Love Inspired November 2014 #2 (34 page)

“That was Brad's idea. I thought the impromptu wedding was so romantic. I should have seen that it was a prelude of what was to come.”

Debi patted her hand. “It's done. You have another chance with a great guy. If you ask me, I think you should tell him about the job offer and see how he reacts. Maybe he'll ask you to stay, or maybe he'll go with you. But the first thing you have to decide is what it is you really want.”

What did she want? Branson would be a dream come true. The salary was generous, and she'd welcome living in a larger city again. But she'd be sacrificing her parents, old friends, roots. And maybe a father for her little girl?

Nicki chewed her bottom lip. She was right back where she'd started. How did she choose between independence and roots? Until she knew how Ethan felt, she was mired in a pool of indecision and questions.

* * *

Ethan stretched his legs out, resting his feet on the ottoman in Nicki's living room. She'd invited him for supper. Their relationship had turned a corner in the past few days. There was a new closeness between them. He was hopeful that Nicki had developed feelings for him. But while he was certain she enjoyed his company, she'd given no indication that she might be changing her mind about leaving Dover. He'd considered coming clean and telling her how he felt, but he'd never wanted to pressure her with a relationship she'd never asked for.

He'd watched Sadie again last night for a short time while Nicki had gone to the grocery store. He'd resisted, but she'd been determined to show him that he could babysit without anything horrible happening. Watching the baby again had chased away his lingering anxiety and much of his guilt.

It had been a good week. He'd taken his camera to her parents' on Sunday and captured as many moments as possible. He'd decided to start a photo album for Nicki. And himself. When it came time to leave, he'd have plenty of shots to remember his time in Dover.

Nicki came into the living room, a sweet smile on her face as she curled up beside him on the sofa.

“Is she asleep?”

She nodded. “She looks so beautiful when she sleeps.”

“She looks like you.” Ethan reached up and touched a finger to her hair, letting the soft golden strands feather across his skin. She shifted closer, her hand resting against his jaw.

“You've become very important to me, you know.”

“Have I?”

She nodded. “Ethan, I think I may be changing my mind about some things.”

His breath caught in his chest. “What's that?”

“Everything. Dover. You and me.” She lowered her hand and sighed as if uncertain of how to proceed.

Ethan's hope soared. Maybe now was the time. The opening he'd been waiting for. It was risky, but if she felt the way he did, and he didn't tell her, he could lose her forever. He caressed her cheek with his palm, thrilled at the softness and the way she looked at him.

“Nicki, there's something I need to say to you.”

She met his gaze, her blue eyes turning dark and troubled. “Let me go first.” She took a deep breath. “I've been offered a job in Missouri.”

His chest contracted, squeezing out all the air. “I see.” His voice sounded odd to his ears.

She nodded, holding his gaze as if waiting for something. He wanted to tell her to turn it down. To stay with him in Dover, but he wouldn't do that. Nicki didn't like to be told what to do. He cleared his throat. “Is it a good offer?”

Nicki lowered her lashes and looked away. “Yes. Better than I expected. I wanted to know what—”

Her cell phone rang, shattering the mood. She hesitated a moment, then rose and went to the kitchen table to pick it up. She glanced at the screen, exhaling a small gasp before answering.

Concerned, Ethan stood and moved closer, praying it wasn't bad news.

“Hello. Yes.” She stilled a moment, listening intently as she paced the small kitchen. “I can't believe this. I never expected it to happen. How much?” Her hand went to her mouth. “Yes. I will. Okay. Thank you. Thank you for everything.”

The startled look on her face filled him with alarm. “Is everything all right?”

Slowly she smiled and nodded, placing her hands on her cheeks. “That was my attorney. She's reached a settlement with Brad's estate. Twice the amount I'd hoped for. I can't believe it. It's all coming together. In a few weeks Dad will be back at work, and Sadie and I can finally start over.” She threw her arms about his neck and held on tight.

He held her close as his heart shattered into tiny pieces inside his chest. Her dream had been realized. There was no way he could tell her now. What he felt didn't matter. All that mattered was that Nicki was happy.

