Love Me Always (2 page)

“Please turn and look at me.” Her father’s voice pleaded. “Would you at least say something to acknowledge my presence? Four years is too long to go without speaking to me.”

Catherine squeezed her eyes closed, willing the tears to stay hidden.

“Cat, please. Don’t do this to me, or to yourself.” He stroked a gentle hand over the netting covering Catherine’s hair. “Dearest? Do you not understand that your mother and I did this for your future happiness? Grant has so much he wants to give you, and arranging your marriage was the only acceptable way. You’ll have so much more than your mother or I had when we started out. You’ll be blessed with a large house and many servants, not to mention the wonderful social life with many titled lords and ladies. Just think of the life Grant is offering.”

Catherine had held her tongue for too long, and her resistance finally broke. Spinning around, she faced her father, her hands clenched into fists by her sides. “Father, can you not remember when Grandfather preached about worldly possessions and how they were not important in life? I’m appalled you are going through with this. I’m your only child. Am I not important as well? Do my feelings mean nothing?”

She took a deep, cleansing breath. “If you cared at all, you would have realized I shared the dreams of every young girl. We come from a different world than Grant Fielding, and I don’t fit with his circle of friends. I want to fall in love with a man of my choosing – a man I can accept as my husband, who will love and want me just as much as I love and want him. I believe God wants me to marry and raise a family. He also wants me to be happy, but if you force me to marry Grant Fielding, I shall
never
be happy.”

A tear ran down her cheek, but she refused to wipe it away. “Why him, Father?” she continued as her voice cracked. Her chest heaved rapidly, but she wouldn’t stop. Not now. “My dreams were snatched away when you and Mother decided Grant Fielding would be my husband. You have torn my life apart. Do you think I should fall to the floor and kiss your feet for finding me a titled husband just because he can give me everything you ever wanted?”

Lines deepened in her father’s withered forehead, but he said nothing. Instead, she continued to voice her opinion while tears streaked down her cheeks. “Let me ask you, Father, am I going to stay with Grant Fielding because you care about my welfare or is this your way of washing your hands of the insane daughter you were burdened with?”

Tears filled her father’s eyes, but his jaw hardened. “Catherine Elizabeth Martin.” His stern voice reminded her of being a young girl who’d been disobedient. She’d heard him use this tone with his regiment, as well. “Show more respect for your father. I do
not
deserve to be spoken to in that manner.”

“And I do not deserve to have this arrangement.”

He huffed and folded his arms. Bushy gray eyebrows pulled together as his scowl deepened. “You know perfectly well what I think about my
insane daughter
. Although you show characteristics of having your mother’s personality, I think it best that you get away from here, and in doing so, I pray the disease your mother had will not affect you like it did her.”

She sighed.
Not this again!
He’d always thrown that line at her whenever she spoke out of turn, which wasn’t often, but enough for her to become tired of hearing it. As much as he wanted to tell her she
might
turn out different, she knew her father thought she would end up like her mother.

Catherine pushed past him and fled the bedroom, heading down the long hallway to peer out another window. Her father’s retreating footsteps eased her nerves only slightly. At least he didn’t try to stop and scold her again.

She detested the thought of the future her parents had planned for her, but she must put the past behind her and start anew. She had no other choice. Perhaps her father was who drove her mother insane, and leaving this house might be good for Catherine as well.

From down the hall, soft footsteps creaked on the floor behind her. She spun around to meet her father’s servant. Timothy Hodgson had been with her family since before Catherine was born. Hodgson had grown up with her father, and to keep their friendship, her father hired his friend as a servant in the household after her parents married.

Hodgson was such a kind, gentle man.
Always there to help her when needed; always there to give her a shoulder to cry on.
She’d miss him – more than her father, in fact.

Hodgson stopped in front of her and smiled weakly. “Cat, I wanted to say goodbye to you before you left.”

Tears stung her eyes again, and she gave the older man a hug. “I’m so glad you did.”

“This place won’t be the same with you gone.” He stroked her back lovingly.

“I shall miss you terribly.” She pulled away and tried to smile even while her lips trembled. “Please take care of yourself.”

“I will.” He grasped her hands. Sad, eyes met hers as his gray bushy eyebrows pulled together in worry. “I wish I could go with you and look after you.”

She shook her head. “Then who would look after Father?”

Hodgson chuckled.
“Very true.”
He nodded to toward the stairs. “I think you should go down now and meet your visitors.”

Sighing, she frowned. “I’m not ready to yet.”

Voices carried up the stairs, and she turned to hear more. Only mumbling could be heard this far away, so she crept closer to the stairs. Stopping, she wiped her eyes and took a deep breath for courage. She couldn’t let them see how upset she was. She had to appear strong. Hurting Grant and his family was unnecessary. Because of all they’d done for her and her parents, she must show them she accepted her fate in life, although the kind of Fatherly love she had for Grant wouldn’t change.

