Love of a Rockstar (15 page)

“She still asleep?” Luke asked.

I resumed my station at the counter and plopped a spatula-sized dollop of frosting onto the cake. “Yup.” I evenly coated the sides. “Once she’s out, she’s out.”

“That’s how I was as a child. My mom dumped a glass of water on my head one morning when I refused to get out of bed.” A faint smile danced on his lips. “You know what I did?”

I shook my head.

“I said thanks for the shower and went back to sleep,” Luke answered, laughing at the memory.

“How old were you?”

He pulled and folded the sugar onto itself. “It was before my mom’s addiction became bad, so thirteen or so.”

Although I knew of the battle his mother fought and lost, he’d never revealed anything else about her.

“Was she a good mom?” I wondered out loud. “I mean, before …”

“The best,” Luke said without hesitation. “On Sunday mornings, she would take me to this hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurant down the street from where we lived. It was a family-owned business with the best huevos rancheros you could get in town. The owner eventually showed me how to make them, which sparked my love for cooking,” With a pair of scissors, he clipped off a piece of the pulled sugar. “She was also kind, had a wicked sense of humor, and was fiercely loyal to the ones she loved. My dad didn’t deserve her.” His hands stopped moving and his gaze flickered over to me. “Like father like son.”

THE FINISHED WEDDING cake, in its three-tiered glory, sat on the kitchen table. The roses Luke meticulously created dotted the vanilla buttercream. It was a simple yet elegant design I was proud to have created with Luke.

He threw his arm over my shoulder, pulling me into him. “We’re quite the team.”

“My thoughts exactly.”

Luke kissed the side of my head. “You are amazingly talented. I’m proud to call you my baby mama.”

“Gee, thanks,” I said. “That’s what every girl wants to hear.”

“What can I say? I have a way with words.”

Shaking my head, a slow grin spread across my lips. He was too cute to stay annoyed at. I ducked out from underneath his arm and dumped the dirty dishes in the sink.

“Can you check on Nil while I wash the dishes?” I asked.

Luke’s hard chest pressed up against my back. I gripped the edge of the counter as his smell dizzied my senses. “If you decide to dump Finn, I rented a hotel room at the Ritz for us,” he murmured, his voice like velvet. “We would have the whole night to ourselves.”

“You’re playing dirty. That’s not fair.”

“I like playing dirty, especially with you.”

An image of Luke’s six pack abs drizzled in chocolate sauce flashed in my mind. I nearly groaned out loud as I pictured myself licking it off of him.

“You won’t regret it.” Luke’s hot breath tickled my neck. “Because I am dying to get you in bed and have my way with you.”

With a quick pat on my ass, he retreated down the hallway. I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding and picked up a plate. In the throes of ecstasy I wouldn’t regret dumping Finn, but five months down the line when Luke was on tour and I was home alone, I would. A couple of seconds later, I heard the familiar sound of little footsteps.

“Mommy, I had a dream I was a princess,” Nil announced excitedly, “And – and, a white pony visited me. Can I have a pony?”

I spun around to the sight of my daughter’s big blue eyes staring up at me. Her blonde curls looked as perfect as they did before she fell asleep. I felt sorry for the man who would marry her. It was hard not to give her what she wanted.

“Sweetie, only rich people can afford ponies,” I said, candidly.

Her mouth scrunched to the side. “Are we rich people?”

I smiled at her innocent question. Sometimes, I wished to be four years old again when the power of money was a foreign concept.

“No, but when we are, I’ll let you know.”

“OK,” she said simply. “Can I have a juice box?”

I cut a glance over to Luke, already grabbing it from the fridge. Handing the purple box to Nil, he guided her to the dining room table where she took a seat.

“Alright, I have to get a move on.” Luke bent down and pressed a light kiss on Nil’s forehead. We hadn’t talked about it, but I could tell his impending departure tomorrow weighed heavily on his mind.

“Where are you going daddy?” Nil asked.

“To play music.”

She noisily sucked the juice through the straw. “Can I come?”

My innocent four-year-old daughter at a concert surrounded by a bunch of drunken buffoons was any parent’s worst nightmare. Luckily, Luke had the good sense to realize that.

“Sorry not tonight. Maybe when you’re older.”

“A lot older,” I cut in. “Like when you’re eighteen years older.”

He gave me a funny look. “It’s not as if my fans are a bunch of demon worshippers. I was fourteen when I saw my first concert. It changed my life.”

I didn’t want to think about Nil as a fourteen year old. Let alone any age besides the one she was at now. It freaked me out how quickly timed passed.

“Fine, we’ll discuss it in ten years,” I said.

Concern lined his mouth. “Can we talk for a second?” He gestured to the other side of the room away from Nil.

I followed him. When we were out of earshot, I said, “What’s up?”

“I don’t know how to ask you this, because I know you’re proud, but…”

“Just spit it out, Luke.”

He glanced up at the ceiling then looked back down at me, hesitant. “Are you OK for money?”

I let out a short laugh. The overdue bills shoved in a drawer said otherwise, but I didn’t want Luke to know that. It was important for him to think I had my shit together. That the life I provided for our daughter was just fine without his help.

“Yup. Why do you ask?”

He ran a hand through his thick brown hair, “Because you said only rich people have ponies.”

