Love Is The Bond: A Rowan Gant Investigation (40 page)

“Aye,” she said with a nod then stopped
pacing and dropped her eyes to the floor. “After that it was as if
I was in a dreamless sleep, right up until I awoke in that room
with…”

“It’s okay,” I told her as her voice trailed
off. “You’ve been through enough.”

“Rowan,” she said, looking up at me with a
startled visage. “They took some of my hair. Why?”

Constance had told me that Felicity had been
filled in on her escapades with the assault, taking the firearm,
and even some sketchy details about the search that had ensued. My
wife’s question, however, told me that they had completely left out
any reference to her being a suspect in the two homicides. I wasn’t
sure if that was a good thing or not, but I knew for certain that I
didn’t want to tell her. Unfortunately, it looked like I wasn’t
going to have a choice.

“It isn’t important right now,” I said,
stepping forward and reaching for her in an attempt to skirt the
issue.

She backed away and cocked her head to the
side, unwilling to yield to my half-hearted attempt. “No. Tell
me.”

I dropped my forehead into my hand and
massaged it for a moment before looking back to her frightened
face. “They found several long red hairs at both of the homicide
crime scenes. After what happened yesterday, you’re being
considered a suspect.”

“Gods…” she murmured, as an icy terror
frosted her eyes.

“It’s going to be okay, honey,” I offered.
“When they compare your hair with the ones from the crime scenes,
you’ll be cleared.”

“Aye, and what if I’m not?”

“You will be.”

“Rowan…” she started, then paused.

“What?”

“There
is
something else I remember then,” she said
quietly.

“What?”

She swallowed hard, looked to the ceiling,
then back to my face. “When I woke up in the motel room, I was
standing on that man’s chest and stamping on his face.”

I shook my head hard and waved at her with a
dismissive gesture. “That’s not important honey. You were under the
influence of a spirit possession at the time.”

“No, you don’t understand,” she objected.
“When I came to, that was what I was doing, and I was… I was…
Aroused.”

“Again, that’s part of…”

“Listen to me, Rowan,” she interrupted. “I
was VERY aroused.”

“So?”

“So… So…” She closed her eyes again as she
took in a deep breath then opened them and blurted, “So I kept
doing it.”

“You kept doing what?” I asked, even though I
was afraid I already knew the answer.

“I kept stomping on him,” she said, her voice
cracking with a mix of fear and excitement. “I didn’t stop. I just
kept stomping on his body because it felt so good to do it… To be
dominant… To punish him… I was enjoying it, and I kept going until…
Until… Until I came to an orgasm.”

I stared back at her. I truly didn’t know
what to say.

“Have you told anyone else about this?” I
finally managed to ask.

“No.”

“Don’t.”

“Aye, but maybe I should,” she replied,
her voice near a whisper. “Maybe it is me. Maybe I
am
the killer.”

Maybe I
am
the killer.

Those words echoed inside my skull as I stood
there in the wake of my wife’s fading voice. She already had more
than enough people who truly believed that speculation to be fact.
She certainly didn’t need any more. Hell, even my own faith in her
had been shaken for an instant during the night, but for her to now
doubt her own sanity simply wouldn’t do. She couldn’t afford to let
that happen right now, because the fear that came with questioning
your own right-mindedness was a terror like no other, and it would
consume you if you allowed it to take hold.

Unfortunately, I could already see it
swelling behind her eyes, and she was looking to me to stop it. I
couldn’t say that I didn’t understand what she was going through
inside her head, because I did, all too well. I had been suspect of
my own grasp on reality more than once over the past several
years.

She and Ben had too.

Still, that didn’t give me the right to doubt
hers now. In fact, it simply meant that I needed to stand by her
just as she had by me, even while her certainty in my saneness was
faltering.

She kept her gaze locked with mine, eyes
searching my face, and I knew she was looking for a reaction. More
than that, she was seeking a lifeline, a reason to maintain hope.
And, it had to come from me, no one else.

