Love on a Dime (13 page)

“I’m sorry if Miss Carstairs will be disappointed, but I doubt her heart will break. I never led her to believe I was a prospective suitor. We ’re barely acquainted.” He ’d danced with Eloise a few times, but that was the extent of their acquaintance.

Lilly moved closer and he felt the warmth of her compassion. “Jack, I know you’d be happier if you fell in love and married.”

Stunned, he stared at her. “Other than Miss Carstairs, do you have someone in mind?” He tried to smile, but his face froze in a grimace.

“I know many eligible young ladies who would enjoy your attention.”

Obviously she didn’t include herself on the list. His harsh laugh rang out, drowning the background music of a string quartet. “If I need a matchmaker, I’ll be sure to call on you.” He tipped his silk top hat as his world collapsed.

Lilly drew out a long sigh. “I’m only trying to help.”

“I need no assistance with matters of the heart.” He could ruin that all on his own. “But I
would
appreciate assistance in locating Fannie Cole.” His eyes narrowed as he waited for her reaction. If she wanted to be all business, so could he.

Lilly spun away. “I believe it’s my turn.” She swung the mallet like a golf club. The ball flew through the wicket and well past the next one.

Jack tapped his ball through the curved wire. Then with one powerful stroke his ball followed hers across the lawn. “You can’t evade me that easily,” he muttered.

He followed Lilly until they reached their croquet balls. She faced him, her forehead crinkled in a frown. “I don’t understand why you’re so opposed to marriage,” she said softly, avoiding the topic of Fannie Cole.

How did their conversation become so personal? He exhaled a breath rising from the depth of his lungs. Lilly bit down on her lower lip.

He regarded her, drinking in her beauty. Bathed in the gold of the late afternoon light, her flawless skin glowed. The pink satin of her gown shone like a brilliant sunset. Her white hat trimmed with carnations lent her a becoming femininity she rarely exhibited in her tailored skirts and shirtwaists. He wanted to take her in his arms and kiss away everything that kept them apart. But she ’d never let him. Not now, not ever.

He tapped his ball through the next wicket. They were far behind the other players and well out of earshot. “I’m not opposed to marriage, per se. But it’s not for me, and it never will be.”

Her voice quivered. “Surely the right lady will come along and change your mind.”

Jack shook his head. “No. She won’t.” His lips tightened. He wouldn’t marry anyone other than Lilly. And clearly, she wasn’t interested in him.

While they waited for the others to take their turns, Jack leaned against a copper beech tree and propped his elbow against the rough bark. He chipped a piece and rolled it between his fingers. He scrutinized her lovely face to see if she truly meant the message she was sending. She flinched beneath his steady gaze, but her eyes radiated sincerity he didn’t wish to acknowledge. So he really had no hope of winning her back.

“I can’t believe you’re set on remaining single.” Lilly cocked her head at a most becoming angle.

He shivered in the afternoon warmth and then pulled away from the force of his longing to take her into his arms and kiss her until she remembered. “My whole adult life, I’ve tried to gain admission to the upper echelon—but now that I’m here—I know it’s not where I belong. I’d make a miserable husband for any of these women here.”

Her voice shook. “Why do you say that?”

He stared at her, wishing he could read her mind. Why did she tremble? Because he offended her? Because she honestly hoped he’d pursue Eloise? He shook his head. “After seeing all those poor people at the Settlement House I realized I want to spend my earnings on helping others less fortunate. Do I sound like a dogooder? If so, I’m not ashamed of it. For a long time I managed to forget my roots and everything I used to believe in.” The truth had nagged the edges of his conscience since his visit to New York.

“I’m glad,” she murmured, gazing toward the breakers crashing over the cliff.

“Truly?”

“Truly. And no, I consider your intentions admirable.”

He paused, wondering if she had just opened a door to him. “Lilly, are you going to marry Harlan?”

“Yes, if he asks me I shall.” Her voice rang strong and clear, though without enthusiasm.

“I see.” He swallowed hard. So it was done. “My time at Summerhill is soon over. But before I go . . . I must beg your forgiveness for all the pain I put you through.”

Lilly spoke softly, her eyes sparkling with what? Tears? “You have my forgiveness.”

“Thank you.”

She turned and walked toward Miranda, her shoulders slumped, her head down.

He let out a low groan. So that was that.

