Love of the Game (13 page)

P
lagued by her mounting alarm and Axel's stunning insight, Kasha returned to Timeless Treasures with shaky hands and a leaden heart.

“Where's Mom?” Kasha asked Suki, who was behind the checkout counter. A few customers were browsing the aisles.

“She went home to lie down. She's got a headache and wanted to nip it in the bud before it turned into a migraine,” Suki said, without glancing up from the stool where she sat making skeleton key necklaces.

“Oh.”

“By the way, I had several people taste your wine and they all say it's nasty. I think I'll pitch it out.”

Kasha's pulse quickened at the thought of that sweet wine getting dumped. “No need. You could stick the bottle in the trunk of my car.”

A sly light lit Suki's eyes. “No sense in that when I can take care of it for you.”

“I'd like to keep the bottle. It's pretty.”

“Aha!” Suki gloated, hopping off the stool and pointing an accusing finger at Kasha. “The wine did taste good to you. I knew you were lying.”

“Throw the bottle away or not.” Kasha shrugged, donned her hippest don't-care stare. “Totally up to you.”

“Yogis are supposed to be truthful. Tell me the truth, did the wine taste good to you?”

“No.” That was the truth. The wine wasn't merely
good. To her, it tasted splendid, grand, magnificent, glorious, excellent, the most perfect wine ever bottled. “Good” didn't begin to cover it.

“Hmph.” Suki stared at her hard, sank her hands on her hips.

“I'm going over to the house to check on Mom.”

“You're no fun.” Suki looked disappointed and went back to bending a ring clasp on a silver chain with a pair of jeweler's pliers.

Kasha went out the back door of Timeless Treasures, down the steps, over the stepping stone pathway, out the white picket fence, and into the yard of the Victorian house on the other side of the alley.

“Mom,” she called, as she entered through the back door.

“In here, sweetheart.” Her mother's voice drifted from the living room.

Kasha walked in to find her mother sitting in the lounge chair, an ice pack on her forehead, a bottle of ibuprofen and a tube of analgesic ointment on the tray table beside her.

“That bad?”

“Darn headache has been nibbling at me all morning. Trying to get ahead of a migraine. This is a holiday weekend, and I still have lots of work to do.” Mom sighed. “But what are you doing here? Where's Axel?”

“He's back at the ranch. Would you like me to massage your temples?”

“Oh, that would be heavenly, sweetheart. Thank you so much.”

Kasha went into the kitchen, got a chair, and brought it back. She put Mom's lounger in full recline position. After arranging the kitchen chair at the head of the lounger, she sat down to rub Mom's temples.

“Ahh,” her mother said. “You've got the magic touch.”

“Why didn't you tell me about the migraine when we came into the store earlier?” Kasha applied gentle pressure.

“You were with Axel,” Mom said. “I didn't want to get in the way.”

“You're never in the way. Family is family.”

Her mother sucked in a deep breath, and Kasha eased off the pressure. Might as well go ahead and tell her about Emma. They were alone, no interruptions.

She cleared her throat. Was now really the right time when Mom was fighting off a migraine?

“How have things been?” Mom asked. “You've been quieter than usual the last few weeks.”

Her mother's familiar vanilla-scented cologne filled Kasha's nose. She'd always associated that soft scent with kind, tranquil love. “The new job has its challenges. There's that long drive for one thing.”

“When are you going to get an apartment in Dallas?”

This was it. The perfect segue.

Um, Mom, you remember my real—er . . . biological father? Well, it seems that twenty-three years ago he left his sperm with someone besides my biological mother.

“I was waiting until I got off probation.”

“But you're off probation now, right? Because of all the success you had with Axel? That's what Breeanne said Rowdy told her. Is that right?”

“Yes, but it just happened on Thursday. I'm not jumping into anything.”

“You were always our most cautious daughter,” Mom murmured. “But all those road miles are taking
a toll on your car. Although I do hate to see you leave Stardust.”