I finally shook my head and said, “No,
Felicity. You aren’t the killer.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“I wish I could be so sure.”

“You don’t really believe that you killed
anyone, do you?”

“Right now, I don’t know.”

“Well, you didn’t.”

“How can you be so sure, then?” she asked,
blatantly challenging me to prove my belief in her innocence.

“Simple. How did you feel when you came to?”
I asked.

“I just told you,” she murmured. “I was
turned on.”

“No, I mean other than that.”

“A bit dizzy,” she replied. “Disoriented for
a moment, maybe. But that passed quickly.”

“Sounds like a possession, or at the very
least an unchecked channeling, to me.”

“But you don’t understand how aroused…”

“Actually, yes, I do.” I cut her off,
remembering the swell of internal pleasure that had accosted me at
the last crime scene before I had managed to ground myself.
“Believe it or not, I do. And, trust me, that doesn’t make you the
killer.”

“I don’t know, then.”

“Like I said, I do,” I replied.

“I appreciate your blind faith, Rowan, but it
doesn’t help me.”

“Okay, let me ask you this: Where were you
Monday night?”

“Why?”

“Just tell me where you were.”

She shook her head then shrugged, and I could
see by her expression that she was searching her memory for the
answer. “Monday, I did a last minute product shoot for a new client
and it ran late. But you know that.”

“Yes, I do,” I said with a nod. “But, now you
need to remind yourself.”

She shrugged again but began reciting facts
as if she was comforted by the fact that she could actually
remember them. “Well, they were better than an hour outside Saint
Louis, and when I left their office it was late… I took a wrong
turn getting back to the highway and got lost for a bit… It was
almost two when I finally got home… And then I’d barely gotten to
sleep when Ben called.”

“There you go.”

“There I go what?”

“You just gave me your alibi for when Hammond
Wentworth was murdered.”

“Perhaps, but what if I just don’t remember
doing it?”

“You remember the details of the photo shoot
and the trip home, don’t you?”

“Aye.”

“Any blackouts? Time you can’t account
for?”

“No.”

“Then you’re in the clear.”

“But what if it’s a false memory?”

“Any seemingly false memories from last
night?”

“I don’t think so.”

“I would think that if your psyche were going
to produce false memories to account for your actions, it would
have made some up to cover the ten or so hours you’re missing right
now.”

“Aye, maybe so.”

“And, I bet we can call the client and verify
your story.”

“All right then, but what of the other
one?”

“Even simpler. I’m your alibi. That victim
was killed while you and I were in bed asleep.”

“But are you sure I was there?”

“Honey, what are you trying to do? Make a
case for the prosecution?”

“No,” she replied, frustration thick in her
voice. “I just don’t remember anything after we went to bed. Just
like last night.”

“That’s because we were both completely
exhausted, Felicity,” I explained. “We were asleep. Hell, we
over
slept.”

“But, what if I was sleepwalking?”

“You weren’t.”

“How do you know?”

“I just do.”

“Were you awake, then? Did you sit and watch
me sleeping?”

“No, but that doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it does!” she exclaimed. “Rowan,
you channeled a killer once, remember? And, you went out roaming
the city without any memory of it. Just like is happening to me.
But, maybe, just maybe I went that extra step and really did murder
someone!”

“That was different.”

“Different how?”

“It just was.”

“That’s not good enough. How do you know I
didn’t do it?”

“Because I’m telling you that you didn’t,” I
replied, my voice moving perceptibly up in volume.

“You can’t know that!” she insisted, raising
her voice as well.

“Yes, by the fucking Gods I can!” I declared
harshly. “You didn’t do it, Felicity!”

She stared back at me for a moment then took
in a deep breath and said with strained calm, “Because I really
didn’t do it, or because you just refuse to believe that I
did?”

“Both,” I told her, my voice now barely above
a whisper.

She continued to stare at me for a long
moment then slowly buried her face in her hands. I watched her
shoulders rise and fall as again she tried to force herself to
ground and center.

