Love Redeemed, Book 4 (49 page)

“…
and even though I’d retired from the game, I couldn’t have that situation unresolved. It wouldn’t be safe for you or good on
The Clan’s
reputation. Kid kept saying he was working hard at finding him. And I kept pushing and threatening his new crown in the organization. He was putting in long hours and wasn’t sleeping enough to think shit out. D-Struct walked up on Kid while he was getting out of his car late that morning, after a stakeout shift, looking for him. The report said D-Struct got in several shots before Kid’s one accurate blast killed him instantly.”

Azmir’s body sh
akes. I straightaway throw my arms around his wide upper torso to anchor him. His cry is dry and soundless. He’s grieving. My heart is bleeding for him as I plant the side of my face on his shoulder.

“When I got the call, after processing the fact that I’ll never see Kid again, all I could think was, I’d given up my crown only to lose a solid soldier and…”
He can’t finish his thought. I assume it’s too painful to pursue. I hold him tighter. His hot solid body suddenly develops goose bumps all over. I provide chaste kisses from his ear, down to the end of his shoulder. “You’re going to leave me,” his baritone chokes out.

“Oh, baby!” I implore
.

I c
an’t get close enough to him. Can’t embrace him tight enough to bury him inside of my protectiveness. I know I can’t conceivably hide his lanky frame in my arms, but I try to engulf as much of him as I could.

I sh
ake my head violently although he can’t see me. “Uh-un!” I grunt emphatically. “Never!” I declare even louder. I didn’t have a reason to leave him when all things was right with the world, and therefore in good conscience could never see myself leaving him while he’s wounded like this. “No way…not now.”

Not ever!
 

“Yes, you are. I’ve involved you in a world that you gave no consent to. I thought I could devise this error
-proof exit out of the game and create a perfect world for you. I thought I wielded that type of control.” He shakes his head somberly. “I don’t control shit,” his voice cracks.

“But I do,” I state firmly. I grab Azmir’s chin to bring his face to mine. I need to peer into his eyes, to beckon his sober comprehension. “I control my actions. I may not always make the call for my heart, the heart that you captured almo
st on sight. Conversely, I’m very much in control of how I react to what my heart feels. I don’t like that you kept an entire life from me, but I know who you are, the man you are at core.”

“Do you?” Azmir ask
s with ghostly eyes. “Do you have confidence in who I am now that all of this shit has been dumped on your lap? I thought I could insulate you from it all, and look what’s happened. God only knows what shit can jump out from my past that will have you hightailing out of my life for good. I couldn’t survive that shit.” He entreats me with his defeated eyes.

There’
s silence as we regard each other intensely, our strong willed spirits battling for dominance. I search for the convincing words my soul wants to convey, but I can’t. I’m not confident that they’d accurately communicate what I need Azmir to know. There’s only one way that comes to mind.

“Are you committed to me and only me?”

“Y-yes,” he sputters.

“Will you always protect me?”

“Always,” he declares without a second of hesitation.

“
Can you love me forever?” 

Azmir’s chestnuts dance in my eyes as he decree
s, “With everything breath in my body, using every fiber of my being.”

My lips twitch into a smile, feeling relieved for using his words from that night on the beach of Tahiti, after he’d proposed to me.
 

“Why, Mr. Jacobs, I do believe we have an official Jacobs’ language,” I smile, feeling an overflow of contentment with his big body wrapped protectively in my arms.

Azmir doesn’t reply. In fact, his scowl is still in place, confusing me until he brings his hand to my face and covers my mouth with his own. It starts slowly and melodic with his tongue timidly darting in my mouth. His confidence hasn’t fully returned. Right away, I recognize I have to give him more time, and possibly coax its resurgence.

Breaking away momentarily and regretfully leaving the warm dwellings of his delectable mouth, I reach over to the
nightstand for the bottle of eucalyptus oil. Azmir watches absorbedly as I position my arms beneath his, reach for his semi-erect penis, and stroke it in my hand. He grows steely in my palm and once I see his gaining, with my right hand I manage to unscrew the top off the bottle and pour it onto him, measuring the tilt of my shaking hand. After closing the bottle, I bring both hands around him and slide up and down, dispersing the oil around is length. His skin is silky and smooth around a steel rod. Per usual, Azmir’s abdominal muscles roll at my stroke, telling of his pleasure. I observe his clutched eyelids and slack jaw from his profile.

“Feels good?” I whisper teasingly in his ear.
 

Azmir doesn’t answer, he
opens his eyes and watches fixedly and I feel the echoing of stifle groans in his back. I tighten my grip on him and can feel the evidence of my own arousal in my crotch.
But this isn’t about me; it’s safer this way.