Kasha stroked her mother's forehead.

Tell her.

She hesitated. Bit her lip. And thought about what Axel had said. That she enjoyed having a secret because it was something that was all her own.

“Axel seems like a really nice guy,” Mom said.

“He is.”

“Handsome too.”

“Mom,” Kasha warned. “Don't play matchmaker. He's my client.”

“But if he wasn't your client?” her mother asked, her voice rising as if catching a hopeful updraft.

“Moot point. He is.” Her gut tightened.

Silence stretched between them. Kasha tried to think of something casual to say, but all she could think about was Emma.

“May I ask you a question?” Mom reached up to touch her arm.

Kasha wanted to say no because she feared it was going to be about Axel, but she couldn't say that. “Sure.”

“Why did you go to work for the Gunslingers?”

“Working for the Gunslingers is an excellent opportunity. Extra money. Wonderful insurance,” Kasha said mildly.

“You've never been the kind of person who was motivated by money.” Mom's voice grew lower, slower. “You're my most grounded child. Down to earth. No stars in your eyes. You understand what's truly important.”

She felt like such a traitor by her instant connection to Emma, her need for blood family. Oh damn,
she should have told her parents the minute Howard Johnson called her about Emma.

Her mother pushed the button on the recliner to lower the legs and raise the back of the chair. “But you loved your job at the hospital. You were head of the department and they haven't found a replacement. You love Stardust. There's got to be more behind the job change than money.”

Kasha could barely push scratchy words up her throat and over her lips. “There is.”

Her mother's eyes were soft, accepting, gentle. “I knew something had been eating on you. Whatever you have to tell me, sweetheart, it's going to be okay. I promise.”

The secret she'd been pushing back for seven weeks burst from her in a torrent of words. She told her mother everything. About how shocked she'd been at Howard Johnson's call, her fears, her shame, her joy.

She talked about the moment she'd been introduced to Emma, about the instant connection she'd felt, how incredible it had been when Emma flung herself into Kasha's arms and proudly crowed, “My titter!”

She admitted why she'd taken the job with the Gunslingers, and her heartfelt desire to get custody of Emma, and bring her into her life forever.

Throughout it all, the love in her mother's eyes never wavered. Why had she been so afraid? And it was only when Mom handed her a tissue that Kasha realized soft, slow tears were rolling down her cheeks.

She never cried. Why was she crying?

Her mother pulled her into her arms, held her tightly, whispered against her neck. “Shh, shh, it's all right, sweetheart. It's okay.”

“You're not mad at me for keeping Emma a secret from you for so long?”

“Not at all. I just wish you had told me so that you didn't have to go through all that by yourself, but I honor your right to deal with this in the way that's best for you.”

“I'm sorry I—”

“You have nothing to apologize for.” Her mother leaned over to kiss her forehead.

“My old family crap is bleeding over into your life,” Kasha said, resting her head on her mother's shoulder. “That's not fair to you and Dad.”

“None of that was your fault, Kasha. You can't take on your biological parents' sins as your own. You're completely innocent.” Mom squeezed her tightly. “I can't imagine how shocking that must have been for you to learn your father had a child out of wedlock when married to your mother. That you have a biological half sister.”

Kasha bobbed her head. “Even worse, all these years Emma was right here in Stardust and I never knew about her.”

“I suppose after all that happened, Emma's mother wanted to lie low and stay out of the limelight,” Mom mused. “Although I can't believe the police didn't find out about her during all that—”

“The case was pretty open and shut.” Kasha swallowed. “I guess there wasn't much reason to explore my mother's motives beyond the obvious.”

“Are you doing okay? This didn't bring up any of your old . . .” Her mother's gaze dropped to Kasha's thighs, to the site of her darkest shame. “. . . issues?”

Kasha ran her palms over her upper thighs. Closed her eyes, swallowed hard. Thank God, she no longer
had the impulse to cut herself. “I conquered that a long time ago. With help from you and Dad.”

“It was yoga that pulled you out of it.”

