Love Is a Secret (31 page)

Daphne, who had stayed over, put a croissant on her plate. ‘I heard it was quite a party, young lady.’

‘I still don’t understand why that boy said it must be hard for you. What did you say to him?’

‘Nothing.’ Mark busied himself with the marmalade.

‘You can’t stop me going to parties when I’m older, you know.’

‘Or me,’ added Freddy. ‘Anyway, I’m going to live in Huntingdon Beach. You can bum around all day there and not go to school.’

‘You’d get caught,’ said Florrie.

‘Wouldn’t.’

That reminded Mark. ‘Weren’t you going to ask me something, Florrie? Something you mentioned in the car last night?’

‘Was I? Can’t remember. Ow, Freddy – shut up. That
hurt
.’

‘Freddy, stop kicking her,’ said Mark wearily. He desperately needed some peace to chase up unpaid fees. As a freelance, he had discovered that this could take as long as it did to earn the money.

Sometimes phone calls worked better than emails.

‘Jenny, it’s Mark Summers PR. Sorry to bother you but I’ve just been going through my invoices and realised you hadn’t paid the last one. Can you tell me how far it’s got in the system? Yes, I can hold.’

If he didn’t, they might not phone him back and then he’d have to ring them again. When he’d been a staffer, dealing with freelancers, he had often instructed them to hold on, oblivious to the fact that their own phone bill was mounting as they chased money. If he ever worked for someone else again, he’d remember that.

‘Next month? But you usually pay within twenty-eight days. Can you check again? Yes, I’ll still hold.’

Cradling the phone between neck and shoulder, he logged on to
What Mums Know
.  Might as well check his messages while he waited.

Direct message.

What?

From Beware to Mimi: I know what you’ve been doing. I know about your affair. So stop right now – before anyone else finds out.

That was it. No demand for money. And a crazy sender name. Beware? He reread the message, panic gripping him.

I know about your affair.
The words thundered round his head. But how in the world did this Beware know anything about his life?

NEWS HEADLINES

Bodies still being recovered from Australian train crash.

52

‘If she’d been on the train, the Foreign Office would have her name.’

Caroline could have shaken her husband if he hadn’t been at the other end of the line. How could he go to work, for pity’s sake?

‘Because I can’t do anything sitting at home. Look, I know it’s a bit worrying but Australia’s a big place. It’s like someone assuming that we were in the Paddington crash because we live nearby.’

‘But her friend thought she was on the train.’

‘She wasn’t certain. And I keep telling you, the Foreign Office still isn’t certain they’ve got all the names.’

‘Janie says that some of the bodies were thrown so far that it’s difficult to identify them.’

‘Caro, you’re getting hysterical.’

‘And you’re so bloody calm.’

‘That’s because it wouldn’t help if I was hysterical too. She’s bound to ring soon.’

‘And if she doesn’t?’

‘We’ll go out there.’

‘How do you know we can get a flight?’

‘Because,’ said Roger, ‘as I’ve said before, I’ve already looked into it.’

She trembled violently. ‘Then you
do
think something’s happened.’

‘That’s not what I said. I’m just formulating Plan B.’

Plan B? She could have screamed. For crying out loud, this was their daughter they were talking about! What kind of man was she married to? Even more chilling, had she ever really known him?

53

On her way to work after her driving lesson, which had gone remarkably well, she opened the local paper on the bus and saw a picture of Joy staring out at her. The caption read, ‘DISABLED MUMS GO TO DOWNING STREET’. She scanned the article. Yes, her name and Tabitha’s were there too. Hopefully it might help the campaign but she did wish journalists could get it right sometimes. ‘Disabled mums’ made it sound as though the mothers were handicapped – although, in an ironic way, that was true.

‘You didn’t say you were going to be in the paper,’ said Fiona, settling at her desk and kicking off her shoes. ‘I didn’t realise you had a daughter who was, er . . .’

‘Disabled,’ said Susan. Sometimes people needed helping out. In her view, ‘special needs’ was beating around the bush. ‘No, well, we just try to get on with life.’

‘I can understand that. My little cousin has cerebral palsy and my aunt’s always moaning that people treat them differently. She has a job too – says it’s a life-saver.’

Susan nodded.

‘By the way, did you hear about Simon? He’s been sacked already from his new job for fiddling expenses and for making a move on one of the girls in the office.’

Susan’s mouth went dry. ‘Where is he now?’

‘South Africa, can you believe? One of the boys in the office knew someone who flat-shared with him and he did a moonlight flit without paying his rent. Then he rang from Cape Town and said he’d send the money on. It’s not the first time, you know. He was almost done for sexual harassment by the woman who was here before you.’

Susan took a gulp of coffee. ‘Actually, he did the same to me.’

‘You?’ Her expression showed that Fiona clearly considered Susan an unlikely candidate.

