Love Me (9 page)

Thomas reached out to clasp her hands. “There is no
should
. There’s only what you do feel. It’s all right to move on. I can’t speak for Michael but I know I’d want you to be happy.”

“I know. I know he would want me to be happy.” She closed her eyes tightly and clutched his fingers hard enough to hurt. “It’s just confusing. I never expected or hoped to find anyone else.”

She was being so honest and open, and he should do the same. But talking about his past mistakes didn’t come easily to him. He’d spent his whole adult life bottling those things up deep inside of him, leashed and locked behind steel doors. But maybe he should have been dealing with his fucked-up past instead of ignoring it. Maybe it was time to grow up and stop hiding his pain from everyone.

With Brianna, at least, it seemed as if he could actually do that. She made him want to change. To be better. She deserved better.

He swallowed past his aching throat. “I know the feeling. I got it wrong the first time and figured there was no point in bothering again when the first time was a mistake. I…” He shook his head. “But it wasn’t. It was a lesson. I chose the wrong person to give my heart to. I don’t think I’ll make that mistake twice.”

Her death grip slowly eased. “But I went too fast. Isn’t that a mistake? I should have waited to introduce you to the kids. Taken it slower. I don’t want to rush you.”

“You didn’t. I’m only here for less than a week now. I’m happy where I am.”

She looked up at him, her eyes vulnerable, open. Open for him. God help him, he couldn’t let her down. And he couldn’t resist any longer; he needed to touch her. To have her. He leaned close, yet stopped a breath from claiming her. A breath from tasting her. A breath of space, if she needed it.

“Are you happy when I’m here?” he whispered.

“I am,” she said and pulled him close. “It’s why I called you. I missed you, Thomas.”

Victory surged through his blood. She had actually
missed
him. If it was even a fraction of the amount he had missed her, then there was hope for them. Knowing this made his hunger for her even more intense. When her lips touched his, the impact rocked through him like a firestorm. The sweet taste of her lips made him ache. He savored her, pulled her closer, clutched her against him. The ice bag tumbled to the floor but he didn’t give a damn. Right now she was all the medicine he needed and as long as she kept kissing him like this, he’d be just fine.

His hands trailed down her arms as he delved deeper, possessing her thoroughly. His heart beat a rapid staccato. Her whimper urged him on. A surge of need washed over him. He needed to be with her in every way, or he’d explode.

Footsteps crept down the stairs. Thomas and Brianna broke apart like naughty children caught in the act. Brianna’s cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen and damp. Thomas avoided having to make another donation to the swear jar in the nick of time and adjusted his much-too-tight jeans.

Katelyn came around the stairwell, caught sight of him, and beamed. She was dressed all in pink and Thomas couldn’t help smiling.

“Hey, Princess.”

“Thomas the Tank Engine!”

He met Brianna’s eyes over Katelyn’s head and mouthed,
Thomas the Tank Engine?

Don’t ask,
she mouthed back, barely repressing laughter.

Katelyn hopped onto the couch and scooted between them like a tiny chaperone. “Can we have our tea party now?”

“Sure. As long as your mommy doesn’t mind.”

“Go for it,” Brianna said.

Thomas lingered with a last fond touch to Brianna’s hair, then followed Katelyn upstairs into her room. The tea set was still laid out, the settings perfectly in place. “Has this been waiting all this time?”

“Uh-huh.” She nodded, looking up at him with serious eyes. “I didn’t want to play tea until you could come over again.”

Thomas’s stomach flipped. Knowing she waited for him, without a doubt that he would follow through with his promise, hit him in the gut like a fist. What if he hadn’t come? Would she have waited forever for him to return? The mere idea settled on his shoulders like a weight. “Thank you.”

She handed him a cup of tea and sat down, primly arranging her skirt. “Do you like milk in your tea?”

“Yes, please.” He held his cup out and let her fill it with imaginary tea and milk, her tiny hands tipping the pink teapot. When she finished, he held his pinkie straight up, lifted the cup to his mouth, and pretended to drink. “Ow! It’s hot.”

“Of course it is, silly. It’s tea.” She covered her mouth and giggled, her eyes dancing. “Blow on it like this.” She puckered her lips and blew on her cup.