“But you were the one who enrolled me in my first yoga class.”

“Have you told Jodi and Breeanne and Suki about Emma?”

“No.”

“You poor dear. You've been holding this inside?”

“I told Axel,” she confessed.

For a flicker of a moment, her mother looked hurt, but she quickly recovered and tacked on a smile. “That's understandable. You're around him all day long and it's often easier to tell a stranger something this personal than your own family.”

“Thank you for supporting me.”

“Always, darling. Forever.” Her mother straightened. “Now for the tough part. Are you really sure petitioning the court for custody of Emma is what you truly want?”

“I have no doubt in my mind, but the lawyer insisted that before I make the final decision, I bring Emma home to stay with me for a couple days.”

“That's wise. There are a lot of challenges involved in caring for a young adult with disabilities.”

“I'm not going to abandon Emma just because she's got challenges.” Kasha straightened her shoulders. “Where would the four of us girls be if you and Dad had shied away from our challenges?”

“I'm not suggesting that,” Mom said. “But you should know what you're getting into. For Emma's sake as much as your own.”

“That's what Howard Johnson said.”

“It's only smart. Raising children is not an easy
task, and from what you've said, Emma will be perpetually eight years old.”

Kasha rubbed two fingers over her mouth. “Did you ever regret adopting the four of us? Especially considering Breeanne's heart condition and me with my . . . .” Kasha waved a hand at her thighs, indicating the deep scars hidden by her pants.

“Never!” Mom said fiercely. “Not for a second. You girls fill our lives with so much love. Hard times only made the good times that much sweeter.”

“That's what I want to have with Emma,” Kasha said. “That's why I'm already in one hundred percent. Taking her for the holiday is only a formality.”

“I think that's so noble of you.”

“I'm not doing it to be noble, Mom. I'm doing it because I truly love her. Until I met her, I didn't understand how it was possible to love someone so quickly and absolutely, but I do.”

“Now you know how I feel about you girls.” Her mother patted her hand. “When will you gain legal custody of her?”

“I'm going to call the lawyer on Monday.”

“Assuming everything goes well this weekend?”

“I'm calling either way. I want her. But . . .”

“But what?”

Kasha cleared her throat. “I'm afraid of jeopardizing my job with the Gunslingers and if that happens, I won't be able to afford to pay adult day care for Emma. Even at my old job it would have been tight, which was why I applied with the Gunslingers in the first place.”

“Why would your job be in jeopardy?”

“Axel,” she whispered.

“What about him?”

“I have . . . inappropriate feelings for him.”

“Ahh,” her mother said, “and how does he feel about you?”

“Mom, that's not the point. He's my patient. It's unethical of me to have feelings for my clients.”

“The feelings aren't unethical, but acting on those feelings are. Kasha, are you afraid you're going to act on those feelings?”

She nodded.

“You're not going to act on those feelings. You're an ethical person.”

“I can't be certain of that. These feelings . . .” She couldn't bring herself to finish the sentence.

“You're afraid of being like your biological mother.” Mom said it as a statement, not a question.

“Yes.”

“I know that thought has tormented you for years, but you are not like her.”

“She had a mental illness,” Kasha said. “My biological father probably did too. You can't deny DNA.”

“Nurture is just as important. You're a strong woman, Kasha. You are in control of your destiny. But no matter what happens, your father and I, and your sisters too, are always in your corner. You don't have to go it alone. We're here for you. If you need someone to look after Emma, we can pitch in.”

“The dilemma is eating me up. If I stay on as Axel's therapist, I'm terrified I won't be able to stop myself if I'm tempted. But if I quit the Gunslingers, I won't have enough money to support Emma.”

“So it comes down to finances. You're not with the Gunslingers because you love the job.”

“While I enjoy the job, I'm there because of the paycheck and the benefits. But there's even more to it than that. I'm afraid if I leave the team, Axel will go
ahead with the surgery and not give himself the time and space he needs to heal.”