Love Lessons (9 page)

“Alexa thinks I should have a party for my birthday.”

“She does?” Ian's penetratingly blue gaze latched on to hers. “I suppose you're going to volunteer to chaperone, too.”

Alexa brought the mug to her lips and took a tentative sip. “Jana hasn't decided what she's gonna do.”

“Yes, I have. I want to have a sleepover the Friday night before, and you being here to keep my dad in line is great.”

No way in a thousand years. In fact, never. Too dangerous to my peace of mind.
“I'll have to check my calendar. I seem to remember my singles group at church has something going on.” Which was true. They did the first Friday of every month, and she had attended a few times when work and schooling permitted.
Maybe I can come up with something more interesting than a slumber party for a soon-to-be eleven-year-old.

“You've got to be there. I wouldn't be having one if you hadn't said anything.”

Thanks for reminding me of that one. When am I going to really think things through before saying anything?
“Let me see, but that shouldn't stop you from making plans with your dad.” Alexa shot Ian a look. “And I can help with any planning and shopping for food. Actually, Jana, that would be good for us to do together.”

For a moment Jana's teeth worried her bottom lip. “Will ya come for a part of the night at least if I do?”

“Ah, manipulating me twice in less than half an hour.” Alexa crossed to the window that afforded her a view of the lake and swept around to face the pair. “Fine. I'll come and stay until midnight. Then, Ian, you're on your own.”

Jana clapped. “Perfect. I'm gonna get some paper and make a list of who I'm gonna invite.”

The second she left the kitchen Alexa held up her hand. “Don't say anything. I spoke before I really thought about it. I'm sorry…”

His strides chewed up the distance between them. “Do you realize what you've done?”

She nodded. “But I'm not really sure you fully realize.”

He came to a halt a foot from her. “I'm almost afraid to ask what.”

A lump welled in her throat, not from anything he said, but from his nearness. “No sleep, loud noises, total disruption in any schedule you've got. Should I go on?” she asked over the drumming beat of her heart in her ears.

“Please, no. I think ignorance in this case might be bliss.” Cutting the space between them even more, he bent forward. “Today was great. It's something I'd hoped would happen for quite some time, and now, for her to be reaching out to friends and wanting to spend time with them—it's wonderful. Well worth any amount of loud noise.”

His musky scent engulfed her, her pulse rate responding to it. Ever since Sunday when he'd almost kissed her, she'd wondered what it would be like. Dreamed about it. Then today, Jana's attempts at matchmaking had rekindled the hope yet again. Even though there were so many reasons she should back away, put the length of the room between them, she stayed rooted to the floor, praying her longing wasn't visible in her eyes.

He took her face between his hands, his fingertips roughened and warm to the touch. “Jana was happy, content while at the ranch, and you're the reason it happened. When you first came here, I didn't think it would work out. Your teaching methods are—” he paused, as though searching for the right word “—so different from what is traditional. Since then I've discovered there are many ways for a child to learn and not to confine myself to just one.”

She noticed he'd loosened up some while teaching his math class on Wednesdays and Fridays. But she also realized simply going with the flow wasn't totally right either. She and Jana had a routine they followed because the girl needed to know what came next.

He inched closer. “Thank you for taking the job and going beyond what a tutor does.”

The feel of his hands on her face branded her as if in that moment she'd become his. The realization struck terror in her, and yet she couldn't move away. She remembered the pain of Daniel's loss. Never wanted to experience it again. And she'd spent weeks telling herself that she and Ian were just too different. But she remained frozen as Ian lowered his head toward hers.

His half-lidded survey of her roamed a leisurely path from her hair to her eyes to her lips. More inches that separated them disappeared. The scent of his peppermint toothpaste swirled about her, roping her to him.

She wanted him to kiss her. Badly.

The soft brush of his lips tingled down her length. She wanted more.

The thundering in her ears evolved into honking and barking. She blinked, wrenched from the moment as Ian lifted his head slightly and looked beyond her out the window.

His eyes grew round. “Well, I'll be.”

“What?” She whirled around and stared at the scene outside near the lake.

Four geese surrounded Sugar. The largest male went in for a nip. The dog spun around and barked some more.

Ian flew toward the door.

Pushing away all thoughts of the too-brief kiss, Alexa hurried after him, shouting, “Jana, come quick. Sugar's out back.”