He set her away from him, unable to endure the closeness any longer.

“Well, now you have everything you wanted.” He turned to go, wanting to put as much distance as possible between them.

“Ethan, wait. We weren't finished talking, were we?”

“It's not important.” He cradled her face between his hands and kissed her lips softly. “Good night.”

Nicki had everything she needed to start a new life elsewhere, which meant his days in Dover were coming to an end. Without them here, there was no reason to stay. Though how he'd live without them, he had no idea.

Chapter Thirteen

N
icki bit her bottom lip, marveling at how phone calls could drastically change a person's life. When she'd taken over the store, each phone call had brought a new problem to solve. This week, the phone calls had all been answers to her prayers.

Her first impulse was to run to Ethan with the good news. For a moment last night she'd thought he was going to tell her he loved her, but after the call from her attorney, he'd shut down. She could draw only one conclusion. His feelings for her were merely those of friendship. Nothing more. Her heart ached. She'd fallen in love with a man who didn't want her.

Still, she owed him the courtesy of sharing the news. He'd been the one to encourage her to focus on customer service, after all, but first she needed to call her father. Ethan was removing a shipping label from a large carton when she entered the stockroom.

“Guess what?”

He glanced over his shoulder before standing. “What?”

“Mr. Hollis just called. He's decided to start doing all his business with Latimer's again.”

“Did he say why?”

She nodded, looking for a smile in the brown eyes, but they were devoid of any emotion. “He said he never appreciated our personal customer service until he left. He said it was worth the extra expense to know his orders would be handled by people of integrity who cared about his business as much as he did.” She stilled, anticipating a hug from Ethan, but he kept his distance.

“Good customer service to the rescue.”

“And a good plan B.”

Ethan shrugged off the comment. “Have you told your dad?”

She nodded. “He's thrilled and eager to get back to work. Mom's decided to help him, so things should be okay soon.”

“That's good.”

He held her gaze a brief moment, almost as if he were memorizing her face. The space between them grew tense and awkward, something she'd never experienced with him before. She started to reach out to him, to try to talk, but he turned away, leaving a cold, aching hole in her heart.

* * *

Nicki gripped the steering wheel, fighting to stay within the speed limit as she made her way to Debi's house. She'd gone to her parents' after work and had just finished feeding Sadie when her father had told her the thieves targeting downtown stores had been captured. Her relief had quickly changed to fear when he'd told her the police officer who'd made the arrest had been shot. It was Jerry Gordon.

A quick call to her friend had assured her that Jerry had suffered only a minor wound and was already home from hospital, but knowing Debi's feelings about her husband's job, Nicki had decided an in-person visit was called for. Debi was waiting on the front porch when Nicki arrived. After exchanging hugs, they went inside. “How's Jerry?”

“I'm fine.” He strode past them with a tired smile on his face and his left arm in a sling. “Everyone is making a big deal out of this. The important thing is we caught the guys.”

Nicki gave Jerry a hug too, then took the glass of iced tea Debi offered her. “So who were they?”

“Some guys from up in Jackson. We don't have all the details yet, but I have a feeling there's more behind this. We'll just have to wait and see.” Jerry rubbed his arm. “Think I'll go lie down for a bit.”

The moment he was out of sight, Debi exhaled a heavy sigh as the two women sat down. “My worst nightmare.”

“I can't even imagine. How are you holding up?”

“Actually, I'm good. It's almost like the fear is less now. I think I've come to terms with the risk. Jerry loves his job, he feels he's been called to do this, and he's happier than I've ever seen him. I've turned Jerry and his job over to God, and I know whatever happens, He'll see us through.”

“I don't know if I could be that strong.”

“Nicki, you already are strong. Look what you've been through, and you're still here and stronger for it.” She took a deep breath. “Nick, I learned something else, too. We never know when our time is up. We need to make the most of our opportunities while we have them. Jerry and I aren't going to waste a moment from here on, and I don't want you to either.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think you should tell Ethan that you love him before it's too late. Stop waiting for him to say something first. He's a man. They aren't good at expressing their feelings.”

“I don't know.” What if he rejected her?

