Love Locked Down (4 page)

“ Look Dana. I don't give money to people . I just don't do loans. I never loan money to friends and only two family members of mine can get a dime out of me. You never know when you're going to get it back. You have to go looking for them all that bullshit. I just ain't the type of man who has time for that kinda shit. I'll give money to my wife though.

“ Oh I didn't know you were married. Tamera never mentioned it.” Dana's heart sank a little in her chest and she didn't know why. This man is a jailbird. There was no logical reason at all she should care whether he was married or not.

“ I'm not married. Marry me and you'll get your school money. It's a huge step but I have some things I need that maybe you can help me with. You know the whole fair exchange is no robbery type shit.”

“ Marry you? Are you serious?” Dana exclaimed her head jerking back in shock.
I mean the brother is fine but it ain't that damn serious.

“ I'm very serious. I wont give my money to a stranger....but I will give it to my wife. And before you go jumping to any conclusions due to how my present situation may seem. You could have a worse husband than me. Believe that.” I said holding in a laugh as I watched her expression change from pure shock to anger. I think I detected a bit of disdain as well. Was it for me? Or my current situation. I couldn't quite call it. Shit it was crazy. But I need something out of this deal too.

“ I could do worse than a husband locked up? How so? I don't understand. What do you want from me? Look I don't know how hard up you
think
I am...but I ain't stuffing no dope up my pussy and hopping on a plane,train or even riding in an automobile crossing state lines for no damn body. Negro you got me fucked all the way up.”

“ I want you to be Mrs. Terrence Hill. You'll come see me,we'll talk, you know chop it up a bit when I call you. Send me some sweet letters and cards. You know all that type of shit. We'll see how it goes. I definitely ain't trying to put no dope up your pussy baby. I may try and put something else up there,but it damn sure ain't no dope. I will say this, from what I've been told it might make you feel like a crackhead. Time will tell I guess.”

I watched as Dana visibly blushed and squirmed at my last comment. I wanted to laugh but she was talking crazy so I had to shut her ass up.
I can tell she ain't fuckin' no one, at least not right now or she wouldn't be so embarrassed
,I thought to myself.

“ You're not funny.” Dana said running her shaking hand through her hair.

“ Come on...I'm
kinda
funny.” I said laughing.

“ No, you're not. Terrence I don't know what type of shit you mean. I take marriage seriously. I'm not even thinking about marriage at all but I know it's not a joke. Something to be played with. When you exchange vows with someone you're supposed to mean them. Granted my dad has lost his damn mind now but my parents had a happy loving marriage until the day my mother passed away.” Dana hissed leaning towards me over the table,her fists balled tightly.

“ You need to relax. Breath ma. We can be as serious as you like Dana. I'm locked up but you'll be taken care of. Don't you worry about that. I really can't explain it to you right now but I need a friend right now. A best-friend . My best-friend may as well be my wife. Think about it,doesn't every marriage vow apply to friendship as well?”

“ So you want to buy my friendship?  I can be your friend Terrence we don't need to get married for that. Tamera asked you to loan me the money but you don't have to give that a second thought. I'll be okay. If I have to wait to graduate, that's just what I'll have to do. Nothing is going to prevent me from achieving every goal I have set for myself. ”

“  I know I don't have to do anything. This is your last semester though right? You should graduate on time. You've worked hard for it. Tamera told me about  all the opportunities you have lined up for when you graduate this year....those may not be there for you if you have to wait. So this is the deal Dana. Take it or leave it. Oh and keep it between us. I don't want Tamera to know about it. All she needs to know is I lent you the money.” I said leaning back in my chair looking at her.

“ You're really pretty. I could do worse I guess. Are you all black or mixed? Are those contacts?”I asked.

“ Hell if I decide to do this, I'm the one who can't do worse. My husband is already in jail. I'm all black and no I don't wear contacts... nosy!”

I laughed “ You get asked that all the time I take it?”

“ All the time. It gets on my nerves.”

“ Sorry, I wanted to know. If you want to know something you have to ask right?” I asked laughing.