Ian gestured toward the right. “You go that way. I'll go this way.” Veering to the left, he increased his jog, waving his arms and saying, “Scat.”

The big male goose peered at Ian as though he were crazy, which, when Alexa thought about it, was what he
looked like. The gander honked and hissed, charging at Ian. The other male followed suit while the two females waddled back into the water.

Ian kept moving forward. “Get Sugar while I distract them.”

Alexa slowed her pace so she didn't scare the dog. Sugar sat and continued to yelp in a high-pitched tone, her leash still attached to the pet.

“That's it. Stay right there, Sugar,” she said in a soothing voice while a battle raged a few yards from her.

One gander nipped Ian on the leg, then the other one did. Ian backed away, flailing his arms like a windmill.

Alexa grabbed the end of the leash then scooped Sugar up into her embrace and hung on for dear life. The back door banged close, and Jana raced toward them, brandishing the sweater Alexa had worn to work.

The largest gander took a look at the third human invading his territory, gave one final hiss and padded back to the lake, with the other male trailing behind him. Quickly the four geese swam away.

“Are you all right?” Alexa asked Ian while she handed the dog to Jana, and the child passed her the sweater.

“I think my pride is all that's hurt.” Massaging his thigh, Ian checked on the geese's progress out to the middle of the lake. “Those two ganders could give lessons to the military on defending their territory. Hon, is Sugar okay?” he asked his daughter.

“She's great. She came home.” Jana hugged her dog to her chest. “I'm never letting her go.” She started for the house, rubbing her face against Sugar's neck, the leash dragging on the ground behind them.

“Life may get interesting around the Ferguson house-
hold with my daughter lugging her dog everywhere she goes.” Limping slightly, Ian headed for the patio.

“She'll get tired of it after a while. Fifteen pounds doesn't sound like a lot until you carry it a long time.” Alexa glanced at the time on the clock in the kitchen. “I've got to go. My class starts in twenty minutes.”

“You wouldn't have been so surprised if you had a watch on and kept track of the time.”

His grin that accompanied that observation made her frown. “You enjoyed pointing that out.” She wouldn't even go into the fact that earlier, her lack of attention to the time had more to do with him briefly kissing her, not her lack of a watch. He could distract more than a gaggle of geese honking at the same time.

 

At school, Dr. Baker stopped Alexa right after her class. “How's it going with Jana and Ian?”

“Fine. Jana is doing great. She struggles with math, but we've been doing some hands-on activities that I think have helped.”

“I've heard from one or two of the kids who come over for math lessons that they're doing some fun projects after Mr. Ferguson explains the concept. Is that your doing?”

“Not for the past week. Ian's getting into it and has been coming up with different ways to help the kids with fractions. Next he's gonna do some geometry with them. That should be interesting.”

“Has Sugar been found?” Nancy started walking toward the main foyer.

“Yes. Right before I came to class.”

“Good, I'm glad Sugar is home where she belongs.” She glanced at Alexa. “I've been wanting to talk to you. I've found a scholarship I want you to apply for. It's a full
scholarship for a year, which includes tuition, books, and living expenses for two semesters, plus it will pay off your student loans in exchange for committing to teaching for three years in an underdeveloped country where Christian Teachers International runs a school. You could complete your schooling by December instead of the summer semester next year. I know you've dreamed of working overseas, and I know you've got some hefty student loans. This could be your opportunity. Come to my office. I'll give you the paperwork.”

Alexa paused in the large entrance area into the Education Building. “When is the deadline?”

“Three weeks. The organization will interview the four finalists in Oklahoma City, and if you get it, you could go full-time this summer and finish up with student teaching in the fall and a few classes. What do you say?”

Nancy dangled her dream before her, but for a moment all she could think about was Jana's look of joy when she'd seen Sugar and Ian's expression as he'd cupped her face right before his lips had touched hers. She wouldn't see them after she left Tallgrass if she got the scholarship, at least not for three years. Yet this was what she and Daniel had wanted to do. She'd promised him at his memorial service to fulfill their dream.

“Alexa, is everything all right?”

She shook the thoughts from her mind. “Yes. You're right, this is an opportunity I can't pass up.”

Nancy moved across the foyer toward the hallway where the faculty offices were. “If you're the winner, you'll know by the second week in April.”

