Love Rules (6 page)

I'm so happy Thea is staying over with me tonight. I can't wait to snuggle up with her and have hot chocolate with marshmallows and reminisce about our olden days. My best, beautiful friend. My bridesmaid. My only bridesmaid. Me being me, I'm glad out of the two of us I'm the first to wed. Just recently, though, I've been hoping that perhaps she'll not be too long behind. Whereas I'm now the first to admit I used to fall in love with a type – and the wrong one – I've seen that my path to happiness necessitated me walking off course. And in doing so, I came across my kind, gentle Mark. Who'd have thought it? Who'd have thought!

I think, at our age, after the highs and lows experienced through our twenties, the time comes to alter your focus, a shift in perspective. I decided to turn my back on a view which actually gave me little joy. I want Thea to take a leaf out of my book – we're similar and yet so different. I hated ever being single – I used to wait until a replacement was a dead cert before breaking off an already failed relationship. Thea, though, would rather be all on her tod than dally with someone she doesn't experience her elusive spark for. It's actually infuriating – I've introduced her to a couple of Mark's friends who are really nice, successful, balanced blokes. But in each instance Thea has said ‘He's really nice – but he doesn't do it for me.’ I know she's hardly on the shelf, but still I don't think she should be so choosy. I wish for her all that I'm headed for. Though, if I'm honest, as nice and successful and gentlemanly as Mark's friends are, I concede they are just the tiniest bit dull. Just the tiniest. Well, I'm not marrying them, I'm marrying Mark Oliver Sinclair.

I've just thought – when Thea marries, I won't be called her ‘bridesmaid’. What is the term? Something like Lady of Honour? No no – that can't be right – that sounds like an eighteenth-century hooker attempting to turn her life around. Lady in Waiting? No no – that's what royalty have and although I'm princess for a day tomorrow, my delusions of grandeur are
not
on that scale! Matron of Honour? Damn and bugger. That's it, that's what married women in brides-maid capacities are called. Bloody Matron. God, it sounds horrendously frumpy. But there again, by the time Thea gets her act together, I'll be the definitive boring old housewife! Maybe we can fix her up with Mark's American cousin tomorrow.

Thea
will
so fixate on the notion of a dashing hero – it's her yardstick and she resolutely refuses to alter the scale. I've tried to tell her that in my experience – and especially my discovery through Mark – it doesn't really work like that. But she won't believe me. She doesn't want to think that growing up is about understanding that love's no longer about falling in love. I say to her ah, but look where it's got me – getting married in the morning and deliriously happy about it. She'll figure it out, I guess, like I did.

Jesus, it's here. It's the day of my wedding. I have exactly seven hours to go. How on earth am I going to make time pass? I only need to have my hair done and put my make-up on and then my dress. Not even I can make that last seven hours. I slept pretty well, actually. Thea's the best bed-partner a girl can have because she doesn't snore, she doesn't toss and turn and she always recounts the funniest dreams. Last night she dreamt that the groom was Bill but that I didn't notice and she couldn't make her voice heard because
my veil was 30 feet long and wafted all around her like cheap bubble bath and tasted like marshmallow.

We tried for ages to find some deep significance to her dream but we concluded she ought to keep away from sugary snacks and that Bill wants to be where Mark will be but will die a lonely old bachelor. Thea brought me breakfast in bed; a tray laden with
pain au chocolat,
orange juice, tea and a blush-coloured rose. She keeps calling me Miss Almost Sinclair and Nearly Mrs. I told her I wished I could take her on honeymoon – and I do! I want to be able to run around the bathroom with Thea getting over-excited about all the gorgeous toiletries and sumptuous thick towels.

People keep phoning and asking if I have last-minute doubts, or if I'm a bag of nerves. Actually, I feel pretty level-headed about everything. I'm excited. About my dress. About seeing all the people. OK, yes – about being the centre of attention. Bring it on, I say – all is planned to perfection so bring it on. Yes, I'm full of butterflies but they're fluttering in excitement and anticipation, not swarming with trepidation or nerves. This isn't just my big day, it's
huge.
I'm going to a wedding in four hours' time and it's my own and I can't wait.