“ Are you in here messing around with men? You ain't got no boyfriend in here do you?”

“What? Hell no. Ain't no Oz shit jumping off over this way. I'm no down-low brotha I swear to you.” I said.

Dana rolled her eyes at him “ If you wanna know you have to ask...right?”

“ Oh you worried about who your man is sleeping with ? You don't want your husband bringing you home none of that dirty dick....,”

“ I don't want to lie to Tamera.” Dana said her voice slow and thoughtful.

“ It's not like I want you to lie forever. I just don't want her all in my...
our
business. Think about it if you need too but make sure you don't take too long. If you say yes I'll start the paperwork and you'll have to do a few things to get everything in motion.”

“This is a lot to take in Terrence. I really don't know about this. I just laid eyes on you today.” Dana said apprehensively.
I mean damn...if you want to lend me the money do it but marriage? What could he stand to gain from being married to me? I've never once heard Tamera mention any money problems and if I'm not mistaken he's paying all of her and their mothers bills,as well as her tuition if I'm not mistaken?

“ Terrence you do realize I don't bring anything to the table but myself.”

“ That's all I need right now Ma. Look I know it's a lot for you to think about. If you want the money those are my terms so think about it. Tamera can tell you how we can get in contact with each other but keep in mind we wont be discussing any of this on the phone okay? They listen to these phone calls,read our letters so if you want to talk to me again,your name is already on the list. Just come see me.....I'll be here. Ya man ain’t got nowhere to go right now.” I said laughing.

* * * *

T
he remainder of the visit was spent with Tamera and Terrence laughing and joking with one another. You could clearly see they shared what appeared to be a tight bond with one another. Why would he want me to keep our arrangement from Tamera? If I decided to go through with it. Tamera seemed privy to everything else concerning him.
Or was she?
I thought to myself.

During the drive back home Tamera and I were unusually quiet. Each of us wrapped up in our own thoughts about the visit.

Tamera was upset with herself for imposing on Terrence on her friends behalf when he already did so much. When she'd come back to the table after Terrence and Dana spoke, you could have heard a rat piss on cotton it was so quiet. Tamera began to think Terrence was mad at her before his personality returned to normal and they began laughing and joking as usual.
That will be the last time I stick my neck out for someone else. My black ass ain't going to bat for no one ever again. I'm lucky he's paying all my bills right now. Hopefully I can get him to keep it up once I move to Manhattan. I need to start looking for another room-mate since Dana may not be able to move. Or maybe if I act pitiful enough,Terrence will get me a place all by myself,
Tamera thought as she carefully maneuvered the icy roads during the drive back home.

I was caught up in a more complex dilemma.

Do I take a chance and marry Terrence so I can pay the remainder of my school tuition? Or risk not even being able to make the amount I need to pay the school even if I do take the semester off ?It's not like I have full-time employment anyways. Not to mention all the opportunities I'd have to pass up because I don't have my degree on time. The internship opportunities presented to me were contingent on my having a degree. One thing for sure, I'm not going to keep it from Tamera!

“ Tamera,your brother said he'd help me with my tuition.” I said carefully not sure what her reaction would be.

“ WHAT! Oh my God really? I knew he'd help. He lit into me for asking him about it but I knew he'd help.” Tamera said practically jumping in her seat,her face screwed up.

“ Terrence said he'd lend me the money if I
married
him. That's the only way I'm getting the money.” I added.

Tamera swerved on the road she was so stunned.

“ Be careful!” I screamed.

“ What do you mean if you marry him? Huh?” Tamera asked more confused than ever.

“That's what he said. The only way he'll lend me the money is if we're married. He said he wouldn't give money to a stranger but he'd give it to his wife. That there were things he needed from me. I also wasn't supposed to tell you about it for some reason. I had too. Who else am I supposed to talk to this about. What should I do? I mean I don't know what he wants from me out of this deal?” I said throwing my hands up in frustration.