“I've got to fill out the application and be one of the finalists first.”

Inside her office, Nancy crossed to her desk, rummaged
through a stack of folders and pulled one out. “Here's the application. It'll take a few hours to complete, but it'll be well worth it. Christian Teachers International has some dynamite people working for them.”

The small pile of papers in the folder attested to the hours she would have to invest. “Thanks, Nancy. I appreciate you thinking of me.”

“You're the only one of my students I thought had a chance at this scholarship. See you Thursday.”

Out in the hallway Alexa flipped through the pages in the folder. This was her future—not anyone here in Tallgrass. She stuck the application in her backpack then hurried toward her car. She'd start answering the questions tonight and would work each night until the paperwork was completed.

But when she pulled into her driveway at the duplex, she noticed a vehicle parked behind her mother's. A black Lincoln Town Car. One of Mom's new friends? She'd say hello to whoever it was and then quickly escape to her bedroom to work on her application.

When she opened the door to her place, she heard low, intense voices coming from the kitchen. One was a deep bass. A male? Her mom was seeing a man? Cautiously she tiptoed toward her bedroom, deciding to disappear without telling her mother she was home.

Halfway down the short hall, her mom said, “Alexa, your dad is here in the kitchen.”

“D
ad? Here?” Alexa clutched her backpack.
No! Not here. Not now.

Her mother nodded.

“Why didn't you tell me he was coming?”

“Because I didn't know. He surprised me.”

Alexa stepped closer to her mother and lowered her voice. “Where's he staying?”

“I'm staying at Tallgrass Inn, at least for the night.”

Alexa stiffened, but the fingers holding her book bag went slack and it fell to the floor. The thud echoed down the hallway. Her gaze swept to him standing at the end of the corridor, only three feet away. She wanted to cross the distance and hug him—the way Jana did Ian, but the hard look in his eyes, the firm set of his shoulders, the balled hands at his sides proclaimed his anger. She stayed put, remembering all the times she'd wanted to be accepted unconditionally by him but never felt she had been.

“I'll be back tomorrow morning to resume our conversation, Gloria.” Dr. Richard Michaels pivoted and traversed the small entryway to the front door. “Good night.”

Alexa slowly blew a long breath out when the click sounded, announcing his exit. “When did he come?”

“He was only here an hour.”

“And?” Alexa bent and picked up her backpack, her hand trembling badly as she grasped the bag to her chest, crisscrossing her arms around it.

“There's nothing to tell. I listened to him tell me I should come home. That I'd been gone long enough. Right before you came home he asked if I'd gotten my rebellion out of my system yet.”

Alexa clenched her teeth together. It wasn't her place to say anything to her mother. She didn't want to get into the middle of a fight between her parents. “Are you gonna see him tomorrow?”

“Since he came six hundred miles to see me, I at least owe him that, but he isn't going to change my mind. I was smothering living under his roof. Did I tell you at the end of last week I applied for a part-time job at the hospital?”

“No, how did you forget something like that?”

“Because I didn't want to say anything to you unless I got the position. They called me early this afternoon. After I talk with your father tomorrow morning, I have an appointment about my new job.”

“Congratulations—I think. Are you sure this is what you want?”

“I know what I don't want. I don't want to be a wife to a man who doesn't appreciate me. I don't want to be defined as Dr. Michaels's wife. I want something that is mine.” Her mother took her hand. “You're cold. Are you all right?”

“I don't know what to think, Mom. I guess I'm numb more than anything. Since I had eighteen years to learn how to deal with it, I should be able to accept by now that
there are no warm fuzzies for me from my father, even after not seeing me for five years.”

“I'm so sorry, honey. That's why I want you to be very careful with your feelings concerning Ian. He keeps his emotions bottled up inside him just like your father.”

Not toward his daughter.

“You think you're going to be able to change someone, but you can't change a person. They are the only ones who can change themselves. When I married your father, I thought he would learn to open up to me. He never did.”

“You don't have to worry about me. I have no illusions about Ian.” Alexa unzipped her backpack. “Besides, Nancy gave me a scholarship application today that if I'm picked will help me fulfill one of my dreams, teaching in an underdeveloped country where I'm needed.” After removing the folder, she passed it to her mother. “I'll get to see some of the world and help others while I teach. What could be better?”