‘Yes, I know. Crazy, isn’t it?’

‘I didn’t mean that. What happened?’

She told her. Fiona was suitably horrified. ‘That’s awful. Your dad’s right. You ought to complain.’

‘I don’t want any more fuss. Besides, if he’s that far away, I don’t need to worry any more, do I?’

NEWS HEADLINES

Gap-year student from London among Australian fatalities.

54

From Earth Mother to Expectent Mum: How are you doing, dear? Let us know as soon as you get back from hospital. We’re all here for you if you need some advice. Good luck!

It was all so embarrassing. She hadn’t started labour at all. She’d had to email Earth Mother and explain that the pains had suddenly stopped and after that there’d been nothing. Probably Braxton Hicks, like Kiki said. After all, it was only the end of November and she still had some time to go, didn’t she?

Earth Mother had told her to get herself checked out by her GP in the morning, but there was no way she was doing that. Doctors hadn’t helped her before. She was far better off going through this pregnancy on her own. But it had all made her feel pretty low.

When she got to work the next day, Daisy wasn’t much better either, even when she tried to cheer her up by making Christmas decorations. ‘What do you want Santa to bring you?’ she asked, after Daisy had screwed up yet another paper chain.

The little girl shook her head.

‘Nothing at all?’

‘I want him to take something away.’

No prizes for guessing what that was.

‘Now, Daisy, you know he can’t do that. Why don’t we make your sister a Christmas card? No, don’t do that. Oh, Daisy, now look what you’ve done.’

The crash sent Mrs Perkins running in. ‘Not again! If that child doesn’t start to behave, we’ll have to ban her.’

The woman had no patience! ‘You can’t do that. She needs time, that’s all.’

Mrs Perkins sent Daisy a filthy look. ‘I’ll have to talk to your mother, this afternoon, young lady. Now, go and play in the sandpit. Lisa, you can see that Joel needs some help with his writing
and
we’ve got the storybook group waiting.’

Nag, nag, nag. Jealous, that was what she was. Just because Lisa had the knack. Everyone said so, even Mrs Perkins. ‘You’re a natural, Lisa,’ the mothers were always saying. ‘You’ll be a brilliant mum.’ And she would. She really would.

Daisy’s mother was late. Lisa could hear her apologising to Mrs Perkins. Meanwhile, she and Daisy were making dough shapes with red plastic cutters. It was so nice sitting down together, being so close. She could pretend Daisy was Hayley and that they were doing normal mother-and-daughter stuff.

Then Daisy’s baby sister began to cry. Little whimpers at first, which got louder. No one else seemed to notice and Lisa tried to ignore her, for Daisy’s sake, but the noise reverberated in her head.

She kept remembering what that baby book had said, about babies crying in the womb. Did Hayley and Sky cry before their lives had ended so suddenly?

She couldn’t take it any longer. ‘Just going to look at your sister.’ Daisy didn’t glance up from the dough shapes. As she rocked the pram, Lisa could hear voices rising from Mrs Perkins’s office. Sounded like they were having a bit of an argument; they certainly weren’t paying this poor baby any attention.

The baby’s cheek was as soft as it had been when she’d touched it last week. Her hands tightened on the handle. The brake release was easy to find. All she had to do was swing the pram down the ramp, push it through the car park and she’d be away.

DECEMBER

ORDER CONFIRMATION TO LISA SMTIH:

We confirm that
The Book of Luck
has been dispatched and should be with you within three to four working days.

LETTER TO MRS SUSAN THOMAS

Dear Mrs Thomas,

Thank you for your request for a house alarm system. We regret that the housing authority does not have a budget for installing the above.

VOICEMAIL TO ANNABEL

‘Annabel, are you out there? Phone home now if you pick up this message. Mum and Georgie are hysterical and even Dad’s worried although he’s not letting on. Shift yourself.’

MESSAGE TO FREDDY SUMMERS

Who didn’t get into the rugby team? Loser, loser . . . Everyone else at school thinks you’re a waste of space. That’s why no one wants to sit next to you. My dad thinks people like you should go back to their own country.

PRIVATE. Dad, There’s something you ought to know but which I promised not to tell you. So I’m writing you this note with Freddy’s Hotmail password and then you can say you found it yourself.

WHAT MUMS KNOW

JOIN OUR ONLINE DISCUSSIONS ON:

Bullying. Tactics to teach your child.

Confidence. If you don’t have it in yourself, no one else will.

TIP FROM SCUMMY MUMMY

Hide the computer power lead if your kids won’t log off.

THOUGHT TO KEEP YOU SANE FROM JULIE OF EASTBOURNE

If you buy next year’s Christmas presents in the January sales, you’ll save LOADS of money.

CHUCKLE CORNER FROM ALI OF SLOUGH

You know your kid is verbal when they can whine in words.

