Love Is in the Air (22 page)

“They know,” Tyler says.

“Mine too,” Kevin adds.

“Okay, well, we wanted to be on the safe side.” She looks around the room. “Anyway, it's bedtime. Big day tomorrow.”

And just like that, the final night at camp comes to a close. We head out of the room in silence, toward the dorms, following Leena. Tyler and Kevin are holding hands in some quiet show of resilience. Sandy has his arm looped around Riley's shoulder, and her hand is in mine. She squeezes my fingers like she, too, knows the emotional weight of this. When Leena tells Sandy he needs to head home, he kisses Riley on the top of the head and leaves, promising he'll be there front and center for the show tomorrow. For some reason, this just makes my heart drop a little more; Mom and Dad will be there for the show, sure. But I don't have anyone special coming to see me—no friends or boyfriend. Even as the four of us walk down the hall together, I can't shake the feeling of being alone.

The boys give us hugs good night, and then Riley and I head up to our room. No one else is mingling in the halls. I've no clue if the dance is still going on or if we're just getting back late. Something tells me it's the latter. We don't speak as we scrub off our makeup and change into pajamas. My brain is racing the entire time; I'm more nervous about going to sleep and saying
good-bye to this than I was coming here. And that's saying something.

It's not until we're both in bed and the lights are off that Riley speaks.

“Well,” she says, almost to herself. “That was an eventful night.”

I don't respond; I keep my eyes closed as I relive the night. I hear her turn over in bed.

“You okay?” she asks.

Again, I don't respond.

“Is this about Luke?” she asks. Her voice goes softer; she knows this isn't a subject I want to discuss.

“Yes and no,” I say. “I just . . . I feel so stupid. I can't believe I fell for it again. But it's not a big deal, not compared to what Tyler and Kevin went through. So that just makes me feel even worse.”

“You can't do that to yourself. You're allowed to feel hurt at what Luke did to you, no matter what's going on in anyone else's life.”

I shrug.

“It doesn't matter,” I say. “After tomorrow I won't see Luke ever again.”

Riley goes silent for a moment.

“You know, he was asking about you. Branden.”

“What? When?”

“Sandy told me. Branden came up to him when he saw you run out. He wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I'd been doing my best to force the image of Branden out of
my mind. Her words just bring it all back.
Why
am I still attracted to him?
Why
do I still care? Still, knowing he was thinking of me makes me feel a little warmer.

“Then why didn't he ask me himself?” I mutter.

“I don't know. Maybe he was worried it would upset you more?” She sighs. “I still don't think Branden's a bad guy. I mean, I was watching him dance with Megan. He did
not
seem into it at all. In fact, he looked like he wanted out. And I definitely caught him staring at you. A lot.”

“It doesn't matter.”

“I'm just saying,” she continues, “Megan paid Luke to ask you out. If she's willing to stoop that low, who knows what she did or said to Branden to make him go for her.”

I hadn't thought of it like that.
Had
Megan manipulated Branden somehow? Was she the real bad guy in all of this?

“We'll probably never know,” I say after a while. “Anyway, I'm tired. I'll see you in the morning.”

She whispers a good night. I can tell she wants to press the subject, but she doesn't. For that, I'm grateful.

I pull the covers tight around me and curl up. I know I should be thinking of Tyler and Kevin and their struggles. I know I should give up on the whole dating thing. But as I lie there, all I can think of is the look Branden gave me when Leena took us away. He said he was sorry. For what?

I don't have any answers, and as sleep folds in, I'm pretty certain my dreams won't either.

Chapter
Twenty-Eight

T
he next morning is a
rush of nerves and excitement. Despite the crazy of the dance last night, all Tyler and Kevin talk about over breakfast is their act and how they can fine-tune the moves. Neither Riley nor I mention anything about the fight. If the boys are over it, we will be as well. So she and I talk about our own routine and the show in general and occasionally mention the next time we're going to meet up. Having her as a friend just furthers my desire to get a driver's license and car.

After breakfast is another run-through of the show, this one in full dress. Riley and I get into our costumes—a mismatch of tie-dye and neon colors, just like the rest of the jugglers, and head to the backstage area behind the tent. Yesterday was our one chance of seeing the show; today we rehearse like there's actually an audience.
Because in a few hours, the bleachers are going to be packed.

Once we're all assembled in the grass behind the tent, Olga comes out and makes a few announcements about show order and music cues. Someone nudges into me while she's talking. I glance over, expecting it to be Riley returning from a prop-gathering mission, and see Branden.

For a moment he just stands there, silent, looking at me with an expression I can't quite place.

“Hey,” he finally whispers.

“Hi,” I whisper back.

“I need to talk to you.”

I glance over to Olga, who's finishing up her notes. He takes my cue.

“After?” he asks.

I shrug. I don't know what he wants to talk about, but I can't forget Riley's words last night. I also can't ignore the little bubble of hope inside of me when he's near.

“Okay,” he says. “Well, break a leg.”

He seems torn up when he says it, but before I can say anything, he vanishes back into the crowd. Olga's done with her notes. Showtime.

The show is a blur. Riley appears beside me just in time to dash out onstage for the
charivari
. We do our routine, and after what feels like no time at all, we dash back behind the scenes and out into the grass. I half expect Branden to show up and try to chat with me, but he doesn't. He stays over beside his acro
group. I catch Luke's eye and glare. He blushes and looks away.