Having a family came unbidden into her mind. She quickly closed the door on that train of thought.

“I know how much working and going to school has been a struggle for you, Alexa. If this is what you want, I'll pray it happens for you.” Her mother returned the application to her.

She hugged her mom and kissed her on the cheek. “I love you and will be behind you whatever you decide.”

Gloria cupped her cheek, tears glistening in her eyes. “Thanks, honey. Now I better get a good night's sleep. I have a lot to do tomorrow, not to mention I have to face your father.”

As her mother disappeared inside her bedroom, Alexa ran her fingers over the place where her mother had touched her face. Just as Ian had earlier. The memory—so vivid it seemed as though she felt his caress all over again—mocked her decision to pursue her dream.

 

“I need to go, Mom. I'm running late.” After grabbing a piece of toast and her mug of tea, Alexa headed for the front door.

“Bye, dear.”

Alexa threw a glance back at her mother sitting at the kitchen table, cupping her drink between her hands while she stared at the empty chair across from her. Alexa swung around in the entrance. “I'll be praying for you.”

“And your father.”

Alexa continued her trek toward the foyer. Her mixed feelings toward her dad had kept her up a good part of the night. Hence the reason she was running late. She hadn't fallen asleep until around four.

When she hurried out onto the porch, she came to a halt. Her father was mounting the steps, his gaze locked on her. He was early. She'd wanted to be gone before he arrived. As she studied his face, she noticed the lines around his eyes, mouth and forehead were deeper. His thick, black hair was thinning on top, and his bright brown eyes were dull. And for the first time she could see a pouch where his stomach had always been flat from years of running and keeping in shape. Her father had aged more than five years and the observation held her rooted to the spot.

He closed the space between them, his gaze never leaving her face. “You're looking well.”

The words were spoken as though she were a casual acquaintance. Not his daughter. No warmth behind them. No love. Her heart cracked anew and the tears she'd held back last night jammed her throat, prodding her to release them. She wouldn't cry in front of him ever again. She'd cried a lifetime's worth five years ago. Not now.

“I'm doing what I love. I'm glad it shows,” Alexa said,
refusing to squirm under the relentless stare probing for some weakness.

“It does. But you would have made a wonderful doctor. I always dreamed of you taking over my practice one day.”

Like a son would? The thought that he'd probably wanted another son to replace the one he'd lost, but had to settle for her, inundated her. “Not if I couldn't stomach the sight of blood. I think that would have interfered in doing my job.”

For a second the old sparkle that usually lit his eyes flashed, only to disappear before taking hold. “Yeah, that's an inconvenience, but it's not too late to change your mind. If you set your heart on something, you can do anything.”

“That was the problem. My heart wasn't ever set on being a doctor.” She lifted her chin. “And whether you approve or not, I've gotten where I am totally by myself and I'm doing just fine. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a job I have to go to.” She descended the first step.

“Alexa, I'd like to take you to lunch today. Are you available?”

At the bottom of the stairs she looked up at him, standing tall, commanding, demanding. “Why?”

“Because I haven't seen you in five years.”

The denial was on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to say it. But couldn't. “I don't know,” she finally answered, her stomach churning, sweat popping out on her upper lip.

“Check with your employer and give me a call. I'll be here with your mother.”

No “I've missed you.” No “I love you.” She spun on her heel and marched toward her car. How many times had she wanted to hear him tell her he loved her over the years until she'd finally resigned herself to the fact he wouldn't? Now he'd come in and opened all those healed wounds.

 

Alexa paused in the entrance to Ian's office. “I know Madge is here and can keep an eye on Jana, but I wanted to let you know I'm leaving for lunch with my father. I shouldn't be gone more than an hour. Are you okay with this?”

Ian smiled. “All the extra time you've spent here, I'm more than fine with it. If you need longer, take it. I'll make sure Jana does the schoolwork you've left her.”

“I won't be more than an hour.”

Ian's forehead creased. “Is something wrong?”

“I don't want to meet with my father. I'm not looking forward to this. I can't imagine we'll have much to talk about.”

“Does he still want you to be a doctor?”

She nodded.

“I'd love for Jana to be a CPA like me. It's a good job, and she'll be able to make a good living doing it, but I've given up on that. Numbers and Jana don't get along. I've accepted that, but it won't stop me from trying to guide her toward a stable career.”

