Love Rekindled (Candle Light Book 2) (5 page)

“You do things to me…”

“I haven’t yet. Not yet,” his hands pushed the tank top up and over my head baring me to him. I shivered, from the cold, or from the desire, I have no idea but it was a yummy shiver.

He pushed up on his knees and I was still a head shorter, staring at his chest. And what a lovely chest—with a tattoo.

I traced the black rose with falling petals with my finger, “You have a tattoo, you’re mother would be livid if she found out.”

“I don’t make it a habit to walk around shirtless in the presence of my mother so there is no way from her to find out. And your English accent is atrocious, love. Now, something demands my attention.”

“What’s that?” the words were barely out of my mouth when he covered my lips with his. His lips, his kiss was just as I remembered—perfect.

~*~

“Kristy introduce me!” I begged chasing after her around her bedroom.

“No for the hundredth time. Ron is trouble.”

“And he’s hot,” I floated down onto her bed, “Man is he hot. If he smiles at me like that again I swear I’ll die the little death.” A pillow smashed into my face and I rose sputtering, “Really Kristy.”

“I can’t listen to you talking about him like that,” her body shook with revulsion, “Yack! It’s weird.”

“Why?”

“He’s my brother!”

“He’s your brother-in-law,” I corrected, “And there is nothing disgusting about his sexuality. In fact he’s yummy,” I sighed heavily. At twenty-five I shouldn’t be experiencing the kind of sexual drought I was in. My sister was two years younger and already married. She was disgustingly happy and still in the honeymoon phase.

When she began dating the straight laced Englishman, I thought the relationship had a shelf life of a banana but thousands of bananas later they were still going strong. But she’d changed him a bit. His tie used to be perfect, sitting around his neck like a well behaved noose, then as the weeks went by it got looser and looser. He lost the tailored suits and Italian leather shoes and became more into loafers, jeans and a pollo shirt. He was still a rich boy but a watered down version. Ronald Stanford however was the playboy of the two. William was cute but Ronald was flaming hot!

Another pillow hit my face.

“Would you stop that? I can hear all your depraved thoughts from all the way across the room. You want an intro? Fine but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

I squealed like a teenage school girl bouncing on the bed, “Thank you thank you thank you sis! I owe you big time. Now, you just have to convince him to stop by here. I’m sure he can take a few weeks off his world tour.”

Kristy rolled her eyes, “Ron has been on this world tour since his dad died and left him the responsibilities of the company. Will thinks he’s trying to run away but his guilt always takes him back to England on occasion to check on their mother.”

I shivered, “It’s amazing, just the mention of dragon Gloria scares me.”

“You and me both sister. But the trick is never to let her see the fear or she’ll swallow you whole.”

Oh I didn’t doubt that but we’d gotten off topic, “Kristy—”

She sighed heavily, “Yeah yeah I know. Ron will be here tonight so go do whatever rituals you have to, to attract him.”

By rituals my sister meant the normal routine a woman went through before a date. Kristy was a tree hugger so make up, hair spray, perfumes and the likes were a taboo for her. And William loved her natural beauty and loved her enough to go off meat. Me… not so much. I love a big juicy cheese burger.

I jumped off the bed and kissed her cheek before dashing out to commence my rituals. I had a billionaire playboy to attract and I was pulling out all the stops.

~*~

“What are you thinking about?”

I cuddled into his side and he wrapped his arm tighter around me. I was naked with Ron, lying in front of a raging fire enjoying the aftermath of some wild sex. This was one of the many fantasies I had about him before I talked myself into writing him off as a love interest.

“Just about the first time we met.”

He fingers trailed up and down my spin giving me the sexy shivers. “William and Kristy’s wedding.”

I snorted, “Repeating vows from a Celtic romance novel at the beach is not exactly a wedding. Good thing Will had a mind to make it legal.”

He chuckled and I could feel it vibrate in his chest where my hand lay, still tracing the tattoo. It fascinated me. I had to remember to ask him about it.

“So what about that day?”

I pushed up onto my elbow to look down at him. He looked different, less grieved. Do I look the same? Was that all I needed to lessen the strangling grip this grief had around my heart after countless other attempts? For how long should I have sex with Ron until everything was bearable? Or how long will it last before I fall back into that dark pit of grief again?

“Sandra…”

“Oh yeah right. You barely noticed me then. I’m talking about the day you stopped over in Manhattan on your way to some jungle in South America—”

“The Amazon,” he cut in.

“—and Kristy kind of forced you to take me out.”

He combed his fingers through my hair, “I noticed you. I’d just received a stern warning to not go sniffing anywhere near you. And Kristy didn’t have to force me to go on that date.” His confession set butterflies in my belly. “What about it?”

“Everything was going so well until the end of the date.” I hinted suddenly feeling as self-conscious as I did that night.

His hand stilled in my hair for a moment before it began stroking again, “It had been a fun date, hadn’t it?”

“So what happened?”

“When we got to my hotel room?”

Hell it was like pulling teeth! “Yes, then. What changed your mind?”

He exhaled loudly dropping his hand from my hair, “Do we have to discuss this now?”

I wanted to say yes but I’d just spent a good hour of nothing but pleasure in his arms and I didn’t want to risk not having that again. I could be classed as a horrible mother using sex to forget my child but I needed the forgetfulness he gave me.

“What does that tattoo mean?”

He flipped, sliding me under him, “No talking remember?”

I nodded, slipping into the world of nothing but sexual ecstasy with him again.

