Love Left Behind (42 page)

It was a torturous
process as I hovered on the edge of pain and pleasure, but I desperately wanted
Jackson to have this part of me. I was panting by the time he was fully
sheathed inside of me.

"Shit."
Jackson grabbed my hips, stilling them. "Don't move or I'm going to
come."

I disregarded his
words, pushing my hips forward and back slowly, his erection sliding in and out
of my anus. I tried to relax completely, wanting Jackson to have me in this
way, as no other man had. It was erotic and thrilling to have him inside my
dark place, to feel as though we were doing something forbidden. "I want
you to come, Jackson. Come in my ass."

Jackson made a
strangled sound as he lost control, thrusting into me, increasing the tempo as
my body became acclimated. I could hear the slapping sounds of contact every
time he hammered into me, his fingers rubbing my clit feverishly. The pressure
mounted to an almost intolerable point and I screamed as I came, panting wildly
as my lower body rippled. Jackson shouted as he rammed into me for the last time,
his shaft convulsing as he shot into me.

I collapsed onto the
bed on my stomach and I felt Jackson slip out of me and fall next to me. He
gathered me close, brushing my hair out of my face and looking concerned.

"Are you okay? I
didn't hurt you, did I?"

I shook my head,
leaning over to kiss him gently. "No, it felt good. I never even knew I
wanted to do that, but I seem to want to do everything with you."

Jackson's eyes
glimmered with intensity. "I feel the same way about you. I've never done
that before with anyone. I've never wanted to. But I can't get enough of you. I
want every part of you." He paused before continuing. "I love you,
Emma. I've never stopped loving you."

I caressed his cheek,
the stubble raspy against my fingertips. "I love you too, Jackson. I've
always loved you." I kissed him gently. "I'll always love you."

Jackson groaned as he
gathered me close. We stayed silently intertwined for hours, not wanting to say
anything that would break the spell of our confessions.

The next morning was
bright and beautiful, made even more wonderful by the fact that I woke up next
to Jackson. He was still asleep, breathing softly, and I took the chance to
drink him in, resisting the urge to touch him. Jackson had looked like he
hadn't slept in a while, and I wanted him to get as much rest as possible.

I gently lifted
Jackson's arm that was wrapped around my waist, intending to ease out as
quietly as possible. I froze when I heard him make a sound, glancing over
quickly at his face, but he was still sleeping peacefully. I resumed the
removal of his arm so I could get up when I heard him make a noise again,
almost a hum.

"Jackson," I
whispered cautiously. "Are you awake?"

Jackson hummed in
response and I couldn't suppress a small giggle, thinking he was dreaming yet
responding to me at the same time. I was wondering what he was dreaming about
when his eyes suddenly fluttered open, a wide grin stretching across his face.

"Laughing at me,
are we?" He reached over with an evil cackle, wiggling his fingers in
anticipation of tickling me. I couldn't help shrieking before he even touched
me, struggling to escape the iron band of his arm that had tightened around me.

"You were playing
possum!" I exclaimed, the shrieks interspersed with laughter as he tickled
me mercilessly. Jackson leaned over me, his eyes sparkling and looking so
carefree, like the Jackson I used to know. He stopped his assault, smiling down
at me as my laughter faded. My heart squeezed, knowing I was putting my heart
in danger again. But I couldn't seem to care.

"That's what you
get for trying to escape." Jackson gave me a quick kiss and rolled over,
bounding out of bed. He pulled on his jeans and the sight of him bare chested
with his jeans hanging from his hips was almost enough to make me salivate. He
waggled his eyebrows at me suggestively. "I can see those dirty thoughts
in your head, you know."

I burst out laughing,
my happiness almost too much to bear. It felt so good to be able to laugh with
Jackson, to not feel the burden of regret and betrayal. I was determined to
hold onto that feeling.

"I need to take a
shower and go to work," I said, sitting up and wrapping the sheet around
me. "What are you doing today?"

"I have a couple
of meetings, but most of it will be spent waiting around for you. Romero's
tonight?"

