Love Me (Trust Series #2) (25 page)

“Mmm, what are you making?”

At least, we are able to recover from that potential downward spiral. He needs to go see his sister’s grave. He just doesn’t realize it yet.

We’ll tackle that another day.

“Subs for lunch, but dessert is going to be out of this world. I have chocolate sauce.”

He quirks his eyebrow up at me, and his mouth turns into a sexy grin. “You’re going to throw that out there and expect me to eat subs? I say dessert first.”

Before I have a chance to respond, Damien has thrown me over his shoulder. He grabs the chocolate sauce from the fridge. I squeal with excitement because I know what’s coming, and it’s going to be delicious in every sense of the word.

Damien left early this morning for his meeting with Ben. It’s late afternoon, and I’m in the library. My phone pings.

Damien: I’ll be leaving in the next thirty minutes. Had some unforeseen work issues.

Me: No worries. Working on the house remodel stuff. Can’t wait to show you.

Damien: Can’t wait to see it, baby. Love you.

Me: Love you, too.

After pressing Send, I confirm my order with the jeweler that I’ve ordered for Damien’s belated wedding present.
Shit, I used my old credit card again.
He’s probably going to flip when he realizes I’ve been using my old credit cards and bank account to pay for things. It’s out of habit more than anything. I really need to combine our assets before he reads more into it.
Gah, it’s going to be such a hassle to change everything.

I continue to change out different tones of paint swatches. This morning, I started pulling together a plan to remodel the entire house. The first initial step is taking the monotone taupe walls and giving the house life. Some of the rooms are like a mausoleum, and I just feel intimidated when I’m in them. I want to have a warm, inviting house where we use all the rooms instead of only about three or four. Some of the furniture I’m good with. It’s the uncomfortable, super formal pieces that I’m not a fan of. I want the Southern feel to envelop this house and welcome all who come in, like our ranch in Texas.

My phone pings. Since my number just changed, it’s either Damien or Sam. I hit the View Message button without looking, and a video starts to load.
Odd.
It takes me a second to realize what’s going on. I don’t recognize the room, but I immediately zero in on the man in bed with a woman.

My stomach immediately drops when my brain catches up to what my heart and eyes already know. It’s Damien and Cassandra in this video. I know I should shut off the video, but I can’t. I just can’t.

He pleases her as she lies beneath him. I can only see his muscled back, black hair, and a few glimpses of his side profile. I wish I could see his eyes, so I could verify if he’s looking at her like he looks at me. I know the answer, but seeing this is like a knife in the gut.

She smiles up at the camera repeatedly, and then she throws her head back as he hits some spot she likes. It feels as if my world is frozen, and I can’t get through this video fast enough.

I wish I could shut it off. There’s nothing positive that is going to come from this. When he goes to her navel, like he has done to me so many different times, I literally sink to the floor from the chair, realizing that he has used the same moves on me that he did with other women. I know I should have realized this, but seeing it all in Technicolor glory brings it home.

The next thing I see is him pushing into her, and then they start going at it like rabbits before they both scream out in their release. Seeing someone else bring him pleasure is the hardest thing I have ever had to endure. He collapses on top of her, and then he immediately disengages, leaves the bed, and removes his condom. The screen goes black, and then words flash across the screen.

He doesn’t love you like I do. He loves her.

I’m going to be sick.
I throw my phone down and run to our bedroom right down the hall. I lock myself in the bathroom. The tears start to fall silently regardless of how I try to command them to stop. Faster and faster, they flow. I feel nauseous, and I’m trying not to get sick as I slowly breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.

That was in the past
. That’s what I keep telling myself over and over and over again.

I have no idea what is more disturbing—the fact that I just saw my husband make love to someone else or that the crazy killer contacted me again on my brand-new number.
I hate that this is happening.

I’m trying to find my bubble where I normally hide, but it’s been busted from this asshole’s repeated attempts to contact me over these last few days. I just want to be left alone.

How could someone be so cruel to send a sex tape like that?

I know Damien loves me, and he is faithful to me, but it just hurts. Now, I have a visual of how satisfying the other women were, and the image will haunt me, intensifying all my self-doubts.

I have no idea how long I’m in the bathroom before I hear pounding on the door. I start swiping madly at the tears as if that will stop them.

Bane calls out, “Mrs. Wales, are you okay? I need you to answer me, or I’m going to have to come in.”

I wonder how long he’s been knocking while I’ve been in my numb state.

Dryly, I choke out without much volume, “I’m fine.”

“Mr. Wales needs you to call him immediately.”

I just sit there, looking at the white door. I have no idea what to say.

“Mrs. Wales?”

I have to say something, but I can’t talk to Damien right this minute. He’s at work, and he’ll leave immediately if he hears me. He’s due home in a couple of hours, and we will talk then.
He can’t keep missing so much work because I can’t control my emotions.

“Yes, I heard you. I will call him in a bit.” I don’t mean to sound so hateful, but I need time to process all of this.

There’s some kind of mumbling on the other side of the door, but then it starts to fade.

Thank goodness.

I just need a little peace and quiet for a few minutes. My tears start again as I hold my knees and rock myself, trying to find any form of comfort. Those images keep dancing across my mind, trying to forever seal themselves to me, when I just want to forget.

I knew he had an active sex life prior to me. I just never ever wanted to know the details, and I am cursing myself for watching the damn thing.

Ignorance is bliss sometimes.

I’m not upset with him, but to see him in the act, with Cassandra no less, is unsettling to say the least.

