Love Me? The Trust Me? Trilogy (14 page)

"You can't go to work today. I'll be here with you. We need to grieve, together."

I shake my head. "No, I need to be distracted. I can't stay here and wallow in self-pity because I ... I killed our baby."

He looks at me, his brows furrowed and his mouth gapping. "Jeni, you did
not
kill our baby. It was an accident, and nothing you could've done would've saved our child. You need to grieve and not pretend it didn't happen, Jeni, please," he begs.

I gulp down a lump my throat, pulling away from him and continue to get my clothes ready for work. He exhales and walks over, sitting on the edge of the bed and puts his head in his hands. I look over at him and I realize he's crying. I stop what I'm doing and make my way over sit next to him on the bed.

"Aiden, ... I'm so sorry."

He starts to sob uncontrollably into his hands.

I wrap my arm around him and hold on to him tightly. "I'm so sorry, Aiden. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I continuously say as I start to lose control. Emotion hits me like a tidal wave. I fall to the floor on my knees and cry into my hands, sadness erupting from deep within me. I feel his hand on my back as he joins me on the floor. He pulls me to him tightly and we sob together.

"I'm so sorry," I say repeatedly. He rocks with me in his arms; we both sob and mourn the loss of our baby together.

Chapter 9

Aiden has done the rounds of ringing our family and close friends, letting them know what has happened. I lay awake in our bed, staring at nothing and cuddling Mr. Snuggles. He walks in and looks at me with saddened eyes. He comes and sits next to me on the bed.

"Everyone is coming over later. I know you probably don't want to see them, but they need to see us. They're grieving too." I continue to stare at nothing while he strokes my hair. He kisses my head and walks out into the living room.

I lay in bed, staring aimlessly into the vast nothingness around me. I feel hollow, empty, and emotionless inside. All I want is to wind back the clock so I can do things differently, and our baby will still be ... alive. But I know I can't. The hours roll by, and he comes in periodically and lies with me on the bed, wrapping his arms around me. Then his phone will ring, and he'll leave the room to answer it. I'm exhausted, but all I can do is stare.

I hear the elevator chime, and I know our families are arriving. Firstly, Mom arrives. I hear her talking to Aiden, the bedroom door opens, and Mom walks into the room. She looks at me and exhales and I can feel tears forming in my eyes. She walks over to me and sits on the edge of the bed.

"Oh, darling, I'm so sorry." She leans in to cuddle me. I hold on to my mom tightly. I start to cry uncontrollably in her arms as she rocks me back and forth.

"It's okay, sweetheart, let it all out."

I hear the elevator chime again. She holds on to me tightly while I continue to cry in her arms. Aiden walks in and winces when he sees how inconsolable I am. He shuts the door to let me have time with my mom. He tends to the other family members who are arriving periodically.

Eventually I stop crying and embrace my mom.

"Sweetheart, I know this is a terrible time for you both. I'd never wish this upon anyone, but you can try again. Maybe later on down the road, when you're both more settled and ready for a baby." I know she's trying to make me see that there's hope for a baby in our future. She kisses me atop my head. "You know I love you, right?"

I nod in response.

"Trust me when I say it'll get better. It'll take time, and it's normal to mourn the loss of something so special, but it
will
get better. I promise you."

I nod, and she exhales.

"I'll let you rest."

She walks out of the bedroom, shutting the door behind her. I hear all the people in the living room with Aiden, but I can't face them. I can't face their sympathetic eyes, and I'm-sorry-for-your-loss
bullshit
. How would they even know what it's like?

I cuddle up to Mr. Snuggles again and continue to stare at nothing. I can hear Aiden talking to them. "Excuse me; I'm going to check on Jeni." He walks in and shuts the door behind him. I look over at him. "Are you sure you don't want to come out and say hi to everyone? They're all worried about you, especially Brielle and Sarah."

I look at him and sigh. He walks toward the edge of the bed and sits down next to me as he plays with my hair.

His hand brushes my cheek. "You know how much I adore you?"

I sigh and sit up on the bed. "I know, love you too. Maybe I could see Bree?" I ask quietly leaning into his chest.

