Love & Loss (31 page)

‘Ok, I’ll be back in a second,’ he kissed me again and stood up. Doug kissed Lexi’s cheek and they closed the door and she looked at me and sighed. I stood up and went to hug her.

‘What happened?’

‘Not yet, not when Gabe’s about to come back in. Presents first ok?’

‘Ok.’ I kissed her cheek, took her hand and sat her down on the sofa and handed her a lemon truffle then shoved one in my mouth as I grabbed the remaining presents from under the tree. ‘Here, open Mum’s first.’

‘Are we ringing them later?’ she asked as she undid the gift bag.

‘We sure are, I miss her and Gerry today.’

‘Me too,’ she sighed and then grinned as she pulled out a bottle of Crystal Head Vodka in a skull shaped bottle. ‘
Awesome
.’

‘Mum wasn’t convinced when I told her you’d love it,’ I laughed.

‘You know me so well,’ she smiled and squeezed my hand. Gabe interrupted and handed us two large glasses of Baileys and ice and kissed the top of my head and disappeared again. Lexi chuckled as she pulled out a set of four matching skull vodka shot glasses and gasped as she saw her cheque with a post it saying
Strictly for clothes NOT alcohol Lexi. Love Mr & Mrs P x.
She was equally happy to open the box containing the black mini bodycon dress I’d purchased with silver safety pins securing the slits up the side to the hip, and across the cleavage. ‘Seriously?’

‘You said you never feel sexy, I figured this would make you feel sexy,’ I shrugged. ‘Here, you have another present.’ I pushed it towards her and she looked at me worried.

‘Mia this dress will have cost you loads and you’re trying to save up.’

‘I got it in the sale, stop complaining and enjoy. You’ve been so amazing with me lately, even more than normal since I started seeing Gabe,’ I reminded her. She clapped and squealed again as she opened the white gold and diamond nose stud, to replace the cheap ones she was wearing. She grabbed me into a big bear hug before pushing a small bag into my hands.

‘Sorry it’s not much.’

‘Lex, you don’t need to spend lots of money, you always get me something really thoughtful,’ I smiled, my smile got wider as I found the Annie Haak Santinees bracelet with an open heart on it, Doug had given me one with a lucky clover. ‘Lex I love it.’ I slipped it on, it looked perfect with my bangle from Gabe.

‘Just wanted you to know that I love you,’ she shrugged.

‘I know that already you daft mare,’ I giggled as I hugged and kissed her. I also had a small bottle of baileys and more lemon truffles. ‘Thanks so much Lex, I love you too.’

‘Lot of that going around today,’ she replied with a rueful smile.

‘He told you?’

‘Yeah,’ she nodded. ‘Sorry about leaving, it was too much seeing that necklace, I just knew what was coming and I feel like such a shit.’

‘Well you obviously haven’t ended it.’

‘It’s Christmas bloody day, would you break up with someone on Christmas day?’ she asked shooting me a look.

‘No,’ I sighed, ‘but how did you handle it?’

‘Mostly the truth. That I really like him, but I’m not in that place and that he’s scared me.’

‘Knowing that doesn’t change your mind about how it’s going?’

‘I don’t know,’ she groaned and dropped her head in her hands. I reached over and rubbed her back. ‘He’s
so
nice Mia, I don’t deserve someone like that, not for my first relationship, not when I’m not ready to let anyone in, and certainly not if I can fuck around behind his back.’

‘Listen Lex, I felt the same when Gabe told me he loved me. Just do what I did, take it day by day, just because he loves you doesn’t mean you have to feel the same. I’m sure he’ll wait for you.’

‘I could if it wasn’t for the sex issue as well, I really think I could fall for him,’ She looked back at me, her eyes filling up again and I shuffled closer and pulled her down into my lap and stroked her hair.

‘Well it sounds like it’s make or break time Lex. You either let go of whatever’s holding you back in bed and see if that changes how you feel. Trust me, holding back how you feel doesn’t help, give into it or you’re going to have to give up, it’s not fair to string him along if you’re going to keep chasing down orgasms with other guys.’

‘I know,’ she whispered. ‘He just makes me feel so … so …’

‘Safe,’ I whispered and she looked up at me surprised and nodded. ‘I’m right there with you and trust me, if you can give into that feeling and let him in it’s incredible Lex. The way Gabe makes me feel about myself, let alone us as a couple, it’s just …
everything.
Love really can be amazing you know.’

‘But aren’t you still scared of getting hurt?’

‘Sure I am, but knowing what I know now … I’d rather take all the positives of being with him along with that risk, than to have never loved or been loved by him.’