I kiss his shoulder
, then trail my tongue to the crest of his ear, applying soft bites. I stroke him strong, feeling empowered from holding his massive extension in my hand. The most intimate firmness belonging to a virile commanding leader of a thriving conglomerate is being commandeered under my ministrations. This type of power is heady, dangerous even. He is at my control. He needs this release. He needs me to anchor him, to level the pressures of the world.

Azmir’s face pivots and his hand shoot
s up, gripping the back of my head, bringing my mouth down to his. His tongue lashes wildly in my mouth, pouring his carnal desires and sentiments into me. He’s helpless, vulnerable, in need of me to bring him to this. My hands work feverishly in jerking him and he groans in my mouth his pleasure. His slick tongue holds no prisoners, flapping deliciously into my mouth and I moan my approval. Azmir’s breathing suddenly becomes distressed and I know he’s on the cusp of his release. My hands pump harder and I feel his strong hip thrusts meeting my fists, creating a sensual staccato swishing sound throughout the room.

Our collision is
hard, urgent, and wildly impassioned. His tongue threads my mouth just as urgently as his lap thrusts into my fists while I’m propped up behind him. I work diligently and can even feel my upper arms numbing, but I’m too caught up to stop. I’m dedicated to the process. I won’t halt my rabid strokes until he says. Which isn’t too much longer.

Azmir’s neck jerk
s back and his pelvis slams into my fist midair before suspending there. “Raaaaayna!” he cries out as he heaves violently in my arms.

I swallow his cries in my mouth.
I moan as if I’m soaring right along with him because that’s how powerful this bond is between us. He is me and I am Azmir Jacobs. I am his partner. I have his back. I cover him with everything I have. I will be whatever he needs, whenever he needs me to be it. And right now he needs me to be right here with him, decidedly. And I am. I love this man.

After a few minutes
, I pull myself from behind him and take to the bathroom. I return with a warm wet washcloth to clean him and when I’m done, I grab his clothing. I assist with them, starting with his socks, then his boxer briefs. When I rise to his hips, I angle myself to keep from hitting his heavy appendage. I can’t believe he’s still rock hard. But that’s my big guy; always ready for more. I’ve had too many awkward moments hanging in this arena of his anatomy. I notice he’s watching me with lazy eyes. But these aren’t defeated eyes, they’re exhausted ones.

I
take his T-shirt from the bed behind him, and move to pull it over his head. He assists. When his arms come down and he adjusts it around his torso, I mutter, “I’m going to get us something to eat. We haven’t eaten a meal all day.” Azmir nods. “And then I’m going to put you to bed so you can sleep.”

I turn on my heels towards the door and on my way I stop and look over my shoulder to remind him, “DND for the rest of the day.”

Azmir snorts and flashes me a bit of that panty-snatching smirk that does all sorts of things to me. I head to the kitchen to fetch some sustenance for my big guy and my demanding belly.

Rayna

“Mrs. Jacobs, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” the hostess greets me. I wish I could recall her name. I believe it’s Rose. Azmir and I have been eating here so much lately; I should know the entire staff’s names. “One of your parties has arrived. This way, I’ll take you to your table.” Her smile is pleasant and I follow on her heels, feeling grateful to be without John, a huge concession on Azmir’s part. I now feel like a grown-up again.

As we approach the table, April’s face comes into recognition. But hardly. Something’s different. With each step, I can pick up her features more distinctly. Her face is rounder…slightly plump, and her skin isn’t its usual porcelain shade. She’s glowing as she rises in my approach.

“Rayna,” she greets on a guarded grin. I’m sure that’s because of her history with my foul reception. “I’m glad you could make it.”

I go to extend my arms to hug April and at the same time, I thank the hostess who leaves.
I take the seat across from her.

“I’m glad we
could meet, too. It’s been so long. So much has changed,” I mention with my life transition in mind while trying not to eagle eye her plump belly that rubbed against mine during our brief embrace.

“I know!” she exclaims
, clasping her hands together. I settle my blazer and purse as she speaks. “And this restaurant pick is awesome! Gerald and I heard about this place and said we’re going to give it a try. It’s been the talk for a couple of months now. I’m glad you chose it. Have you been before?”

“Ummmm…yeah. A lot actually. It seems to have grown to become Azmir and my favorite spot as of late.”

Especially since he now owns it
. But I wouldn’t dare utter that. Azmir’s money still makes me uncomfortable. It’s so easy to forget about because when we’re together, he’s far more than his prestigious reputation to the world.

“I was checking out the ambiance. Look at these benches and chairs. Very chic.” She compl
iments as though she knows, though I doubt she does. Unless you’re in the know of local business and investments, you’d never think Azmir would finance an Italian restaurant.

“The food is just as good, if not better,” I add.

“Mmmmm! Good, I’m starved,” she says picking up the menu.

