Love Me Always (18 page)

Inwardly, she groaned. Now there was no way out.

He patted the mattress next to his hip. “Please sit.”

Hesitantly, she lowered herself to the very edge of the bed.

“I haven’t made our betrothal public yet, only to give you time to adjust to the idea.”

She nodded. “I appreciate that.”

“But now I want to make it public. Is that all right?”

The lump in her throat cut off her supply of air and she tried to swallow it. How should she answer? No, it wasn’t all right. No, she didn’t love him as a wife should.

“That’s fine, Grant.”

“You don’t know how happy you’ve made me.” He smiled.

Her chest tightened. “When...when is our wedding date?”

“I thought about having it one month from today. There’s no reason to have a large ceremony. Our family members will be enough, do you not agree?”

“Yes.” Her voice choked. If she didn’t leave soon, she’d cry in front of him, and right now, she didn’t want to explain her mixed feelings.

His arms dropped to his side and he sagged against the pillows. “I shall make the announcement to the family tomorrow evening. Is that suitable?”

“Yes.”

His eyes closed. “Again, thank you, Catherine. You’re a very special woman.”

She waited for him to say more, but his slow, deep breaths let her know he’d fallen asleep. A tear leaked from her eye and ran down her cheek. She wiped it and stood. With each step out of his room, her heart sank. Her life was over, and there wasn’t a thing she could do to stop it.

Instead of going directly to her room for fear she’d see Nick, she wandered down the back stairs and passed several empty rooms on the bottom floor. In the library, she found a sofa and curled on the soft cushions, burying her face into the throw pillows, sobbing out her frustrations.

* * * *

Heat touched Catherine’s face and a bright light stirred her from a deep sleep. She blinked a couple of times, squinting against the rays of sun streaming through the window. Out of the corner of her eyes, a wall of books drew her attention.

She jumped up, but her stiff body cried out in pain. She’d spent the night on the sofa. Stretching her limbs, she grimaced and slowly eased the inflexibility. She drudged back to her room to bathe and dress for the day since she’d slept in the clothes she wore yesterday. If Mrs. Berkley knew...

 
Unfortunately, Catherine would have to ring for her maid to come draw her bath and get her clothes ready. This morning, Catherine wanted to wallow in her sadness without having to explain anything to Emily. She wanted to ponder her dreary life and how she could make it happy.

As she moved to the bell cord to ring for Emily, an unfamiliar sound made her pause, and her heartbeat tripled in rhythm. She snapped her head toward the deep breathing coming from the corner of the room.

Asleep in the chair next to her bed, Nick’s head rested against the wall, his mouth open, soft snores escaping his throat. He still had on the clothes he’d worn last night. Taking soft steps, she walked to him. He must have waited to see how things had gone between her and his uncle. She smiled.

Even with a night’s growth of beard, he was still quite handsome. Slightly messed, his raven hair stood in clumps, and his clothes were wrinkled. It didn’t matter. He still made her heart come alive.

Pushing a lock of hair off his forehead, she whispered, “Nicholas? Nicholas, wake up.”

His eyes fluttered open. He blinked, scanned the room, then his gaze flew back to her. He straightened and rubbed his eyes, blinking a couple times more before meeting her stare.

She smiled. “Good morning, Nicholas. Did you sleep well in my chair?”

He stood and stretched his arms high in the air, arching his back. “Heavens, no. That piece of furniture is definitely not made to sleep in.”

She chuckled. “Why did you spend the night in my room? Do you know what would have happened if Mrs. Berkley had caught you?”

He scrubbed his hand over his unshaven chin. “I hoped you’d come back last night. I thought maybe you’d want to tell me about the talk you had with Grant.”

“Everything turned out just fine,” she said sadly. “He didn’t even remember telling me to come to his room at first, but then once he did, he told me he wanted to announce our engagement tonight.”

His shoulders sagged and he sighed. “So, it’s official now?”

“I suppose, but I’m certain there are still papers my father has to sign.”

“Did my uncle act all right?”

“Yes. Better than I have seen him lately.”

“Splendid.” He stepped away and ran his fingers through his messy hair. “I suppose I had better go back to my room before I get caught.”

“Yes, you should.”

His gaze roamed over her before meeting her eyes. When he grinned, his eyes twinkled.

“Would you like to go horseback riding with me this morning, before breakfast?”

She nodded, her heart quickening. More than anything she wanted to ride her horse, to feel the wind in her hair. And yes, heaven help her, to spend some time with Nick. “Nothing would please me more right now.”

“Then I’ll meet you at the stables in one hour.”

The second he left her room, she rang for Emily. As she rushed through her toilette, she instructed her maid to make haste and get her presentable. She dressed in her purple riding habit; the skirt and jacket were deep violet trimmed with black lace. She wore a white blouse that ruffled at the neck and around her wrists. The jacket fit snugly and made her waist appear smaller.

Emily fixed Catherine’s hair in a tight braid, leaving a few tendrils loose around her ears. Catherine wanted to look her best for Nick, hoping he wouldn’t get upset at her for making the effort. Nonetheless, she would enjoy herself to the fullest. After all, her freedom would soon be taken from her once the betrothal announcement was made.

Exactly forty-five minutes later, Catherine hurried down the stairs, peeking over her shoulder on the lookout for Mrs. Berkley. Catherine rushed outside to the stable without seeing her companion. Right away Nick’s deep voice made warm tingles shoot through her as he conversed with one of the stable hands.

