Love Me (7 page)

“Somehow, honey, I don't think that's going to work. He's Travis's brother. Odds are, you're going to have to see him again pretty soon.”

Janica put her face in her hands. “I know. I'm so screwed.”

Lily got up from the stool and started pacing. “No, I refuse to believe that. In fact, maybe it's a good thing this happened. You know, for the two of you to final y get your feelings for each other out in the open.”

Janica looked up from her hands. “Hate to break it to you, Lils, but not everyone gets the fairy tale like you did.”

But Lily's eyes were already bright with plans and hopes. “You're amazing. You love him. He's got to know how lucky he is. He's got to. He probably just needs some time to get used to the idea of being a part of a couple.”

If ever there was a perfect moment for an eye rol , this was it. “Even for you, big sister, that is a shockingly misplaced vote of confidence. Do you real y for one second think Luke wants my love? That he could even consider being with someone like me?”

Lily immediately got angry. “Don't you dare talk about yourself like that. He'd be the luckiest guy on earth to have you.”

Deciding they were official y way past the eye rol , Janica simply sighed. “So in your version of reality the type A surgeon has always wanted a wild clothing designer to be his one and only?”

“He showed up at your apartment last night, didn't he?”

When Janica nodded, Lily asked, “Has he ever come by before?”

“No. Not since that time you and Travis left for Italy and ended up getting married.”

Five years ago, Janica and Luke had concocted a plan to make sure Lily and Travis, who clearly belonged together, didn't screw things up. It was the last time she'd ever real y sat down and talked with Luke. Including last night, when words hadn't been necessary.

“He must have told you why he showed up.”

“Nope.”

“And you didn't ask him?”

“There wasn't exactly room for a lot of questions.”

Lily pretended to put her hands over her ears. “I'm not sure I can listen to any more of the details.”

Janica leaned forward on the counter and said in a hushed tone, “Wel first he—”

At Lily's horrified look she started laughing, incredibly glad for the chance to feel some lightness for just a few moments. “Just kidding. You know I don't kiss and tel .”

“Who's the lucky guy this time?” Travis said, walking in at the tail end of her sentence, carrying a basketbal . Lily simply lit up when she saw her husband. Janica was momentarily forgotten as Travis and Lily put their arms around each other and kissed. A little while later, Lily shot her a questioning look.

No!
Janica shot back silently.

Al she needed was for Travis to find out about her and Luke. Wouldn't he just love that?

She'd never ever—ever!—hear the end of it from her pain-in-the-ass brother-in-law.

The kids came barreling into the kitchen a second later. “Daddy! Auntie Jan is taking us for cupcakes!”

Violet yel ed as he squatted down and she threw herself into his arms.

Sammy was right behind her. “Cupcakes! Cupcakes!”

After tel ing them how excited he was about their good fortune, he shot Janica a scowl. “Nothing like a bunch of sugar to real y make things easy on their parents.”

“You're welcome,” she said with an unapologetic smile she knew would real y irk her sister's husband. Lily looked at the clock on the kitchen wal and frowned. “I thought you and Luke were meeting to play basketbal ?”

“He stood me up so I picked up a quick game with a couple of guys already there.”

Lily glanced at Janica. “Is something wrong with Luke that you haven't told me?”

Travis didn't look at al concerned as he opened the fridge and got out a bottle of orange juice. “He probably got cal ed into the ER. You know how nuts his schedule is.”

As soon as he left to take a shower, Lily grabbed the phone. “I've got to talk to Luke, make sure he's okay.”

Janica leapt up to grab the phone out of Lily's hand.

“No. Please. This is already so embarrassing. If you cal him, you'l end up saying something about me. I know you wil .”

“I promise I won't, Jan, but he's my best friend. I have to find out what's going on.”

Less than a minute later, Lily put the phone back down on the counter. “He didn't answer at home or at work. And his cel phone said his voice mail is ful . This isn't like him, Jan.”