I notice she rubs her belly and I’m just about to toss a question when the hostess announces, “Mrs. Jacobs, the last of your party has arrived.”

I look up to find a Britni with a nervous grin applied to her well made up face. She’s wearing a fitted, green mini dress with a cropped denim jacket and military ankle lace up boots, making the look appealing. Britni has always been able to do that.

“Yes! Brit, you’re here. Now we can order,” April
squeals as she trains her eyes back to the menu.

I notice she doesn’t stand to greet Britni like she did me, but I guess it’s because they are in touch. Britni sits at the head of the table, so none of us are seated next to each other.
As if on cue, the waitress comes and takes our order then sets off to put them in to the chef.

“Rayna,” Britni calls out tentatively. My head shoots up from the menu. “I’m glad you agreed to meet up.” Her eyes sp
eaks more than her mouth. Britni knows she crossed the line with that video.

“Hmmmmm!” April hums facetiously from across the table. Even she’s been compromised by that video.

I settle my eyes back onto Britni and give a peaceful nod. “I’m looking forward to getting things out in the open,” I offer because I am.

I’ve been having mixed feelings about this viral video since my conversation with April
. There are so many things I’m responsible for regarding my relationship with these two women, which is why I easily agreed to tonight.

“Well, Rayna,
” April begins as she reaches for the bread and butter. “Brit and I have squashed our beef about the video. Before coming back to you about it, I had to discuss it with my fiancé first. It was difficult to do, but I knew it was the right thing and had to be done. Needless to say, I wasn’t very happy with Ms. Thing over here.” She tosses a manicured nail across to Britni who looks to be reduced to a petulant child.

“Anyway,” she stuffs bread in her mouth. “My Gerald is still all for marrying me despite my former loose ways and wild days. You got hitched since it, so it didn’t exactly end your life. So, Brit and I have squashed it and I’m hoping you two can too, Rayna
.” April managed all of this with a full mouth.

Before I c
an speak, Britni says, “Rayna, it was wrong what I did. I was being reckless and immature. I didn’t think of what it would do to you. And please don’t think I hate you or anything because I’ve never hated you.” Britni’s eyes are glossed. I can’t believe she’s fighting back tears. “It’s just that you were always so…ironclad that when the woman came and asked for something that would rattle your cage,
and I knew it wasn’t you on the tape so it couldn’t ruin you exactly
, I didn’t think you’d be all that upset. I was drunk when Spin and I met up with the Dawn girl the night after the concert. I told her I went to school with you and she asked about racy…perhaps drunken pictures and that’s when I thought of the video. It was the first thing that came to mind. And when I told them you weren’t even there, Dawn said it didn’t matter.” She sniffled.

“It was stupid of me, I know. I didn’t think of Michelle…didn’t think of Erin,” she choked on a cry. “I swear, I’m so sorry.”

April grabbed a cloth napkin from the table and offered it to Britni. I wasn’t expecting this Britni. She’d always presented like a carefree wayward preteen to me. People change. And her admitting to tarnishing Michelle’s memories lightened me. She seemed genuine and that appealed to my resolve.

“I forgive you.”

I notice April’s hand that had been caressing Britni’s from across the table halt. Britni’s red eyes shoot over to me and her brows furrow. April’s face mirrors Britni’s.

“C’mon, guys. I’m not ruthless or cold
-hearted. Britni made a bad call,” I explained. “…a horrible call. But April’s right; all is well in spite of your callous actions. I’m in a different head…and heart space right now. I’m…” I take a moment to decide on my next word that describes my current state. “…happy. I don’t know…maybe I wasn’t happy until recently…or perhaps I didn’t know how to be more than just content with living so independent of everyone except Michelle.” I shake my head and allow the smile that’s begging at my face despite myself. “But now I know there’s more to life than holding on to things that will allow you to miss out on being happy. So, yes, I forgive you, Britni.”

“Oh, my g
od!” April releases a hefty breath and slaps her chest. “I thought I was going to have to hold you down and beg you not to continue with that nasty lawsuit!”

My head jerks back and a grimace forms on my face simultaneously. “Oh, I didn’t say that I’d abandon the recompense for the damage,” I state vehemently.

“Rayna!” April gasps.

“Not that it changes that what I did was wrong, but Rayna, I don’t have two million dollars just laying around in my trust fund
.” Britni sniffles, sobering from her previous emotional breakdown.

“No, you don’t
,” I retort. “However, you do have a substantial amount in them.” Over the years, Britni has made it known that both her parents and two of grandparents had created trust funds for her.

Her parents separated when she was young and both did well, as did her grandparents. Although she still work
s, Britni could have taken off time after school and traveled, per her father’s suggestion. She can afford it. The amount of the lawsuit is steep under the advisement of Azmir’s fire-breathing attorney, Chesney.  Lady Spin’s doubles Britni’s, and the radio station’s lawsuit exceeds them all.