I nodded, drinking in
the sight of Jackson's carefree face, the shadows no longer weighing him down.
"There's some coffee in the cupboard over the stove if you want to make
some while I shower."

I sat in my bed for a
few moments after Jackson left to make coffee, wanting to pinch myself to check
if I was dreaming. It felt natural to settle back into our old routine of
Jackson making coffee while I showered. So much for taking it slow. It was
still yet to be seen if our newly revived relationship could survive the
realities of present day.

I showered quickly,
eager to join Jackson in the kitchen. As I was dressing, my hand hovered over
my jewelry box. Before I could give it too much thought, I opened it and pulled
out the diamond pendant, clasping it around my neck. I slid the pendant beneath
my shirt, wanting to wear it, yet not quite ready for Jackson to see me with
it.

"Mmm, the coffee
smells good," I announced as I walked into the kitchen. "How come it
always tastes so much better when someone else makes it?"

Jackson was leaning
over the counter, a mug in his hand. He looked up when he heard me enter, an
odd expression on his face.

"Aren't you
supposed to be filling that instead of just staring at it?" I joked. I
stilled when I realized which mug he was holding. It was the one with a picture
of John Lennon's
Imagine
memorial on
it, the one Jackson had given me long ago, the one that I had used every day at
Mass Comm to drink my coffee, loving the feeling of being close to both Jackson
and my father even when we were apart. The mug I had clutched like a lifeline
when I had been fired, taking nothing except that and the picture of Jackson
and me.

"You still have
this," he said softly, watching me. "I thought you would have thrown
away everything that reminded you of me."

I walked over to
Jackson, wrapping my arms around his waist. "I meant it when I said
leaving you was a mistake. I've always regretted it."

"Then why didn't
you reach out to me?" Jackson asked, sounding pained. Anger flared inside
of me at his words. As much as I loved Jackson, it was going to be hard to
forgive his unfaithfulness, especially since he didn't seem to even remember
the day Claire had told me about them. I would live with that memory forever. I
didn't understand how Jackson could claim to love me, yet not realize how
devastating it had been for him to cheat on me with Claire throughout our whole
relationship. He seemed apologetic, but not to the degree that I would expect.
However, I realized that if I was ever going to have a future with Jackson, I
would have to get past it. Because I truly believed that he loved me. Maybe it
had just become a habit with Claire that was hard to break. Even though a part
of me was desperate to ask him questions about her, I wasn't sure if I could
handle the answers.

"Jackson, you know
why. Once I found about Claire...I couldn't bear it. I couldn't put myself out
there again to be hurt."

"You said Claire
told you about us. What exactly did she tell you? Why didn't you talk to me
about it?"

"Are you kidding
me?" I asked incredulously, my pulse quickening with anger. I took a deep
breath, trying to calm myself. Once I got control of myself, I spoke again,
proud that my voice was steady. "Jackson, if this is ever going to work
between us, you have to stop mentioning Claire. I never want to hear her name
again. I want to forget she ever existed."

Jackson nodded,
realizing how serious I was. "Of course, sweetheart. It just kills me that
we could've been together all these years."

I leaned up, balancing
on the tips of my toes and kissing him softly. "Let's not have regrets.
Let's just enjoy today."

Jackson's face softened
as he gazed at me, brushing my hair from my face gently. "You're right.
I'm just happy that we're together again."

After lingering over
cups of coffee, we took the elevator down to the lobby as Jackson informed me
that Craig was on duty with me until the furor had died down. I wanted to
protest, but I knew it was futile from the look on his face that brooked no argument.
I just sighed, wondering when Jackson had become so autocratic.

There were still
photographers outside as Craig shepherded us into the SUV, but their questions
had changed.

"Emma, are you
going to give Jackson another chance? Are you two together again?"

"What did you
think about Jackson professing his love to you on national television?"

"Jackson, what are
you going to do to win Emma back?"

"Did you spend the
night, Jackson?"

I gulped at the last
question, the thought of our sex life being public knowledge horrifying.
Jackson turned around once I was in the car, closing it until it was just
slightly ajar so they couldn't see me.