‘O God,’ she sighed and rubbed her eyes.

‘O dear,’ I giggled.

‘What?’

‘I should’ve got you waterproof mascara for Christmas.’

‘Shit, is it everywhere?’ she exclaimed as she sat up.

‘You look like a prettier version of Marilyn Mason,’ I nodded.

‘Great. I’d better go and freshen up.’

‘Lex, please don’t over think this, he can feel how he wants without it changing you, but if you’re tempted to go with someone else again you have to end it, ok?’

‘Ok.’ She stood up. ‘Mia?’

‘Yes?’ I looked up at her.

‘You’re doing a shit job with the fire.’

‘Crap,’ I uttered and rushed over to stoke it as she laughed and headed out. I got it roaring again and put the grate in front and went into the kitchen to find the Robert and Gabe doing prep and Doug sitting at the island, they were all laughing and had Christmas music on in the background. Gabe gave me one of his smiles and a wink making me let out a small moan. I went over to Doug and gave him a kiss on the cheek. ‘You ok?’

‘Yeah,’ he nodded. ‘I’ve just really fallen for her you know?’

‘She’s easy to fall for,’ I nodded. ‘But she finds it really hard to let people in, it even took months for her to start opening up to me, and even now it doesn’t happen often.’

‘I know she’s holding back with me, I just thought it would make her feel better to know I was serious about her, not just fucking around,’ he sighed. I grimaced at his choice of expression and took his hand and squeezed it.

‘Doug if she could fall in love with
anyone
I really think it could be you.’

‘You really mean it?’ he asked as he looked up at me all hopeful, with watery eyes.

‘I do,’ I nodded sincerely.

‘Thanks,’ he sniffed and quickly rubbed his arm across his face. ‘Where is she?’

‘Upstairs, I made her cry and she’s gone to redo her eyes. Go and see her,’ I kissed his temple, let go of his hand and rubbed his back. He took a deep breath and disappeared with his bottle of beer.

‘Is she ok?’ asked Gabe as he looked around at me.

‘I hope so. Right what are we doing?’ I asked.

‘You’re not doing anything,’ replied Robert. ‘I did all the prep before you lazy lot got up with morning so the turkey and roasts are in and Gabriel and I can come and finish cooking the vegetables later. I vote for a pool competition, I hear you and Lexi aren’t too bad.’

‘Aren’t too bad?’ I gasped as I shot a glare at Gabe who’d obviously played down my beating of him. ‘O game on Austin’s.’

I lay with my head in Gabe’s lap in the cinema room as his fingers massaged my scalp. We’d had an amazing day, Robert had won at pool, with me second, Gabe third then Lexi and a most upset Doug last. We’d had a fantastic three course lunch with coffee and petit fours by the fire after, we’d caught up with Mum and Gerry on my iPad, introducing them to Robert as well and Lexi and I had cried again, which made the boys all laugh. Then we’d facetimed Sofia and met some of her family too and had then spent the early evening vegging out watching TV. When Gabe suggested us watching a movie we’d all argued about which was the best Christmas one, so we’d voted to let Robert chose, given he’d done all the hard work. He’d picked Die Hard, none of the rest of us had seen it, so we were really surprised how much we enjoyed it.

‘There’s a Die Hard two, three and four too,’ Robert advised.

‘Then they’re on the list to watch, it was really good,’ I said.

‘Right anyone for more food or drink?’ he asked and laughed as he was met with a chorus of groans from us all.

‘Dad I’m going to have to work out twice a day to wear all that off,’ Gabe grumbled. ‘Besides it’s already nearly eleven. I wouldn’t mind an early night, I think jet lag’s caught up with me.’

‘Yeah more like the DT’s from having no sex all day,’ laughed Doug. I looked up at Gabe and smiled and he winked at me. We’d managed to fit in a quickie in the utility toilet while everyone was watching TV earlier.

‘You got me Doug,’ he replied as he helped me up. ‘You lot staying up?’

‘Actually I’m going to hit the sack too,’ announced Robert.

‘I wouldn’t mind fitting in another film,’ Lexi said.

‘O, ok.’ Doug sounded disappointed and I had a feeling Lexi was putting off going to bed and having sex.

‘See you both in the morning then. Thanks so much for my presents, again.’ I gave them both a kiss.

‘Shit Gabe, I forgot to give you yours, it’s down the side of the sofa,’ Lexi said.

‘Thanks Lex, I’ll take it up with me to open.’