I exhale as I fight down the threat of my anger resurfacing on this matter. “Look, Britni, I don’t want the money. I couldn’t care less about receiving anything from this ordeal outside of a sincere apology. But we don’t know how, if, or when this mess will hit Erin. She doesn’t have her mother to apologize to her or provide an explanation for her careless behavior. She also doesn’t have parents to pay her college tuition. How about we negotiate a number that you will contribute to her college fund and we call it even? We can agree on a percentage in the single digits of the total lawsuit figure. I can have Azmir’s attorney write up the paperwork.”

With her little nose as red as Rudolph the reindeer, Britni nods her head
ardently. “Of course. I don’t have a problem at all contributing towards Erin!” she cries.

“And you can relay the same offer to Spin
.” I take a sip of my water. My mouth has been going unusually dry as of late and talking so much doesn’t help. “But don’t think her cut would be comparable to yours; she earns a lot more than you do, I’ve been told.” I’m forgiving, but nobody’s fool.

“Yeah, sure. I’m sure she’ll be relieved,” Britni answer
s excitedly.

“My God is magnificent!” April yelps with her arm stretched to the heavens like a hat lady in the second pew. I see her vocabulary has even changed since
being with this Greene guy.

Just then, the sommelier comes over with a bottle
of wine. “Mrs. Jacobs, Mr. Jacobs made me aware of your visit tonight with your friends. Please…” He lifts the bottle. “…let me offer you a bottle
of Petrus Pomerol 1998
, aye?”

“Thanks so much,” I f
eel myself blushing at the gesture. Azmir can be so sweet. “I won’t be drinking this evening. But let me not stop my friends here.” I glance at the ladies.

“Please,”
Britni motions to her glass.

“I’ll pass, too,” April declines.

He places the bottle on the table before leaving.

“So,
have you told Rayna how your hot ass got preggo by the good reverend?” Britni asks with a plucked brow as she takes a slow sip of her wine.

“Brit!” April admonishe
s her. “I told you not to open your fat mouth!”

My mouth drop
s. I knew something was off, April is known for throwing them back. Her refusal of wine should’ve set off alarms right away.

“I was about to ask you before Britni walked up on us,” I share, aghast. “April, he’s like the pastor in training! How ha
s his people taken the news?”

April rolls her eyes as she goes for her glass of water. She takes a sip and then murmurs, “They don’t know yet. And we can’t push up the wedding. His church is part of a worldwide organization
. There are people coming in from countries I never heard of. His parents won’t hear of it…if we tell them. So, I don’t know what to do with our little love bug here.” She rubs her belly gingerly. I find my right hand sweeping across my belly. “I mean, I don’t understand what the big deal is. Who waits until marriage for sex nowadays?”

“Well, clearly not your whorish ass
.” Britni clinks her glass against April’s. April forcefully places her glass down on the table. “Awwwww…c’mon, April! Don’t be a sour puss. You know that Bible-toting man was not prepared for your sexual prowess.” She laughs, and mine sputters out this time.

An unwilled smile hits April’s lips. “Girl, I victimized that church boy in his daddy’s office after my second Thursday night prayer service.” We all broke out in fits of laughter at that.
By this time our food is arriving. The waiters go about setting the table as we quiet down.

“
Holy shi—I mean, crap! Do you know how much this bottle costs?” April nearly shouts in a forceful whisper out of nowhere.

“How much?” Britni goads her.

“Around fifteen hundred bucks!” April’s eyes are wild and wide.

“Well, we’ve already known that Rayna snagged a baller!” Britni shares
and April hums her agreement as she stuffs her face with penne a la vodka.

I throw
Britni a warning glare. I must admit, I’ve been having a great time with them.
Who knew!
I don’t want to ruin it with any scandalous-like talk of Azmir.

“
I know what it’s like being with a man of power,” April informs, wearing a Cheshire cat’s smile. “It makes you suck up his seeds and procreate, even when you’re not trying. Men with power are so hot!”

She and Britni squeal like schoolgirls. Despite myself, I smil
e hard, fighting my own sputter of laughter. Her statement makes me think of two things: my description of what intimacy is like with Azmir the night of the
Mauve
event, and the possibility of what’s in my belly.

The rest of our dinner goes surprisingly well, with me finally laughing mindlessly with April and Britni
, something I never thought was possible.

~~~~~~~~~~

The next morning, I make my way into Dr. Barnes’ office. I find myself waiting again. I’ve been here for over five minutes and my patience is starting to wear already. I’ve taken more time off work to wait. This is unacceptable. My phone goes off and I answer. It’s Brenda, Amber’s partner.