“ Shit! I honestly don't know Dana. Now  prison aside...,” Tamera said cutting her eyes at me as she quickly took her eyes off the road .

“ ...my brother ain't a bad catch. All kinds of women throw themselves at him all the time but he's super picky. He was seeing this girl Camyrn when he got locked up but she wanted way more than he did out the relationship so he ended it with her. Mind you she was ride or die. Willing to do this time with him but from what he told me, he let her know it was over. He said something about not wanting to waste her time while he was locked up especially since he wasn't feeling her like that. She was pissed. Camyrn blew my damn phone up for about four months. She was going up to see him after he told her not to and he wouldn't have the visits with her. Terrence ended up taking her name off the list after she tried it twice. I think she liked my brothers money and the lifestyle he was living more than anything.”Tamera said shrugging.

“ Why marriage though Tamera? What's the benefit for him with us being married? I don't get it?”

“ Look all I know is this....my brother may be locked up but he's not stupid by any means. Who knows? Maybe he wants to keep track of you to make sure you pay him back? I mean if you take the money you do plan on paying him back right?”

“ Of course!”

“ Well if that's the case I think you could do worse in a husband than my brother locked up or not. He's going to be out soon you know. Maybe it's just until the loan is paid back? At any rate. You have a LOT to lose if you don't take this money Dana. Everything we planned for is down the drain unless you stay on schedule! All the internships you have waiting for you are gone if you don't graduate on time. Who knows it those will be offered to you again. I'd be too embarrassed to show my face if I had to walk into Parsons and turn down that internship in Manhattan. You know if you can't take it you have to let them know in writing the paperwork says. I know Lucy Charles is dying to snag that from you! Who knows if you'll even be able to make the money by next semester? What then? It's not like you even have a full-time job to even start making what you need. If it were me I'd do it. Being my sister-in-law wouldn't be that bad would it?” Tamera said primping her lips trying to look as if she was offended.

“ Girl I don't know about all this. I'm going to visit him again. I just need to know what does he get out of us being married? I know what I get. My tuition paid. But he's not getting anything out of the deal by me being his wife. I mean not that I don't think I'll be a good wife some day, but I'd like us to be in
love
! I want my husband to actually care about me. To love me....fuck to not be in jail or have a criminal record for Gods sake! Then once I pay him back I'll be a divorcee.  I have to walk around saying my marriage didn't work. Then if I say it was for money, how the hell does that make me look?Ugh. The whole think just sounds so shady.” I said

“ I have no idea. Yeah take your ass back up there so y'all can straighten this out. I hope you do it though. I hate for you not to graduate on time. I think I'm going to stay all the way out of this. He's my brother and you're my friend. I already know until you two settle what you're going to do I don't want any part of this.” Tamera said looking at her quickly and turning her eyes back to the road. We drove the remainder of the way home in silence. Each of us caught up in our own thoughts about what had just transpired.

* * * *

I
heard a knock on the door and was jarred out of my daydream about how I ended up married to Terrence Hill and was now standing in the family quarters waiting to be alone with my husband for the first time. Completely alone.

“ Mrs. Hill, your husband should be here in about five minutes.” the guard said leaning through the doorway.

“ Thank you.” I said nervously looking around. The mobile home was shabby as hell but what did I expect? The Hilton? It was the prison system. I had gone over the approved list of items I could bring in for our weekend visit. I wasn't able to bring my own food in but Terrence was able to submit a list for us. As long as he had the money on his books everything on our list was supposed to be waiting for us so we could cook our meals together. I guess they were trying to make sure I wasn't smuggling in any type of contraband in the groceries. I packed all the personal items and toiletries I would need to bring with me making sure to find the nicest bras and panties I could.

What the hell did I even bring this shit for? We're not even going to have sex. What am I even doing here?
I thought to myself wondering if it was too late for me to cancel this entire visit. The whole situation was just ridiculous. I married a nigga in jail? Conjugal visits? This is not what my life is supposed to be. Lord have Mercy! If my poor mama is looking down watching this mess right here, I know damn well she's ashamed of me.