Love in a Time of Homeschooling (29 page)

She was right that the dances offered nothing fancy—just social gatherings in the gymnasium, sponsored by athletic teams and afterschool clubs that reaped the two-dollar admission charge and profits from snack sales and raffles. Mostly the kids stood clustered in circles talking, watched by handfuls of parent chaperones and one burly policeman, who stood with arms crossed at the front stage, eyeing groups of boys gathered at the bleachers.

When the time came for a group dance, a large crowd of girls gathered on the floor and shuffled around in rows, with a few brave boys joining in. But the excitement of each evening centered on the slow dances, when the girls watched eagerly to see which couples would assemble with bodies pressed together. The principal occasionally walked over to separate male and female flesh, trying to establish a three-inch rule, but the teenagers merged together again as soon as he walked away.

It's clear why some conservative Christian homeschoolers have fled the public schools, with sex education introduced by age nine and slow-dancing by age eleven. Whenever I pondered Lylburn Downing's world of dancing and dating, I was reminded of the Beardsley School for Girls in Nabokov's
Lolita
. There the curriculum focused on “Dramatics, Dance, Debating, and Dating,” much to the consternation of Humbert Humbert. As head-mistress Pratt explained, “Dr. Hummer, do you realize that for the modern pre-adolescent child, medieval dates are of less vital value than weekend ones [twinkle]?”

 

Middle-school rites of passage are an education unto themselves, and for Julia, there has been value in muddling through the ritu
als of the preadolescent world. But now, as I write these pages, she is finishing the eighth grade, preparing for high school in the fall, and whenever I ask her to look back and ponder the pros and cons of homeschooling versus traditional schools, her response is emphatic:

“Homeschooling is better, because you get to feel that you are remotely in control of your own education. And the scenery changes: in school, I'm stuck in the same building for seven hours every day.

“The only problem with homeschooling,” she adds, “is the socialization, because let's face it, Mom, you and I mostly hung out with a lot of
old
people.”

At Lylburn Downing, Julia could hang out on the girls' tennis team. She could play in a band filled with kids her own age, and work on group projects with very bright classmates who wrote mini-plays and stories and shared her love of drawing. But all the social interaction didn't compensate for the hours of mind-numbing boredom.

“Being in school,” Julia remarked, “feels like sitting in a chair and having someone with a power tool drill holes into your head.” Her only escape, she explained, was to get lost in her thoughts, just as she had done in elementary school. “There is a space between being consciously present and being asleep, and in most classes I try to get my mind into that halfway zone. It helps to make the time go by faster, and that's key, because school is a lot like sitting in an airport. The one thing I've learned is how to pass the time.”

Those might sound like the words of a child aching for another homeschooling sabbatical, but they are also the sentiments of a thirteen-year-old, and teenage girls don't want more time at home with Mom. In the past year, when faced with my daughter's dreary assessment of school, the one alternative I've been
tempted to try is an odd variation on the usual home-ed model: part-time homeschooling.

Two years ago one of my friends thought to remove her rising eighth-grade son from Lylburn Downing, citing concerns that ranged from bullying to a desire to enjoy more time with her child. Her boy still wanted to play with the school's jazz band, but when she asked the principal if that was okay, he said that the student could continue with the band only if he took at least two other classes—the minimum required for the school to receive state funding for a child. The principal's suggestion turned out well for the boy; he took algebra, band, and geography at middle school, and stayed home for English, science, and foreign languages, taught primarily by private tutors. It was a well-timed break for the kid, who entered high school on a full-time basis the following year.

That mixture of public schooling and home education strikes me as an intriguing compromise. I would be happy to have someone else teach my daughters algebra, Latin, and science, and Julia would cheerfully stick with her school's tennis team and art classes. But when it comes to English and all forms of history, ideally my girls would follow a curriculum freed from state mandates and multiple choice, and filled with constant writing.

I once asked the principal if any parent could remove a child for a third, or even half, of each school day, to pursue their own homeschooling. “Yes, that's possible,” he said, nodding. “In our system, parents can pretty much do whatever they want. I'd discourage it if a family were just trying to avoid a certain teacher, but if they had a special opportunity planned for a child, that would be okay.”

One afternoon I asked Julia what she would think of leaving school after two thirds of each day, to audit my freshman literature and composition class at Washington and Lee. She would
read the same texts as the college students, ranging from Chaucer's “Wife of Bath's Tale” to short stories by Alice Walker and Flannery O'Connor, and between listening to the undergraduates' discussion and writing papers that I would critique, she could get a sense of what a college English class involved. But Julia didn't jump at the chance. She balked at the idea of sitting in a room with eighteen-year-olds; the world of young adults was too intimidating.

And now that high school is approaching, the chances of more homeschooling for Julia are fast slipping away. Home education at the senior-high level has never appealed to me, because the stakes are so much greater than in elementary school, with college admission on the line. I couldn't teach most high-school subjects, and I've never been tempted to juggle tutors and community college classes—the usual plan for my homeschooling friends with high-school-age children. For now, it seems that Julia's homeschooling will occur in orchestra rehearsals and trips abroad, in dinner table conversations and in books and films that our family shares. Freed from all assignments and pressures, I hope that she and I will indulge together in the pleasures of learning for years to come.

As for her sisters, I sometimes wonder if Rachel would enjoy a semester of part-time homeschooling. This child who has already begun to read the classics, and whose memory is keen as a sharpened blade, would benefit from greater challenges and fewer hours of homework. But Rachel remains fascinated with the ins and outs of social behavior, enjoying her friends at school and attending every dance. For both Rachel and Julia, “homeschooling” is likely to mean “afterschooling”: reading together, sharing concerts, and planting a garden.