Chapter Five

I don’t know how long I have been sitting here. In the wet grass staring at the sun. It wasn’t up when I woke up from yet another nightmare, bundled myself in Ron’s winter coat and walked out of the cabin. It was really dark then and the mega volt flash light was the only source of light. Everything had been as silent as it was dark. But now the sun was half way up, its golden rays shining on the morning dew and the sounds of little animals coming out of sleep filled the air. I could see my breath in white smoke rising over my face that was thawing out thanks to the sun. I wasn’t too cold anymore and that wasn’t all too good I think. The cold had frozen my mind and now that I was starting to feel warm, reality was seeping into me with the sun rays.

The raw pain hit first. Then the fifty ton sense of despair crushing my heart under its weight came next. Tears choked me and the beautiful vision of the rising sun became a blur of light.

I could feel it. It was dragging me down into its pit and into its embrace again. I had just escaped from last night. Was there no way to fully escape it, this grief from hell? Was I to be its prisoner forever!

Then I felt his heat behind me, through the thick padding of his coat. His legs cradled mine, his arms wrapped securely around me like an anchor, and my descent into the pit came to a halt. But I knew it wouldn’t be for long. The relief never did last long.

“I’m sorry I…” I began in a whisper but couldn’t get anything else past my constricting throat.

He settled his chin on my shoulder, rubbed his rough cheek against my smooth one. It was scratchy but familiar, comforting, warming.

“It’s alright. I have another. See,” he held his hand up for me to see his well padded arm. The brown coat was similar to the black one I wore. He probably had it in three other different colors. Such a diva.

I nodded stiffly, blinking my vision clear and sending hot tears down my cool cheeks. It burned.

“How long have you been out here?”

“A while.”

“And you didn’t get tempted even once to leave?” I shook my head no.

We sat there in silence for a while watching the sun ascent before he spoke again.

“Tell me about Eric.”

I wasn’t expecting him to say that. I don’t know what I expected but not that. No one had ever asked her that. It made me glad that there was one less person who wanted me to forget my son.

“He was such a perfect baby. Barely cried and seemed to love his own company. I used to go to his room and cuddle with him because
I
was lonely. He made being married to that ass a whole lot easier.”

“He was an angel if he could do that.”

I smiled, “I used to imagine all the things we would do together once he was old enough. All the games I would go to just to cheer him on.”

“Which sport?”

I shrugged finding the question a little ridiculous. “He’d be great at all of them and of course have the brain to match.”

“Of course, an all round jock,” he responded laughingly.

Ass! “There would be a line of girls ready to kiss my ass because they wanted to get in his good graces—him being a mama’s boy and all. We would have that kind of mother—son bond that every other mother would be jealous about. And of course I would be the momzilla who had his back no matter what.” 

“Sandra, what are you doing out here?”

“Enjoying the sunrise?” I hedged hoping he would let it be. And he had, I think because he didn’t say a word for like the next ten minutes. It must have been some jedi mind trick because  I found myself saying, “I could feel myself being sucked into that black hole and I… last night when we were together I felt something other than agonizing pain… I just needed something to keep me afloat. I don’t want to keep drowning any more, have been for way too long.”

His arms tightened around me and I leaned my head against his, “You are going to have to say the words Sandra. If you have any hope of making it out to the other side, you’re going to have to face it.”

My chin trembled and I clutched tightly to Ron, “I never got to drive him to school or to his friend’s house. I never got to help him with his homework or just do it for him because I was that much of a sucker. I never got to drive him to soccer, baseball or basketball practice or cheer him on during games. I never got to give him embarrassing kisses all over his face in front of his friends because he played so well or passed his exam.”

“Sandra…” Ron’s broken voice filled my ear.

“I’ll never get to cry my eyes out after dropping him off at his college dorm and he never got to hug me in his big strong arms, teasing me of how much of a cry baby I was. I’ll never get to whine about how fast time had gone and how big he was and how easily he could carry me like I used to carry him. I’ll never get to call and text him a thousand times a week because I miss him so much or do his laundry when he came over for the weekend. I bet I would complain about it but still do it anyway because he’d probably have someplace cooler to be but chose to be home with his dear old mom instead.”

“Sandra, this isn’t—”

“I’ll never get to meet the love of his life because he never got the chance to grow up and fall in love. It isn’t fair Ron, it isn’t fair he’s gone so young!”

“I know love, I know.”

“My son is dead Ron, my baby is dead. Eric is dead.” I cried and Ron just held me as I did, not saying a word.

*

“How are you feeling?” Ron asked passing me a glass of water before he sat down beside me on the couch.

“After crying for hours, from morning into the night, I’m feeling a little dry. Keep the water coming,” I croaked. My throat was soar from all the crying and my eyes felt puffy and just as soar. I must look a sight!

He chuckled nodding, “Besides that, how are you?”

“Ron, crying isn’t a quick fix.”

“No, but acceptance in your case is a huge leap in the right direction.”

I drank deeply and then handed him the glass once it was empty, “Thanks. You know, I feel a little better but the hurt is still there.”

He placed the glass on the table then moved closer to me, gathering me in his arms. I snuggled against his chest, loving how his strong arms wrapped around me. I felt safe in them.

“You’ll still hurt love but with time it will lessen, become bearable,” he kissed the top of my head, “You Sandra, are the strongest person I know. Seeing you so broken frightened me but I know you’ll be fine with time.”

There was something in his voice that caught my attention. He sounded despondent. Why?

“Ron, what’s wrong?”