I walked upstairs with Robert while Gabe did a detour to the kitchen to get some water. I skipped into the bedroom and put on the Christmas tree lights, closed the shutters and rushed to have a wash and got changed into my Santa outfit, deciding to leave off the underwear and just put on my white lace hold ups instead. I settled myself over the bed footer as I waited for him, my cheek down on the duvet and giggled as I remembered how many times I’d lain like this for him while we couldn’t have normal sex during his recovery.

I woke to feel Gabe wrapped tightly around me and lightly kissed his forearm.

‘You’re awake,’ he whispered.

‘I am, what happened to you last night?’ I asked as I managed to wriggle around in his arms and look up at him. I’d woken in the middle of the night to find myself undressed and in bed with him. He sighed and planted a kiss on my lips.

‘Sorry, I was on my way back in and heard something smash upstairs so I went to see if Dad was ok.’

‘Was he?’

‘Not really,’ he sighed.

‘O God what’s wrong?’

‘He’d thrown a glass across the room and was sitting on the edge of the bed looking really upset, I didn’t want to leave him until I knew he was ok.’

‘Your Mum?’ I whispered.

‘Yes, how did you know?’ he looked at me puzzled.

‘It’s his first Christmas of being in a relationship Gabe, plus we all had such a lovely day yesterday, it probably hit him that he’s moving on and that can’t be easy to admit to yourself, especially not around the anniversary of losing Tabby. Was he ok when you left him?’

‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘I cleaned up the glass and we just sat and chatted and I made him ring Sofia again, so she could talk some sense into him. Yesterday
was
lovely, it’s usually just me and Dad for Christmas and we can get a bit maudling reminiscing, so to have you guys around and to have so much laughter in the house, it did sort of feel like we’d moved on.’

‘Did it upset you?’

‘Weirdly, no,’ he replied with a shake of his head and a frown. ‘I’m never going to forget her Mia, but I feel like if I’m going to get better I need to start accepting it and moving on. Your birthday and then yesterday really helped, it took my mind off it all.’ He gave me a half smile of gratitude and I strained my neck to plant a tender kiss on his lips.

‘It’s all about forgiving yourself Gabe, never forgetting.’

‘We went to her grave before I picked you up Christmas Eve.’

‘You did? You never said.’

‘I didn’t want to upset you, it’s one of those set dates that we go every year and I didn’t want it to put a dampener on your birthday.’

‘
Gabe,
’ I sighed. ‘Remembering your Mum is more important than my birthday. I’d like to come with you next time you want to go and see her, if that would be ok?’

‘I’d love that,’ he whispered as his eyes filled up. ‘She’d love that, she’d have loved you Mia, so much.’

‘And I’m sure I’d have loved her too Gabe.’ I gently traced a finger under his lower lashes to catch the drops clinging to them before kissing his forehead and wriggling up the bed. I put my arms around him and held his head to my chest and we just lay there in silence. I could tell he was in a contemplative mood as I could feel his erection against my thigh and he’d not made any overtures. I stroked his hair and glanced at the clock, it was only seven a.m. We could stay here for a while, no one would miss us for a few more hours. I heard him sigh as he nuzzled my breast and he fell asleep in my arms.

I left him there an hour later as I went to get showered and changed and tiptoed down to make us both a coffee and found Robert already at the dining table reading on his iPad.

‘Morning,’ he smiled.

‘Morning,’ I replied and walked over and gave him a kiss.

‘What was that for?’ he asked surprised.

‘No reason, I kiss Gerry every morning and figured as you’ve made me so welcome I wanted to do the same.’

‘Well you’re part of the Austin family now Mia,’ he smiled and I beamed back.

‘Would you like a coffee?’ I asked as I opened the cupboard and rummaged out the supplies.

‘I’m fine thank you. Is Gabriel ok?’

‘He will be, he was a bit pensive this morning, but he fell back asleep. I was just going to wake him up again with some caffeine.’

‘I’m sorry I delayed him last night.’

‘Don’t be,’ I replied as I quickly turned from the coffee machine to look at him. ‘I think it does both of you good to talk like that, please don’t ever let me get in the way of you sharing with him.’

‘I’m so glad he found you Mia, he’s different since he met you. In a very good way.’

‘Well so am I Robert, he’s good for me too. We’ll be down in a while to join you.’

‘Great, I’ll do bacon and egg sandwiches for everyone and we have a mountain of food to plough through today,’ he laughed.

I knocked on Lexi and Doug’s door and woke them up and padded back with our coffees to wake up Gabe and he asked me to grab the remaining presents from under the tree. I made him open Lexi’s first and we both burst out laughing.

‘A Clone-a-Willy kit?’ Gabe chuckled.

‘I told her about them a month ago, she must have remembered.’