"I'll get her for you." He kisses my forehead and walks out.

I sit on the edge of the bed with my knees up to my chest. The door opens slightly, and Bree pops her head around the corner. She comes in, shutting the door behind her.

"Hi, Jeni, how are you feeling?"

"I'm alright, thanks."

She sits on the edge of the bed next to me. Resting her hand on my knee, she looks at me with those sympathetic eyes. The look I was trying to avoid. I don't want pity.

"I'm so sorry, Jeni."

My eyes well up with tears again, when she leans in and hugs me. I decide to talk to her about what happened.

"Bree."

"Yeah?"

"Can I tell you something and you won't tell anyone?"

She looks at me curiously. "Um, yes?"

"I think ... I think I was pulled down the ladder."

"Pulled?"

"Yes, down the ladder at the office."

"By who?"

I decide to tell her everything I remember.

"Alistair was with me when the fire alarm went off. He asked me to climb up the ladder to get down a box in the kitchen. I felt dizzy while I was on the ladder, and he pulled at my top, and I fell."

Bree gasps while she listens closely to what I say about her father.

"Oh my god, Jeni! Are you sure?"

"He saw me hurt on the floor. He told me to stop complaining and get up, and then he left me there." Tears fall down my face when memories of the pain come flooding back.

Bree looks at me, bewildered as she takes in everything I've said.

"You must tell Aiden, Jeni, and you have to tell him now."

I shake my head. Has she heard nothing I've said?

"
No
! This will end their relationship. I don't want to be the cause of the father-son bond being broken. I'd never forgive myself if he ended up being estranged from his father, all because I said something about this to him. I know what it's like not having a father in my life, and I don't want him to suffer the same fate as me, even though our child is now gone because of Alistair."

"You know this puts me in a difficult position. I do understand where you're coming from though. This news would break Aiden's heart and would definitely end their relationship, especially if he knew that father did this to both of you." She hugs me while I cry. It feels good finally talking to someone about it.

She exhales and shakes her head. "God, I could kill him for this. I can't believe he pulled you off the ladder and then left you there."

"Shh, I don't want them to hear."

Aiden opens the door and looks in. I'm worried that he might have overheard. He walks in and sits on the bed next to Bree.

"How's my girl doing?" Aiden asks Bree.

She wipes a tear from my cheek with her thumb. "She's going to be fine." She pats my knee.

He leans over and kisses me. Brielle stands up and goes to walk out.

"Thanks for letting me vent," I call out, and she closes the door behind her.

Aiden moves in close to me. "I want to take you away from all the stresses so we can start to move on and you can relax. I know that we can't forget what happened to our baby, but we can move past this and on to the rest of our lives. We'll have children in our future, and I very much look forward to that day, but for now, baby, I think we should just go away. You and me, for a week or so, to relax and be together. What do you think?"

The thought of seeing Alistair again makes me feel physically sick, so I quickly agree. I need some time away from him, and this is exactly what I need.

"Sounds perfect."

"Do you think you could come out to see everyone? I know they want to see you."

I see in his eyes that he needs me. I decide hesitantly to go out and see everyone. We walk out of the bedroom hand in hand; everyone looks at me exactly how I knew they would, with sympathetic eyes and saddened faces. I accept hugs from everyone but stay close to him the entire time, never letting go of his hand while everyone makes small talk.

Sarah comes over and hugs me tightly, and I hug her back. She doesn't say anything, which is perfect. She knows me so well.

Everyone starts to leave. They all give a final goodbye hug. I exhale when the elevator doors close for the last time, taking the last of our family and friends down to their cars. I turn to look at him.

"You did great. I'm so proud of you. I know how hard that was for you."

"Proud of me?"

"Yes, you did so well with everyone here, considering I didn't think you would even come out at all."

I sigh and snuggle into his chest. "I didn't think I'd come out either." I look at the gift baskets on the coffee table.

"Jeni, we'll leave in the morning and come back next Thursday. Are you happy with that?"

"Where are we going?"

"Leave that to me. Have you got your passport?"

"Yes, it's in the bedroom."

