Love, Laughter, and Happily Ever Afters Collection (83 page)

“I should be dead,” I say quietly, broken. “It should have been me. Why couldn’t it be me?”

There’s no reply.

The silence stretches, every passing moment like a lifetime. I wait, slumped on the floor with my back against the wall. I can’t bring myself to look at Brit. I know I’ll only find the same expression I see on everyone's face once they know the truth: the police, friends from home, teachers at school. That mix of horror and fascination; resentment and secret, bitter regret. Like they know it's all my fault.

My parents are the worst. They've tried not to show it, but even I can tell. They wish I had been the one to go.

That makes two of us.

I hear a noise, movement over on the couch. I can’t help myself. I look up in time to see Brit slowly unfold her limbs and rise to her feet.

My heart falls.

I didn't expect her to understand, but that didn't stop me hoping for a miracle. She’s been the one person to see through my faults and flaws, and if anyone could save me from bearing this dreadful weight alone...

No. I never deserved her. Even before she knew the truth, I was a fool to dream, all those nights lost in memories of the past, like if I willed it hard enough, I could make her love me for real.

But real life isn’t dreams and wishes. It’s the flash of movement on a dark road, the scream of breaks and shattering glass.

It’s the deathly silence the moment you lose the one you love, and the deep ache of loneliness knowing you'll never get them back—or deserve to be loved ever again.

Brit walks towards me, heading for the door. I want to make her stay, try and explain better than these jumbled fragments I’ve offered her, but I can't find the strength to fight it anymore.

I’ve lost her all over again, and this time, it’s all my fault.

I bow my head and count her footsteps, savoring the sound of each step on the old wooden boards—the last sound of her before she leaves my life forever.

One, two, three…

I wait for the sound of the door closing but nothing comes.

I close my eyes. I can't take this anymore. I know I deserve to suffer for everything I've done, but God, I can't bear the thought of her hating me now. She was my light, my hope, and once she walks out that door, I know, there'll be nothing but darkness.

Then I feel a touch, gentle against my cheek. I slowly lift my head to find Brit crouched on the floor in front of me. Her dark eyes stare softly into mine, not angry or betrayed, but something more precious than I've ever known before.

Forgiveness.

It can’t be.

I blink at her, not trusting myself to speak. This is her just letting me down gently. Softening the blow before she walks out for good.

Softly, she wipes away the tear I didn't know was falling.

“It’s not your fault,” Brit whispers.

I shake my head, not trusting myself anymore. Another second, and I’ll pull her into my arms and kiss her—make her stay the only way I know how. “Brit, you don't need to do this,” I tell her. “Don't try and be nice. Please, just go.”

She shakes her head slowly. “I’m not going anywhere.”

I freeze. My heart starts racing, betraying me with a desperate hope. She can't mean it, she doesn't know what she's saying.

“Brit, no—”

“It's not your fault.” She says it again, every word firm and determined. “Look at me, Hunter.” Brit cups my cheek, forcing me to look deep into those beautiful eyes. “Believe me. It was awful, and tragic, but you can't blame yourself. You made your choices, and Jace made his. And sometimes, sometimes people leave us, and we'll never know why.”

Her words sink through me, full of sweetness and hope. I reach up to cover her hand with mine, clinging to her, like a drowning man. “You don’t blame me?” I ask, desperate.

“Oh, Hunter.” Brit’s face creases with heartbreak. “All this time you've been carrying this alone. Why didn't you tell me?”

“I wanted to be the man you saw in me.” I whisper, still gripping her hand—still not daring to believe. “I didn't want you to hate me. Please, Brit, I couldn’t live with myself if you—”

“Shhhh,” Brit leans in and kisses me. Light and soft, her lips barely brush mine but it's like a ray of sunshine through the darkest storm. “I don't hate you. I could never. Don't you see? I love you.”

What?

I pull back to stare at her, wordless with disbelief. Did I just hear that?

Brit’s eyes are shining brightly, the North Star in my darkest hour, guiding me to her. Guiding me home.

“You're the only man I’ve ever loved,” she whispers, as something deep inside me breaks wide open, spilling relief and heartache and pure joy into my veins. “I know I keep pushing you away, and I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m so fucked up. But it’s you, Hunter. It’s always been you.” 

