when you announced we would be having some grown up fun. Funniest shit I’ve ever seen.” He finishes using air quotes and chuckling loudly.

“
Screw you, Matty.”