Love Is Fear (40 page)

The vampire, Roberto, had returned to Lucas after killing her mother. Lucas, as he drank her mother’s blood from Roberto’s neck. Collapsing in joy. And then—something she never knew, never even suspected—Lucas coming up to her at eight as she played outside, as he dulled her grief and took it away, wiped the image of Roberto and that day from her mind. So that when she thought of what had happened, she wouldn’t be too sad, couldn’t see it clearly or know exactly what had happened. He’d taken that from her, and she had never known.

It was like a bullwhip stripping off her flesh, peeling open her skin down to her beating and vulnerable heart. Her mother’s death had brought him more pleasure than he’d felt in hundreds of years. And in that moment, Val’s fate was sealed. He would have had her, pursued her, taken her willingly or by force once he realized the pleasure she might bring him.

No matter how ugly, boring or awful she might have been, he 
still
 would have wanted her. Being near her was the most exhilarating battle he’d fought in a millennia: him versus himself, the desire for her blood at war with his determination to abstain.

She tried to pull out of his mind, disengaging from him, but it felt like they were tied together with Saran Wrap. She pulled, and the connection stretched but it was too thickly wrapped to break. She wanted out and imagined herself stumbling away from him, putting distance between them. Tried to bring forth the wall of her mental shields but couldn’t remember what a wall looked like.

Valerie screamed, the sound severing the connection between them. She fell down onto the floor and looked at his unconscious body. His features were soft in sleep, a slight frown between his brows like he was having a bad dream.

I hope to fuck he is. 
Would he be different when he awoke? It didn’t matter. She didn’t care. She couldn’t care. Everything Lucas had ever done had been a manipulation and a lie.

Everything.

She stood and opened the bedroom door, leaving Lucas on the floor in the hallway. She hated herself for hesitating and looking back at him, knowing how he had used her and what he was capable of, the man he really was, but she did look back.

One last time
.

He was peaceful and harshly beautiful as he lay on his side, unconscious on the floor. Something glistened on his cheek. A single tear that slid down his face and disappeared into his bloody, golden hair.

Her hands clenched, and she almost went back to him. If she touched him, she could know what that emotion was. Remorse? Grief for losing her? Despair that she’d found out what a monster he was?

She closed the door behind her.

Chapter 
44

This was a time to compartmentalize. Her hands were tacky with blood, and her palm felt like a dozen rattlesnakes had taken a chomp out of her. Emotionally, she felt ripped open, as if her nerves were on the outside of her body and even the air was too abrasive.

Jack was lying on the bed. He was pale and sweating, his hair mussed up. He looked like he had a fever. But a seriously fatal one, maybe Scarlet Fever.

“
Did you find Lucas?” Rachel asked.

Val whirled around and saw Rachel in the corner, sitting in a chair. Val nodded, momentarily unable to speak.

“
Where is he?”

“
Unconscious. On the floor in the hallway.”

“
I guess you pack a punch after all. Jack is coming out of it. He’ll be ready for the binding in a few minutes. I got it all set up. I’m just waiting for him to wake up. He needs to agree, you know.”

“
Then what?”

Rachel stood, moving casually towards Valerie, a small, almost pitying smile on her lips. “Then he’s going to need blood, and the blood he ingests will bind him. 
Forever
.”

Val nodded jerkily. “Do you want to keep an eye on Lucas, make sure he doesn’t wake up, while I… donate?” She shrugged, at a loss for a better word.

“
Oh, Lucas won’t wake up for a while now. His system is in shock from all those emotions he’s no doubt full of. Just think, when he wakes up, he’ll be a whole new man. You know he’s vulnerable right now, don’t you? What do you think Cerdewellyn will do to him? Kill him straight away or torture him for a year or two?”

Val held back a whimper, her heart seizing painfully. “I don’t owe Lucas anything.” She shook her head, cutting off the remnants of feelings she had for him. He was a monster. He’d used her. He didn’t care about her. He wasn’t capable of it.

Rachel was close, and Val gave ground backing up. 
This is Marion’s girlfriend. She almost killed me once. 
Funny how that came to mind every now and again. 
You never forget an attempted murderer.

Jack moaned from the bed, beginning to wake up.

“
That’s your cue. Exit stage left. It’s time for you to go,” Rachel said and gripped Val’s arms hard, so hard Val knew she was instantly bruising. Rachel carried her to the door, lifting her feet off the ground, arms straight out in front of her, like Val was a small dog that had just peed on her rug and was going outside for the night. Val kicked at her, struggling, trying to break Rachel’s grasp.

“
What are you doing? Let me go! I have to help Jack!” Val cried.

Rachel made a tsking noise. “No, 
you
 don’t. You’re done here. Thanks for getting Lucas out of the way. Jack really would have had a problem with that.”

Rachel threw her out the door, and Valerie’s back slammed into the wall. The blow knocked the wind out of her, and she couldn’t drag air into her lungs, that feeling of drowning overcoming her for a moment as her mouth opened and closed like a fish.

“
Jack is mine,” Rachel said, hand on the door, ready to close it. “Turns out, I wasn’t very trustworthy, after all,” she said with a shrug, before slamming the heavy wooden door shut. There was a scraping sound inside as Rachel shoved furniture against the door.

I knew I couldn’t trust that bitch!

Val threw herself at the door. She pounded on it, pushing with all of her strength, desperate to find a way in. She looked down at Lucas. Still out. She kicked him absently, hoping he’d wake up and open the door for her. He didn’t move.

Jack bound to Rachel? It isn’t going to fucking happen
!“Cerdewellyn!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, over and over as the seconds ticked by.

Cerdewellyn was suddenly next to her, appearing cool and collected. He looked down at the ground, at Lucas unconscious on the floor, and blinked as if surprised.