Janica already knew that. Clearly, the only reason why he'd come over to her place was because something was very, very wrong. But the sex had been too al consuming for her to even begin to ask him any questions.

And he'd gotten the hel out of there before she could. Lily wasn't the only one worried about Luke. Because even though he'd walked out on her, Janica was too.

And no matter how tempting it was to try and pretend nothing with Luke had ever happened, she knew she couldn't pul it off.

Not when taking risks was what Janica did. Not when, despite knowing better, despite the fact that her heart was only going to keep breaking apart, the truth was as simple as it came.

She really was in love with him.

Head over fucking heels.

“Violet. Sam. Let's go get cupcakes.” The kids ran back into the room. “I'l bring them back when they're ful to the brim with cake and frosting,” she told her sister.

And then, she was going to go find Luke.

To find out what the hel was going on.

Now she knew something was real y wrong. Luke didn't take vacations. He worked.

Janica was a bit of a workaholic herself, so she got late nights and working through the weekend. But she also knew how to have fun. How to completely let go and forget everything except a good time.

The drive out to Big Sur was stunningly beautiful. She tried to picture Luke sitting in an oceanfront cabin, doing nothing but looking out at the waves. He must be going crazy.

It hadn't been hard to find out where he was. She'd simply gone to the hospital and told a couple of doctors that she needed to talk to Luke Carson immediately. At first they had been cagey with her, until she told them that she was his sister-in-law. Perhaps it hadn't been right for her to make them assume it was a family emergency, but in a way, wasn't it? After al , she and Luke were family.

And in her worst moments since he'd left in the middle of the night, everything had kind of felt like an emergency.

Fol owing the directions she'd been given, she turned off Highway 1 onto a narrow gravel driveway. It wound up the mountain, then over the peak and down the other side. Blue water sparkled at her through the thick cypress trees.

She could easily imagine sitting out on one of the bluffs with her sketchpad. Already, she could see a new line of printed fabrics in greens and blues. But she wasn't here to work on new designs.

She was here for Luke.

And, if she was being completely honest, for herself too. Because if there was any chance that things could actual y go somewhere between the two of themNo. She couldn't go there. She shouldn't go there. Not when she knew better.

Didn't she?

Inner turmoil roiled inside her as she pul ed in behind Luke's car in the tiny gravel parking lot. Stepping out of the car, she forced herself to take a moment to breathe in the sweet-smel ing ocean air.

No one had ever cal ed Janica stupid, and they weren't about to now. She knew exactly what she was walking into.

Luke was going to hate that she was here. He was going to hate that she knew something had gone wrong for him at the hospital. And odds were pretty damn high that he was going to take it out on her. The question was, how?

Standing alone in the trees, looking out on the water, she smiled. Despite her nerves, the adventurous part of her was looking forward to seeing what he would do

—and if they would end up together in bed again. Walking around the side of the cabin, she saw stairs that led to a front porch. Never one to back down from a chal enge, she squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and headed up. The deck chairs and dining table were al empty, but the door was wide open. Almost as if Luke couldn't be bothered even to shut it. Her heart racing with anticipation simply at the thought of seeing him again, she made her way across the deck to the doorway. He was sitting in the only chair that faced away from the ocean. And it looked like he had a half-empty bottle of tequila in his hands.

“Nice place they keep up here for you doctors. If I'd known that these were the perks, I might have become a doctor too.”

“What the hel are you doing here?”

He asked the question without even turning to look at her. A guaranteed way to piss her off. And yet, he didn't seem particularly surprised by her presence. Almost as if he'd known she was going to come down here to find him.

She said the easiest thing first—“Lily is worried about you.”—then hated herself for it.

She never took the easy way out. She wasn't going to start now.

“I'm worried about you.”

Stil not turning to face her, he said, “You need to go.”

Good one. He had to know she wasn't going anywhere. Scanning the room for the seat with the best ocean view, she moved to it and sat down, kicking her legs up onto the coffee table. “I've been needing a vacation. I think I'l take it here.”