Even as his heart tore apart—releasing all the hopes and dreams he’d cherished over the years in a painful rush that left him breathless—he wondered why he wished for her to turn and glance his direction once more.
Give me something, Lilly. Some reason to cling to this idea of us . . . together
.

But Lilly walked on, up the hill, and did not turn.

THIRTEEN

T
he next morning Mama burst into Lilly’s sitting room, grinning broadly. “Harlan would like you to join him on the veranda. I’m sure he ’s going to propose.” Unable to contain her glee, Mama clutched her hands to her bosom and gave a sigh of delight.

“All right, I’m coming.”

Lilly smoothed her skirt and followed her mother down the deserted hallway. She hated to admit her heart’s infidelity, but it was true she’d wavered in her devotion. Now was the time to renew her commitment, if not for her own sake, then for the benefit of her family. She ’d veered off course, but yesterday Jack had steered her back on track.

Her mother frowned. “You look like you’re going to your execution.”

“That’s nonsense, Mama. But marriage is serious business and I don’t take it lightly.”

Mama waved a hand. “Marriage is about love and happiness. It’s not somber like a funeral.”

Lilly sighed. “You’re right, I’m sure. But it’s also about commitment. That’s worth pondering.”

“Naturally.” Mama lowered her voice as they descended the stairs.

Lilly pictured marriage to Harlan as a contract between two like-minded individuals who understood and respected each other. That was how most of her friends viewed matrimony, too, though a few held out for romance. And love. Despite their ups and downs, Mama and Papa lived comfortably in a union based on a combination of love and commitment. She envied them.

With a clean handkerchief Lilly dabbed at Mama’s wet cheeks. “Now don’t get all sentimental about this. Harlan may have no intention of proposing today.”

As Lilly opened the doors to the veranda, she took a fortifying breath. What she needed was a strong dose of courage. She spotted Harlan, his back hunched, pacing the length of the veranda. Looking up, he flicked an uncertain smile. “Thank you for joining me.” He motioned her over to a chair.

Her every nerve ending tingled with anxiety.

Awkwardly he thrust a bouquet of pink roses into her hand.

She sniffed the delicate fragrance and gathered the blooms to the bodice of her silk blouse. “Thank you, Harlan. They’re beautiful.”

He jerked his head up and down. “I’m glad you like them. Shall we walk over to the garden? I have something important to ask you.” Swallowing hard, his Adam’s apple bobbed.

Obviously this meeting was as difficult for him as it was for her. Lilly gave a reassuring nod as they strolled arm-in-arm toward the rose garden. Harlan led them to a stone bench at the end of the arbor deep within the shadow of tall, manicured hedges. It was cool here under the arms of a sturdy oak, and dew still moistened the grass. Sitting side by side, an uneasy tingle skipped up Lilly’s back. For the sake of propriety, she scooted over a few inches to the edge of the bench, inhaled the fragrance of rose blooms, and waited.

Harlan jumped up like a jack-in-the-box, and then bent his knee to the crushed stone path. He took hold of her hands and gently rubbed her knuckles. Anguish puckered his features.

“Lilly, we haven’t known each other for a long time, but during the last few months, I’ve come to admire you—as you undoubtedly know. And I’ve grown to love you.” He paused as if trying to recall the words of a speech. “I’ve considered our friendship, and I believe we could be content together.”

He looked up and studied the clouds as if they could infuse him with courage.

Releasing a deep breath, Harlan met her gaze. “Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”

Lilly’s voice snagged in the back of her throat. Harlan had declared his love just as she ’d anticipated; he ’d knelt and followed the proper form. By all rights, she should be bubbling with joy. She hadn’t expected fireworks or an explosion of passion, but she had anticipated some appropriate emotion, not this . . . numbness.

He dug into his pocket and snapped open a tiny box. A diamond ring glittered on black velvet like a shower of stars. Lilly blinked at the multifaceted gem. Ostentatious, though not vulgar, it caught the slits of sunshine streaming through the tree branches and flashed its brilliance.

“Oh, my. Harlan, it’s magnificent.”

He pushed the ring onto her finger. “Do you accept my proposal?”

Words failed her. She had waited for this invitation since last spring, but now . . . “Yes,” she said before she had time to reconsider.

He’d make a steady, companionable husband which was all that mattered. Months ago she’d decided they were compatible. There was no need to hesitate just because Jack had flashed into her life like a meteor. He ’d vanish just as quickly. Or so she hoped.

