Love Notes (24 page)

Chapter 43-Charlie

I spent my day sleeping and to be honest, it was the first true rest I had had in a very long time. I woke feeling slightly lighter. Don’t get me wrong, I was still upset. Emotionally and physically drained, yes. However, knowing that I had a place to stay and would never have to step foot into that place ever again, that had never felt like home, now that was a feeling like no other.

Then like a bolt of lightening, I remember what tomorrow is.

Homecoming.

Well, there went that first dance. The strange thing is, that in my haste to pack my ‘essentials’ I packed my dress. The only reasoning I could think, is that it is still important to me and symbolizes something to me. Regardless of the outcome with Maverick and me, I love him. That doesn’t go away over night. The dress is proof, that he had loved me. That was a feeling, I never wanted to forget. I know, strange right?

Tori comes prancing in my room, excited about the program tonight. “Time to get up my friend and get you beautified for tonight. We are going to make Maverick think twice about ever being a dick wad to you. Let’s show him what he’s missing. Shall we?”

“Tori, I’m not really feeling up to it tonight. I mean, really my face….”

“Nope, your face is beautiful and it really doesn’t look that bad. With a little of my magical masterful hands, you will never know. Plus, remember it will be dark in the auditorium and it won’t be noticeable.”

I knew she would never give up. Hanging my head down to my chest and heaving a heavy sigh, I finally concede defeat. Not that she would ever have given me much of choice. That girl could be relentless when she wanted too.

I get up, shower and come into my room to see that Tori has pulled my clothes out and laid them out on the bed. I guess she is also my wardrobe stylist tonight.

I can’t help but smile and be eternally grateful for having met her and that she is my friend. What would’ve happened if my so-called dad hadn’t been transferred and we’d never moved here? The thought alone starts to make me think about the what if’s. I shake myself of the thought. I don’t need to think about this. We did move, I did meet Maverick and Tori and everything is okay, now. I need to remember that.

I get dressed and walk into the bathroom to find Tori completely dressed and make-up done. Of course, she looks beautiful. She always does. “Come to me and let’s get your already gorgeous face touched up a bit.”

“Oohh, I’m so good, if I do say so myself.” Tori exclaims. “Behold my masterpiece.”

I glance in the mirror and see that my face does indeed look a lot better with a little bit of makeup. She is good, I’ll give her that. I didn't think anyone would notice, unless they got extremely close up, which I don’t see happening any time soon.

Tori and I make dinner for us, so Shelby won't have to mess with it. In a way, it helps me feel like I’m earning my keep. I knew it would actually be appreciated.

All too quickly it’s time to leave. The closer we get to the school the stranger Tori's behavior gets. She is like a person doped up on too much caffeine. I’m a bundle of nerves. I want to see Maverick, but yet I don’t. I donn’t know who he will be with, or who will be on his arm.

As soon as we arrive, Tori leaves us to go meet up with the class. Shelby insists that we sit up front. “Oh boy,” is all I can think. I really don't feel like getting noticed and sitting up in the front is the perfect place for that to happen. It is as close and personal with the stage as you can possibly get. Finally the lights dim and the program begins. Tori had told me that they wouldn't be on, until the closer to the end and I honestly couldn't remember how many groups were in front of them. The longer I sit here, the more nervous I get about seeing Maverick. Program after program comes and goes. All of a sudden Tori comes out, but not onto the stage. Next thing I know Tori drops her butt down on the seat right smack next to me.

“Um, Tori. What are you doing?” I ask. What does she do? She doesn't respond, she just shushes me, the stinker. “Tori.” I say, which may have been a little louder than I intend, hearing people hushing me, from behind. She ignores me. Just sits there and pretends she doesn’t hear me. Finally, a hush goes through the auditorium. I'm getting restless and moving around a lot. Apparently I'm annoying the shit out of Tori, because she grabs my shaking leg without looking at me and stills it.

Then a spotlight shines directly on to the middle of the stage and I spot Maverick on crutches. Alone, on the stage. “Tori, what’s he doing?” Again she ignores me. Then the most beautiful music starts playing. I recognize the song immediately. It’s one of my very favorites. Microphone in hand Maverick limps, stands directly in front of me and starts to sing. I make every attempt to avoid making eye contact, but I can't.

It's impossible and he sounds…. really good. It’s such a soulful song, “You're all I've Ever Needed,” by Paul McDonald & Nikki Reed. It's beautiful he’s intently staring at me, singing these words it seems, to me.
“I love you more than I knew, I could ever love someone.”

He slowly limps off the stage and heads in my direction, never taking his eyes off of me. He reaches me and tentatively reaches out for my hand, looking unsure as if I will allow that. I do, because I would do anything to hold his hand again. He securely takes it in his and almost reverently, leads me back to the stage.

I’m mesmerized. Like I’ve been put under a spell. I guess in a way I have. I follow, because I can't help it, as he continues to sing to me. He motions for me to sing the chorus with him. I do, because in this moment it feels like a dream that I don’t ever want to wake up from. This is not something that ever happens to someone like me. I’ve always been a nobody. Yet, I begin to realize that slowly, but surely, those feelings have been dwindling, for some time now.