‘What does it do? Create a sculpture of my cock?’

‘No,’ I shook my head as I read the details on the tube. ‘Though I do like the idea of that. With this one you create a mould of it and then fill it with silicone and a vibrator, so when it sets I’ll have a neon purple vibrator based on yours.’

‘Let’s do it now,’ he replied as he grasped under the duvet at his obviously hard cock.

‘No,’ I uttered. ‘Your Dad’s all alone downstairs and wants to make bacon and egg sandwiches for us all. We can do it Saturday night when we move into our place.’

‘Damn it Mia, we haven’t had sex since yesterday afternoon.’

‘I’ll give you a blow job in a minute, let me open my other present first.’ I tore at the paper on the small box and opened it and picked up one of the two items and looked at it puzzled. It was a small circle of silver or white gold, with a bar through the middle with diamonds set in each end. ‘Is it an earring?’ I asked, trying to work out how I would put it on and looked at Gabe surprised as he burst out laughing again.

‘A ring of sorts,’ he smiled and held out his hand for it. I passed it over and watched as he unscrewed each of the ends of the bar and saw it part, creating a gap in the middle that he could make bigger or smaller. ‘It’s a nipple clamp.’

‘A what?’ I uttered.

‘An adjustable nipple clamp. This fits over your nipple and I tighten the bars to pinch it to a level where it gives you pleasure.’

‘Gabe,’ I gasped.

‘Trust me, you’re nipples are so sensitive you’re going to love wearing them. In fact you can wear them when we go out tonight. It will make me even harder knowing you’re squirming with pleasure at dinner.’

‘You’re one kinky sod,’ I laughed as I looked back down at the other one. They were very dainty, and when I opened the other up I felt a spike of desire radiate between my legs at the thought of it.

‘Damn it, I’m really hard now,’ he groaned. ‘Pass your present to me quickly before I throw you down and fuck you.’ I took the other nipple clamp off him and handed him his gift and he ripped the paper to shreds along with the box and tipped the contents onto the bed and looked at me surprised. ‘More eggs?’

‘For you this time,’ I smiled. I’d got him three Tenga eggs and he obviously didn’t know what they were. ‘They have silicone penis sheaths inside, so if you were away without me, you slide one on and while you’re masturbating it doesn’t feel like your own hand. They’re reusable if you wash and care for them.’

‘Are you planning on us being apart?’ he asked with a frown.

‘No,’ I replied quickly before he had one of his panics. ‘But if say I was over at Lexi’s and you were in the mood, they’d help you out.’

‘You got me a cock ring too?’ He picked it up and looked at it surprised. ‘You think I need help?’

‘Gabe no! O God, these were supposed to be fun gifts and you’re reading into them. This is one where you can insert a small bullet vibrator so you can feel the vibrations as well as it stimulating me at the same time. I don’t need it,
you
don’t need it, it was just for if we wanted to play a bit, sometimes you like to play with other things.’

‘Just for fun?’

‘Yes like your nipple clamp things, I don’t need extra stimulation when I have you Gabe, they’re all just for fun ok?’

‘Ok,’ he nodded and smiled again. ‘Why don’t we try out the vibrating cock ring now then.’

‘No, we don’t have time.’ I gathered everything up from the bed and shoved it in my bedside drawer. ‘Come on move it.’

‘But erection,’ he groaned. I sighed and pulled back the duvet and slipped my mouth over him and made him groan harder as he gently pressed my head down onto.

I panted against the cold wet tiles, Gabe pressing me firmly up against them as he kissed the back of my neck, his hands splayed on my stomach.

‘I’m loving this shower sex,’ he sighed.

‘You do love me wet,’ I agreed with a giggle.

‘Extra wet,’ he chuckled. ‘So have you enjoyed today,’ he asked as he tucked my wet hair behind my ear, still showing no sign of coming out of me or stepping back to release me from my pinned position against the wall.

‘I did,’ I smiled. We’d all spent the day lounging, grazing on left overs, which for me meant turkey and bread sauce sandwiches, the boys and Lexi played Xbox games and I’d been playing on my new iPad and downloading books and accessing my Uni account to get set up for the new term. We’d also managed to pick out and pack some of the essentials we wanted to take to the new apartment, the rest we could do slowly over time.

‘So what are you wearing tonight,’ he murmured as he ran his lips up and down my neck.

‘Your new white and gold feather dress and my new Jimmy Choo accessories.’

‘Leave your hair loose.’

‘Bossy.’

‘I’ll fuck you with my suit on again with the camcorder on.’

‘Ok,’ I agreed really quickly and he laughed.

‘I’d better let you get ready then, we’re going in an hour.’