I'm meant to be having a lie-down – that's what Thea suggested. She's just in the bath – she was happy to have my bath water. I do love my flat but it does make sense for Mark and me to sell our flats and buy a marital home. One with a hot water tank big enough for more than just one bathful. A house with a ready-matured herbaceous border in the garden. Tell me there isn't a catch. That life can be this blessed. I need to double-check the cab to take us to the hairdresser's.

I love my hair! Manuel is amazing. Thea's looks gorgeous too. She actually had hers trimmed today – I just had the
blow-dry of my life. Her hair is gleaming, slightly shorter than usual, cut into the nape of her neck and tucked behind her ears. I hate the way she says it's boring and mousy. Anyway, she looks like a fusion of Audrey Hepburn and Isabella Rossellini. I've had this beautiful grip made for her – a single orchid. I can't wait to see her in her frock. We chose A-line in crushed velvet the colour of buttermilk; slightly empire under the bust, a low, square-cut neck and wide straps just off the shoulder. I seriously almost wept when I saw her in it. She looks divine. My mum just phoned in some unnecessary flap or other. I spoke to Dad and diplomatically asked him to intervene on any further calls she might be tempted to make. I'm glad the car will take just Dad and me. And I know Thea will cope fine with Mum. I wonder how Mark is. We spoke when Thea was in the bath. I was meant to be having a little lie-down but I couldn't keep my mind still enough for my body to relax. He sounded fine. He said yes to every single thing on my Double-Triple-Check And Check Again List. He was laughing. He loves my quirks. I hope he likes my hair all heaped up like this. In fact, I wonder whether to warn him in advance that if he touches it, it's grounds for an immediate annulment. Whoever thought that hair could feel so heavy! Maybe it's the little pearls that they've pinned into it. Fake. Not that you'd know. In fact, I'm getting a stiff neck from admiring the back view in the mirror.

Thea came to say it's time to get dressed. She's a glorious vision in the pretty panties and bra we bought from Fenwicks for her. We bought my undies from Agent Provocateur. Mark will blush. I love it that Mark blushes at my sexiness. If he wore glasses, he'd be the type they'd steam up on. Thea and I have set the dress out on my bed and we have twice gone through the precise order that things must go on, be stepped
into, have laced up and smoothed down. So I'm stepping in. And slipping my arms through the sleeves. And Thea is lacing me up. And smoothing me down. We've gone quiet. We're listening to some play on Radio 4 but I couldn't tell you what it's about. I don't know how to describe the feeling of my dress. I don't want to use clichés. It's duchesse satin, blush coloured – the colour you'd imagine a child's kiss would equate to. The sensation on my body is like a loved one gently, adoringly, whispering to my skin. I almost daren't look in the mirror. Thea's finished the lacing and smoothing and her eyes are welling up. She's just nodding at me. Nodding. And biting her lip. And nodding some more. With her eyes all watery and her nose now red. I'll have a look. In a minute. I'll turn around. I'll have a look now. I'll have a little look at Alice Heggarty in her wedding dress.

Hullo, Daddy. Hullo, hullo. Oh my God – the car is amazing! Let's tell the driver to drive round the block a couple of times. I ought to be five minutes late. Ten, preferably. And we must remember not to stride up the aisle. Mum will kill us. And please please don't say anything to me that'll make me cry. Don't call me your little girl. I am your little girl but if I hear it from you today, I'll cry and want to run all the way home.

I can't hear. I can't hear a thing. I'm watching lips move over the vows I helped pen. I know it all off by heart. But I can't hear. I'm ever so warm. Actually I feel a bit hot. Mark is saying things. Pardon? It's my turn. I have to say something. Something for everyone to hear. I know this bit. I know what to say. Please don't let my voice croak.

‘I DO.’

Thea and Saul

Thea Luckmore had a remarkable constitution when it came to alcohol. Guts of iron, Alice called it. For some, this would be their downfall. For Thea, it was no big deal. She didn't regard it as a skill, or a gift; nor as a demon to keep at bay, or an affliction to be wary of. She could simply drink as much as she liked, become talkative and effervescent until the small hours yet maintain the presence of mind not to snog indiscriminately, to remember where she lived, to take off her mascara before she went to sleep and to awaken with energy, a clear head and a fresh complexion. Just occasionally, however, a hangover befell her which reminded her that alcohol could be rather a bore. A hangover for Thea bore no relevance to the amount drunk the night before, it was attributable solely to champagne. And at Mark and Alice's wedding, Veuve Clicquot flowed as if it were lemonade.