“Do you want to wake up ten years from now alone, watching Sadie grow up without a father because you were too afraid to risk your heart?”

Nicki wasn't ready to deal with this now. She rose and headed for the door, giving the excuse that she needed to get back to Sadie, who was still at her parents'.

Debi walked her to the door. “Nick, why aren't you active in church anymore? You used to be involved in several ministries, but now you only attend the Sunday service.”

A guilty conscience kept her from looking directly at her friend. “I will, once I get my life on track and get the store on its feet.”

Debi touched her arm. “Don't you have that backward? Shouldn't you be looking to God first and let Him work on the rest?”

Nicki mulled over Debi's advice on the drive back to her parents. She put God first. Every morning since moving into the apartment she made sure she had devotional time so she could start the day with scripture. Sitting in church, however, was a different matter.

Seeking a distraction from her troubling thoughts, she turned on the radio.

Suddenly a horn honked from the car behind her and she realized the light had turned green and she hadn't moved. Turning into her parents' driveway, she stared blindly out the windshield. She was uncomfortable in church because she didn't think God would welcome her back. Brad had hated religion, so she'd set her faith aside to appease him. Her shameful behavior had placed a barrier between her and God. Was she trying to earn God's love, too? God had protected her and brought her home, but instead of letting Him take her shame and toss it to the ends of the earth, she'd hidden behind it, afraid to face Him.

But God loved her even more than her parents did. If her earthly father had welcomed her back freely, why had she doubted her heavenly Father would do the same?

With her head in her hands, she prayed. “Father, forgive me. I've been a stupid, silly child.”

* * *

Something was wrong.

Ethan pushed back from his small desk and walked to the window that looked out onto the gravel parking area below. It was dark; only the glow of the floodlight illuminated the parking lot. It was late, after ten. Nicki and Sadie had come home hours ago, but he'd resisted the urge to check on them.

The distant wail of a siren brought his gaze back to the window. Another siren rose, this one closer. Glancing sideways, he peered at the odd yellow glow coming from the store down the block. Raising the window, he leaned out, inhaling the acrid smell of fire. The sirens grew louder. A bright green fire truck, lights flashing, pulled to a stop in the lot down the way. Flames erupted from the roof two buildings down. The one where Nicki's friend Debi worked.

Adrenaline coursed through his veins. The buildings were old and shared common walls. The flames could spread in minutes. It was dangerous to stay here. Yanking open the door, he dashed across the hall and pounded on Nicki's. “Nicki, wake up. There's a fire.” He pounded louder. “Nicki!”

He was about to break the door down when she appeared.

“What's wrong?”

He pushed past her, nearly knocking her down. “The insurance building is on fire. I've got to get you and Sadie out of here.” She froze. Her eyes widened in fear. “Go get dressed. I'll get the baby. Hurry.”

He hurried into the nursery and grabbed the diaper bag. Sadie was sleeping soundly, but he had to wake her and get her and her mother safely out and away. Scooping the tiny child into his arms, he cradled her close to his chest, covering her lightly with a blanket. He met Nicki in the hall. He steered her ahead of him out the door and down the hall to the back stairs.

She emitted a cry of alarm when she saw the glow and smelled the smoke. “Do you think our store will burn, too?”

He tried not to dwell on the way she referred to it as their store. “Probably not, but I'm not taking any chances.” Ethan secured Sadie in her car seat while Nicki stowed the bags and started the engine. He came around to her side of the car and leaned in the window. “Go straight to your mother's. Text me when you get there so I know you're safe.”

“Aren't you coming with us? Ethan, you can't stay here.”

“I'll be fine. Someone has to keep an eye on the store until the fire is under control. I'll keep you posted. Promise. Now go.”

Ethan watched them disappear onto the back street, breathing a sigh of relief. He looked at the blaze now devouring the roof of the old building. He started back to the stairs, intending to watch from there until the blaze was put out.

As he approached the wooden stairs, a roar split the air. The sky was lit with a yellow glow and the air became harsh with the smell of smoke and burning materials. Ethan watched flames in the back windows licking their way up the other side of the roof. His mind began to close in, blurring the real world and drawing him back to a dusty market. His hands grew sweaty and started to shake. “No. Please, Lord. Not again.”