PARENTING NEWS

New survey shows that over-forties have become too complacent over contraception.

NEWS HEADLINES

Australian train crash – British parents’ agony.

Baby snatched from private nursery.

55

Caroline was staring at the latest headlines on her screen, ‘CARNAGE ON FAST TRAIN FROM DARWIN’, when she felt a hand on her shoulder. Diana’s beautifully made-up face was soft as she’d never seen it before. ‘I’ve just heard about Annabel,’ she said. Caroline felt herself being steered towards Diana’s office. ‘Sit down.’ Her editor shut the door and went to the cupboard on the wall. ‘You should have told me before.’

Caroline didn’t normally drink whisky. ‘It’s personal stuff and, besides, you were away. I only came into the office because I had to get out of the house. I can’t achieve anything by sitting at home with my husband ringing every now and then, insisting that no news is good news.’

‘I might be able to do something,’ said Diana, picking up the phone. ‘I can call our sister magazine in Sydney. As you know, they’re part of a newspaper group. They might know something.’ She pushed across a notepad. ‘Write down her personal details. Name. Date of birth.’ She hesitated. ‘Identity marks might help too.’

Caroline raised her face. ‘She had a birthmark just behind her right ear. My mother had it too. When she was born, Mum was amazed.’ She wiped away a tear.

‘It’s all right to cry. Is there anyone you’d like me to call?’

Mark. He was the only person she wanted to talk to. Not Roger, the man with whom she had made Annabel. And not Jeff.

‘No.’ Her voice was scratchy with grief. And then she began to howl.

So much was going wrong with the world. Someone had taken a baby from a nursery in Northamptonshire and there had been another terrible explosion in Jerusalem, killing a busload of schoolchildren. At any other time, Caroline would have felt distraught for their parents – Jeff had always joked that she was too soft to be a journalist – but all she could think of was her daughter.

She and Roger hadn’t wanted Annabel to do a gap year and now the worst had happened.

‘It’s not the worst,’ argued Jeff, who came round that night in support. ‘We don’t know. And your sister’s right. There’s no point in flying out yet. She’ll be there by now. We’ve got to sit tight and wait for the phone to ring.’

‘She’d have called if she was OK,’ sniffed Georgie.

Jeff gave her a cuddle. ‘You teenagers don’t always have the sense of responsibility that we do.’

Ben was lighting a cigarette, which wasn’t normally allowed in the kitchen. ‘I’ve sent her a text and emailed. She’ll pick it up when she gets to a cybercafé. Look, I’ve got my shift now. See you later, OK?’

Caroline gathered up their mugs from the dining-table. She needed to do something or she’d get hysterical again, like she had in Diana’s office. Once, she’d interviewed a psychologist who had admitted that after her divorce she had spent hours scrubbing the kitchen floor because it made her feel in control of her life.

Carefully, Caroline put her mug on the left-hand side of the dishwasher and Roger’s opposite. As she did so, she felt his hand on her shoulder and moved away angrily. ‘I can’t believe you’re so calm.’

‘There’s no point in freaking out until you know for certain.’

He pressed his head against the kitchen counter and, for a second, Caroline detected fear in his eyes. ‘Maybe it’s the way I cope, Caro. A kind of self-protection, if you like.’

‘It’s not how I work,’ she said acidly, no longer caring that Georgie was in listening range.

He nodded. ‘Part of our problem, isn’t it?’

She put on the dishwasher; its calm, rhythmic sound belonged to another world. ‘Come on, Georgie, it’s bedtime.’

‘I’m not going, Mum. Not until we know something.’

‘Georgie.’ Jeff’s voice was calm. ‘Mum’s right. And Dad. It might take a while to find out where your sister is. And you’ve got school tomorrow. If you go up now, I’ll see if I can get those tickets you wanted for the Darkness.’

Georgie brightened. ‘Really?’

‘Really. Up you go now.’

She clattered up the stairs as Caroline’s mobile reverberated in her back pocket. Fumbling, she dropped it on to the floor, then retrieved it. ‘Hello?’

‘It’s Mark. Look, sorry to ring you at home but there’s something I need to tell you.’

Quickly, she switched it off.

‘Who was that?’

‘Work. I can’t take it now.’

Roger eyed her mobile. ‘Shouldn’t you keep it on in case Annabel rings?’

‘There’s the house phone and your mobile.’

He shrugged. ‘I never have it on.’

‘Why not?’ asked Jeff.

‘In case his girlfriend rings and I answer it,’ said Caroline, sharply.

‘There’s no need to be nasty, Caroline.’

‘Nasty!’ She almost laughed. ‘You’re the one who was nasty. You’re the one who—’

‘Stop it, both of you. It’s not helping and Georgie might hear you. Look, I know this is awful but you have to pull together. We’ve done what we can and—’

‘Phone!’ Georgie was charging downstairs but Caroline got there first.