“Aye,” she finally said, looking back up at
me. “Suppose you’re right? What about last night then? What I did
to that man even after I came to. Explain that.”

“I already did.”

“No, you didn’t. I’m not talking about while
I was blacked out. I’m talking about after,” she appealed. “Don’t
you get it, Rowan? I was conscious of what I was doing, and I got
off on it.”

“Did you?”

“Yes,” she returned. “I can’t believe I’m
standing here saying this, but yes. I had an absolutely incredible
orgasm.”

“That’s not what I’m asking. I mean did you
really get off on what you did to him?”

She gave her head a confused shake. “I just
told you I did.”

“If
you
really did, then why did
you
pick up his phone and call me?”

She stared at me a moment then said, “I was
scared.”

“I know.”

“But…”

I stopped her before she could finish voicing
her objection. “But nothing, honey. Look, I know that you’re
actually into the dominant role-play thing, and I’m sure that in
some way that fact helped fuel what was happening to you. But tell
me the truth. Have you ever seriously entertained the idea of
physically hurting me and gotten aroused by it?”

“Yes.”

“I mean before the other day.”

“Yes,” she repeated in a deadly serious tone,
nodding vigorously to punctuate the word. “I’ve actually fantasized
about dominating you.”

I was slightly taken aback but not overly
surprised by her candid answer. Given what I had learned about her
a few days prior, I should have expected it. Still, I tried my best
not to betray the fact that I was a bit ruffled. Some glimmer of an
expression must have passed across my face, however, because she
suddenly rushed to explain.

“Yes, I’ve wanted to
play
,” she said. “And, I’ve even
hinted at it a few times. I just never had the courage to come
right out and ask if you would be interested in experimenting that
way. I… I didn’t want you to… to…”

“To what? Think you were strange?”

“No. I didn’t want you to stop loving
me.”

“That’s not going to happen.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“So you still don’t think it was all me? Even
after what I just told you?”

“No, I don’t, but if you still need
convincing, let me re-phrase the question. You just said
play
. You even stressed the word. So,
have you ever entertained the idea of taking it beyond a game? Of
hurting me so badly that I ended up in the hospital?”

“No…” she said, shaking her head. “Of course
not. I would never…”

“Well, that’s exactly where you put that man
last night.”

“But, I love you,” she countered. “Maybe I
was capable of hurting him that badly because I don’t have any
feelings for him.”

“Emotional attachment or not, I don’t believe
that the Felicity Caitlin O’Brien I married is capable of that
level of malice.”

“Maybe I’m not her anymore.”

“Yes, you are. You weren’t last night, but
you are now, and I’m going to prove it.”

“How?”

“I don’t know yet,” I said, stepping toward
her again, and this time she didn’t shy away. “Look, I’m nowhere
near knowledgeable enough about Voodoo to tell you for sure what
happened to you yesterday, or more importantly, why. What I do
know, however, is that either you were possessed by someone, or you
were seriously channeling someone… There’s no doubt in my mind
about that…

“And, just so you know, no matter how
dominant you think you are, the person who was controlling your
body yesterday makes Felicity O’Brien look like Little Red Riding
Hood.”

She allowed herself a half-hearted smile then
shook her head. “I’m still scared.”

“I know.”

“So… What is going to happen now?”

“Constance didn’t tell you?” I asked.

“Not really.”

“Well, she’s falling on her sword for
you.”

“How so?”

“She’s convinced her superiors to clean your
slate and give her a reprimand.”

“How did she manage that?”

“I have no idea.”

“Aye, but she didn’t do anything wrong.”

“No, she didn’t.”

Felicity simply sighed and fell against me
once again. I slipped my arms around her as she quietly rested her
head on my shoulder. She didn’t resume her sobbing, and I took that
as a good sign. But, I could easily feel her confusion and fear
flowing into me, prickling my skin with a cold wave of
gooseflesh.