Love & Redemption (18 page)

“Not anymore.”

“How’s that?” Carlie asked.

“It’s always man trouble. I really am done.” Shelley ignored how sad it made her feel to think she wouldn’t spend more time with Gavin. “I’m done dating. I thought I might have found a winner with Gavin, but he was ready to believe the worst of me.”

“Shelley, be fair. It sounds to me like you didn’t do anything to let him know you weren’t interested in Ken. The man can’t read minds.”

Trying not to be hurt, Shelley muttered, “I thought my best friend would be on my side.”

“I am on your side, honey. You know I love you and I want what’s best for you. What if Gavin is what’s best for you? I think you should talk to him.”

“What?” Shelley shook her head. “No. He doesn’t trust me. End of story. There’s nothing for us to talk about.”

“I won’t push you one way or the other.” Carlie sighed, obviously not happy with the way the conversation headed. “I just want to say this...you usually don’t care when a man moves on or calls you a bad name. Gavin, however, is the first guy you’ve liked who also wanted to get to know you on a deeper level. So you had a misunderstanding and he hurt your feelings. I get that. But if Gavin isn’t worth a second chance, why are your feelings hurt? Why do you care so much what he thinks?”

Chapter Eighteen

The pounding on the door wouldn’t stop. Shelley didn’t understand why someone on their floor hadn’t called security yet. It was past one in the morning. Gavin must have woken them all up by now.

That got the better of her. What if other people had business meetings in the morning and needed their rest? She couldn’t let him continue to pound. Not that she wanted to go through round two with him, but opening the door was better than his constant knocking.

Smoothing down her hair, she checked the peephole just to be sure it was him on the other side. Great. He had flowers and a bag of something. Carlie’s words weighed heavy on her mind. She didn’t have a good answer. Gavin’s opinion mattered because she did care about him. That didn’t mean she should continue spending time with him.

Sighing, she unlocked the door and opened it a crack. “Gavin, it’s late. I’m sure our neighbors want to sleep. Fighting more can wait for tomorrow.”

“I’m not here to fight.” He held out the vase of pink roses, pushing the door open further to hand them to her. “When we agreed to try this thing out, we both knew neither of us were perfect. Tonight, I screwed up.”

“Big time,” she agreed.

“Let me make it right.”

Shelley raised the flowers to her face, inhaling their fragrant scent to give herself time to think. “What if this entire thing was a mistake? Maybe it can’t be made right. You obviously don’t trust me. We have nothing without trust.”

“I didn’t expect you to go out with someone else. That’s true.” He leaned against the doorframe, putting his face close to hers. “It hurt and I lashed out. I wanted to hurt you, too.”

“By reminding me I’ll never be any better than the whore my father always claimed I was?”

He grimaced. “I didn’t mean that, but I know that’s what it sounded like.” He reached into the opening and ran his thumb down her cheek, softly grazing her upper lip. “I can’t take it back. It can’t be unsaid, but I didn’t mean it.”

Shelley tried not to melt into his touch, tried to be strong. She cared for Gavin so much already, it was hard to resist him. So far, the time spent with him was the closest to a true relationship she’d had, and she didn’t want to throw that away over a misunderstanding. Carlie thought she should give it another chance, and her friend was often better at judging things than she was.

Shelley stepped back, allowing him inside.

He dropped the bag he held onto the floor and wrapped his arms around her, pressing a kiss against her cheek. “I’m sorry.”

His warm scent obliterated her resolve to stay angry as she leaned into him.

“So am I,” she whispered. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. I really was trying to follow a lead and get us information. I’d never...” She sighed. It was time to face her part in all this. “Okay. I can see why you thought I might because of what I’ve told you, but I really am with you, one-hundred percent unless we decide otherwise. We said we were trying this. I’m a whore, not a cheater.”

He held her tighter and shook his head. “No. You’re not a whore. Don’t say that ever again. I was going through my own shit tonight, and I let it cloud my judgment. After everything we’ve been through together, sharing our life stories, I know the truth.”

He mouthed her earlobe, nibbling his way across her cheek until his lips found hers. Shelley met him eagerly. His hands stroked her hair, tracing it down her back until his fingers rested on top of her ass. She shuddered with delight, but all too soon Gavin broke off the kiss and stepped away.