Together she and Harlan returned to the cottage and searched the library and game room before finding the Westbrooks gathered in the drawing room. All eyes turned toward them. No one spoke.

“Mama, Papa, everyone, Harlan has asked me to marry him and I’ve accepted.” Lilly offered her left hand for her family to examine.

A chorus of congratulations erupted. Papa and George thumped Harlan on the back. Even Jack shook his hand, although the scowl clouding his face belied his best wishes. He shot her a glance filled with regret and let it linger for several long moments. Then he turned away toward the window.

She tightened her grip on the back of the sofa to steady herself.

Jack still loved her.

For the first time, she ’d read it in his eyes along with sadness and dismay. How could she have been so blind? All his talk about never marrying meant nothing. The truth was there, all along. She turned away, unable to look at such naked pain.

“Is something wrong? You look pale.” Irene glanced from Lilly to Jack.

“No, I’m all right,” Lilly mumbled.

“She’s merely overcome with happiness.” Mama raised Lilly’s hand to examine the jewel. “My, what a lovely ring.”

“Exquisite.” Irene briefly frowned at her own diamond, not much bigger than a chip.

Mama pecked at Lilly’s cheek. “I’m so delighted, my dear.” She dried her tears with an embroidered handkerchief while she giggled with embarrassment at her own excessive emotion.

“You must excuse my exuberance. I’ll pray you’ll both be very happy, just as your Papa and I have been all these years.”

“Thank you.” Lilly forced a smile while her mood spiraled downward. She couldn’t imagine her marriage to Harlan resembling her parents’ marriage at all. But if it was sanctioned by the Lord, then He ’d see to it they were happy. Or at least content.

“When will the wedding take place?” Mama beamed. “Fall is a beautiful time in New York. Or perhaps winter, if you don’t mind waiting.”

Harlan strutted over and slipped his arm around Lilly’s waist. “How about late in August?”

Lilly’s stomach lurched with nausea. “That wouldn’t give us enough time to plan properly, would it, Mama?”

Her mother’s gaze darted from her daughter to Irene. “That’s very short notice, but perhaps we could manage.” Mama’s eyelids fluttered.

“A wedding at Summerhill is a splendid idea.” Irene ’s face lit up as she patted her mother-in-law’s arm. “I’ll help with the planning. I adore weddings. I only regret George and I had such a small one. It’s a pity we missed out on a grand celebration. But perhaps a gala anniversary party might do. What do you think, George?”

George shrugged. “Whatever you wish, my dear.”

Harlan pressed Lilly’s fingers. “The sooner we marry, the better.”

Fighting the urge to pull her hand out of his grasp, panic swelled inside her. Everything was happening too fast. She needed more time to consider the wedding—and most of all the marriage. Dizzy, she dropped onto the nearest chair. “I’m afraid I’m . . . overwhelmed.”

“That’s understandable, my dear.” Mama rang for a glass of water and then took a seat beside her. “But we should set a date or at least decide on the season.”

Lilly glanced at Harlan, whose look of delight caused her pangs of remorse. She appeared to be the only one besides Jack not sharing the euphoria of her own impending nuptials. Excited faces glowed with anticipation. Lips moved, but she barely heard any words.

“Perhaps we should consider the date carefully and take our time.” Lilly forced a weak smile.

Harlan casually swept a glance from Lilly to Jack and back. “And why is that, my dear?”

A parlor maid handed Lilly a tumbler of water. She took a sip as she searched for an acceptable reason. “Weddings take meticulous preparation. Besides, I’ve always wanted to marry in the spring.” She was simpering, batting her eyes to gain her own way, a trick she ’d never in all her life employed before.

Mama rose. “We ’ll leave it to you two to decide the date. In the meantime, I’d like to ask Mr. and Mrs. Santerre to visit us here at Summerhill. Harlan, do you think they’d like to come?”

Lilly’s jaw clenched. Dolly Santerre, with the thunderous voice and imperious manner, intimidated and annoyed her as few people did. Lilly held her breath, hoping Harlan would decline for his mother.

“My father rarely takes a day off. But Mother would be delighted, I’m sure.”

Lilly closed her eyes, though ignoring reality didn’t alter it.

Harlan nodded. “She can offer suggestions for the wedding too. She ’ll have lots of ideas.”

Lilly tried to relax the tight press of her mouth.

