Love & Redemption (26 page)

The elevator doors slid open and Gavin put off entering. He half-hoped Shelley would run up behind him, beg him to come back and be part of the plan. After a few seconds, he walked into the elevator and pushed the lobby button with a heavy heart. Another peek down the empty hallway showed she really didn’t care.

***

Shelley stared at the picture of Emma while Ken drove to her hotel. Emma had her father’s dark hair and brown eyes, but her skin was fairer than his and her lips fuller. She was a beautiful child, and Shelley reminded herself once again that rescuing her was important enough to fight with Gavin over.

She wished he hadn’t walked out, but she didn’t entirely blame him. She would have acted the same way, if he came up with a similar plan for her to sit out while he took all the risks.

Hopefully he hadn’t called Nick. Somehow, she had to convince him to see things her way. She did love him—too much to risk losing him if whoever was on that train pulled a gun. They’d already had one too many close calls with death since they met. She didn’t want Gavin in that situation again.

However, her stubbornness about that led to her catching a ride with Sergeant Slime Ball. Gavin had texted that he would return to pick her up when they finished planning. Even his text sounded frustrated—he’d put planning in quotes. When Ken offered to give her a ride, Shelley accepted. She needed time to collect herself before facing Gavin.

“Here you go.” Ken pulled into the valet parking line in front of the hotel. A smile on his face, he reached across the console and rested his hand above her knee. “Now that you and Gavin are fighting, you’re free to invite me upstairs. Wanna have some fun?”

She shoved his hand away, her insides heaving with disgust. He must have quickly gotten over his anger about her earlier rejection. Ken had a one-track mind. The pig didn’t even have respect for his missing niece. Could he be involved with S.A.T.O. and that was why he didn’t worry about Emma? Maybe Gavin was right about the trap.

No, she didn’t truly believe that. Brent was too shaken up for this to be a setup. He was honestly in fear for his daughter’s life. Facts were, Ken was a disgusting human being, who wouldn’t pass up an opportunity for sex, no matter the circumstances.

She aimed her best glare at him. “Don’t mistake my desire to help your niece for anything more than that. Your wife deserves better than you.”

“Come on, baby. My wife doesn’t understand me. I have needs, needs she refuses to satisfy. She knows I go elsewhere for those needs, and she’s okay with it.” He placed his hand higher on her thigh, squeezing. “Tomorrow will be dangerous. I can’t bear to think about what Emma is going through. Why don’t we take our minds off this stress by enjoying our bodies?”

Yuck! He mentions Emma and sex at the same time.
Shelley couldn’t control her shudder of revulsion, but forced a smile on her face. “If you move your hand half a centimeter higher,” she said in a syrupy sweet voice, “you won’t have to worry about the dangers of tomorrow. You’ll be hospitalized tonight.”

He jerked his hand away.

Shelley grinned and opened the door. “I see you understand. Good. I’ll be on the F train in the first car as planned. Good luck to us all.”

She slipped the picture of Emma into her purse and climbed from the car, shutting the door without looking at Ken again.

Now that she’d taken care of that, she needed to fix things with Gavin. Problem was, she didn’t know where to start. It wasn’t fair for her to make any kind of promise to him when their future was so uncertain. Then again, fairness no longer mattered. She couldn’t go into tomorrow without telling him how she truly felt.

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Gavin half-considered ignoring the light knock on his door. Only two people were likely to look for him. If it was Jenessa, he couldn’t face her until he’d decided what to do about this situation. If it was Shelley, he didn’t know if he wanted to face her.

Another soft knock. “Gavin, please talk to me,” Shelley called.

Some of the ice holding his heart in stasis thawed just on hearing her voice. Damn the woman! Didn’t she realize what she did to him?

Without bothering to put his shirt back on, Gavin stalked to the doorway and opened it. “What?”

Shelley bit her lip as she stared at him, and Gavin struggled not to lose himself in her baby blues. She twisted her hands together and finally looked away. “May I come in?”

Shrugging, Gavin stepped back, opening the door wider. “If you’ve come to tell me I’m nothing more than a backup plan, don’t waste your time. I figured it out for myself.”