He turned and picked up the bag he brought, setting it on top of the vanity table. From it, he pulled bottled drinks and to-go boxes. “The truth,” he said, “is that you’re the most wonderful woman I know, but for this second chance thing to work for either one of us, we’re both going to have to try really hard.”

“I should have warned you why I wanted to go with Ken. I’m sorry.” She placed the roses on the nightstand next to the bed, curious about what else Gavin had brought.

He set the containers on the end of the bed and then grabbed the bottles of soda, forks, and napkins. Sitting on the bed, he met her eyes. “I wish you had told me. It would have saved us from having our first fight, but all’s not lost. When I’m stressed, this always makes things better.”

Opening the boxes, Gavin revealed two huge pieces of pie. One looked to be chocolate, but the other had peanut butter drizzled across the top.

“Those look yummy,” she agreed, “but you know I’ve been watching my weight. I don’t think eating ten thousand calories worth of pie is a good idea.”

“Sweetheart, when you walk into a room, no other woman stands a chance of catching my attention. Don’t worry about what you eat.” Gavin forked up a large piece of the chocolate pie and held it toward her. “Come on, try this. It’s from my favorite place in town.”

When he talked like that, it made her feel hopeful for the future. Maybe she didn’t have to be perfect all the time or worry about image so much. Maybe Gavin really was a man who would care about her for the person she was, not what she looked like and not who she’d been in the past.

Shelley sat down, allowing him to feed her the bite. The smooth chocolate exploded on her tongue and she closed her eyes, nodding in appreciation. “It’s delicious.”

“Told you.” Gavin took a bite for himself, before forking up some of the peanut butter one. “Try this.”

Shelley did as he said, enjoying that just as much. “These are good, but wait until you try Carlie’s cupcakes. Since you have a sweet tooth, you’re going to love working for Nick. Anytime you’re in town, Carlie will keep you well fed.”

“I’m sure I’ll find my way to the restaurant a lot.” He grabbed her hand, stroking the back of it with his thumb. “Especially if you’re going to waitress there.”

Flutters of happiness flowed through Shelley, and she grabbed the other fork to eat more pie. Even though they’d both been angry, they could get past it. The way she saw it, they both screwed up, but she was glad Gavin wanted to make things right. Usually by now, someone she dated would have been on to his next conquest, not caring whether he hurt her.

“I’m glad to know that’s your plan,” she answered. “I talked to Carlie tonight about working for her. Things will be lonely in Sayle if you don’t visit.”

He grinned. “Maybe Sayle could be even more of a permanent home for me if the spy thing doesn’t work out.”

“Really?” Shelley hadn’t wanted to think about it, but a relationship with an agent would present some challenges. Mostly, he would be gone a lot. She wanted someone to share her life with, not just an occasional bed partner. That was the whole point of waiting with the sex part. “Maybe you could go back into the hotel business and live there.”

He shook his head, dashing that hope “I doubt anyone would hire me. I didn’t ever tell you about my cheating ex and her plan to have me arrested for embezzlement. Maybe you should know. It’s why I didn’t trust you as much as I should have.”

Shelley listened to his story as they continued eating their pie, angry with Crystal for ruining Gavin like she had. He had it hard enough, growing up with a druggie for a mother and then spending his teenage years locked up. That woman destroyed him for nothing more than wanting to stay in her father’s good graces.

“I’m sorry, Gavin. No wonder you worry about cheating.”

He reached over and stroked her cheek with his thumb, causing a shudder to go throughout her body at the gentleness in his touch. She craved more of it, but knew now wasn’t the time.

“Crystal was my past, and is part of what I have to overcome,” he said, “but you are my future. I really feel it.”

Shelley eagerly met his lips, running her hands around his neck to plunge them in his hair. He stroked her back midway, keeping his hands away from her butt this time and not straying far. Perhaps he was worried, like she was, about moving things too fast in the heat of the moment.

She broke off the kiss and backed away. “I think the future looks promising then.”

With the tension gone, it was comforting to be with Gavin. Once they finished the pie, they needed to talk about Ken, but she didn’t want to. Maybe Gavin would let that subject drop for tonight and return to his room. That would be easiest. However, as much as she didn’t want to spoil things thinking of Ken, she also didn’t want Gavin to leave yet.

