Love & Hate (Book Two: Love) (2 page)

We have not talked since that fateful night in November. Our only communication has been a handful of random text messages he sent me in the middle of the night saying he was sorry. I would always answer asking him what he wanted and he would never respond. Finally the text messages stopped coming. I don’t know what hurt more the rogue apologies or the silence that has taken their place. In the beginning I thought about trying to contact him, but every time I reached for my phone I would remember how he lied to me.

I know this is the exact thinking that Jasper was worried I was going to do while I was driving alone for six hours. He had begged me to not go alone. He said he would drive me or offered Lacey to go with me. I’m not sure Lacey was really volunteering but I know she would have come if I asked her. I know she would rather stay at home with Jasp though. They are a couple now. Well, apparently they had been a couple for quite some time; it just seems no one bothered to tell me that fun fact. They started dating shortly after I left for college. Everyone knew including Cutter, but you can just add that to the list of secrets he kept from me.

Looking back it all made sense now. It explained why Lacey was so upset when Jasper went missing and why she was so secretive on her phone at the horse show in Oregon. They had finally broke down and told me about a month after my accident. I don’t really know why they thought I was going to be so upset. I told them I was happy for them and surprisingly it wasn’t awkward at all hanging out with them. In fact I had come to really enjoy my time with Jasper and Lacey. It all kind of made sense in some weird parallel universe or maybe I didn’t care because my heart was already shattered.

Either way I feel very blessed to have them as friends. It has been my friends that have helped me pull myself back together. Especially Tess, she practically lived at my house over her month long Christmas break right after the accident. She brought over my favorite foods and loaded my room up with movies and kept me company every day until she left to go back to school. Every break she had from school she came home just to be with me. She is an amazing friend. During this last summer break my parents sent Tess and I on vacation to St. Thomas. I think they could tell it was getting hard for me to be around the farm and not be able to ride. My parents have a yacht in St. Thomas, so Tess and I spent two months sailing around the Caribbean having a blast. We came back home with a ton of fun memories and about four shades darker than when we left. That vacation was exactly what I needed and Tess helped me keep my mind off of going back to school. She has the innate ability to know exactly what I’m thinking without me saying a word. She is the best therapist I could ever ask for and I am going to miss her tons while we are away at school.

I’ve made it to Pullman safe and sound. I make my way into town and I feel nauseous. I drive along the backside of Greek row on Opal Street. The house my parents bought is off of Greek row on Howard Street. The only way to get there unfortunately is to drive right past the one fraternity I wish I didn’t have to, Chi Sigma Rho. I tell myself I won’t look as I drive past but as soon as I get close I find my eyes glued to the large brick building. There are several guys sitting on a couch in the front yard but thankfully none of them are Cutter. I let out a deep sigh of relief and drive past the gravel parking lot in the rear of the frat. Unfortunately my luck doesn’t hold. I see him. He is just getting out of his big black truck and he looks amazing as usual. He is wearing khaki shorts and a dark blue vintage tee that shows off all of his muscles. I feel my heart skip a beat and then drop off to the pit of my stomach as I watch a dark haired girl climb out of the passenger side of the truck. It is Laney Davis. Cutter stands at the front of the truck waiting for her to get out. I push down on the gas. I don’t know how I manage to keep the truck on the road, but I do. I make it to my new house and pull my truck in the drive. I don’t get out immediately, instead I sit there for a long time with my head against the steering wheel thinking about what I just saw and willing myself not to break down.

Eventually after talking myself off the ledge I climb out of my truck and head on into my new home. I know Millie is already here because her BMW is sitting out front.

“
Hello.” I call out as I open the front door.

“
Hey friend!” Millie calls out from inside her room. Millie had asked me if it was okay if she took the front room right off the living room. I told her to pick whatever room she wanted.

“
You all moved in already?” Her room is pretty much all put together. She has a beautiful wrought iron queen bed in the center of her room with a pretty red quilt covering it. Millie’s Mom loves to quilt so I’m guessing this is one she made especially for her new room because it matches perfectly.

“
Yup, I got here yesterday and unpacked. I am loving our new house.” She tells me excitedly. I know Millie had come during the summer and met my Mom and the contractors to help pick out finishing’s and appliances. From the looks of it they did an awesome job.

“
I’m going to go throw my stuff in my room and check out our new digs.” My Mom had told me that my room was in the back of the house near the patio. I was excited to see it.

“
Cool. If you need help carrying something just holler.”

“
I will.” I say and turn to grab my bags.

“
Paige, I’m serious. I have strict instructions to not let you lift anything heavy.” I know my Mother has told Millie all about my “care plan” as they doctors call it. I’m sure she has given her very strict instructions on what I can and can’t do.