So, while Alice was trying to procure an upgrade from Club to First on her first morning as a married woman, Thea was creaking open an eyelid, groaning and praying for numb sleep. When Alice and Mark left Heathrow, First Class, two hours later, Thea managed to creep carefully to her bath-room, take two Nurofen and tolerate an invigoratingly cool
shower. Although it felt as if the inside of her skull and the rims of her eye-sockets were being maliciously rubbed with industrial sandpaper, that sawdust had stuck her tongue to her tonsils and that her stomach would never absorb any kind of food again, Thea was staggered to see from the mirror that she looked as if she'd had eight hours' sleep, a macrobiotic supper the night before and a challenging Pilates session.

She gave herself a stern look and vowed never to drink champagne again. She let the telephone ring and listened to Alice leave a message.

‘Thea? I'm on the plane! I am 38,000 feet high! We're in First Class. Which isn't the reason I'm calling – well, it is. But also, would you mind popping into mine while I'm away – twitch the curtains and all the etceteras? Thanks, babes. Oh! By the way, one of Mark's cousins from America thought you were “hot”. And I've given him your email address – apparently, he's over in Britain on business quite often.’

‘I can't remember him,’ said Thea, wondering if a warmer shower might be good for the cold sweat now gripping her.

‘And if you can't remember him, he was the one you danced with on Top Table to “Lady's Night”.’

‘I was dancing on Top Table? Oh my God.’ Thea groaned.

‘You also danced with Jeff, one of my features editors. But despite his passion for mascara and glossy lippy, I don't think you were aware that he is in fact gay. And shorter than you. Anyway, must fly – oh, I already am! There's in-flight massage! Bye, darling, bye.’

A purpose was a very good idea. Thea had a purpose to the day. And after she checked on Alice's flat, she walked sedately to the top of Primrose Hill. The air was cold and cut through the fog in her head. The wind sliced across her face and elicited tears which refreshed her eyes. She was under-dressed
for the weather but every time she shivered, she found that her nausea quelled. So she stood on the top of Primrose Hill, tears coursing down her face, shuddering violently at irregular intervals. And that was when Saul Mundy first saw Thea Luckmore, all silent tears and harsh, spasmodic shuddering. She was staring in the vague direction of St Paul's Cathedral but to Saul it seemed she was gazing deep into the nub of whatever it was that irked her so. It immediately struck him as peculiar that a seemingly unhinged person he'd never met was in fact capturing his attention. Even more bizarre was his instinct to take off his jacket and place it around her shoulders. He wanted to buy her soup. To sit her down. Though disconcerted, he felt compelled to linger. She seemed oblivious to her surroundings yet at the mercy of the elements. Trembling. Tears. Pale.

‘Hullo,’ said Saul, whether it was a good idea or not, ‘chilly, isn't it.’ He couldn't believe he'd chosen the weather as his opening gambit, but he was not in the habit of striking up conversation with a complete stranger, albeit an attractive woman who appeared intriguingly sorrowful. The only other thing he thought of saying was ‘nice view’, but he managed to resist.

Thea didn't dare turn her head for fear of upsetting the fragile balance she'd achieved. Even glancing down the hill, five minutes before, had made her feel dizzy.

‘Look, excuse me for asking,’ Saul continued, ‘but are you all right?’
Fuck, now I sound like a bloody Samaritan.

‘Thanks,’ Thea mumbled, ‘I'm fine.’

‘I don't mean to pry,’ Saul said, though it would appear he was doing just that. She said nothing. She didn't look at him. This was so not his style and yet on he rabbited, grim-acing at himself for sounding like an insipid do-gooder. ‘I just don't like to see people crying and shivering and alone on a cold November afternoon.’

Oh for fuck's sake
, thought Thea,
can't I just have my hangover in peace?

‘I'm fine, OK?’ she grumbled. ‘I have a sodding hangover. That's all. Go and rescue souls somewhere else, please. The devil's had mine and I'm a lost cause.’

Saul tipped his head back and laughed. ‘I take back all my sympathy then,’ he joshed. ‘I was going to offer you my jacket. But hey, it's Armani. And anyway, your suffering is self-inflicted, enjoy!’