CHAPTER FIFTEEN

BRIT

I WATCH THE realization roll across Hunter’s face. The darkness in his eyes melts away, leaving something so vivid and intense, it takes my breath away.

“Brit,” he growls, and then he yanks me to him, capturing my mouth in a desperate, tear-stained kiss.

I can’t hold back a moment longer. I fall against him, deep into his embrace.

Together.

His lips crash into me, his mouth searching and pleading with a wordless question I answer with everything I have. I don’t want to run anymore. I can’t keep pushing him away. Not now that I know the darkness he’s been carrying, the tortured depths of his beautiful soul.

I slide my fingers through his hair, hungry for the taste of him, our tongues sliding together deep in my mouth. Hunter groans against me, scooping his hands under my thighs so I’m straddling his lap, our bodies pressed tight together, the fire between us blazing so fiercely I could die in the flames.

God, how did I think I could live without him? I couldn't leave his side if the world was crumbling to ashes around us. He’s everything I need, strong and true and braver than I ever realized.

Because now I know he's just like me. He's damaged, and hurt, and broken, and trying so damn hard to keep it together. But we don’t need to keep pretending, not anymore. If he can be brave enough to show me this terrible secret, then I can be brave too.

I can love him, even if it breaks my heart.

I take his face in my hands and kiss him slow, with everything I have: all my fear and darkness and desperate hope. I kiss him because he wants me in spite of everything, because he’s more of a man than I ever imagined. “I’m sorry,” I tell him, aching with regret. “I didn't know about Jace. If I’d have known somehow…”

“Don’t.” Hunter’s mouth is on mine again, desperate and demanding; his hands like wildfire across my skin. “It’s just us now. It’s just you and me.” He thrusts up against me and I feel him, hard between my thighs, the delicious pressure sending shocks of electricity through my body. I gasp. Desire flashes, dark in his eyes. Hunter yanks down my tank top and kisses a blazing path down to my breasts, closing his lips around my nipple and sucking with such sharp sweetness that I let out a cry of pleasure.

“Goddammit Brit,” he gasps, as I grind against him, fevered and wild. I feel his body shake under my touch, the furious stampede of his heartbeat pounding clear through his chest. “I need you,” he gasps. “All of you.”

I can only whimper in response, lost to the sensation of his tongue teasing against my breasts, and the hot, hard contours of his body crushed against mine. I want to drown in him, lose myself completely to the slide of our bodies and the ache of desire, deep in my core. I want to surrender beneath him, feel him inside me, everywhere.

Always.

I pull back, scrambling unsteadily to my feet. Hunter pants for breath, confused, and then I hold out my hand to him. He grabs it. In an instant, he’s on his feet again, closing the distance between us. I step back, leading him towards the staircase, but we don’t make it that far. He grabs me, slamming my body against the hard length of his, tearing my shirt and bikini top off and burying his face in the hollow of my neck with a groan. I yank his shirt up over his head, shuddering at the sensation of his bare skin on mine. “Hunter,” I gasp, as his hands close around my breasts, such a gorgeous sweet pressure that my legs buckle and I sway against him, helpless to the rush.

Hunter lifts me, wrapping my legs around his waist and holding me tight as we kiss our way up the stairs, our mouths hungry and devouring. My pulse is electric, every nerve and inch of skin alight as he strides down the landing and into the bedroom, slamming me back against the wall.

Yes!

I moan as his body shocks hard against me, the weight of him crushing me into the wall. Hunter tangles his fingers in my hair, pulling my head back to take my mouth again in a hard, hot kiss. I arch up, greedily running my hands over the broad planes of his back, following the ridge of muscle all the way down to clutch the chiseled contours of his butt. Now the layers of half-truths and pretense have been stripped away, I don’t want a single thing between us anymore. I yank his belt undone and push his jeans down, and oh, now I can really feel him: the hot, steely outline through the thin fabric of his briefs. The ache of desire twists deeper between my thighs, and my body rises up, grinding into him, hungry for the pressure of his body between mine.