Another boom tore reality from his grasp. He held his camera to his face, jogging backward, keeping the lens to his eye. He bumped into the Humvee, just as the market nearby exploded. A yell. A bright light. He ducked his head to avoid fallout from the missile explosion. He ran for cover, falling to his knees on the ground and covering his head. He heard someone shout and he crouched in the corner, praying.
The Lord is my shepherd.
Then everything went black.

“Hey, buddy. You okay?”

Ethan slowly opened his eyes. It was dark. The air was thick with the stench of water and burned wood. He looked up at a fireman, who was peering at him from beside the outside stairs.

“You okay? Did you get hit with debris? We have EMTs if you need help. Come on out of there.”

Ethan glanced around, realizing he'd taken shelter beneath the landing of the old stairs. It hit him then. Flashback. He unfolded himself and came out to stand next to the fireman. A quick inventory revealed no damage. “I'm fine.” His voice was weak and shaky.

“You sure?”

Ethan nodded. “Yeah. The explosion?”

“Took out the back wall on the second floor.”

“How bad was the building damaged?”

“The building is a loss. Fortunately, the adjacent buildings weren't damaged. No one hurt. That's a good night.”

After convincing the fireman he wasn't hurt, Ethan looked at his phone and saw five texts from Nicki. He'd promised to keep her updated, but that was before the flashback had claimed him. How would he explain that to her? He'd thought he'd moved past that horror and found his footing again. Now his foundation was as unstable as the burned-out building.

Dragging his palms across his face, he sat on the wooden steps, fighting the waves of fear and discouragement swirling inside him like a hurricane. He needed to leave Dover and go back to Atlanta. If he stayed here, he might have another flashback. It would terrify Nicki.

He'd thought he was further along in his recovery. Yet he'd been yanked back again. He had no idea how long he'd been zoned out. He'd been a fool to let himself dream of a normal life.

He raked his hands along his scalp. It was time to go.

* * *

The smoke-filled air penetrated the inside of her car two blocks before she pulled into the alley behind the store. Nicki's heart beat double time, shortening her breath. Her mind swirled with a thousand terrifying scenarios of what might have happened to Ethan. Debi's advice after Jerry's shooting held new meaning now, too. Life was short. She needed to reach out for her future now. Debi had pointed out that it was difficult for some men to express themselves. Ethan had told her he'd lived his entire life from behind a camera. She should have realized it would be hard for him to admit his feelings. Especially after she'd kept talking about leaving. She wouldn't waste another moment. She'd tell Ethan she loved him, and she wanted him in her life, to be a father to Sadie, and she'd leave the outcome in the Lord's hands.

As she pulled up behind the store, she could see the ugly black shell of the building where the insurance company had been located. She was thankful the fire had started while the office was closed.

But where was Ethan and why hadn't he called or answered her texts? Her headlights illuminated his parked car, so she knew he was here. She hurried up the stairs, coughing as the acrid air caught in her throat. Inside, she jogged to Ethan's door. Even here the air smelled of smoke.

“Ethan. Ethan, are you in there?” She waited, her breath stilling in her lungs. Why didn't he answer? Where was he? He had to be close by since his car was here. Had he tried to help with the fire and been injured?

“Ethan!” She pounded harder on the door.

It opened abruptly. Ethan stared back at her. “What are you doing here?”

She made a quick inventory. She saw no signs of injury, but when she looked into his eyes, her blood chilled. No warmth, no glint of affection, only a dull, detached look in the brown eyes. “Why didn't you call me and let me know you were all right? I texted you half a dozen times. What's wrong? Are you okay?” She reached out and touched his chest. He flinched as if she'd burned him.

“Ethan?”

He stepped aside to let her enter. What she saw stole the breath from her lungs. His duffel bag, the one she'd seen him with when he'd first moved into the apartment, was sitting on the kitchen table, stuffed with his clothes. A large black case sat on the floor nearby. His computer was closed, unplugged, the cord coiled on top.