"Gentlemen, you're
not helping my cause. The last thing Emma wants is cameras in her face. I know
you're used to my publicist not taking your calls, but I'll instruct her to
pass your questions on to me for my comments. But if I find out you've been
harassing Emma, you'll get nothing."

He climbed into the
backseat next to me, firmly shutting the door behind him. I noticed that the
photographers were no longer crowded around the car.

"Will that
actually work?" I asked skeptically.

"Maybe,"
Jackson answered with a shrug. "It's at least worth a try. I'm not known
for commenting on anything about my personal life, so maybe this will appease
them."

The drive to work was
quick. Quicker than I wanted it to be, because I was loathe to leave Jackson's
company. I was surprised when he followed me out of the car when we pulled up
in front of my office building.

"I hope you don't
think you're coming in with me," I said with a raised eyebrow. I had told
Jackson about the warning I had received at work during the short drive, and
the last thing I needed was Jackson Reynard, Hollywood heartthrob, disrupting
my workplace.

"No, but Craig is
going in with you, so I'm going to take a cab home. I don't want him leaving
your side."

"I appreciate the
concern, but Craig is
not
coming into
work with me."

Jackson frowned, not
looking pleased. "Emma, you don't know how relentless the paparazzi can
be. You don't want to be taken off guard."

"I told you that
my company has put in extra security," I said, exasperated. I flung a hand
towards the front of the building. "See? There are no men lurking with
cameras here. I'm fine. I don't need Craig waiting outside my building all day
either. I'm sure he has better things to do than twiddle his thumbs."

Jackson scowled as he
looked down at me. "I don't remember you being this stubborn."

"And I don't
remember you being so bossy!" I countered.

Jackson breathed in slowly,
as if he was trying to reign in his impatience. "Fine. Craig won't
accompany you inside your office, but he's staying in front of your
building."

"Jackson," I
started to protest but he cut me off with a hard kiss.

"Don't argue with
me, Emma," he said in a low voice after he had pulled back. "I'm
willing to make concessions on anything except your safety."

I sighed, knowing that
I was fighting a losing battle. Jackson looked intractable and it would be
pointless to argue further. "Fine," I grumbled. "You get your
way
this
time."

"Good girl."
Jackson gave me a pleased smile. He leaned down again and I rose up,
anticipating a kiss when Craig interrupted us.

"Mr. Reynard, you
might want to move this somewhere private."

My head shot up and I
groaned inwardly when I saw a crowd of people lingering around us. Some were
watching us with avid interest, not trying to mask their stares. Others were
trying to pretend they were otherwise occupied but I saw their glances sliding
towards us.

I looked back at
Jackson, about to roll my eyes at the crowd we had gathered, but gasped instead
when Jackson looked intent on still kissing me.

"Jackson," I
whispered urgently, my eyes widening. "Not here. We have an
audience!"

Jackson gave me a
half-smile as he leaned in closer. "Why not give them a show then? People
need to see the truth to believe it."

I bit my lip, not sure
if this was the right path to take, but my indecision disappeared when Jackson
softly nipped my bottom lip, pulling it free from my teeth. He sucked on it softly
before covering my mouth with his, kissing me openmouthed, grazing my lips
gently and lovingly. My arms automatically wrapped around his neck as I leaned
up into the kiss, forgetting about the crowd of people on the sidewalk. At this
moment, the world only contained Jackson and me.

Reality set in as we
broke apart and I flushed, aware of the voyeuristic stares as well as the
dozens of camera phones that were pointed towards us.

"It's probably not
a good idea to make out in public in front of my workplace," I said
breathlessly.

Jackson smirked,
looking very pleased with himself. "I'm planning on making out with you as
much as possible, in public and in private. Get used to it."

He kissed me again
quickly before I could respond. "I'll be here at six to pick you up for
dinner. Be ready." He turned to speak to Craig who had been standing in
front of us, blocking us as much as he could from the crowd. I wanted to rebel
against his domineering attitude, but I decided it was wiser to get inside my
office as quickly as possible.