Hunter groans into my mouth and I reach for him, sliding my hand between us and closing my fingers around the length of his cock.

Oh.

The feel of him is incredible, so thick and hard it sends a fresh shiver of anticipation shooting straight to my core. I slide my hand down his shaft, and he shudders under my touch, but before I can move again he suddenly breaks our kiss, yanking my hand away and pinning my wrists against the wall up above my head. His grip digs into my skin, desire racing through me as he braces above my body, gasping for air, his blue eyes wild with desire.

“No going back,” he growls, his voice low and hoarse with lust. “No running away this time. I’m going to take you, all of you, everything. You’ll be mine, you understand? ”

His words shock through my haze of lust, so demanding, it takes my breath away. I fall back, but I’m trapped, crushed against the wall as Hunter slides one hand down my body, shoving down my shorts to cup his hands against me and drag his thumb across my clit.

I cry out, writhing as he strokes relentlessly, but I’m trapped under his iron grip, my arms still pinned. I gasp for air but there’s no escape from the dark friction building, rising, aching deep inside of me as his thumb circles, maddeningly slow.

“I want all of you, or nothing at all,” he whispers, pressing one finger, and then two, deep into the wet, aching heart of me. I sob in his arms, my head tipped back, helpless against the wave of desire crashing around me. “Give me everything, Brit. Give it to me.”

Hunter releases my wrists, clutching my jaw in his hand so I have no choice but to look at him, deep into those eyes that burn so bright with desire and possession and love.

Love.

My heart rises. My pulse is racing, and I know, this is the moment I step off the edge. To hell with my rules, and walls, and endless bitter defenses—I want him more than I want to stay safe. More than anything. More than air.

“Yes.” I stare back, deep into his eyes so he can see the truth I’ve spent so long trying to hide. “I’m yours, Hunter. Everything, I swear. I love you. I love you!”

Hunter’s eyes flash with a primal possession, and then he sweeps me up, dragging me across the room and tipping me back on the bed. He tears the last of my clothes off, until I’m naked and gasping beneath him. “You’re so fucking perfect,” he gasps, eyes blazing hot across my body. “God, I could come just looking at you.”

He claims my lips again, his tongue plunging deep into my mouth, but it’s not enough. I need him with a hunger I’ve never known before, every part of me stripped raw and aching to feel him fill me up. “Hunter,” I gasp, arching up against him. “Now…”

He drags himself away, leaving my body for a moment to reach for the bedside table, but then he’s back, his body warm and solid, pressing me down into the soft mattress. I gasp for air, locking my arms up around his neck as he parts my thighs and braces himself above me.

Fuck, he’s beautiful. His hair is ruffled and damp, his body arched, glowing liquid gold in the shadows. I could spend a lifetime tracing every muscle, an eternity lost in those blue eyes. But now, now I need him, God, so much. I’m wet and ready, I can’t wait another moment longer. I can feel it rise in me already, the force ready to take me over the edge, and I need him inside me, there with me.

“Brit,” Hunter whispers, pausing above me. I whimper in protest, but he stills his body, reaching to gently push a damp strand of hair from my face.

I look up into his eyes, and the emotion that flashes between us shakes me to my very soul. This is it, I realize, through the low ache and pounding heartbeat and swell of desire. Hunter,
my Hunter
, everything I thought I’d never have—gazing down at me like I’m a goddess, holding me like he’ll never let me go.

He slides into me slowly, every inch a revelation.

Jesus Christ.

The sensation is overwhelming, like nothing in the world. He moves deliberately, controlled, slowly filling me up until I don’t think I can take any more. But I want it. I cry out, arching up to take him even deeper, all the way, until we’re poised on the edge together; our bodies bound as one. Hunter starts to move, but I can’t join him, not yet, not when I’m still reeling from the simple feel of his body, covering me, inside me, surrounding me.

“Wait,” I gasp, clutching his biceps. Hunter groans, but he stills himself, his breath coming in ragged gasps as I stretch beneath him. I inhale, sinking against his body, letting myself feel the thick fullness everywhere; a dark fire in my veins, every cell in my body molding to his shape. I tense, flexing around him, and his body shocks with the secret embrace.