She put off finishing the pie and so did he, taking smaller and smaller bites. Finally, Gavin ate the last of the peanut butter one and stood up. “That last bite of chocolate is yours.”

Shelley finished it and looked up at him, chewing her lip. “This will be the first night we’ve spent apart since we met.”

“I know.” He gathered the garbage and placed it back in the bag he brought before turning to face her. “Are you ready for me to leave?”

She shook her head. “Unless you’re too tired to stay. We do have to work in the morning.”

“Being with you is more important than sleep.” He climbed onto the bed, laying on the pillows and holding his arms out to her. “Come here, beautiful. I missed you tonight, and I hate fighting.”

Relieved, Shelley crawled to him and laid along the length of his body, wrapping her arms around him. His strong biceps closed in on her, and she snuggled into him with contentment.

Gavin kissed her forehead. “I wish we could stay like this forever.”

She giggled. “Maybe you could, but eventually I’ll have to use the bathroom.”

Gavin laughed. “Way to spoil the mood.”

“Mmmm...can’t stop biology.” She stroked his chest beneath his thin t-shirt. “This is nice, though.”

They really should discuss what Ken said and make a plan to discover the mole in their midst, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak his name.

Full, relaxed, and feeling safer than she ever had, Shelley reached behind her to pull the comforter from the side of the bed and wrap it around them.

“What are you doing?” he asked.

“Shhh...” She leaned up and kissed his mouth gently before laying her head against his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. “Just hold me.”

Chapter Nineteen

The morning sunlight streamed in the gauzy curtain, hitting Gavin in the eyes and waking him. A glance at the clock revealed it was only a little past six. Not nearly enough time had passed since he fell asleep.

Shelley released a long sigh and crossed her leg over his, rubbing her toes up his opposite thigh. “We should have closed the heavier curtain so we could sleep until noon.” Her voice was thick with sleep, but her foot continued its motion. “Or at least until Jenessa called.”

Her touch made the lack of sleep worth it. Gavin was glad he wore Levi’s, though, to keep things from becoming awkward. He simultaneously craved more of her caresses while also wishing she’d stop. She had slept quite soundly through the night, even snoring softly for a while, but Gavin spent a miserable few hours, regretting the decision to wait before taking their relationship to the next level. He fell asleep long after she did.

Shelley sat up, shaking her hair out. With her curls, it looked wild first thing in the morning. Sexy.

“Guess we’re awake now.” She glanced at him, biting her lip in the absent way that made her so enticing. “Maybe you should go back to your room. I’m sure everyone at the FBI knows my reputation. You won’t get respect from the cops either if they think you’re sleeping with me.”

“Is that why you acted the way you did yesterday at the station? You’re worried about what people think of us?”

“I’m worried what they think about
you
, but also Nick’s counting on us. If we can’t handle this case, President Sharp will make him fly out here.” Shelley took his hand in hers, raising it to her mouth for a kiss. “Carlie’s still recovering. She needs him home. We can’t risk anything that will make our mission harder.”

“And what about Ken?”

“I don’t care about his reputation. His guys probably know he’s a jerk.” She flopped onto the pillow beside him. “Did you know he’s married, but took his wedding ring off? What an asshole.”

Gavin propped himself up on his elbow so he could look at her, sidetracked from his original question. “How did you know he was married? I thought you didn’t get my message. I had the wrong number.”

“I don’t need you to warn me when a guy’s married. He had a tan line on his ring finger and we couldn’t go back to his place.” Shelley stared at the ceiling. “His poor wife. I wonder if she knows.”

Gavin shook his head. “Let’s not make it our job to tell her, okay? We don’t need that aggravation.”

“Maybe we could just send an anonymous letter with the name of an excellent divorce attorney.” She smiled at him hopefully. “You know a lot of the people in this area, right?”

“Shell, she won’t thank you for destroying her life. He’s not very sneaky. If she doesn’t know, it’s because she chooses not to.” He waved that aside. “That isn’t what I meant anyway. I wanted to know what you got out of dinner. Did he tell you anything useful?”