Now he had no choice but to look at her. “I don't have time for your games, Janica.”

“Actual y, from what I hear, you've got nothing but time. Four weeks of time.”

In a flash, he was up on his feet and coming after her. He grabbed her shoulders and wrenched her up from her seat.

“You're leaving. Right now.”

But she wasn't afraid of him. Even if, judging by his furious expression and the extremely hard grip he had on her, she should be.

“Not until you tel me what's going on. Not until you tel me why you showed up at my place last night.”

His answer came fast, furious. “I wanted to fuck you.”

She flinched and saw a flash of regret in his eyes. But it was gone as fast as it had come.

What had happened to him? To the Luke she knew?

And why couldn't she just let him go back to living his life alone, completely separate from her?

But she already knew the answer to that.

Love.

“And now I want you to leave me the hel alone.”

There was such hardness to his words, a lifelessness beneath them that broke her heart. Not because he was hurting her with his cal ousness after the night they'd spent together – even though she had to admit there was a little hurt bubbling up inside of her – but because it was clear just how much he was hurting. Last night she'd looked into his eyes, had run her fingers across the harsh lines of his face, and knew how much he needed her. But today, things were even worse.

What had happened?

Janica knew she'd never been good with this emotion stuff. Al her life, she'd been physical, active. How could she reach him?

Al she knew was that she couldn't go. She couldn't leave him alone. Not like this.

Making a show of scanning the cabin, she said, “It looks to me like you've got plenty of space here. Besides, you wouldn't turn out family, would you?”

“Don't go there, Janica,” he warned her in a low, rough voice.

“Where else should I go, Luke? Would you rather I told you how much I liked it when you had your mouth on my—”

Half expecting him to bodily throw her off the porch at this point, she was surprised when he cut her off with a kiss, a hard connection of lips and tongues and teeth. He tasted like tequila and his own particular brand of heat.

How would she ever get her fil of him?

A sharp pang squeezed her heart.
She never would.
Both of them were breathing hard when he yanked himself away, only this time she was the one who didn't want to meet his eyes.

Because, for the first time in her life, she cared too much.

And she was the one who was going to end up destroyed.

Love sucked.

Especial y when it only went one way.

Especial y when a little voice in her head told her there wasn't a chance in hel that Luke was ever going to return her feelings. If she were anyone else, if she was blonde and tal and arctic like al of his girlfriends had been, then maybe she would have a chance with him. But Luke Carson fal ing in love with Janica El is?

Freaking preposterous.

His eyes were dark, hard, shut down as he stared down at her. “I'l let you stay on one condition.”

Suddenly, it was hard to breathe. She wanted to stay so much. Too much.

“Tel me.”

“I want you naked.”

Despite the ache of her heart, despite the fact that he hadn't said one nice, one kind, one gentle thing to her so far, despite the fact that he hadn't apologized for leaving her apartment the night before without a goodbye, her body instantly reacted to his command. Wasn't this exactly what she wanted? To be naked and sweaty with him again? After al , hadn't she spent her whole life chasing pleasure?

But for some reason, she couldn't just start ripping off her clothes as if she didn't have a care in the world. Because she did care.

And because a little part of her heart actual y felt like it was breaking. This time, entirely for herself. He leaped on her hesitation. “Take off your clothes before I do it for you.” He paused, a muscle jumping in his jaw. “Or get the hel out.”

Hardly able to believe her fingers were trembling

—when was the last time she felt this nervous, this unsure?—she reached for the hem of her top and pul ed it over her head. He didn't try to help, didn't rip it off of her like he had the night before. Instead, he just stood there like a he had turned to heartless stone and watched her as she unbuttoned the top of her jeans, pul ed the zipper down, and slid them down her legs. Left in only a bra and panties, strangely, she felt shy.

“Everything off, Janica.”

She swal owed, shook her head. It wasn't that he hadn't seen her naked before, because obviously he had. It was that she'd suddenly realized something truly shocking.