Love Renewed (Entwined Hearts #3) (20 page)

“I want you to leave, Dane.”

“Lib—”

“No, you’ve done enough, just go. I don’t…I can’t even look at your face anymore. Please do something for me, if you still have any love for me like you used to, please just go.”

He takes a step toward me and I take a step back. I watch as a single tear slips from the corner of his eye and quickly rolls down his beautiful jawline.

“I’ll always love you like that seventeen-year-old boy did. You’re it for me. Just you. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you. I’m so sorry, Nova. So sorry.” He turns around and walks away, softly opening my door and closing it. I start crying again, my sobs take my breath away and I lean over throwing up over the table, just missing the contents of the box still strewn all over it. I grab the items throwing them back in but stop when I see a photo of a much younger Dane and me. There are huge smiles spread across our faces, we have our arms wrapped around each other, our heads together. I don’t know what we’re laughing at, but it’s very obvious that we were in love. That we belonged together back then.

I walk out onto my balcony and watch a figure in the distance walking away. I don’t know if it’s Dane. What I do realise, at that moment, is that I love him. Not just back then. I knew before tonight—before I remembered—I already knew I was in love with him. When he released my memories, all my old emotions came with them, including the love I once had for him. Standing on the balcony, I feel the first drops of rain hit my nose before the heavens open. I slide down the wall, wrapping my arms around my knees and sit in the rain, letting the pain show, letting the hurt drown me. Realising that I don’t know if I can ever get over this.

Feeling like everything in my body has stopped working, I knew I might get this reaction. Even so, it hurts more than I thought it would. It’s like the last shred of light I was clinging onto is gone. I’m lost, for the first time in my life I don’t know how to fix this.

I woke up this morning resolved. There are things to sort out that I can’t do by staying in New York. I need to make sure the people I love are safe and that means getting back to London. I love Nova. I will always love Nova, but she needs her space right now. She can take some time to work things through in her head, and while she does that I can sort the storm that’s swirling. If she thinks I won’t be back to get her when I’m done, then she’s forgotten who I am. Even when we were kids, I was determined. First though I need to let her know I’m leaving. I’m not sure how she’s going to react. I left her once and now I’m doing it again. If she asks me to stay, I will. I’ll do whatever it takes to make things right. But if I know her at all, then or now, I know that she’ll push me away. That I’ll need to give her time. And I will, but that’s not an open-ended offer. There will be a limit. And when that time runs out I’ll show her where she belongs.

Walking down her corridor brings back the words of last night, my chest tightens from the pain festering inside. Tapping on her door I wait for it to open.

“Dane.” Her eyes are puffy, she narrows them, it looks like she’s been crying all night. Immediately throwing her arms around her body, she takes on a protective stance, which causes an ache in my heart. Taking her in, I’m instantly transported back twelve years. She has a big jumper on, it’s so big that it engulfs her, hanging low to her knees. She has tight black trousers and bare feet, her toenails painted blue. I raise my head back to hers and ignore the look on her face, instead staring at her hair which hangs loosely around her shoulders.

“You look like…” I trail off. She looks like her, but the
her
that existed over a decade ago. She looks like my Nova, and that thought cuts something inside of me. This whole time I’ve still been missing her, the girl I knew all those years ago, I have to face the fact that she doesn’t exist anymore. Not in the way I still see her. I shake my head.

“Sorry Dane, but I’m pretty sure I made my feelings clear last night.” She sounds like a bitch, even though that’s not her and I hate that, hate that I’ve made her feel this defensive.

“I’m not staying, I didn’t come to upset you. Honestly. I just came because I wanted to let you know I’m heading back to London. Tonight. I have work to sort out. I was going back in the next few days anyway because this work can’t be postponed.”

“Doesn’t surprise me that you’re leaving again,” she snaps then throws her palm over her mouth, her eyes widening, surprised by the remark. “Sorry, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

“Yes, you did. But that’s okay, I deserve it. You need to know that I would be staying, trying to work this out if there was another way. But the thing with my work is, it’s kind of life or death and right now it needs my attention. But you say the word, just say it and I’ll stay.” Part of me wants her to say it, I want her to want me, to say what I wished she had said all those years ago.
Stay.

“No, just go. It’s what I asked you to do last night and it’s still what I want this morning.”

I nod resigned. “I’m coming back Nova. I’ll always come back,” I tell her.

Then I walk away from the only women who’s ever really known me. The only woman I’ve ever loved. The only woman I have any kind of future with.

The ringing won’t stop, this must be the fourth time. They’re obviously determined to wake me up. I have a good idea who it is that’s trying to get me to answer my Skype. I wish I’d shut the damn computer down now. Rolling to the left and hauling myself up from the sofa into a sitting position, I stretch my neck and glance over to the laptop sitting on my dining table. I can’t see who's calling from here. Luckily, as I shoot daggers into the back of it, the ringing stops again, bringing the only smile I’ve had for the last twenty-four hours to my face.