For this moment, it can be perfect. I’m not going to worry about the past or the present. Just the here and now. So I sing the last chorus with him and our voices blend and mesh so well. It’s complete perfection. The last note lingers and we finish. He continues to stare at me as if I’m the most precious thing in the world to him.

He leans close and whispers in my ear, “Charlie, you are so beautiful.” He dips me just a little, as if we were dancing and gives me a sweet slight lingering kiss, that brings up feelings never forgotten, but reminds me of how much I've missed him.

When I come back up, the crowd is on their feet clapping. It’s insanity, the sound deafening. I can’t see a thing with the spotlight shining on us, but I can sure hear the football team, hootin and hollering. Above all, I can hear Will going nuts. I stand there with Maverick holding my hand. What seems like forever, he finally directs us off the stage and into the back.

Limping, he takes us into a back room off of the stage and turns on the light. Quietly, we walk in and shut the door. For just a moment we stand there, without speaking, with Maverick staring at me like he can’t believe I’m in the same room with him. Finally, he begins to speak. “I messed up. I pushed you away when I shouldn’t have and I’m so, so sorry. I just didn’t know how to deal. I know, that’s no excuse. I love you so much and if you don’t want me anymore, I’d understand. I’d hate it, but I’d understand. Am I too late? Did I fuck up royally, that you’re done with me?”

I don’t acknowledge his use of words. “Was Tori in on this?” I ask. “Never mind, stupid question. Her behavior tonight, says enough.”

“Um, maybe, but I picked out the song.” Maverick runs his hands through his hair in that way that I love so much and I picture running my hands through it. He looks frustrated that I haven’t responded in the way he wants me too.

“I miss you Charlie, and I want you back. I’ve missed you so much. I’ve been so damn stupid. You need to know how I feel and that if I could take it all back, I would.”

“A lot has happened and there are things that we need to discuss.”

He hesitantly walks a little closer to me. The moment he steps into the light, I know he’ll be able to see it. I let out a heavy sigh, knowing that I can’t hide it from him anymore.

Secrets need to be told.

As if on cue, he asks, “What the hell happened to your face Charlie? Who touched you? I’ll fucking kill him.” He walks all the way to me until we’re a breaths distance apart, and starts to gently run his thumb down the spot where the slap occurred. I can’t help but lean into his palm as he gently cups my face.

“Maverick, this is what we need to discuss.” He just stands there waiting for me to continue. I’m not looking forward to this conversation. Not, one bit.

So I begin my tale. I tell of things from the past that happened and what I’d endured all of these years, to lead into now. I’m embarrassed. I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. As soon as I reach the part where I skipped school and went home, because he had returned. And all of my emotions of not being able to handle him returning to school, I see a look of pure agony cross his face. He looks as if he’s blaming himself. I let that go for now, because if I don’t finish this, I’m not sure I’ll be able to get this all out. I explain about how I finally stood up for myself and how good that felt. How it took finally seeing him and his parents as well as Tori and her mom interact to see that what I had, was messed up. I explain the confrontation and how my so called dad, reacted and what I’d learned. I watch the emotions run amuck on his face, especially when I get to the part of the slap. The minute I tell him this, he turns around and slams his fist into the wall, leaving a massive hole in the sheet rock. His fist dripping blood on the floor.

“Maverick, are you okay? Let me see.”

“No, it’s fine,” he says rather gruffly. I tense because I can’t help it. I’ve never heard him use that tone before.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.” I’m just so angry, “I’m such an asshole. If only I’d…..”

“Nope, you won’t do this and I won’t allow it. You can’t take responsibility for something that’s been happening to me for years. If anything, it was you and Tori that helped me feel better about myself and gain confidence. There’s no way I would’ve ever had the guts to do what I did last night otherwise. And I don’t regret it.”

He closes the distance and takes my hand with his good one, leaning his forehead against mine and whispers, “I’m so sorry that you had to live with that your whole life. No one should ever have too.”

I say the words that twenty minutes ago, he was waiting for. He stuck around this long, listening and never judging me. “I love you Maverick and I forgive you, I do, but…..”

Shaking his head he says, “No, no butts. We have a dance to go to tomorrow. For one night, can we just pretend that everything is fine? Will you let me make it perfect for you? I know I won’t be able to move like I used too, now that I have gimp knees, but we can go, have a good time and then after, if you still think you need to tell me. Then, you can tell me the rest.”

I think about his request, it doesn’t take long, really. “Yeah, I think I can do that. And you’re so called gimpy knees don’t bother me Mav.” As a response, he closes his eyes and leans his forehead on mine and lets out the breath he apparently is holding.

One perfect evening with no worries and least of all, no secrets.

Chapter 44-Maverick

Of everything I imagined that she could’ve told me, that was not one of them. The guilt I feel is magnified by a thousand times ten. I know in all honesty, it isn’t my fault, but somehow can’t help but feel I contributed, in a small part to her pain.