“
I have to get into that room. She’s in there! She’s going to bond with Jack! Help me! 
Please
, help me,” she said, still pushing hard against the door.

“
You ask me for a favor?” Cer said, his voice quiet.

Oh shit. 
“Yes!”

“
And do you understand that when I give a boon, I ask for something in return? Something of equal value?” His gaze went down to her mouth and back to her eyes.

“
I don’t 
care
! Just get me into that room!” He could have her first born child if he wanted, she just needed to get to Jack.

He listened, head tilted towards the door. “By taking you into that room, I change the course of several lives. Do you understand the gravity of your request?”

“
Yes!” 
No! Why is he still talking? 
What was he waiting for?

“
The bargain is made.” He snapped his fingers, and the door disappeared. Val ran into the room and Rachel turned towards her, a look of fury on her face.

“
I will kill you if you touch her,” Cerdewellyn said to Rachel. Rachel froze, then nodded unhappily before turning back to Jack. He was leaning against the wall on the other side of the room, a feral look in his eyes as Rachel held a bloody palm under his nose. Cer waved a hand, and Jack disappeared, reappearing on the other side of the room, away from Rachel. Between them both so he’d have to choose who he went to.

Val dug her fingers into her palm again, the pain blinding, as blood welled to the surface. 
If the Staff infection I’m going to get in my hand is the worst of my problems, this will count as a good trip.

Jack saw her and shook his head, as if really loud music was playing in there. “Val?” he said, confused. He was breathing hard, like it hurt to pull air into his body.

Cerdewellyn stood near the door, his arms crossed, body tense. He was looking at the blood on Valerie’s hand. 
Oh great, another junkie
. She turned back to Jack.

She stuck out her palm and took a step towards him. Jack looked at Valerie hungrily—not sexually but like she was a Milk Bone. He looked different—bones sharper, eyes wild—but still human.

Val stood a few feet away from him and spoke to him gently. “Come on Jack. Let’s finish this. Just drink my yummy blood, and we can go home.”

His gaze flicked to Rachel, raking her in from head to foot, a look so hot it could have burned her where she stood.

What the fuck?

Jack moved towards Val slowly. One step and then another.

Rachel called his name and he swayed. His gaze stayed fixed on Valerie’s outstretched hand.

“
If you go with her, she will give you happiness and peace,” Rachel said, voice raspy. “We both know that isn’t what you want.”

Valerie dared a glance at Rachel, saw her slightly bent forward, palm out. Rachel’s lower lip trembled, and she sounded like she might cry.

I can make that vampire bitch cry! 
Val thought angrily, looking around for Jack’s knife.

Jack was breathing heavily, the sound of it echoing around the stone room. The bitch started talking again. “If you choose me”—her voice broke a little—“I’ll give you revenge. I’ll keep the fire going so you can kill them 
all
, Jack. Come with me, and I will give you the triumph you seek, the pleasure and the violence. I 
know 
who you are,” Rachel finished, sounding sweet and so sincere Val wanted to barf.

Val snapped, “Who the fuck do you think you are? You
know
 him. You don’t know him! You just want to screw him and have a pet. If you cared about him at all, you’d want him to be happy and you would let him go.” Val said, then turned her attention to Jack. “Everything will be alright. Everything will be okay. I love you! We are family. It’s been me and you forever. Come on, Jack.” She stopped herself from saying, ‘come on boy. ’ But it was close. “Now come over here. Don’t be an idiot!” Her voice sounded desperate and pleading. But she couldn’t lie to him, couldn’t make the promise that she would be willing to let him die just so he could have his revenge.

“
Lucas will kill you,” Val hissed at Rachel. “I’ll get him to kill you, unless you leave now, ”

Rachel didn’t even look at her, as if Val wasn’t worth the effort of turning her head. “Wow. That is one empty threat. You blew it, sweetheart. You chose wrong. If Lucas gets out of here, you might be in deeper shit than I am.”

Jack strode towards Rachel, a look of killing violence on his face. Rachel backed up until she bumped into the wall. Jack boxed her in, putting his body closer to hers.

“
I like it that you run from me,” he murmured to her.

Oh brother.

Rachel said something faint in response, and all Val heard was the word ‘blood. ’

“
I don’t want your hand,” Jack said and dropped his head a little, pressing his lips to Rachel’s neck. He was dark and dangerous. Pure violence and animal. Different. 
Other. 
No sign of softness or restraint in him. The control that he lived by was gone.

Rachel’s hands went to Jack ’s shoulders, and she pushed at him a little. Away or closer, Val couldn’t tell. And then Rachel let him go, and a moment later she held a knife in her hand. Jack watched her with the blade, saw it inches from his face and didn’t react.

She laid the blade against her neck lightly, but Jack made a shushing noise and took it from her. Rachel’s hand dropped back to her side limply, and she turned her head, exposing the long column of her neck. She closed her eyes, breathing fast and shallow, hands fisted. He touched her neck with the blade, and she cried out like he’d just shoved himself deep inside of her body. He didn’t break her skin, letting the moment build like this was some kind of sick foreplay.

“
Do I drink a little or a lot?” Jack growled.

She gasped, words shaky. “A little. You only need a drop or two.”

“
I don’t want to cut you there,” he said, his voice a deep, deep rumble of sound. The blade slid down her neck, not leaving so much as a pale mark on her skin, until it stopped on the juncture of where her shoulder met her neck.

Somehow the spot seemed even more vulnerable than her neck—more intimate. He nicked her very lightly, so lightly that hardly any blood welled to the surface. But Valerie knew when it happened because Rachel’s eyes squeezed tight, her lips parted, breath changing to harsh pants. Jack moved, dropped his head to her neck, sucking her there, kissing her, the lower half of his body grinding into her.