“Guide and insist are two different things.”

“Maybe he just wants to talk about your mother.”

“Maybe. I'd better go. I'm meeting him at the restaurant at Tallgrass Inn.”

Alexa left Ian's house and rushed toward her car. She'd just have enough time to get to the restaurant if the traffic cooperated. She turned the key in the ignition. Nothing. Not even a grinding sound like she'd had once before. Dead. She laid her head against the steering wheel and closed her eyes.

What do I do? I don't have Dad's cell number. Mom's at her meeting at the hospital.
She had to go in and call the inn. A phone call she dreaded.

She climbed from her car, covered the distance to the house and rang the bell. Ian opened the front door half a minute later.

“My car's dead.”

“Probably the battery. I could give you a jump, and you could go to a store and get it replaced.”

“I don't have time to deal with that. I can call my cousin, and he'll come take care of it later.” Her left thumb kneaded her right palm. “I've got to get a taxi and get to the restaurant
now.
” Her voice rose with a frantic ring to the words. Being on time had always been important to her dad, and she had disappointed him on a number of occasions.

“Then let me take you to meet your father. I have some errands that I was going to do later. I'll just do them now.”

“You don't mind changing your plans?” She eased up rubbing a sore spot in the middle of her hand.

“I know a young lady who told me I need to be more flexible. No, I don't mind. Let me go tell Madge and Jana where I'm going.”

“Thank you.”

Alexa paced the length of the porch while she waited. She'd psyched herself up for this meeting, and she wanted to get it over with. She'd meet with her dad then she could go on about what she was doing with no regrets. The rest was in the Lord's hands.

“Ready?” Ian closed the front door.

“Yes,” she said as though she were preparing to stand before a firing squad.

Ten minutes later and five minutes late, Alexa opened Ian's car door and exited.

“I'll be back here at one. Okay?” Ian sent her a smile. “You'll do fine. If he didn't care about you, he wouldn't have asked to meet with you today.”

Alexa walked toward the inn, Ian's last statement replaying in her mind. That simply wasn't true. Her father had never shown her the kind of love that Ian showed his daughter every day. The way her dad dealt with people was to order and control. It had nothing to do with caring about them.

Standing in the entrance into the restaurant, she scanned the patrons and found her father seated along the wall at a table for two. A frown marked the lines on his face and emphasized the type of hour she would have. Tension bubbled in her stomach, making any thought of eating nearly impossible.

When she appeared at his side, he looked up, and his frown dissolved. Her eyes widened at the sight as his mouth tilted up in a half grin.

“I thought you were going to stand me up.” He gestured toward the chair across from him. “Sit and let's order.”

“I'm not hungry. I'll just have a cup of tea.”
Something that will calm my nerves.

“Fine.” He waved for the waitress, and when she came over to the table, they gave her their orders.

After the young woman left, her father asked, “Are you feeling all right?”

“I'm okay. Just not…” She wasn't going to do it—sit here and act as if they had a normal father/daughter relationship where pleasantries were exchanged and all was well with the world. It wasn't. “To tell you the truth, my stomach is in knots because I haven't been looking forward to this lunch.”

“I see.”

“Do you? You kicked me out of the house and told me if I didn't do what you wanted not to come back.” Now that the dam on her anger had cracked—the way her heart had
all these years ago—she couldn't stop herself. “Why do you want to talk to me?”

He blinked rapidly, averted his gaze for a long moment, then fastened it back on her face, a softening in his expression for a few seconds before it gelled into its usual sober expression. “I wanted your help with your mother. I wanted you to help me make her see what a mistake she's making.”

“Ah. Now I understand.” She clutched the edge of the table and leaned forward. “If she wants a job, what's the harm? People have to live their own lives.” She realized she wasn't just talking about her mother anymore.

“And throw away twenty-five years?”

“Why can't you let her be herself?” She couldn't stay. She couldn't pretend this wasn't also about her, too. Bolting to her feet, she stared down at him, his expression unreadable. She searched his dark eyes and saw no love in their depths. She saw nothing. “I can't do this. You'll have to work it out with Mom. Don't drag me into the middle.” She'd said more than she'd ever intended.

She turned to leave.