Did he even know he was being taped?

Stupid.

Stupid.

Stupid.

I’m so stupid for watching that video.

They looked explosive together. She probably had so much more experience than I do now. I bet she could please him in ways I never even thought of.

I know he loves me.

He married me.

It’s me who warms his bed every night.

He wants me to have his kids.

I know all this, but the self-deprecating thoughts still make their way to the surface.

I need to stop these thoughts
. I know he doesn’t want any other woman.

The bathroom door bursts open, lock be damned, causing me to jump as Damien walks into the bathroom.

“Alli, are you okay? Where’s your phone? Why didn’t you answer me when I knocked?”

He was knocking?

I don’t know what to say. I look up at Damien, dressed in black slacks and a green button-down shirt. His hair is a mess, and he looks worried beyond belief as his eyes dance over me. One look at me has him nearly stopping in his tracks, but after pausing for only a millisecond, he continues on toward me.

As I look down at myself, I can see why he looks worried. I’m sure I look like a fruit loop, sitting on the floor in front of the vanity, shivering, crying, and rocking myself into a near hysterical meltdown.

Damien immediately crouches down in front of me, and then he stands, disappears into the closet, and re-emerges with a blanket. I want to say something, but I’m not sure I can right now. It’s hard for me to even look him in the eyes.

Before I know it, he’s picked me up and deposited me on the couch in our bedroom. He goes to the wall, starts the gas fireplace, and then comes back to join me. I’m so glad I didn’t wear makeup today, or I bet I would look like some kind of circus freak. He’s as lost as I am on what to say.

He knows. I don’t know how he knows, but he knows.

That’s why Bane came to the door and Damien hasn’t pushed for answers since seeing me in the bathroom.

“Alli…” His voice is as soft as velvet.

I slowly bring my eyes up to his, and he sucks in a breath at the devastation he sees on my face.

He continues, “You’ve seen it, haven’t you? Fuck. Of course you’ve seen it.” He runs his hand through his hair and then starts rubbing his forehead. “Damn it to hell. I’m going to kill that bastard.”

He runs his hand through his hair a few more times before he grabs one of my hands and starts to rub it.

I need to say something because I haven’t said a word since he burst through the doors. “Damien…I-I…I…” Tears start to fall anew.

“Alli, please talk to me. I had no idea that tape even existed. I’ve never seen you like this. You’re scaring the shit out of me.”

I start to cry all over again, and I lean into his chest. I wish tears were like gas tanks and could eventually run out. It seems like I have an unlimited supply right now.

Between cries, I say, “I shouldn’t have looked. I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop.”

“Shh, baby. I know. I know.”

He’s rubbing my back as I just let my emotions out. This feels so much more therapeutic than being alone in the bathroom.

“Please just talk to me, baby. I swear that she meant nothing to me.”

I pull back my tear-streaked, blotchy face and look him in the eyes. “I know. I could tell, but it just hurt so bad, seeing you with someone else like that. I know after seeing that…” I take a deep breath, trying to remain in control. “After seeing that, I know all the women you’ve been with are so much more experienced than me. I don’t know how I’ll keep you interested in me. I’m scared of losing you in all this.”

Deep down somewhere, I know what I’m saying isn’t true, but when I’m this upset, it’s so easy to let the negativity eat away at my confidence. I try to think of something that proves what I said to him is false—the way he immediately got out of bed after finding his release with Cassandra. He’s never done that with me. He normally can’t get enough of me afterward as we lie there in the aftermath of our lovemaking.

With all the conviction he can muster, he solemnly states, “Alli, I swear that all of the women I’ve been with were just a fuck, lay, whatever you want to call it. I’ve never loved anyone else, baby. They meant nothing. And trust me, you are not inexperienced. I’ve never had someone bring me to my knees like you have. I’ll tell you anything you want to know. Baby, I don’t want any secrets between us. I’m here forever, and I’m never giving you up.”

“I don’t want any details. I’ve seen enough.”

He blanches at my comment, and I wish I could take those words back.

“I mean, I know you love me. It still hurts to see you touching someone else like you touch me. I’m trying to get that image—”

He cuts me off before I start working myself up all over again. “Alli, I have never touched someone like I have you. With them, I touched them to get them off, so I could get off. With you, I touch you to cherish your body and to remember every detail about you.”

I look up, and his features are etched with worry.

“Damien, I love you regardless of what’s happened. It’s just…I don’t know. Put yourself in my shoes. If you were sent of video of me having sex with another man, it would—”

He cuts me off again. “Alli, I would have come to blows with any other man who had been with you, and I had to watch it happen.” His free hand contorts into a tight fist, causing his knuckles to pop and go ghost white.

I know his possessiveness over me shouldn’t please me, but it does. I just need to keep talking it out. “It’s just unnerving to see something like that. It just brought a lot of self-doubts to the surface, which is what this guy wants. I’ve never understood why you chose to love me.”

He kisses the top of my head. “You’re all that I have ever and will ever want. What do I need to do to prove that to you?”

I melt at his soothing voice. I try to let reality take hold of me again instead of staying in this fictional world I’ve built since I got the text.

“All I need is for you to love me. That’s it, Damien.”

“Well, that’s easy, baby. Loving you is like breathing. It’s natural and effortless for me.”

I give a small smile as the sadness slowly starts to ebb away. Now that I’m coming down from the emotional roller coaster I’ve been on, everything that happened from when Damien walked in starts to take root as my thoughts come together.

“How did you know that I had seen the video?” I ask.

“He sent me a text, too.”