Thomas did the same and took another sip. “Much better. You’re smart
and
pretty.”

“Mama says that, too.” She fidgeted in her chair. “Can Daddy have tea with us, too?”

“Sure. Want me to get his picture?”

“I got it!” She skipped across the room, snagged the photo, skipped back, forcefully ejected a bunny from its seat, and set her father’s picture down in the chair. “There. Now we’re all here.”

Thomas’s throat went dry. He wanted nothing more than to sweep Katelyn in his arms and promise to be the best man he could be. For her. “He needs tea. Does he like milk, too?”

“Yes.” She pretended to pour milk into the cup, then faltered and bit her lip. “I think he does, anyway.”

“He does,” Brianna said, leaning in the doorway with a tender smile on her lips and unshed tears shining in her eyes. “And sugar.”

“Come have tea with us, Mama.”

Brianna moved a teddy bear, sank into the chair next to Thomas, and rested her hand on his knee. “Thank you.”

Cody leaned into the room, his face incredulous. “Dude. Are you playing tea party? With the
girls
?”

Thomas nodded. “It’s good tea. Want some?”

“Uh.” Cody backed up, going pale. “No. I’m okay.”

When he fled the room like his ass was on fire, Thomas laughed and turned back to Brianna. She watched him intently, gaze clouded, then leaned in and kissed him. Gently, but it was still in front of Katelyn, and Thomas nearly dropped his teacup.

“I like when you laugh,” she said. “You don’t do it enough.”

He brushed a finger down her cheek, unable to put into words the way she made him feel. His pulse pounded in his ears. Nicole had always told him he was annoying when he laughed. He laughed too loud or too much. He hadn’t realized it until now but that had stuck with him. Her cruel words had shaped him more than he’d realized.

“I never had much to laugh about before,” he said. “Not until you.”

“Smile.” Katelyn held a little pink camera up and aimed it at them. “I want a picture of our tea party.”

They smiled and said “cheese.” Katelyn snapped the picture, then squinted at it.

Brianna leaned in and whispered, “It’s probably a great shot of our laps.”

“I’ll take that picture,” he whispered back.

She laughed and nudged him with her shoulder. “You’re incorrigible, no matter what you say.”

“For the things that matter, I am.” When he looked into her eyes, he felt laid bare. The feeling was almost frightening, this raw openness, as if he’d lost any hope of hiding. “And you’re high up on that list.”

She smiled and kissed him one more time, then looked at Katelyn. “Is the picture good?”

“One more time.” Katelyn snapped the picture before they had a chance to pose. “Perfect. It’s the bestest I’ve ever taken.”

“Can we see it?” Thomas asked.

“No.” She tucked the camera away with a smug smile. “Not yet.”

“Okay. Are you hungry?” Brianna asked.

“Yes!” Katelyn bounced. “Is Thomas staying for dinner? Please?”

“Sure. As long as Thomas is okay with pizza again. I promised Cody.”

“And I promised Cody I’d work on his tree house.” Thomas stood. “I think I’ll take a hack at that until dinner.”

“I’ll help!” Katelyn beamed. “Let’s go downstairs and find some tools.”

She grabbed both Thomas’s and Brianna’s hands and led them out into the hallway, but Thomas tugged free.

“I’ll be right down,” he said, and watched his girls skip down the stairs.

Then he went back into the bedroom, picked up the picture of Michael, and set it back in its rightful place by Katelyn’s bed. “I’m sorry you aren’t here anymore but I’ll do my best to make them happy.” He stared at the picture, as if he was actually waiting for an answer from the beyond, and then left the room feeling a little bit more welcome than he had before.

…

Two days later, Brianna curled up against Thomas’s side. He still smelled like fresh pine and a hint of sweat. She’d watched him into the early evening as he put in a new floor for the tree house, after treating Katelyn to ice cream on an impromptu trip to the hardware store. He’d seemed so easy and sure of himself out there working with his hands, balancing on the tree’s branches with an agile grace that made her want him all over again. By the time he’d come in, he’d been dirty and covered in bark, nothing like the slick executive she’d met over lunch in the restaurant.

But every inch like her Thomas.