I titled my head to the side flummoxed at how he got the impression I was poor from that comment. “I’m really fine,” I said

Luke studied my face for any sign I might be lying. When I held his gaze, he sighed heavily.

“I know you wouldn’t tell me otherwise, but please, if you need help, don’t hesitate to ask.”

The concern he had for us was sweet but I would never accept a hand out.

“I don’t need your money,” I said softly. “What I do need is for you to be a father to our daughter which is exactly what you’re doing.”

ONCE LUKE LEFT, I focused on finding a babysitter for Nil. Hopefully, my grandmother could leave her boyfriend for an evening. I rinsed the last plate and wiped my wet hands with a paper towel.

“Hey Nil, do you want Grandma Doris to come over tonight?” I asked.

She kept her eyes focused on the book in front of her.
Madeline
was my favorite bedtime story when I was younger, too, and I passed it down to her. Even though Nil couldn’t read all the words, the illustrations of Paris enchanted her.

I waved my hands in the air to get her attention. “Hey.”

When she didn’t glance up, it was as if I didn’t exist. Only the imaginary world of Madeline did. It was probably a good time to get used to being ignored. In a couple years, it might be a natural occurrence. Grabbing my cell phone off the counter, I dialed Grandma Doris number.

“Hello sweet pea, how are you?” she chirped brightly.

The last time she called me by that nickname was when Grandpa was still alive, ten years ago. It was nice to see her old self re-emerging.

“Good, thanks,” I replied. “You think you can come by and watch Nil tonight?”

“That should be fine. Is it alright if Ted comes as well?”

It was against my rule to have strange men in my house. Although, he was my grandmother’s boyfriend, I didn’t know him personally.

“I am sure he is a great guy, but I have never met him before.”

Doris let out a high pitch giggle. A sound that was odd coming from a seventy-five year old. “I have a feeling that’ll change soon enough.”

If my grandmother was implying I should meet him before I left tonight, then I guess I could. But it would have to be a hello and goodbye kind of introduction. With traffic, I didn’t have time to dawdle

“Alright, I guess I can meet your boyfriend real quick tonight.”

“He’s not my boyfriend, Marlene.” She drew a lengthy breath. “He’s my fiancé.”

The phone almost dropped out of my hands. My grandmother wasn’t the compulsive type; it took her nine years to get a dog. And marriage was a much bigger commitment. She should know. She was married to my grandpa for almost forty years.

“When did you decide this?” I sputtered.

“Yesterday over lunch.”

“What happened? Did the waiter ask if you wanted a side of marriage with your salad?”

My grandmother clucked her tongue in disapproval. “Don’t be nasty.”

Remorse over my snide comment washed over me. I was fine with her having a boyfriend, but a husband? That was a whole different enchilada. My grandfather was an outstanding man and it pained me to think I had to hand over the title to somebody I never met.

“Sorry, but why get married?” I questioned. “Can’t you just live together?”

She laughed as if the concept was ridiculous, “When you’re my age, you have nothing to lose. I want to spend the little time I have left with the man I love.”

“Didn’t you love grandpa?”

“Very much, but I told you it wasn’t the kind of love where my heart stopped in my chest at the sight of him.”

“So what? You regret marrying him?” My voice rose. “Is that what you’re saying?”

“Not at all. I’m glad I didn’t have that kind of love when I was younger. What I felt for your grandfather was simpler and not so complex. More beautiful in a way.”

“I don’t understand,” I said. “Explain.”

“Have you ever passed someone on the street and your eyes lock? Even though you don’t know the person, there’s a spark and it feels as if you have been looking for them your whole life?”

I knew exactly what she was talking about, because that’s how it was when I first met Luke.

“Yes,” I said.

“That kind of undeniable attraction makes your emotions stronger, more destructive. You love each other so much it feels as if the world is on fire.”

My brain wrapped itself around what she was implying, “So that kind of love never lasts because you end up hurting each other.”

“Exactly,” she said.

There was a story behind her philosophy on love. I could feel it. She sounded like a woman scorned and it was about time she divulged exactly what went wrong.

“Grandma, what happened?” I questioned.

“What do you mean?”

I filled a glass with juice and took a sip. “You don’t settle for comfortable unless your heart has been so shattered by another man that you’re afraid to love like that again,” I said, speaking from experience.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Obviously you’re marrying Ted because you’re crazy about him so your ideology doesn’t really apply anymore.”

My grandmother paused. “That’s because it was him.”

“What?”

“Ted.” She took a shuddering breath. “Ted was the man who broke my heart all those years ago.”

My mouth fell open at her admission. “Seriously?”

“Yes we met when we were eighteen and two months later we were engaged to be married. The night before the wedding he disappeared.”

This Ted guy sounded like an asshat. At least Luke left a note when he left and tried to periodically call. I couldn’t imagine what it felt like to have the love of your life vanish into thin air.

“How did you cope?” I asked.

“By marrying your grandfather who I knew was a steady presence,” she said. “And like I said, I don’t regret it for a second. Your grandfather and I had a wonderful life together.”

“But he wasn’t Ted.”

“No.” She breathed. “He wasn’t.”

Fear turned my blood cold. Was my grandmother’s life a glimpse into the future I would have if I stayed with Finn? Day after day always wondering what if?