I get up realising how stiff my body is everywhere, and the headache from hell is circling my skull. I cried myself back to sleep this morning after Dane left. I equally chastised and praised myself for my actions. The problem I have now is that when my memories first returned they were mainly focused on Dane and me. I don’t know if that was because of the music playing at the time or something else. Since then other things have been filtering into my conscious, including how I ended up in the hospital and why I had that plane ticket. I just don’t know where to go from here. I love him. I absolutely one hundred percent love him. I feel it even more now because I have our past back. But I hate what he did to me and I know I forgave him years ago, but the fresh pain of everything has made me angry and even slightly bitter. I need to get a grip, at the very least talk to him, but I just don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to move forward.

Shuffling to the kitchen to make myself a coffee the ringing starts again. Groaning and standing still I don’t know whether to answer or ignore it. “Ugh!” I moan, knowing I can’t keep ignoring them, they’ll be worried and they’ve done nothing wrong.

Has anybody actually done anything wrong?

Wayward thoughts annoy me as I make my way over to the laptop. “Pea,” I answer after clicking to accept the video call.

“Girl, Eric is going to fly back over there and smack your backside if you don’t sort this thing out with Dane. He’s far too much man for you to let him slip away. And trust me this is not an empty threat, Eric does not like to smack girl’s butts.” He shudders in the video link. My eyes move to Pea. She’s saying nothing, just looking at me. She draws in a slow, steady breath.

“I asked you to handle him with care,” she whispers. My body flinches at the sharpness of her words.

“You’re angry with me,” I reply.

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because, he’s broken. You’ve destroyed him, and for what? Something he did when he was seventeen?” I watch her turn away from the camera for a moment as she rubs her temples.

“Sweet cheeks,” Eric calls me softly and I find it hard to pull my eyes from Pea, the tears threatening once again. As I look toward Eric, he speaks again. “What happened? I mean Soph called us from her honeymoon. She said Saul called Dane, and that’s when he found out what was going on. Although Dane didn’t say much apparently, just that you had left him and that it was his fault.” I feel the bile rise in my throat hearing that he’s blaming himself, but I’m not sure what I expect because I’ve been blaming him too.

“Fuck!” I scream and stand up, my chair falling back with the force. “I need to speak to him.” Pacing left and right across the front of my laptop, I need to keep moving. I have to move.

“I’m sorry, Libby, I just…it’s just…I’ve never known Dane like this. I called him a little while ago after I heard what happened. He told me not to worry about him. I know he’s a grown man and older than me, but he’s my brother, he’s big and strong and proud. He sounded….he was hurt…gutted…like his heart had been ripped out of his chest. I didn’t mean to be so angry at you. I just couldn’t help it. I keep hearing his voice, it was so empty, hollow. He was cold Libby.” Hearing her words, I gulp for air. I can almost taste his pain as my own.

“I overreacted. You have to understand Pea, we may never agree on this, but I was there all those years ago, I lived through it. He hurt me, more than you realise. Still, my reaction was harsh. I couldn’t see past my pain. I’ve had time now and although I’m still feeling confused and upset, I know I need to talk to him. I just don’t know how I’m supposed to get myself through this.” I sit back down sighing.

“You don’t get yourself through it, you allow others to help. Starting with Dane,” Pea answers.

“I have to call him,” I reply standing again and looking for my phone.

“He’ll be on a flight now, it left about thirty minutes ago. He always has his phone off for flights and he won’t be back at home for about ten hours. It’s late over here now, but we’re suffering severe jetlag at the moment. Just…let us know if you need our help with anything Libby.” Pea drops her head.

“Listen sweet cheeks, he loves you, everyone can see it. You love him, we can see that too. Just sort things out so you and your man are both in la la land again and all will be right with the world. Listen to Eric, he is great with advice. Other things too but that’s not for your delicate ears.” His words make me chuckle and I feel a weight lifting off my shoulders, just a small one, enough to allow me to breathe a little better.

“Thank you both, for helping me pull my head out of my ass,” I say softly.

“We didn’t do much, other than having a go at you,” Pea answers looking back at me.

“It was enough,” I tell them both.

Ending the call, I walk around my apartment looking for my cell. Locating it under the mess of sheets on my bed, I see there are three missed calls and two texts. One call is from Dane, the other two are surprisingly from Davy.

Davy:
I have some of your things here. I would appreciate it if you would come over to collect them.

I stare at the text confused. I don’t remember leaving anything at his house. I hardly ever saw him or stayed there, and when I did I always brought all my belongings home with me. My hands glide over the letters replying.

Me:
What things?

His response is immediate.

Davy:
I don’t know, some hair products.

I huff to no one.

Me:
Are you sure they’re not Mel’s. I don’t remember leaving anything.

Davy:
They’re yours. When can you come and collect them?