Riley and I practice our act over and over backstage. There's nothing else to do, really, and warming up like this keeps my mind off other things. Like Megan, stretching beside the tent with her sisters. If I think about her too much, I may just “accidentally” chuck a juggling club at her head.

Surprisingly, I'm not nearly as nervous as I thought I'd be this time around. Maybe it's because the practice keeps my brain engaged on not losing an eye. Maybe it's because I'm actually starting to get used to this performing thing. Whatever the reason, I barely notice the time fly by. Then, out of nowhere, Olga comes back and says that we're skipping intermission for this run-through. Riley and I take our places. Then, with the blare of music, we run onstage.

Our act goes off without a hitch. The lights blind me with brilliance, and music pulses in my veins. We make every pass, hit every cue. When we finally run offstage, I feel like a rock star. The sensation lasts for the next few acts, while Riley and I sit out back and chat with Tyler and Kevin. I could really get used to this show-business thing and can only imagine it will be a hundred times better with real, live applause.

After what seems like no time at all, we head back onstage for the finale. Everything is perfect. By the time we take our bows, I'm covered in a light sheen of sweat and can practically feel myself glowing with happiness. I take Riley's hand for the bow.
This
is where I'm meant to be. Under the spotlights,
surrounded by friends. This is what performing is all about.

As we head offstage, I realize that that was our last time to practice. The next time I set foot in the ring, I'll be surrounded by an audience.

A few days ago, that thought would have terrified me. Today it just makes me excited.

We change out of our costumes and grab a quick lunch before families start to arrive. Our conversations are light, completely glossing over the fact that in a few hours, we're going to be heading our separate ways. For now, there's still a show to run. There's still some time in the spotlight.

A part of me expects Branden to approach during lunch, but he doesn't come near. The only consolation is that Megan isn't with him. She stays at a table with her sisters. I feel a little vindicated in that, but also a little bad: Being mean to people has never been my strength, and seeing her so outside the troupe almost makes me want to go up and chat with her. All her manipulating and meanness have set her apart from the company. I glance around at my table, at Riley, who grins and chucks celery stalks at Tyler and Kevin, neither of whom are very good at catching the flying food in their mouths. Probably because they can't stop laughing.

I smile. In that moment, I know I got out of this camp precisely what I wanted: I found a family of friends. I'm getting my time in the spotlight. Sure, not the way I thought, but it's still fantastic.

Now, if only Branden had asked me out in the first place . . .

After lunch we head back to our rooms to pack. I've never liked packing, even for vacation—it always feels like saying good-bye. Thankfully, Riley blares some cheesy pop music while we pack, so the experience isn't so bad. We dance around and sing at the top of our lungs and throw our unfolded clothes in our bags. Leena comes in at one point; I expect her to tell us to turn the music down. Instead she sings along to the chorus, with my hairbrush as a microphone. Then she bows, tells us we need to be backstage in twenty minutes, and leaves.

Riley and I exchange a glance.

“Time for one more song?” she asks.

“Always,” I say.

And she plays the song we did for the talent show. I've never sung so loud in my life.

•  •  •

We're backstage. I haven't been out to see if my parents are there in the audience; I kind of don't want to know. But I've been back here for the last ten minutes, watching people filter into the tent from the corner of my eye. Riley's kept us practicing the entire time. Like everyone else, we're in full costume and makeup. And like everyone else, we have nothing to do now except run our routine over and over and pump ourselves up for our first, last, and only show.

Finally, once everyone's in the tent, Olga comes out back and has us assemble.

“All right, campers,” she says. She's dressed in full ringmaster
regalia, including a red coat and a black top hat. “I don't have much to say—it's already been said. You've put in so much heart and hard work over the last few days; no matter how today's show goes, you should all be very proud of yourselves for what you've accomplished. Six days ago you didn't even know one another. Today you have created a show as a team. You're a family now, and if there's one thing I've learned in this industry, it's that a circus family stays with you for life.

“So let's go out there and show everyone what you've accomplished. Let's give them a show they'll remember forever!”

She cheers, and we all join in. My nerves are dancing and my heart pounds, but it's with excitement and adrenaline. It's showtime. I glance at Riley, who gives me a huge smile. I look to Tyler and Kevin, who are hugging each other.

Time to show my family the new family I've just made.

•  •  •

There's no way to describe how it feels to run onstage with a full audience cheering you on. I've never felt so exhilarated, so alive. When we bow after our final pose of the
charivari
and the crowd explodes into applause, I almost cry with happiness. At that moment, I know this is what I was made for. No matter what, I'm coming back next year. Better than ever. I won't let this be my last time onstage.

The music and applause is a constant through the rest of the first act. Riley and I practice our routine and don't drop a single pass. Then, just like during the rehearsal that morning, the first act
ends almost as quickly as it started. My heart beats faster—our act is up after intermission.

Although Olga said we're allowed to mingle with our parents, I stay backstage. For some reason, it makes it feel like I'm keeping this dream alive. Once I talk to my mom and dad, I'm back to being normal old Jennifer. So long as I stay back here, I'm still the circus star. Riley leaves to go say hi to Sandy, so I stay in the back and practice my solo passes.

What I don't expect is for Megan to come up to me. She storms over in her silver leotard, and for a moment I think she's going to punch me. Her hands are clenched at her sides, and she's giving me a death glare. Her sisters are right behind her.