"Good. You'll need it tomorrow. It's a surprise."

I shake my head and walk back to the bedroom.
It'll be our first vacation together.
He brings his laptop and walks into the bedroom with me. I lay on the bed while he sits planning our secret trip.

***

Aiden is packing a suitcase for each of us. I smile at his enthusiasm while he neatly folds the clothes and places them in the suitcase gently. He looks startled to see me when he walks back out with more clothes.

"Hey, beautiful."

I sigh. I don't feel like going anywhere. I'd rather stay here and wallow in our bed, with him cuddling me. I still feel weak, but I help him pack.

"How are you feeling?" he asks wrapping his arm around my waist.

"A little tired and sore, but I'm okay."

"We better hurry, Jeni. We have to leave in ten minutes for the airport."

My eyes widen in shock, because we don't have much time. I put on a flowing summer dress; I don't want any pressure on my stomach.

Aiden takes both suitcases to the elevator, and we make our way to Mike's car.

"Can you tell me where we are going?"

He pulls me into a cuddle. "Vienna."

"Vienna, as in Austria, like in
The Sound of Music
?"

"Yes, it's a very romantic city. I thought it would be ... right for us." He pulls my head close to his and kisses me. I giggle for the first time in days. I feel excited.

* * *

We land at Vienna International Airport in the late afternoon; we make our way through customs and out to the baggage area of the airport. There is a chauffer waiting for us, with a sign saying O'Connell.

"
Guten Tag
, Mr. O'Connell," he says to Aiden.

"Good day, call me Aiden, and this is Jeni."

"
Sehr gut, mein name ist Jörg
. Aiden and Jeni, if you would like to follow me," he says with a German accent. He takes my suitcase and starts to walk. I look at Aiden for an explanation.

"He said very good, my name is Jörg, and you understood the rest," he whispers to me. I walk next to him as we reach a black stretch limousine.

It's freezing! Aiden puts his jacket around me as Jörg puts the suitcases in the trunk and opens the door for us. I slide into the back of the limousine and see that the roof is lit with tiny blue and purple lights. The bar on the side has neon tube lighting around the edges of it. It's almost like a miniature nightclub. He slides in next to me.

"We're heading to our hotel first. We're staying at the Hotel de France Wien; it was built in 1872."

"You seem to know a lot about Vienna."

"Yeah, I've been here a few times with the family."

"Tell me more about our hotel."

"It's five-star. It's located on the elegant Ringstraße Boulevard in the center of Vienna. I know you'll love it." He pulls me in for a deep kiss.

I still feel weak, but I manage to keep up with Aiden.

We arrive at our hotel; I step out of the limousine to see a large historical building with flags out the front and a giant revolving door. Jörg takes both our bags, and we walk through to the main foyer. The pictures on the wall make for good viewing while he checks us in. He walks over and leads me to an elevator. We make our way to our room, the bellhop taking our bags for us.

"I didn't realize it'd be so cold."

"Yes, it's a lot warmer in Mornington Vale, than it is in most of Europe this time of year."

We walk into our room, and it's stunning. Everything is big. The bed is king-sized, and the room is large with a sofa and a TV in the main living room and an en-suite off to the side. There is a mini bar fridge, and the room is lovely and warm, heated from the bitter cold outside.

The bellhop places our bags on the bed and leaves so we are alone together in our suite. He walks over to me and leads me to the window. We look outside. The city skyline is simply breathtaking.

We decide to spend the rest of the day in the suite, ordering room service. Lying on the bed next to him, I start to unwind from the stresses of the past few days. I snuggle into his chest while we watch some show on TV. I can't understand a word of it. Aiden can pick up words here and there, but he doesn't know German fluently. It's nice to just be together, alone.

***

Aiden gets up out of bed, puts on some boxer shorts, and opens the door to a waiter who is serving our breakfast.

I'm quite hungry. I take a sip of my orange juice and start to eat the delicious breakfast in front of me.

We decide to go to the Donau Park, which is on the north bank of the Danube River. We put on our warm winter clothes and make our way down to the lobby, where Jörg is waiting for us.