He hit play on the remote and wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled closer and murmured, “I bet this isn’t how you envisioned your Friday nights in Vegas when you asked me out the first time.”

He chuckled and hugged her close, his lips on her temple. “Nope, but I like it. Vegas is all party and booze. I like this quiet home life better.”

Hope surged in her chest. She opened her mouth, about to promise him the world if he would only stay with her and take the job in the Vegas office, but she closed it just as quickly. He had to make that decision on his own. She wouldn’t give him any pressure or place any thoughts in his head. Their time was running out, but she wouldn’t say a single word about that.

She’d just…be happy. Not stress over the future for once. “I thought Katelyn would never fall asleep tonight. Why is it that the two oldest kids fell asleep before the little one?”

He chuckled. “She’s too excited about the playground tomorrow for sleep.”

“I know. Especially since you’re coming, too.”

“Are you kidding? You said we could have ice cream. I wouldn’t miss this for anything.”

“Watch it with the ice cream. That’s half the reason she wouldn’t go to sleep tonight.”

“She asked for cookies and cream. How could I say no to that face?”

Brianna groaned. “She owns you already. Don’t give in to that face. It’s pure evil.”

“It’s pure adorable.” Thomas paused. “I’m…I’m not used to this. This family thing. Any of it. I—I kind of screwed things up with my own family.”

“With Nicole? She was an idiot.”

He fell silent, staring at the TV; its babbling nonsense noise was too loud between them. Brianna took the remote from him and stopped the movie. The look on his face was painful, a wretched struggle that said he wanted so much to go further but couldn’t. Not without her help.

She rested her hand on his chest. “You have a sister,” she said—prompting him quietly. He’d refused to talk about his sister before. Maybe he would now that they’d spent more time together. He seemed to like it here with her—and she liked having him here.
All
of him.

“Yeah. Erica.” He looked at Brianna, then looked away again, focusing on the wall. “It was just me and her growing up. Our parents were always busy, but we looked out for each other. Jeremy, too.”

“Who is Jeremy?”

“Her husband. He was my best friend. I guess he is again.” He gave a little shrug, but the tenseness of his body gave away the motion as a cover-up. “I don’t know why he would want to be my friend, though.”

Her heart twisted at the look of abject failure on his face. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“No,” he said sharply, then stopped. He practically deflated, sighing and giving her an apologetic glance. “Yes.”

She only smiled and leaned into him. This moment was fragile, and she wouldn’t pressure him. He’d only close up. Instead she let him take his time; she could almost see the wheels turning behind his eyes, thoughts gathering. Finally, he took a deep breath and began.

“I’m still not completely sure how Jeremy and I became friends. We got in a fight over something in junior high, beat each other up…and became best friends in the way only boys could be. We were different in a lot of ways. Yet the same.” He let out a brief laugh. “He didn’t have much family, either. So we were like brothers. But Erica…I think they fell in love the moment they met, even when she was still young enough to be following me around calling me Tommy.”

“Tommy,” she repeated, arching a brow.

He winced. “Yeah. I hated it. Still do. She still calls me Tommy. So does Jeremy.” The smile on his lips was fond, distant. “I guess while they were busy falling in love, so was I. With Nicole. We were stupid. Got married at eighteen. I was so love-blind that I let her mold me into the man she wanted. I got the job she wanted. Bought the house she wanted. Did anything and everything she wanted, even turning a blind eye to the men she brought home when I wasn’t there. And there were a lot of them.”

Brianna’s breath caught. How could any woman do that to someone who loved her—who was capable of the kind of raw, real love that even now she could hear in Thomas’s voice? “I’m so sorry,” she whispered.

“I’m not. It’s what gave me the courage to walk away from her and realize how miserable I really was. But not before I screwed a lot of things up.” Pain hardened his voice. He looked away from Brianna and stared fixedly at the wall. Each word was clipped, forced. “She said she’d slept with Jeremy. Worse, that he’d forced her. That was back when I was still making excuses for her, when she’d pretend to be sweet and swear she’d never do it again. Deep down, I didn’t believe her. But I reacted badly. I beat the hell out of Jeremy and told him never to come back to my house. Our friendship ended the way it began…only he didn’t hit back. He just looked at me, like I’d taken the most important thing in the world from him.”