As her body and mind relaxed, the conversation her father had with Grant’s nephews drifted up the staircase.

Henry Martin cleared his throat. “Why didn’t Grant come to retrieve my daughter himself?”

“My uncle has taken ill.” A man’s deep voice answered in an irritated tone.

“That’s terrible. May I offer my services in some way?”

“Colonel Martin, there’s naught my uncle will have anyone do.” Another man’s voice spoke, light and uplifting. “As I’m certain you know, he does not ask for help even if he needs it.”

“Is he so ill he needs help?”

“My uncle is strong. His malady will soon pass,” the aggravated man spoke again. “Colonel Martin, we are on a tight schedule. Could you please instruct your daughter and her companion to make haste?”

Catherine inhaled sharply and turned toward Hodgson who still stood beside her. “I think that is my cue to join them.”

“I agree.” He smiled.

She smoothed out the front of her dress, and with a straight back, continued down to meet the men who would soon be a part of her unhappy future.

The clicking of her low heels made everyone’s head turn. She stared at the agitated eyes of her father as he aimed his glare her way. Why did he always give her a condescending look? In fact, she couldn’t recall a time in the past several years when he had privileged her with a genuine smile. He probably thought she walked with the devil himself right now because of the temper she’d displayed a few moments before.

She forced herself to smile as she glanced at Grant’s nephews. “Please forgive me for making you wait, gentlemen.”

Just like she’d been taught in the finishing school, she floated as gracefully as she could to her father’s side and stopped. Keeping her expression controlled, she moved her gaze to the three other men. The years had been extremely kind to the awkward boys she remembered briefly from her childhood.

Right away, she’d found the man who’d spoken so bitterly. Although very handsome, Nicholas’ expression appeared as dark as his hair. Panic surged through her and her head pounded with uncertainty.

“Catherine, dear,” her father began, taking hold of her cold hand. “I believe you remember Grant’s nephews.” He pointed to the man closest to them. “This is Mr. Nicholas Fielding.”

An angry crease marred the man’s forehead. Her heart hammered faster. Nicholas’ dark, wavy brown hair appeared as if he’d just finished running his fingers through the thickness. The deep green she’d remembered from her youth had turned as dark as his scowl. He appeared as displeased with the situation as she felt.

Her smile faltered and she lowered in a curtsy.
“A pleasure to make your acquaintance again.”

He nodded.

Her father continued, motioning his hand to the man beside Nicholas. “And this is Gregg, the second brother.”

Once again she smiled and curtsied. “Good day.”

Gregg smiled. His charming grin made her want to giggle, so she bit her cheek. His brown hair was almost as dark as his older brother’s, and his green eyes contrasted with his brothers because they literally twinkled.

“Enchanted, I’m sure,” Gregg said.

“And this,” her father continued, “is Ian, the youngest.”

This man was handsome. His dusty-blond hair and brown eyes added to his boyish appearance, and his cheerful countenance gave her hope of becoming his friend.

“Good day to you,” she said and gave him a small curtsy.

When she raised her gaze to his, a light of interest sparked in his eyes that made her want to laugh. Just like with his brother, Gregg, she resisted.

“Pleased to meet you, once again,” Ian said.

Nicholas took a step forward and cleared his throat. “We have no time to waste. Are you packed, Miss Martin? If so, our servants will get your trunks loaded.”

Giving him a forced smile, she squeezed her hands into fists. “Yes. I shall instruct my maid to inform your servants.” She turned and gracefully walked out of the room.

Once inside the hallway and out of view, she stopped and flattened her back against the wall. Placing her hand over her heaving chest, she sighed. She’d definitely have to watch herself around that particular brother before she ended up revealing how she really felt.

From the other room, her father spoke. “Nicholas, pardon me for being candid, but why are you so hostile toward my daughter? She’s the future Duchess of Ashton and I would ask that you treat her with the respect befitting her station.”

“Yes, I comprehend her place in my uncle’s household.” Nicholas’ voice escalated. “Please accept my apologies for being so forthright, but I’m on a tight schedule and we need to depart soon. Now, if you will excuse me, I shall wait outside.”

Heavy footsteps reverberated toward the front door, followed by slamming of the hard oak. Catherine closed her eyes and groaned. Her father shouldn’t have added coal to the already stoked fire.

After informing her maid she wished to leave, Catherine hurried to her bedroom and made certain she’d not overlooked anything of importance during the packing. The emptiness of the room brought a hollow ache to her chest, but she refused to cry. This was the end of her youth, and there was nothing she could do about it.

Not long ago, she’d lost control in front of her father, but she’d vowed never to do so again. She may not like the life her parents chose for her, but she’d make the best of an unwanted situation. If she had to live a life with a man she didn’t love, at least she could make friends with his nephews and have them as companions. Even though her future looked bleak, perhaps all was not lost.