‘Yes,’ I sighed as he continued to caress my neck with his soft lips and little circles of his tongue.

‘I’m so frustrated, Dad’s taking us to 26, the restaurant with the light curtain, I wanted us to fuck in there next time we went.’

‘Me too,’ I moaned.

‘It will make me even harder, knowing what we could be doing, especially knowing you have those nipple clamps on,’ he groaned and I gasped as I felt him swell again inside me.

‘How long again before we have to be ready?’ I asked.

‘An hour.’

‘Time for you to fuck me again then,’ I sighed happily.

I squeezed Lexi’s hand in the Limo. We hadn’t had a chance to talk alone all day.

‘You look amazing,’ she whispered.

‘Thanks,’ I smiled. ‘It’s a gorgeous dress. You’re looking good too, very sexy,’ I nodded and she smiled. She had her black leather trousers on, a loose fit sheer jade green blouse with her heeled boots and had borrowed some of my silver jewellery to go with her Jimmy Choo bag from Gabe. I noticed she was wearing her silver heart from Doug, under her blouse.

‘Well a girl’s got to make an effort now and then.’

‘You really should be a model Lex, why don’t you try getting some appointments? That would be a good way to earn some money.’

‘Well you could do page three modelling,’ she laughed with a nod at my tits. I looked down at them and then back at her with my mouth ajar, I’d not even thought of that. ‘No,’ she added quickly. ‘No way, don’t even go there. Gabe would freak.’

‘What would I freak at?’ he called across the limo.

‘Seriously, you’re like Daredevil. Do you have sonar hearing or something?’ I uttered. He was sitting on the long seat, having left Lexi and I to sit together at the back.

‘If you’re talking about things you shouldn’t be yes,’ he smiled. I shuffled in my seat as he looked at me. He was wearing his dark grey three piece suit with a white shirt slightly unbuttoned and no tie. That was bad enough without my nipples burning from these damn clamps he’d taken great delight in securing on me. He made it worse by winking at me, knowing I was feeling all hot and bothered already. I scowled at him and turned my attention back to Lexi who was texting on her phone. I opened my bag as I felt mine vibrate and looked at her surprised to see she’d sent me a message. She shrugged and nodded back down to my screen.

No ideas of Pg 3 shots, he’d really flip. At least pole dancin ur covered and ur dad wont c it. Az 2b the best way 2 pay Gabe bak

I know, but it would be a great way to make the extra cash quickly. So are you ok? What happened with you and Doug? I see you’re wearing his necklace.

I’m tryin. I avoided sex last nite, he woznt very appy. Ave 2c ow it goes nd I <3 necklace, jus not wat represents. I juz don’t no if I can carry on no ng I don’t feel same :-(

I told you, let him feel how he wants, enjoy having someone loving you and looking after you, there’s no pressure on you to feel the same way back. I think Doug will wait as long as it takes Lex, don’t end it with him over this. Please, he’s so sweet and he adores you

I sent it and looked at her waiting for her to read it and she sighed and looked at me and nodded.

‘Seriously?’ came Gabe’s astonished voice. ‘You’re texting each other when you’re sitting there together?’

‘Well it’s girl talk,’ I muttered as I looked around at the three male faces staring at us, feeling my cheeks flush.

‘Let me see your phone,’ he demanded and held out his hand and Lexi and I gasped.

‘Gabriel,’ objected Robert, before I had a chance to. ‘That’s inappropriate and rude.’

‘Not if they’re texting about something I’m not going to like,’ he replied, flashing an annoyed look at his Dad.

‘I don’t ask to look at your phone when you’re texting or emailing Gabe,’ I reminded him.

‘I thought we had no secrets Mia.’

‘Gabe, not now please, we’re in company,’ I chastised, embarrassed.

‘So?’ he waved his hand at me again and I hastily deleted the messages and saw Lexi do the same. ‘See you’re hiding something, I know your faces Mia, that’s guilty face.’

‘Gabriel enough,’ snapped Robert. ‘You’re a grown man not a needy teenager.’

‘Come on dude, that’s so not cool asking to see her phone,’ agreed Doug. I looked up and flashed him a smile before looking back at Gabe who had a face like thunder and glared at me. It was lucky we were nearly at the restaurant as there was a seriously awkward silence for the rest of the journey and I stared out of the window rather than meet Gabe’s furious gaze. I followed Lexi out quickly as Riley opened the door for us and looked around surprised as Doug got out and gestured for us to walk. ‘His Dad’s having a word with him in private. Sorry, that was a bit tense,’ he said as we headed towards the glass entrance doors.