A gasp sounded from her throat, but she stepped inside and crossed the room.

Gavin tried to pretend the hurt that creased her drawn face as she passed him didn’t matter, but that was an exercise in futility. He couldn’t hurt her, even if his heart ached from her rejection. He swung the door shut and engaged the locks, taking the extra moment to collect himself before facing her.

She sat on the end of the bed, staring down at her clasped hands.

It was too bad emotions couldn’t be shut off like a light switch. He wouldn’t be forced to face all this turmoil and uncertainty. Then again, Shelley was here, with him, not out somewhere with Ken. That had to mean something.

He eased onto the bed next to her, holding himself stiffly away and tucking his hands beneath his thighs. It was the only way to keep his betraying body from tossing her on the bed and covering her in kisses. Just because he longed to do it, that didn’t mean it would solve their problems.

Though he waited for her to tell him what she wanted, Shelley didn’t look at him, remaining silent long past the time when the silence became uncomfortable.

“What time do you catch the train tomorrow?” he asked, deciding that was possibly less pathetic than asking why she couldn’t love him.

“Four-thirty.” Her words were so soft, he almost didn’t catch them. “Did you call Nick?”

Of course. That explained why she came here. It had nothing to do with him. She wanted to find out if she had to do damage control to protect Carlie from being left alone. Gavin supposed he should be happy she could love someone like that, even if it wasn’t him.

Tightness constricted his chest. He felt used, almost the same as when Crystal unloaded her grand scheme on him and he realized he’d trusted the wrong person. This was worse though. His whole body thrummed with anger at Shelley’s unintentional betrayal. He knew he couldn’t blame her. She had warned him not to fall for her. Maybe not outright, but in so many little ways ever since they met, she’d warned him against loving her.

“I didn’t call anyone,” he finally answered. “I think you should let Nick know what you’re getting into though. You need a new backup plan.”

Her head snapped up and she finally met his gaze. “Stop. Please. You are
not
a backup plan.”

The tenderness in her gaze was in stark contrast to the anger he felt, and Gavin looked away in confusion. He thought he figured out the game, and now she came in to change the playbook. Why did she look so vulnerable? She was the one who pushed him away, so it didn’t make any sense.

“What am I then, Shell?”

The cool satin of her palm brushed against his wrist and then she curled her fingers around his. “You’re everything, Gavin. I’m sorry for earlier. I was afraid for you. I wanted to protect you. That’s why I did what I did.”

Though it took all his effort, he didn’t automatically grip her hand in return, but left his loose in her grasp. “Because Nick gave you a job to protect me and you don’t want to let him down?”

“No, because I care about you and don’t want you killed by Stephen and Terrance.”

She
cared
about him. There it was again. He promised himself he’d give her all the time she needed to fall in love. After all, they hadn’t known each other that long. They both knew the sting of disappointment from loving the wrong people. He shouldn’t demand more from her right now, but he couldn’t help it.

If she said she ‘cared’ about him one more time, he would lose it. He didn’t want her concern for his safety, the same thing she gave to strangers—the same thing she showed for Emma and Rose.

He slid his hand from hers and stood up. “You’re free to do whatever you want. I won’t interfere and I won’t call Nick.” He turned his back to her, wishing he had been able to hold onto his earlier anger. Anger was a more sustaining emotion than the confusion he now felt. “Be safe out there. I care about you, too, and don’t want you getting yourself killed.”

The burst of laughter that escaped her was a shock.

He glanced over his shoulder. “What’s funny about that?”

“Nothing. I’m nervous. Never felt quite like this before.”

“About tomorrow?”

“No.” She stood gracefully, but limped slightly when she stepped forward. Her arms wrapped around his waist from behind and her lips whispered across his shoulder blade before she molded herself against his back. “I’m sorry, Gavin. I suck at this stuff. I don’t tell people because I can’t trust they’ll stick around once I do.”

Her breath tickled his neck as she talked, accelerating his heart rate and causing twitches further down. It was hard to concentrate on what she said when his body was consumed with need. Sex was just sex, though. It wasn’t what he really wanted. He ignored the heat filling him. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Just spit it out and stop teasing me.”