WHEN THE JOYFUL group finally dispersed, she slipped off to her favorite retreat by the sea. Alone among the rocks, she listened to the crashing breakers and watched the seagulls soar and dip in the deep blue sky.

The hiss of the surf foaming over rock drowned out her sigh. The very idea of allowing Jack into her heart again was unthinkable. Yet she couldn’t erase him from her mind. Thinking of his broad shoulders in his well-cut suit coat, dark brown eyes that slanted in merriment, and the heartiest laugh she ’d ever heard, sent waves of heat surging through her body. Memories of their times together were as sweet as they were bitter.

But all her reminiscing wouldn’t bring Jack to his knee with a proposal of marriage. He might care for her, but a life together as man and wife wasn’t in his plans. He’d said so himself.
I’d make a miserable husband for any woman here
. Lilly scooped up a pebble and tossed it into the surf. He could easily hurt her again. She wouldn’t take a chance. Besides, even if she wanted to, the threat of him exposing Fannie Cole ’s true identity always lurked in the background.

Settling onto a boulder, she watched the sunshine spray thousands of shiny sequins across the waters. For once, the scent and sound of the sea failed to calm her spirit.

Poor Harlan. He deserved a loyal, adoring wife, not one who harbored a secret desire for another man. She should end their engagement before wedding plans gathered a momentum of their own, yet she couldn’t bear to disappoint her family. And undoubtedly Harlan would make a fine husband and father to her future children. They shared common interests and a similar background and he seemed to truly care for her. Their marriage might lean toward the dull side, but it would be solid and, hopefully, fulfilling. She shouldn’t expect the kind of romantic love she wrote about.

The sound of boots scraping against rock gave her a start. Jack jumped over to the ledge and lowered himself to the narrow spot beside her. A black curl blew across his forehead and the steady breeze billowed his tie out from under his navy jacket.

Lilly touched her bodice. “You startled me.”

“I apologize. I merely wanted to congratulate you on your engagement. At the ball I advised you to think long and hard about marrying Harlan, but I trust you’ve done that. You have my best wishes for a happy life together.”

“Do you mean that, Jack?” She held her breath, waiting for his answer.

His tie flapped like a sail. She leaned over to tuck it in, then thought better of it.

“Of course I mean it. If Harlan is your choice, then I approve. He’s an outstanding gentleman and eminently suitable. Your family seems delighted.” He looked her squarely in the eye and gave a bleak smile.

“Quite so.”

She waited for him to speak, to open up and admit he still loved her, wanted her. For those few moments in the drawing room when he’d let down his guard, she ’d felt sure their love had never truly been severed, even through the mist of time and circumstance. But his congratulations made her doubt her assessment. Maybe she wanted him to love her so badly she saw emotion that wasn’t there. If he truly loved for her, he ’d speak now, before it was too late. Instead, he gazed at the roaring breakers and said nothing.

Apparently she ’d misunderstood. “I’m going back to the cottage. It’s too chilly to stay out here.”

Jack nodded and followed her across the lawn.

And Lilly felt his shadow every step of the way.

FROM THE BACK veranda, Vanessa watched the pair return to the cottage. Jack lagged behind, his head lowered. How peculiar they didn’t walk together and chat. Well, there was no telling what splendid thoughts were spinning through Lilly’s mind on the happy occasion of her engagement. Perhaps she didn’t appreciate the interruption while she was trying to plan her wedding festivities. Maybe she just wanted to be alone to relish her triumph. But as Lilly approached, she noted her daughter looked glum, her shoulders slumped.

“What could possibly be the matter with Lilly?” Vanessa asked George, seated by her side on the porch glider. “This should be one of the most joyful days of her life.”

He shrugged. “Nothing, I’m sure. You shouldn’t read dire predictions into a person’s every expression.”

Vanessa wrinkled her brow. “I don’t do that. Do I?” More than once Thomas had accused her of smothering their children with too much unwanted attention.

George hesitated. “No, Mama, not really. But sometimes you probe too deeply. Lilly is probably just overcome with emotion. It’s not every day someone proposes to her.”

“That’s unkind. Lilly is a lovely girl. She ’s never been a wallflower. It’s just that no one caught her eye before Harlan, except perhaps Jackson when they were very young. You don’t suppose—”

“No, Lilly’s not interested in Jack. Thankfully. Lilly is sensible. She knows Harlan is imminently suitable.” George patted Vanessa’s arm. “She’d never do anything to upset you or Papa.”