I unload my bags in the back bedroom. It is huge. It has high vaulted ceilings and it has been painted slate gray with thick white trim. A four poster espresso stained king bed sits against the far wall and on the opposite wall is a matching desk. The bed is completely made up like it came straight out of a catalog with a purple paisley duvet and matching purple sheets. I love it. It is exactly what I would pick out. I am surprised to see I have a walk-in closet. It’s not huge like my one at home but in this size home I’m surprised at its presence.

I venture out into the kitchen which is right next to my room. The kitchen is small but adorable. The cabinets are all white and the countertops are a beautiful white marble. The floor throughout the kitchen is a dark wood that is carried on throughout the house. There is a large farmhouse sink and shiny stainless steel appliances. The rest of the house is just as beautiful as the kitchen and bedrooms. The living room has been completely furnished with a huge flat screen T.V. and overstuffed soft leather sofa with a matching recliner. There is a huge area rug that looks like someone skinned a Holstein cow and left it on the floor. The living room definitely has a western feel to it and it reminds me of home. My Mom has truly outdone herself.
Yes, my Mother has definitely been here working her Martha Stewart magic.

CHAPTER 2

I have pretty much gotten all unpacked and settled in. Millie unloaded my boxes from the truck, refusing to let me do anything. I wonder how long she will be this overprotective. I know I’m not supposed to lift anything heavy or even kind of heavy, but I’m not completely useless.

I sit down at my computer and log into my email. I need to check my class list to make sure I got the electives I wanted. School starts in a week. I’m here early for Rush Week. For the most part only the fraternity and sororities are all moved in on campus. I am told this week is supposed to be a ton of fun because the houses are recruiting new members all day and at night it is one giant Greek party.

I log into my school email to print my class list and my fingers stop dead in their tracks. I stare in disbelief at my screen. Cutter has sent me an email. Should I open it? Of course I am going to open it. I am the most curious person ever. I open it and it is just one line.

Why are you here Paige?

I am immediately pissed off. I slam the top on my laptop and stalk around my room muttering to myself.
What a freaking asshat. I can’t believe he has the nerve to email me and ask me what I’m doing here. I have every right to be here.

It takes me about two beers and complete rant session with Millie before I get myself under some semblance of control.

“
Seriously Paige, he is just trying to get to you, don’t let him do that.”

“
I know he is. I need to just ignore him. I refuse to let him ruin this for me.” I say looking over at Millie. She is peeling off the label of her beer. Mills is never nervous but I can tell something is on her mind.

“
So… I need to tell you something.” She is starring down at her naked beer bottle. I sit on the front porch in my lawn chairs with my feet up on the railing waiting for the bomb I know is coming.

“
What?” I don’t like the sound of that.

“
Well…I ran into Tanner today on campus. I don’t know really how it all got brought up. I think he asked me how you were doing and I told him you were coming back to school today. Anyway, he told me something about Cutter.”

“
Okay…” I know she is stalling because this is something bad and she knows it will upset me.

“
He is with Laney Davis now. He said he thinks it’s pretty serious.”

Any pieces of my heart that were still clinging to Cutter now just evaporated. I knew when I saw him today with her that they were together. Something in my gut told me they were no longer just friends but the feelings I buried deep down didn’t want to believe it. Now, there was no denying it, Cutter had moved on. That realization spurred something inside of me. As the last tiny tendrils of hope died inside of me, anger replaced them.

“
It’s okay. I kind of already knew Mills. I saw him with her today as I drove by the frat.” Millie was now staring at me wide eyed.

“
You okay with all this?”

“
Better than okay, I mean really who cares about him.” I know she knows I’m lying.

“
P…”

“
It’s okay Mills. I refuse to let him get to me. He is not worthy of my tears anymore. He never really was.”

We stay on the porch and finish our beers. We chat about more upbeat things like what classes we are taking and the cute fraternity guys that live on our street. It finally turns dark and we head inside to watch T.V. for a while. Deadliest Catch is on. Millie doesn’t watch it so I force her to watch a marathon since my Mom also got us Netflix. She falls asleep in about the fourth episode. She is sleeping so soundly on the couch so I cover her in a soft fleece blanket and head off to my room.

I change into my favorite pajamas and snuggle up in my comfy new bed. I’m not tired, I’m still thinking about everything Millie told me earlier, so I pull out my tablet and start reading a book. Since my accident I read all the time. It helps with the insomnia and when that wouldn’t work I would wonder down to the barn and sit in The Biz’s stall with him. I would sit in his stall for hours brushing him and confessing to him how I feel about everything that was happening. Biz had listened to it all. He heard all my fears and frustrations. He would listen to me cry and let me hug his big old neck until I would finally stop. Sometimes I would eventually fall asleep in his stall with him and Alejandro would find me in the morning. I know my parents would come unglued if they knew I was doing that but thankfully Alejandro never ratted me out. He would just wake me up at first light so I could sneak back into the house before anyone else found me.