Her tongue ran the length of his neck and she took his earlobe into her mouth, sucking on it gently. “But I like teasing you.”

He’d need a cold shower, for sure, but somehow he couldn’t push her away. He groaned. “Why are you doing this to me? You know how I feel. You know I want more than caring or friendship.”

She slid her hands across his stomach, outlining the muscles in his abs. Her touch had a mystical hold on him that he couldn’t break free from. He wanted her so bad.

“I want more than that, too,” she whispered, her fingers skating upward to caress his pecs. “That’s what I’m trying to say. I tried to tell you before, but I’m afraid.”

He finally was able to push her hands away, turning around to face her. “What are you afraid of? Me? I’d never hurt you.” He pressed his forehead against hers, hoping she believed him. “I love you, Shell.”

Her lips came agonizingly close to his, and just as he leaned in to meet them, she pulled away, shaking her head. “Can’t you see that’s what scares me?”

Forcing himself to remain silent, he decided to let her explain herself. She was obviously having a hard time making her point, but if she meant what he hinted at, his patience might be worth it.

She took a small step away, dropping her hands to her sides. “Did I tell you I dreamed about Tony after the explosion?”

“No, you didn’t.” He searched her face for any trace of emotion, but she seemed steadily calm. “Was it a good dream?”

“Kind of.” Her eyebrows drew together. “I can’t figure out what the last thing he said meant though.”

“What did he say?”

“He said something about being sorry for leaving me and my life being hard, but it was about to get better. Then he said it wouldn’t get better until I got over my current pain, and that it was going to hurt a lot.”

Gavin sucked in a breath. “Well, your subconscious must have known you were injured, and the pain was bad, especially at first.”

“Talking to Tony seemed so real, though, not like a dream.”

Gavin didn’t answer, knowing it would only upset her if he said he didn’t believe in ghosts. Besides, what did he know? It could have been her dead brother, back to help her through a rough time. If that was possible, he sure wished his dad had come back to help him once in a while.

“Of course,” she continued, “I know it wasn’t really Tony, but I can’t shake the feeling that the warning wasn’t for my physical discomfort. I feel like my subconscious was warning me about something else. That’s where my fear comes in.”

At least she seemed to share his opinion on ghosts. “If not physical pain, what was the warning for?” He feared he knew. She still believed
he
would hurt her.

“I’m cursed.” She backed to the bed and sat back down, laughing again though it now had a manic edge to it. “What you must think of me. Ghosts and curses. Are you sure you want to pledge your love to a crazy woman?”

Kneeling down beside her, Gavin caught both her hands in his. “Crazy’s part of the fun.”

She flashed a real smile, seeming calmer. “Fair enough. We did make our first acquaintance on the run from murderers with me sticking my tongue down your throat before I even knew your name.”

“See?” He quirked an eyebrow and gave his most charming grin, trying not to let her see how worried he still was about whatever she was trying to say. “Good, clean fun.”

“Mmmm. And now you’re up for some not-so-clean fun.”

“I thought we’ve both wanted that for a while.” He paused, staring at her intently, hoping she could sense his sincerity. “But that isn’t why I told you that I love you. I love you, and nothing will change that. Crazy, cursed, whatever.”

He pulled her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingers. He tried to do things Shelley’s way this afternoon and leave her alone. She came back. Obviously, she didn’t want him to go away. Maybe she wanted to be sure he wouldn’t go, no matter what she threw at him.

Climbing up onto the bed, Gavin caught her under the chin, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

Her eyes fluttered closed and she leaned into his touch.

“How bad did I screw up by walking out on you today, Shell?”

Her eyelashes quivered, but she didn’t open her eyes. A small drop of moisture leaked from the corner of her eye and traced a line down his thumb.

He suddenly knew the answer—the reason she’d been unable to commit to him. It wasn’t because she didn’t love him. “That’s what scares you. Damn. I’m sorry for making it worse.” He swiped at her tear, wondering if she would chastise him again for making her cry. “If you admit you love me, and I leave, you’ll have to go through that again, just like you did with Tony, your parents, and later Grandma Haddy.”