Finally, there's Kathryn, currently in the third grade, advancing through Waddell with social and academic ease, but with
limited interest in reading and writing. There, perhaps, lies an opportunity—a child happy to spend time with Mom who could benefit from a year of individually tailored learning.

Perhaps I could design a special fifth-grade experience for her, something that would spark a lasting passion for words. Perhaps I could learn from the mistakes and triumphs of my year with Julia, beginning from day one with more patience, more humor, and more openness to outrageous fun.

I recently asked Kathryn, “How do you spell Wednesday?”

She looked into my eyes and replied with absolute certainty, “W-E-N-D-S-D-A-Y,” and I thought I heard, in those jumbled letters, the tones of an invitation.

Books

The First Year of Homeschooling Your Child: Your Complete Guide to Getting Off to the Right Start
. Linda Dobson. Three Rivers Press, 2001, 360 pp.

Linda Dobson is America's most prolific author of homeschooling guides, and parents often find her work invaluable. The First Year of Homeschooling
outlines nine different home education styles, describing curriculums, resources, and common mistakes to avoid. Popular and accessible.

The Well-Trained Mind
. Susan Wise Bauer and Jessie Wise. 3rd edition, Norton, 2009, 864 pp.

A homeschooling classic for those who want an intensive academic experience centered on language. This mother-and-daughter homeschooling team outlines an ambitious classical education based on the trivium, with emphasis on grammar, rhetoric, and logic. Art and music receive short shrift, and there is little attention to friends, family bonds, and fun. At 864 pages this is a somewhat intimidating, but very inspiring reference book not only for homeschoolers, but for parents of public and private schoolers who want to supplement their children's education.

Home Learning Year by Year: How to Design a Homeschool Curriculum from Preschool Through High School
. Rebecca Rupp. Three Rivers Press, 2000, 432 pp.

Rupp's comprehensive book can help parents keep a curriculum on track from pre-K through twelfth grade. She suggests what should be covered in each grade, how to prioritize, and recommends books for each subject. Parents can supplement with their own interests.

Family Matters: Why Homeschooling Makes Sense
. David Guterson, Harvest Books, 1993, 264 pp.

Before becoming the award-winning author of
Snow Falling on Cedars
, Guterson lived the paradox of teaching English in a Washington State public high school, while joining with his wife to homeschool three sons. This lyrical book, set against a beautiful Pacific Northwest background, focuses more on why to homeschool than how, discussing the pros and cons, and ultimately coming down in favor of choices for all families.

Homeschooling for Excellence
. David and Micki Colfax. Grand Central Publishing, 1988, 172 pp.

An “oldie but goodie.” Throughout the 1970s and '80s, these teachers-turned-ranchers homeschooled four sons on their forty-acres in California, eventually sending three to Harvard. Believing that children learn best by doing, the Colfaxes offered their boys lessons in biology and geometry derived from tending animals and building a homestead. But they also delved into plenty of books, from math to literature. The Colfaxes' manifesto helped to inspire the first generation of homeschoolers, while stressing that homeschooling was for parents who had the financial freedom to avoid full-time jobs.

Internet

A to Z Home's Cool

Ann Zeise provides news, analysis, homeschooling facts, and plenty of links to homeschooling products and information on the web, all in a friendly, colorful layout. (homeschooling.gomilpitas.com) Check out her new blog at a2zhomeschool.com.

Homeschool.com

If you are ready to spend money, this site showcases homeschooling products, and gives away plenty of freebies. You can purchase a “Getting Started eKit,” or download complimentary homeschooling reports. Homeschooling information abounds, so it can get a little overwhelming. (www.homeschool.com)

The Homeschool Lounge

This online community offers a lively place to chat, watch videos, and connect with thousands of homeschooling moms. (www.thehomeschoollounge.com) But what about homeschooling dads? They might want to know about Henry Cate, a friendly and knowledgeable resource who maintains the low-key Why Homeschool blog with Janine and Derek Cate. (whyhomeschool.blogspot.com)

About.com: Homeschooling

If you prefer the About.com layout, Beverly Hernandez is their Homeschooling Guide, maintaining a wealth of information, loads of printable worksheets, a blog, and an active forum for discussion. (www.homeschooling.about.com)

Home Education Magazine

In print or online,
Home Education Magazine
has articles, interviews, book reviews, and a mass of useful information. Around for twenty-six years, HEM is the most established homeschooling magazine in the country. (www.homeedmag.com)

M
ANY PEOPLE HAVE HELPED TO BRING THIS STORY TO
life. Above all I want to thank my family for their patience and openness in sharing their experiences with the larger world. I am also grateful for the kindness of all the people of Lexington and Rockbridge County, Virginia, who appear (with names changed) in these pages—especially all the teachers who have influenced my daughters' lives. Special thanks go to Donna Pagnam, for her knowledge of French; Stephanie Wilkinson and Jennifer Niesslein, editors of
Brain, Child
magazine, for publishing my first article on homeschooling; and to Jeanette Coleman and Katherine Tomlin, for the hours of free childcare that have enabled me to write all my books.

Finally, this memoir would never have reached the public without the vision and hard work of my agent, Laurie Abkemeier, who saw its potential and has guided every step, and my editor, Gail Winston, who helped to shape my fledgling manuscript into a much stronger narrative.

LAURA BRODIE
received her B.A. from Harvard and her Ph.D. from the University of Virginia. The author of
Breaking Out: VMI and the Coming of Women
and
The Widow's Season,
a novel, she teaches English at Washington and Lee University. She lives in Lexington, Virginia, with her husband and three daughters.

www.laurabrodieauthor.com

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