‘Janie? . . . Really? . . . You’re sure? . . . But when? . . . No, I can’t wait . . . I’m sorry but I can’t. Roger said he’d try and book tickets, but I’m getting on the first available flight . . . Yes, speak in the morning.’

They were all looking at her. ‘She wasn’t there. Not in the – the morgue. Or the hospital. But they’re still bringing in bodies.

I want to be with her, Roger.’ Her eyes filled with tears again. ‘And if you don’t want to come with me, I’ll go on my own.’

Her husband stared at her. ‘You’re not the only one affected, you know.’

He went out of the room. Seconds later, she heard the front door slam.

‘He’s not leaving us again, is he?’ Georgie was white and pinched.

Again? How much had she been aware of the first time?

‘No, he’s getting some air. Jeff, I’ll see you out.’ She paused at the door. ‘Thanks for being here,’ she said quietly.

‘Roger’s doing his best, you know. He just finds it hard to show his feelings. Always has done.’

‘Well, he didn’t have any problems showing his feelings to that woman, did he?’

‘Caro, this isn’t the time to think about that.’

‘Isn’t it?’ Her eyes pricked with hot tears. ‘Actually, I think it is. It’s only when you go through this sort of thing that you can see everything else in a real light.’

Something flickered in his eyes and she knew she’d struck a chord. ‘I can see what you mean, but don’t do anything rash. Let’s get through this first.’

‘What are you doing here?’ asked Diana, when she went into the office the following day. Briefly, Caroline gave her an update. ‘Roger’s at home. He’ll tell me if something happens and I had to do something or I thought I’d go mad.’ She hesitated. ‘To be honest, I couldn’t bear being near him. He’s really getting on my nerves.’

Diana nodded. ‘I felt like that when my marriage ended.’

Caroline flushed. ‘I don’t mean that—’

‘Look, you don’t have to explain. Actually, I’m glad you’re here because something’s happened. That case history who’s threatening legal action?’

Caroline groaned.

‘I spoke to her.’

‘I thought you said we weren’t allowed to do that.’

‘We’re not.’ Diana tapped her elegant nails on the desk. ‘I chose to take the risk. And it paid off. She told me she’d definitely called you at the office and said she wanted to retract her comments.’

‘She didn’t speak to me.’

‘No. She spoke to Zelda.’

Caroline’s mind reeled. ‘I don’t understand.’

Diana sighed. ‘I called Zelda in yesterday and forced her to come clean. I think she was so shocked by what’s going on with your daughter that she confessed everything. When your case history, this Carmen, said she wanted to speak to you to make an urgent change, Zelda pretended to be you – it was one of your days off. She knew it would get you into trouble when she failed to put through the change.’

‘But why would she want to do that?’

Diana shook her head. ‘Caroline, this isn’t easy to say and I was hoping to hold off for a bit. You know the company’s having to make cutbacks? Well, Zelda saw an email on my desk about having to reassess your job-share arrangement. We can’t afford to keep both of you on, and it hasn’t been as smooth as we’d hoped, has it?’

‘That’s because Zelda’s made mistakes. She’s tired with the baby and I’ve tried to cover for her.’

‘She knows, and that’s why she tried to make her own position secure.’

Caroline covered her face with her hands. ‘By doing the dirty on me?’

‘Well, she’s failed. She’s handed in her notice and will be leaving by Christmas. We’ve agreed to print an apology and pay Carmen compensation. It’s not a lot because, as our lawyer told hers, she has to take some blame for having been open in the first place.’

Caroline felt numb. It all felt so irrelevant and unreal compared with the Annabel situation. That was all that mattered. Her family. Not her work, which for so many years, she had tried to keep going, with her ailing marriage.

‘Thanks.’

Diana nodded. ‘I’m sorry it’s come at such a bad time. Now, are you sure you’re up to working?’

‘I want to, but maybe I could leave early.’

‘Keep me posted.’

During the afternoon, Caroline forced herself to concentrate on the Tried and Tested page she was editing for the March issue, but every time the phone went or an email popped up, her chest pinged. By mid-afternoon, she was ready to go home when her mobile vibrated.

‘Why are you avoiding me?’

His voice was like a liferaft. ‘Mark, something’s happened.’ Briefly she explained. ‘That was why I couldn’t take your call.’ She lowered her voice. ‘Besides, you mustn’t ring me at home.’

‘I know, but I had to hear you.’

She rubbed her eyes. ‘I feel the same. But I can’t think of anything except Annabel. You must understand that?’

‘Of course. Can I do anything?’

‘Not really.’

‘I’m here. I want you to know that. And I don’t regret anything.’

She shivered, remembering the way his mouth had sought hers. ‘Neither do I.’