When she entered, both men turned her way, but it was Nick she couldn’t take her eyes off her. His face was clean-shaven and his hair, still a little damp and combed away from his face. The black riding trousers fit his body like a glove, and on his muscular legs, black knee-length riding boots. The white lawn shirt under his fawn-colored jacket had a couple of buttons undone at the throat, which he really should have fastened, but she was glad he didn’t. Strange that he didn’t have his vest and cravat. He looked so relaxed, so casual.

When his gaze traveled over her, the beat of her heart doubled in rhythm. He met her stare and his green eyes softened.

He grinned. “You’re early.”

She shrugged. “I can’t help it. I love to ride. I love horses.”
I love you
... She quickly stopped her thoughts. She definitely couldn’t think that
.

“Good. I’m glad because I have a long morning planned for the two of us.”

He took the reins from the groom and led the horse over to her. “I believe you have ridden Beauty before, correct?”

“Yes. She’s a perfect horse.”

He walked up to her, placing his hands on her waist.

“Do you mind if I help you?”

She shook her head.

He picked her up and set her on top of the horse without taking his eyes off hers. “Are you comfortable?”

“Yes.” She was helpless to look away as the warmth in his gaze kept her enchanted.

He winked before turning back to his horse, which the groom had brought over. Nick expertly mounted. He glanced at her and smiled. “So...you like to race, do you?”

She grinned wider. “You cannot remember?”

He chuckled. “Good. I’ll trust you can keep up with me?”

She joined in his laughter as she urged her horse forward. “Keep up with you? I don’t think so. You will be keeping up with me.” She dug her heels into the horse’s belly and pushed the mare forward, taking off in a run.

Nick’s laughter rang out as he pushed his stallion forward to catch up. He did eventually, and then for the next little while, they each played catch up. First her, then him as they raced. Nick must have been holding back out of kindness, because he allowed her to win more times than she should have.

After a while, they stopped by a stream to rest the horses. Nick jumped off his horse first and hurried to help her dismount. He held her close for a few minutes longer than propriety allowed. Hesitantly, she stepped away. But what she wanted to do was fling herself in his arms instead.

* * * *

Nick smiled at the beautiful woman, and wished he could remove this infatuation, but being with her made him happy. It was more than physical attraction; it was the twinkle in her eyes and the heavenly lift of her voice that made his heart pitter-patter like it’d never done before. Childhood memories were now replaced with recent memories...those he couldn’t dismiss no matter how hard he tried.

Nick had arranged with the cook to prepare a basket of food for their breakfast. He laid out a blanket, helped Catherine down then sat beside her. She sectioned out the food on plates and they ate. The mood was still very joyous while they discussed their morning ride. It pleased Nick when he made her laugh and to see her smile.

“Oh, Nicholas.” Catherine sighed heavily after she’d finished eating. She stood and walked to the edge of the stream. “Although I know I shall be forever reprimanded by Mrs. Berkley when she discovers I left without her, being with you this morning has been such a delight.”

He grinned. “Indeed it has.”

She took in her surroundings from the gurgling clear stream, to the tall oak trees and over the spacious meadows. “You know, it’s hard for me to imagine all this will be mine someday. I still feel like a visitor here.”

He chuckled. “Well, of course you do. It hasn’t been quite a month yet.”

“Yes, but in a way, it seems like I have been here longer.”

Nick stood and walked to the tree closest to her and leaned against, facing her. “Has it been difficult caring for my uncle?”

She looked at him then quickly glanced down at the rushing water cascading over the rocks. “Yes and no. I’m privileged to have the time to get to know him better, but sometimes I wish I could be doing something else.”

“Like what?”

She shrugged. “Just something besides playing nursemaid.”

“You know, you are doing a wonderful job. Uncle Grant’s health is improving little by little.”

She relaxed her smile. “I suppose.”

“What worries you about your upcoming wedding, Kitty?”

She knelt by the stream and ran her fingers in the water. “From the very first time the duke kissed me and the few times after, I’ve had the worst feeling in my stomach. I feel unclean, like something isn’t right. Yet I try to tell myself it’s right because I will be his wife. But I just cannot feel good about marrying him.”

“Is it because you don’t know what to expect?”

She glanced at him. A dark pink color highlighted her cheeks. “Perhaps.”

He walked to her and crouched beside her. “Kitty? What do you know about the marriage bed?”

Her face darkened even more and she looked away. “For one, I know I should
not
be discussing this with you.” She stood and moved to the tree.

Chuckling, he straightened and followed her. “What if I told you it’s all right? You can talk to me.”

She laughed softly. “Oh? Like a sister talks to a big brother?”

He ran his fingers gently over her heated cheek then moved them down to her chin, turning her face toward him. “No. How about talking to me as a good friend.”

Her cheeks still held a slight blush. “You are a good friend to me, Nicholas.”

His heart hammered against his ribs, wanting to be more than a good friend. “Then talk to me about what is on your mind.” He leaned his head closer to hers, his thumb gently stroking just underneath her bottom lip. “Anything you want to tell me, I shall be here for you because that’s what close friends do.”

Her throat constricted in what looked like a hard swallow. “Then if close friends confide in each other, why don’t you talk on a personal level to me?”

Surprise had him taking a step back. “What do you mean?”

“At times when we talk, you seem lost in your thoughts. If you want to help me, why do you not think I would like to help you?”

“You help me?” He chuckled and moved closer to the stream. “With what, pray?”

“Anything you wish to tell me.”

He stared at the clear water flowing over the rocks and didn’t hear her step behind him, but her hand on his arm made him aware how close she’d come. He couldn’t tell her his feeling. There was no way he could confess he’d loved her since they were children. Lately, that had been the only thing bothering him.

“Nick, I can tell something is wrong.”

He faced her. “Nothing is wrong, I assure you.”